by René, Dani
His fingers stroke the skin on my hips, circling the smoothness, teasing and taunting me. I lock my eyes on his heated gaze. It’s electric, shooting currents through my veins, and every inch of my skin erupts in goose bumps. We may fight this, we may convince ourselves that it’s best if we part ways, but deep down we both know it’s a lie.
“I need you, Nate. Don’t push me away,” I tell him, emotion cracking in my voice. My throat raw from last night’s begging and pleading, with the tears I shed in pain and pleasure. His hands move over the globes of my ass, gripping the flesh painfully, opening me up, and I know he’s looking at me in the mirror. Watching me move above him, taking my pleasure along with his in a slow and gentle fuck. It heats my blood, sizzling through me, alighting my core with a blaze, along with my heart.
My thumb is positioned on his neck and I can feel his pulse, it’s skittering in his neck. I watch his throat work as he swallows. He knows as much as I do, this is it. There’s so much more between us than two people enjoying carnal pleasure.
“You’re so beautiful. Every inch of you. I want to own all of you, Eva.” His fingers tease my puckered hole, it’s sensitive from his brutal fucking last night, but the way he’s stroking it so gently causes my pussy to clamp down on his cock. “Yes, that’s it. Come for me, sweetheart.” Tenderness laces his words, sending me over the edge as I find release. It’s the most incredible feeling, tightening my belly, my core pulsing around his rigid hardness. His fingers teasing me.
My body wracks with an orgasm and as the tears fall, I revel in the saltiness that reach my lips. A waterfall of emotion erupts from me along with a release so heartfelt I’m left breathless, my fingers digging into his skin as if I’m trying to draw blood.
As I come down from my high, I watch him through the blur of emotion that’s broken forth. His lips quirk into a sad smile which causes my heart to ache. It feels as if I’ve known him all my life. And just the thought of him wanting me gone grips me painfully, leaving me an utter mess.
With care, he lifts me off his cock, and I don’t ignore the fact that he didn’t come. “Is everything okay?” I ask as he pushes off the floor. Offering me a hand, he tugs me up, pulling me into a tight hold. He doesn’t answer me and something inside me aches. Something’s wrong. So very fucking wrong.
“Eva, I need you to make sure that this is what you want. Don’t sign the contract because I asked you to. All of what happened last night, that’s something I need. I promise you, sweet girl, one day I’ll hurt you. One day the monster you so actively seek will shatter you one final time. I don’t want you to go, but I don’t want you to stay either. This has to be up to you.”
“I’m a big girl, I can make my own decisions. And I’m not scared of you, Nate.” My words cause him to flinch, but he doesn’t respond. Instead he turns away and I miss his eyes on me. The way he runs his fingers through his hair tells me there’s so much more he’s hiding. More to the elusive man I find myself intoxicated by. Drunk on want. High on desire. And craving my next fix.
“Then you’ll find the paperwork in the living room. I’ve set out a pen, sign it. Once that’s done, we’ll go for lunch.” He leaves me gaping at his retreating form. I move around the room, finding my discarded clothes, and quickly pulling them on.
As I step into the living room, I find the contract like he said on the table. My phone beside it buzzes with a message. When I swipe my finger over the screen, I read the message slowly. Word for word, my blood runs cold. They’ve found me.
I thought I could escape. I thought if I ran far enough, kept a low profile, she’d let me live my life. But that’s what happens when you allow yourself a false sense of security. Picking up the contract, I stare at it, wondering if this is a good idea. Not because I shouldn’t sign it, but because I don’t want Nathan to be dragged into the shit my life has always been. I don’t want her to know about him. And right now, she won’t give up until she’s run me out of town.
Life is full of choices. And this is my fork in the road. I should walk away. But I’m selfish, I’m greedy for everything he offers. So, I pick up the pen and sign my name on the thick black line.
I’m now owned by Nathan Ashcroft.
13
Nate
One week later
My phone buzzes again. I know who it is. Even though I should, I don’t look at the screen, I don’t want to respond. I’ve kept her at bay with lies that I’d let Eva go, keeping our relationship a secret. I should’ve known that secrets will eventually come to light.
Even though she signed the contract, I’ve still not told her the truth. The reason I’d found her two weeks ago. It’s been fourteen days of bliss with her. I’ve never been in love, but I can tell there’s something different about what I have with the raven-haired beauty. She’s given me everything—her mind, her body, and her soul. But she’s holding back. There are still secrets she hides and I have a feeling I know exactly what they involve.
