by Mark Twain
CHAPTER XX.
THEY asked us considerable many questions; wanted to know what we coveredup the raft that way for, and laid by in the daytime instead of running--was Jim a runaway nigger? Says I:
"Goodness sakes! would a runaway nigger run SOUTH?"
No, they allowed he wouldn't. I had to account for things some way, so Isays:
"My folks was living in Pike County, in Missouri, where I was born, andthey all died off but me and pa and my brother Ike. Pa, he 'lowed he'dbreak up and go down and live with Uncle Ben, who's got a littleone-horse place on the river, forty-four mile below Orleans. Pa waspretty poor, and had some debts; so when he'd squared up there warn'tnothing left but sixteen dollars and our nigger, Jim. That warn't enoughto take us fourteen hundred mile, deck passage nor no other way. Well,when the river rose pa had a streak of luck one day; he ketched thispiece of a raft; so we reckoned we'd go down to Orleans on it. Pa's luckdidn't hold out; a steamboat run over the forrard corner of the raft onenight, and we all went overboard and dove under the wheel; Jim and mecome up all right, but pa was drunk, and Ike was only four years old, sothey never come up no more. Well, for the next day or two we hadconsiderable trouble, because people was always coming out in skiffs andtrying to take Jim away from me, saying they believed he was a runawaynigger. We don't run daytimes no more now; nights they don't bother us."
The duke says:
"Leave me alone to cipher out a way so we can run in the daytime if wewant to. I'll think the thing over--I'll invent a plan that'll fix it.We'll let it alone for to-day, because of course we don't want to go bythat town yonder in daylight--it mightn't be healthy."
Towards night it begun to darken up and look like rain; the heatlightning was squirting around low down in the sky, and the leaves wasbeginning to shiver--it was going to be pretty ugly, it was easy to seethat. So the duke and the king went to overhauling our wigwam, to seewhat the beds was like. My bed was a straw tick better than Jim's, whichwas a corn-shuck tick; there's always cobs around about in a shuck tick,and they poke into you and hurt; and when you roll over the dry shuckssound like you was rolling over in a pile of dead leaves; it makes such arustling that you wake up. Well, the duke allowed he would take my bed;but the king allowed he wouldn't. He says:
"I should a reckoned the difference in rank would a sejested to you thata corn-shuck bed warn't just fitten for me to sleep on. Your Grace 'lltake the shuck bed yourself."
Jim and me was in a sweat again for a minute, being afraid there wasgoing to be some more trouble amongst them; so we was pretty glad whenthe duke says:
"'Tis my fate to be always ground into the mire under the iron heel ofoppression. Misfortune has broken my once haughty spirit; I yield, Isubmit; 'tis my fate. I am alone in the world--let me suffer; can bearit."
We got away as soon as it was good and dark. The king told us to standwell out towards the middle of the river, and not show a light till wegot a long ways below the town. We come in sight of the little bunch oflights by and by--that was the town, you know--and slid by, about a halfa mile out, all right. When we was three-quarters of a mile below wehoisted up our signal lantern; and about ten o'clock it come on to rainand blow and thunder and lighten like everything; so the king told us toboth stay on watch till the weather got better; then him and the dukecrawled into the wigwam and turned in for the night. It was my watchbelow till twelve, but I wouldn't a turned in anyway if I'd had a bed,because a body don't see such a storm as that every day in the week, notby a long sight. My souls, how the wind did scream along! And everysecond or two there'd come a glare that lit up the white-caps for a halfa mile around, and you'd see the islands looking dusty through the rain,and the trees thrashing around in the wind; then comes a H-WHACK!--bum!bum! bumble-umble-um-bum-bum-bum-bum--and the thunder would go rumblingand grumbling away, and quit--and then RIP comes another flash andanother sockdolager. The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes,but I hadn't any clothes on, and didn't mind. We didn't have no troubleabout snags; the lightning was glaring and flittering around so constantthat we could see them plenty soon enough to throw her head this way orthat and miss them.
