by Z. Allora
“Went to the Olympics, where you won silver and gold medals.” Hard to believe he sat next to a two-time Olympian instead of just streaming him on YouTube.
Blaze sighed. “It’s what I do.”
Drake totally got that. It’s how he felt about music. And until a few days ago, music had always accepted him and made him happy. Though Blaze had fought through discrimination and prejudice, and even after winning and bringing home Olympic gold, Drake could tell Blaze still questioned his worthiness.
“I mean, at times I’ve thought about how many years and how much I’ve sacrificed for skating. I can’t help but wonder if all those hours were a waste.” Blaze laid his head against the rock.
“You followed your dreams. Those Olympic medals say you didn’t waste your time, but that doesn’t mean your needs and wants can’t evolve past your original dream.”
“I know the past shouldn’t decide the present or the future.”
Drake trailed his foot through the water. “Sometimes events shape our perspective and warp our current.”
Sitting upright, Blaze pressed his elbows into his legs and dropped his head into his hands. “True. You know, I nursed and carried that grudge against Trent for the last seven years. I’ve done terrible things because I couldn’t move beyond how he humiliated me.”
“What do you mean?” Did he sleep with a judge or dope or—
“I revenge fucked Trent Richards.” Blaze’s tone sounded tired and resigned.
Did he expect Drake to criticize him for it? Other than the possessiveness of wishing Blaze had never touched anyone but him, Drake would never condemn Blaze’s past actions.
Needing to remind him, Drake pointed out, “I guess you feel like that was a really shitty thing to do. Maybe it was, but you were hurt by that video. He betrayed you and tried to end your career.”
“In some ways, I think that’s one of the main reasons why I’ve stayed on the ice so long. I don’t know.”
Drake attempted to fit that information into everything he believed about Blaze. He couldn’t be serious. “But I’ve seen you on the ice, especially with those kids. You love skating.”
Blaze shifted to stare at Drake. “I love parts of it, sure. I mean, exhibitions are like playing and showing off what I’ve practiced—no pressure, just fun. And teaching, well, that’s simply helping other skaters find the joy in flying across the ice.”
It needed to be said aloud even if only this once. Drake did the honors. “You deserve to have all the good you get from skating and none of the bad. You’re incredible on and off the ice.”
Blaze touched his heart. “That means a lot.”
Grabbing Blaze’s hand, Drake kissed the knuckles and held it. He then rested his eyes.
Blaze sighed. “You’re right, I didn’t waste my life, but it sucks that there’s a lot of things I haven’t done or haven’t had time to do in forever.”
Drake opened his eyes and grinned. “That’s why you’ve been crossing things off your list. Let’s make an official list and write it down. Then we can do them all.”
Blaze stared at him for a long minute. Worry that he’d overstepped flooded Drake, making him start working out how to backpedal.
Shrugging, Blaze didn’t even notice Drake’s quandary, and warned, “Some of these things are dumb.”
“Bring it.” Drake pulled out his cell phone and tapped his list app. “We’ll name it Blaze’s I’ve-Never-Done-It List.”
“Okay. I’ve never played a video game, gotten drunk, or goofed off by sitting in a coffeehouse people-watching like they do in movies. I haven’t sung karaoke or gone to the summit of Pikes Peak. Haven’t been to the movies or ridden an actual bike in years.”
Jesus. “Great. Those are good things to try.”
“I’ve never really explored the towns I’ve been to for competitions. It’s always airport, rink, hotel, rink, airport.” Frowning, Blaze huffed out what sounded like irritation. “Do you know I haven’t even really seen this town? I’ve never partied in the woods, and I don’t even know what that means.”
“Hey, since I’ve got nothing going on, I’ll happily be your guide on these ventures,” Drake offered. His heart hoped Blaze would want him to do these things with him.
After a long while, Blaze smiled at him. “I accept. We both seem to be at a crossroads.”