Her heart is still hidden, it’s locked away and each night we bare ourselves to each other, I know she hasn’t yet allowed me into that one place that she’s kept locked up tight. I’ve given her my heart. I’ve placed it in her hands without regret.
The phone buzzes again. It’s been ringing off the hook, I’ve ignored it all morning and I know deep down the more I do, the deeper the hole that’s going to swallow me gets. I shouldn’t have taken her, pursued her. But once again, my selfish nature, my addiction to beautiful women, to Eva specifically, has slowly eaten away at my resolve and I couldn’t help myself. I’d convinced myself that we could work.
I should have known it wouldn’t last. My happiness is not warranted. A monster doesn’t deserve love. I should be burned at the stake. The threat that hangs over my head is one I can no longer ignore.
As I make my way to the front door of my apartment, I know my sweet slut is nowhere to be seen this morning because she hates me right now. Her ass is sore, her pussy is raw from the way I used her last night. When I got the call to my office number yesterday evening, I was livid.
I’d come home in a mood which was filled with anger. Not at Eva, at myself. I did this. After I’d taken my sweet slave into my dungeon, I wasn’t myself. I’d been caught up in my dark thoughts and when I finally snapped out of it, when I saw what I’d done, I realized it’s time to walk away.
When I first met the delicate Eva, I was enamored. Now, I know I’ve fucked up. I’ve done the one thing I didn’t want to do—let my heart into the equation. “I’m leaving,” I call out to nobody. I know she’s not coming to kiss me goodbye. She shouldn’t. If her body were close to me right now I’d hurt her again. Not just physically, I’d shatter her heart. And not because I want to hurt her, but because I want to hurt myself. I don’t know how to deal with the pain that comes with thoughts of losing her.
As much as I don’t blame her hiding, it angers me that I’ve turned into the monster that I vowed never to become with her. As I walk down to my Aston Martin, in my mind I plan the things I want to do to her one last time. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I tap out a message.
Me: I suggest you meet me at Sins tonight, if you’re not there on the floor naked when I walk into room one I’ll make sure you can’t sit for a month.
Tonight will be the end, I’ll finally tell her goodbye. I’ll give her one last scene. One that she craves and needs. Then, I’ll send her back to Carrick. The thought of knowing she’ll be in his arms before the night is over only serves to rip my dead heart from my chest. Jealousy for my friend is unwarranted, but I feel it nonetheless. It doesn’t matter who it is, the man who finally gets her will forever be on my shit list.
Slipping into the driver’s seat, I settle back and sigh with resignation. That’s why in this lifestyle, or this world, there’s no room for love. Once you fall in love with a Dominant or submissive, you’re fucked. It’s a harsh lifestyle. Kinks that hurt, needs that break, and desires that can set off any amount of emotion.
Al
l the years I’ve practiced I’ve never allowed myself to care for a woman more than the one night of aftercare, especially after Emelia. As soon as they walk out of the room, I forget them. Their name is not important, neither are their hopes and dreams. The only thing that matters is the hole I use, cunt or ass, or even mouth. Other than that, I don’t need more.
That was before this. Before Eva and the agreement that changed my life.
Before I start the engine, my phone buzzes.
Sweet Slut: As you please, Sir Nate.
Her words only serve to heat my blood as I head down the driveway and out onto the road toward my office. There’s never been a time I wasn’t in control. Eva fucks with that. She makes me forget I’m in charge. But I know I’m only kidding myself because as much as I want to own her, she owns me just as much.
When I reach the office, I park in my designated spot and head up to the top floor. Our firm is one of the best. Spending five years building a reputation as the top accountancy firm in the city wasn’t an easy feat, but my partner, Asher Briggs and I, have set ourselves up with a name brand that is not overlooked. A&B Finance has been in the Financial Times with more accolades than I can count. Our clients know we’re the only name in finance. If you need advice, representation, or anything in between, we know how to deal with it.
Asher has known me since college. We met while studying for our Degree’s and spent most of our time learning about the BDSM community together. Our friendship grew from strength to strength. His penchant differs from mine considerably. More of a sweet, loving Dominant, he’s caring and romantic, whereas I love to see tears.