I had the middle watch, you know, but I was pretty sleepy by that time,so Jim he said he would stand the first half of it for me; he was alwaysmighty good that way, Jim was. I crawled into the wigwam, but the kingand the duke had their legs sprawled around so there warn't no show forme; so I laid outside--I didn't mind the rain, because it was warm, andthe waves warn't running so high now. About two they come up again,though, and Jim was going to call me; but he changed his mind, because hereckoned they warn't high enough yet to do any harm; but he was mistakenabout that, for pretty soon all of a sudden along comes a regular ripperand washed me overboard. It most killed Jim a-laughing. He was theeasiest nigger to laugh that ever was, anyway.
I took the watch, and Jim he laid down and snored away; and by and by thestorm let up for good and all; and the first cabin-light that showed Irousted him out, and we slid the raft into hiding quarters for the day.
The king got out an old ratty deck of cards after breakfast, and him andthe duke played seven-up a while, five cents a game. Then they got tiredof it, and allowed they would "lay out a campaign," as they called it.The duke went down into his carpet-bag, and fetched up a lot of littleprinted bills and read them out loud. One bill said, "The celebrated Dr.Armand de Montalban, of Paris," would "lecture on the Science ofPhrenology" at such and such a place, on the blank day of blank, at tencents admission, and "furnish charts of character at twenty-five centsapiece." The duke said that was HIM. In another bill he was the"world-renowned Shakespearian tragedian, Garrick the Younger, of DruryLane, London." In other bills he had a lot of other names and done otherwonderful things, like finding water and gold with a "divining-rod,""dissipating witch spells," and so on. By and by he says:
"But the histrionic muse is the darling. Have you ever trod the boards,Royalty?"
"No," says the king.
"You shall, then, before you're three days older, Fallen Grandeur," saysthe duke. "The first good town we come to we'll hire a hall and do thesword fight in Richard III. and the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet.How does that strike you?"
"I'm in, up to the hub, for anything that will pay, Bilgewater; but, yousee, I don't know nothing about play-actin', and hain't ever seen much ofit. I was too small when pap used to have 'em at the palace. Do youreckon you can learn me?"
"Easy!"
"All right. I'm jist a-freezn' for something fresh, anyway. Le'scommence right away."
So the duke he told him all about who Romeo was and who Juliet was, andsaid he was used to being Romeo, so the king could be Juliet.
"But if Juliet's such a young gal, duke, my peeled head and my whitewhiskers is goin' to look oncommon odd on her, maybe."
"No, don't you worry; these country jakes won't ever think of that.Besides, you know, you'll be in costume, and that makes all thedifference in the world; Juliet's in a balcony, enjoying the moonlightbefore she goes to bed, and she's got on her night-gown and her rufflednightcap. Here are the costumes for the parts."
He got out two or three curtain-calico suits, which he said was meedyevilarmor for Richard III. and t'other chap, and a long white cottonnightshirt and a ruffled nightcap to match. The king was satisfied; sothe duke got out his book and read the parts over in the most splendidspread-eagle way, prancing around and acting at the same time, to showhow it had got to be done; then he give the book to the king and told himto get his part by heart.
There was a little one-horse town about three mile down the bend, andafter dinner the duke said he had ciphered out his idea about how to runin daylight without it being dangersome for Jim; so he allowed he wouldgo down to the town and fix that thing. The king allowed he would go,too, and see if he couldn't strike something. We was out of coffee, soJim said I better go along with them in the canoe and get some.
When we got there there warn't nobody stirring;
streets empty, andperfectly dead and still, like Sunday. We found a sick nigger sunninghimself in a back yard, and he said everybody that warn't too young ortoo sick or too old was gone to camp-meeting, about two mile back in thewoods. The king got the directions, and allowed he'd go and work thatcamp-meeting for all it was worth, and I might go, too.