“Maybe relaxing and doing some shit will help both of us figure out what our next steps should be.” Drake truly wanted Blaze and him to share the path for as long as possible, but he kept that wish to himself. Wish or goal, he wasn’t sure, but either way he wanted Blaze in his world.
Chapter 11
DRAKE’S CELL buzzed with a text from Taylor. You’ve been in Colorado for three weeks. When are you coming home?
I’ll be there for the wedding. Not the first time Taylor let him know he was missed, but Drake was having an incredible time with Blaze.
How’s the domestic bliss? Did he fuck you yet?
Ignoring the rude question, Drake texted, All is wonderful here. How R U?
Finally! How was it? Tay was probably leaning forward staring at his phone, waiting for the dirt.
Drake sighed. I told you I’m not pushing him.
Pushing him? You’re living with him.
Fuck, was he? Over the past three weeks of working down Blaze’s I’ve-Never-Done-It List, he’d earned his place at Luke’s kitchen table, where he and Blaze shared dinner with Luke almost every evening. And best of all, he slept next to Blaze, holding him every single night. Nah, we’re hanging out, taking it day by day.
Whatever. Denial’s not only a river in Egypt. Though how have you not done the deed together?
We’ve done lots of deeds, just not the one you’re talking about… that hasn’t come up. He hoped Tay would drop the subject.
Maybe he doesn’t know if you’d be into it….
That couldn’t be the case. Drake mentioned the joys of bottoming once or twice, but Blaze changed the subject. No way would he pressure Blaze. When he was ready, they would. Until then, he wasn’t exactly suffering with two and sometimes three orgasms a day.
He texted back with a subject change. I want deets on that girl you’re seeing. But breakfast here. Got to go. Later.
Drake smothered his yawn into his shoulder as he opened the door to Luke’s kitchen. His job became drinks, so he set his and Luke’s coffee cups at their places. His place.
The kettle hissed, cutting off his musing, so he made tea for Blaze.
Luke put scrambled eggs on each plate. “Did you drag Drake out of bed early to take him to the rink with you?”
Adding a slice of buttered toast to the plates, Blaze denied, “Nope.”
“You two have a cozy routine down. I didn’t expect to see you until tonight,” Luke fished for details.
They did have a routine; that much was true. Blaze still practiced early. Drake would run errands, like filling up Blaze’s refrigerator with things on Blaze’s to-try list. He would make a late breakfast—brunch technically—they would eat when he returned. Usually the conversation would morph into a make-out session, with so much kissing Drake no longer felt bereft in that department. Then they would get each other off in the shower. If Blaze had an afternoon class to teach, Drake would play his guitar and work on songs. If not, they would bum around town, working down Blaze’s list, which grew daily, go for a drive, or hang out watching movies. Then they went upstairs and made dinner together so they could eat with Luke, ending the day twined in bed, sucking each other off. All in all, their routine felt perfect.
Fuck! Tay was right. He was basically living with Blaze. Luke hadn’t even raised an eyebrow at him. The closest he’d come to discussing the arrangement was when Luke told him, “This is the happiest I’ve ever seen my brother. Keep up the good work.” And several times he teased, “Make sure I get an invite to the wedding.”
In a way, the acceptance was odd, but in another way, he and Blaze fit.
Blaze shoulder-b
umped Drake—shoulder-bumped him! “We’re taking a day trip and need an early start.”
“You’re taking the day off from training?” Luke made it sound like a first as he shoveled cereal into his mouth.
Drake couldn’t help himself. “Listen, Luke. I can skate backward now with almost no help. I don’t want to burn myself out by training too hard.”
Luke snorted.
Blaze shook his head with a grin.
Success! Drake lived to make Blaze smile, grin, laugh, chuckle, giggle. Anything, really, that meant Blaze was pleased had become an addiction for Drake.
Once Blaze swallowed his mouthful of egg, he told Luke, “Actually, I did a few extra hours yesterday, and I’ll probably do a couple extra tomorrow.”
Although Drake didn’t think skating at a snail’s pace, stealing kisses, and making sure he didn’t fall on his ass when he skated backward could really count as training for Blaze, Drake sure enjoyed their time on the ice.
“So, where are you off to?” Luke, still finishing his cereal, was on his feet. He then rinsed out his bowl.
Drake finished the last of his coffee. “Garden of the Gods and then Pikes Peak.”
Luke swallowed, and then his mouth dropped open and he stared at Drake like he rinsed his plate with gutter water.
Blaze growled.
Drake scrutinized Blaze, then studied the brothers, trying to figure out the issue between them. “What am I missing?”
“I’m driving; it’ll be fine.” Blaze did not meet his brother’s laser stare as he put the dishes in the dishwasher.
Luke handed two bottles of water to Blaze. “Be careful.”
“No worries. Since you have class tonight, we’ll grab you a chicken sandwich on the way home.” Blaze finished wiping down the table.
“Thanks.” Luke followed them outside, opened his car trunk, and pulled out a blanket. “Here, take this.”
Drake took the blanket because Blaze’s folded arms said he certainly wasn’t accepting it.
Luke shrugged. “In case he gets cold.”
“Thanks, man.” Drake put the blanket on the back seat and slid into the passenger seat.
Blaze said something to Luke, resulting in a brotherly hug. Then he put the water in cup holders and started the car.
Drake decided not to ask. He’d learned to give Blaze time. When he wanted to share, he would. Pushing him resulted in retreat and distance.
“Anything you want to listen to?” Blaze asked as they pulled out of the driveway, waving to a concerned-looking Luke.
“How about classical? I’m in the mood for no lyrics.”
“Still having trouble with the song you’re working on?” Blaze spared him a glance while at the red light.
Drake had two songs written, but the current one was all stops and fits of confusion, and he found hearing someone else’s beautifully constructed lyrics compounded his problem. “Yup.”
“I’m sorry.” And that’s all Blaze said. He didn’t dig, and Drake truly appreciated someone not needing to analyze everything. Blaze simply accepted what he said and didn’t push him to open up.
Drake tuned the satellite radio to a classical station. “How’s this?”
“Fine. Anything but jazz.”
Surprising. “You don’t like jazz?”
“Reminds me of my first skating routine. The teacher forced us into a lackluster number that, would you believe, included jazz hands during the finale? I think she was trying to be ironic, but… no. I avoid the reminder when I can.”
“Duly noted.” Drake smiled. He loved all the little stories Blaze revealed to him. All the bits and pieces fit together and helped give him a better understanding of Blaze. Bad experiences meant he’d choose to avoid the thing, person, or experience in the future instead of trying to make it better.
The music surrounded them as Blaze drove them down the mountain and onto a straightaway.
Blaze reached his hand out.
Drake stared at the offering. His heart skipped a beat for what the gesture meant. Blaze wanted to connect with him, and the fact that he had asked for the affection felt huge.
Pulling himself together, Drake clasped Blaze’s hand but couldn’t stop smiling.
Blaze glanced over, giving him a small shrug, and squeezed Drake’s hand as if it were nothing.
The miles of peaks with purple and gold flowers filling the meadows melded with Mozart, Bach, and Vivaldi, until they arrived at the Garden of the Gods.
“The park just opened, so we should beat most of the crowds.” Blaze drove into the park.
Grass, trees, and bushes decorated the ground, and towering red sandstone formations soared three hundred feet into the sky surrounding them. Drake had long ago decided Colorado was one of the most beautiful places he’d ever been, but there were concentrated spots with awe-striking beauty.
Drake whistled. “The Garden of the Gods. The name fits.”
“We’ll get out here.” Blaze turned into the first parking lot.
He followed Blaze out of the car and onto the paved footpath that looped through the stone forest. They started walking among the red sandstone giants.
“Look.” Blaze pointed to a deer eating in the small meadow. He took a picture with his phone.
Drake kissed Blaze’s cheek. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
Blaze opened his mouth but then shook his head and led Drake over to a red wall of rock. “Take a picture of the whole thing, and then I’ll take one of you pretending to climb it.”