The duke said what he was after was a printing-office. We found it; alittle bit of a concern, up over a carpenter shop--carpenters andprinters all gone to the meeting, and no doors locked. It was a dirty,littered-up place, and had ink marks, and handbills with pictures ofhorses and runaway niggers on them, all over the walls. The duke shedhis coat and said he was all right now. So me and the king lit out forthe camp-meeting.
We got there in about a half an hour fairly dripping, for it was a mostawful hot day. There was as much as a thousand people there from twentymile around. The woods was full of teams and wagons, hitchedeverywheres, feeding out of the wagon-troughs and stomping to keep offthe flies. There was sheds made out of poles and roofed over withbranches, where they had lemonade and gingerbread to sell, and piles ofwatermelons and green corn and such-like truck.
The preaching was going on under the same kinds of sheds, only they wasbigger and held crowds of people. The benches was made out of outsideslabs of logs, with holes bored in the round side to drive sticks intofor legs. They didn't have no backs. The preachers had high platforms tostand on at one end of the sheds. The women had on sun-bonnets; and somehad linsey-woolsey frocks, some gingham ones, and a few of the young oneshad on calico. Some of the young men was barefooted, and some of thechildren didn't have on any clothes but just a tow-linen shirt. Some ofthe old women was knitting, and some of the young folks was courting onthe sly.
The first shed we come to the preacher was lining out a hymn. He linedout two lines, everybody sung it, and it was kind of grand to hear it,there was so many of them and they done it in such a rousing way; then helined out two more for them to sing--and so on. The people woke up moreand more, and sung louder and louder; and towards the end some begun togroan, and some begun to shout. Then the preacher begun to preach, andbegun in earnest, too; and went weaving first to one side of the platformand then the other, and then a-leaning down over the front of it, withhis arms and his body going all the time, and shouting his words out withall his might; and every now and then he would hold up his Bible andspread it open, and kind of pass it around this way and that, shouting,"It's the brazen serpent in the wilderness! Look upon it and live!" Andpeople would shout out, "Glory!--A-a-MEN!" And so he went on, and thepeople groaning and crying and saying amen:
"Oh, come to the mourners' bench! come, black with sin! (AMEN!) come,sick and sore! (AMEN!) come, lame and halt and blind! (AMEN!) come, poreand needy, sunk in shame! (A-A-MEN!) come, all that's worn and soiled andsuffering!--come with a broken spirit! come with a contrite heart! comein your rags and sin and dirt! the waters that cleanse is free, the doorof heaven stands open--oh, enter in and be at rest!" (A-A-MEN! GLORY,GLORY HALLELUJAH!)
And so on. You couldn't make out what the preacher said any more, onaccount of the shouting and crying. Folks got up everywheres in thecrowd, and worked their way just by main strength to the mourners' bench,with the tears running down their faces; and when all the mourners hadgot up there to the front benches in a crowd, they sung and shouted andflung themselves down on the straw, just crazy and wild.
Well, the first I knowed the king got a-going, and you could hear himover everybody; and next he went a-charging up on to the platform, andthe preacher he begged him to speak to the people, and he done it. Hetold them he was a pirate--been a pirate for thirty years out in theIndian Ocean--and his crew was thinned out considerable last spring ina fight, and he was home now to take out some fresh men, and thanks togoodness he'd been robbed last night and put ashore off of a steamboatwithout a cent, and he was glad of it; it was the blessedest thing thatever happened to him, because he was a changed man now, and happy for thefirst time in his life; and, poor as he was, he was going to start rightoff and work his way back to the Indian Ocean, and put in the rest of hislife trying to turn the pirates into the true path; for he could do itbetter than anybody else, being acquainted with all pirate crews in thatocean; and though it would take him a long time to get there withoutmoney, he would get there anyway, and every time he convinced a pirate hewould say to him, "Don't you thank me, don't you give me no credit; itall belongs to them dear people in Pokeville camp-meeting, naturalbrothers and benefactors of the race, and that dear preacher there, thetruest friend a pirate ever had!"