Taking Drake’s phone, Blaze chuckled. He crouched low and took a picture of Drake acting like he scaled the formation. “Okay, one more. Go stand on that rock and snap a picture down at your feet.”
Drake did as instructed, then accepted his phone back. He scrolled through the pictures. “Ha-ha. Damn, Taylor’s going to flip out. This perspective gives the impression that I climbed the formation.”
With Drake trailing after Blaze, they got to the angle where one of the formations resembled two camels kissing.
“Shall we?” Blaze held out his cell phone and seemed to be daring him.
“Absolutely.” He wasn’t the one with commitment issues and relationship phobias.
Drake turned to face Blaze. They tried to mimic the kissing by pressing their lips together. The first picture came out crooked, but the third try was the charm. The two of them were framed perfectly under the kissing camels.
“It’s a pretty sweet picture.” If Drake’s mom ever saw the snap, she’d probably deem it romantic.
“I’ve never posted a picture of me with someone else, but do you want to post it?” A definite challenge echoed in Blaze’s voice. Who was he daring, Drake or himself?
Posting any picture of them together would be a declaration, like changing one’s relationship status. But this? They were kissing, so there would be no question.
Holy shit, Drake really loved the idea of letting people know he was with Blaze.
Though what did with mean? Focus, obsess later.
Drake tried to keep his feet on the ground. This really didn’t mean anything. “I have no problem with it if you don’t. Also, you can add that to your list and cross it off if you do.”
“You still staying off social media?”
Drake wasn’t sure when Frank would make the announcement, but Drake wanted to avoid the pity, rage, anger, and possible celebration over him no longer being in Midnight Shadow. Plus he’d been having such a great time with Blaze, he’d barely noticed. “Pretty much. It’s been nice only texting my mom and Taylor. But I have no problem with you posting and tagging me on it.”
Blaze stared down at the picture. “Okay, then, I’ll post it to Instagram and tag you.”
“Sure.” Hmmm, just to Instagram….
A few thumb-clicks later and the deed was done.
Dare Drake ask if this meant they were together? He’d learned to tamp down his need for talking about how stable his relationship was with Blaze. In his head
they were together, but would the suggestion of being more than friends with benefits send Blaze running for the hills? It seemed like as long as he didn’t mention their relationship, he could have it.
One look at Blaze prowling back and forth with his brows knitted close together, the muscle under his eye jumping as he studied his cell, told Drake timing was everything. And now was not the time. Besides, he only put the picture on Instagram, where it would make less of a stir, and not Twitter or Facebook, which would prompt relationship questions.
He suggested, “Let’s head to the car.”
They circled back to the car in silence, listening to the crickets and birds.
“There’s another stop in this park we have to make.” Blaze drove them at a snail’s pace, following the park’s strict speed limit through the outcroppings of red rock.
He pulled off to the side of the road. “It’s just a short walk from here.”
At almost the exit of the park stood a misshapen round rock perched precariously on a flat but angled formation jutting out of the ground.
Blaze took silly pictures of them from the perspective of holding the rock up or pushing the rock down.
“You’re a master at these optical illusion pictures.” Drake loved these dumb pics.
Snorting, Blaze explained, “When we first moved here, I found it fascinating how you could make something look one way even though it’s nowhere near reality.”
“My dad always said reality is done with smoke and mirrors.”
“Exactly.” A line started to form of tourists waiting to take their own pictures with the rock. Blaze asked the first one in line, “Hey, could you take our picture?”
“Sure.” The guy took Blaze’s phone and listened to his instructions on how to operate the camera.
Blaze grabbed Drake and hurried into position.
Drake didn’t have to fake a smile when Blaze threw an arm around his waist and leaned into him. He slipped his arm around Blaze’s shoulders and tugged him close.
“Nice.” The guy handed the phone back.
Once Blaze returned the favor for the guy, taking several of him and his girlfriend with the guy’s phone, they returned to the car.