And then he busted into tears, and so did everybody. Then somebody singsout, "Take up a collection for him, take up a collection!" Well, a halfa dozen made a jump to do it, but somebody sings out, "Let HIM pass thehat around!" Then everybody said it, the preacher too.
So the king went all through the crowd with his hat swabbing his eyes,and blessing the people and praising them and thanking them for being sogood to the poor pirates away off there; and every little while theprettiest kind of girls, with the tears running down their cheeks, wouldup and ask him would he let them kiss him for to remember him by; and healways done it; and some of them he hugged and kissed as many as five orsix times--and he was invited to stay a week; and everybody wanted him tolive in their houses, and said they'd think it was an honor; but he saidas this was the last day of the camp-meeting he couldn't do no good, andbesides he was in a sweat to get to the Indian Ocean right off and go towork on the pirates.
When we got back to the raft and he come to count up he found he hadcollected eighty-seven dollars and seventy-five cents. And then he hadfetched away a three-gallon jug of whisky, too, that he found under awagon when he was starting home through the woods. The king said, takeit all around, it laid over any day he'd ever put in in the missionaryingline. He said it warn't no use talking, heathens don't amount to shucksalongside of pirates to work a camp-meeting with.
The duke was thinking HE'D been doing pretty well till the king come toshow up, but after that he didn't think so so much. He had set up andprinted off two little jobs for farmers in that printing-office--horsebills--and took the money, four dollars. And he had got in tendollars' worth of advertisements for the paper, which he said he wouldput in for four dollars if they would pay in advance--so they done it.The price of the paper was two dollars a year, but he took in threesubscriptions for half a dollar apiece on condition of them paying him inadvance; they were going to pay in cordwood and onions as usual, but hesaid he had just bought the concern and knocked down the price as low ashe could afford it, and was going to run it for cash. He set up a littlepiece of poetry, which he made, himself, out of his own head--threeverses--kind of sweet and saddish--the name of it was, "Yes, crush, coldworld, this breaking heart"--and he left that all set up and ready toprint in the paper, and didn't charge nothing for it. Well, he took innine dollars and a half, and said he'd done a pretty square day's workfor it.
Then he showed us another little job he'd printed and hadn't charged for,because it was for us. It had a picture of a runaway nigger with abundle on a stick over his shoulder, and "$200 reward" under it. Thereading was all about Jim, and just described him to a dot. It said herun away from St. Jacques' plantation, forty mile below New Orleans, lastwinter, and likely went north, and whoever would catch him and send himback he could have the reward and expenses.
"Now," says the duke, "after to-night we can run in the daytime if wewant to. Whenever we see anybody coming we can tie Jim hand and footwith a rope, and lay him in the wigwam and show this handbill and say wecaptured him up the river, and were too poor to travel on a steamboat, sowe got this little raft on credit from our friends and are going down toget the reward. Handcuffs and chains would look still better on Jim, butit wouldn't go well with the story of us being so poor. Too much likejewelry. Ropes are the correct thing--we must preserve the unities, aswe say on the boards."
We all said the duke was pretty smart, and
there couldn't be no troubleabout running daytimes. We judged we could make miles enough that nightto get out of the reach of the powwow we reckoned the duke's work in theprinting office was going to make in that little town; then we could boomright along if we wanted to.
We laid low and kept still, and never shoved out till nearly ten o'clock;then we slid by, pretty wide away from the town, and didn't hoist ourlantern till we was clear out of sight of it.
When Jim called me to take the watch at four in the morning, he says:
"Huck, does you reck'n we gwyne to run acrost any mo' kings on dis trip?"
"No," I says, "I reckon not."
"Well," says he, "dat's all right, den. I doan' mine one er two kings,but dat's enough. Dis one's powerful drunk, en de duke ain' muchbetter."
I found Jim had been trying to get him to talk French, so he could hearwhat it was like; but he said he had been in this country so long, andhad so much trouble, he'd forgot it.