When he told me he was going to join me at Sins a few months ago, I was over the moon. He’s still not found a submissive yet, but I know with his good looks and his calm nature, he’ll easily snag a beauty. He’s a huge fan of women bound in leather and lace. I’ve seen his collection of blindfolds made of the material. Exquisite.
I make my way into the reception area of our floor, finding it quiet for this early in the morning. Most of the staff are normally milling around, chattering with a cup of coffee, however, this morning seems to be calmer.
“Good morning, Sir,” the soft tone of Belinda comes from my left as I pass by her desk. Our receptionist, a beautiful blonde, smiles at me demurely. I could easily have her swallowing my dick, but she’s staff. That’s one thing I never do is fuck my employees.
“Belinda, I hope you’re well today,” I smile, offering her a nod.
She blushes beautifully. Submissive. “I am. Thank you, Sir.” Her voice is delicate, like the finest silk, but there’s no comparison to my Eva. I head through the main doors without another glance at her and find Asher talking to his personal assistant.
“Hey, Nate,” he greets, dropping the folder on her desk and turning to me with a smirk. He offers a hand in greeting which I accept and shake.
“Ash,” I acknowledge him, and then offer the beauty sitting behind her desk a smile before making my way to my office. The open plan space is sparsely furnished with a beautiful ornate dark oak desk which takes up almost half the office as my throne, with a faux leather office chair behind it. When we purchased the rental agreement, I sought this office before anyone else could. Mainly because I have a view that’s worth more money than I can count.
My desk overlooks a city that I can’t help admiring every day. There are bookshelves that cover the wall to my left in the same dark wood as the desk. In the center, I have a black leather sofa and small coffee table made of glass and steel. It’s not modern, but it had some beautiful touches that fit my personality to the T. On the right is a wall of glass overlooking Chicago.
When I step further into the space, I know I’m about to get the third degree. I’ve been talking to Asher, getting advice on how to handle my feelings with Eva. Not knowing how to tell someone you love them isn’t easy. Especially when you’re not meant to have these feelings for them. When your agreement is exactly that, a business arrangement.
“How is Eva?” Asher questions, following me into my office and shutting the door behind him.
“Fine.” My answer is clipped and his chuckle is the response I knew I’d get. He knows how I am with women—a cold, heartless bastard. But what he doesn’t know is that I have to leave her for reasons that I can’t even explain. I can’t tell her why. I definitely can’t tell her the truth.
“Did you two have a fight again?” He smirks. I meet his intense gaze and nod. “Jesus, Nate. You’ve got a beautiful woman who will do anything for you and you are fucking it up,” he admonishes me with a frustrated lilt to his tone. He’s one of two people who can talk to me like that without repercussions, the other being Carrick Anderson. Also, he’s right.
“She loves me. She hasn’t said it in so many words, but I can see it in her eyes.” I sigh, settling on the chair and watching his reaction.
His shocked gaze snaps to me. “And you didn’t tell her you love her? I know you do.” His question is filled with incredulity, his statement heated with confidence.
“Why would I?” Truth is, I wanted to tell her that last night, I also wanted to ask her to stay, and that’s where the problem lies.
“You don’t love her?” he questions warily, folding his arms across his chest. I don’t respond. I can’t. Because it would be a lie. “Jesus, Nate. You are going to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re acting like a stubborn child.”
Rising from my chair, I pin him with a glare. “Are you sure you want to talk to me like that?”
“What are you going to do? Whip me? I’m not one of your slaves, Nate. And yes, I’ll speak to you any way I want to.”
“Asher, when you find a slave, submissive, whatever, and you see her look at you with those adoring eyes ready to love you even in your darkest state, and you have all that in danger, then you’ll know how it feels.” I shouldn’t have said anything, but I need his advice. Even though I can’t tell him the whole truth, maybe I can let him in on what’s going on. Maybe he can help me.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t have a choice in the matter.” I look up, wondering if this is such a good idea. Maybe he’ll drop it, but if I know Asher Briggs, he doesn’t take anything at face value. And he’s known me too long to walk away from what I’ve just told him.
“You’re going to lose a woman you love over some... what?”
“Nothing. Eva doesn’t understand my needs anymore.” The lie weighs on my tongue like a lead weight. I don’t meet his gaze when I spew out another. “I can’t be with one woman.” I sigh, dropping back in my chair, spinning it around so I don’t have to face his judgmental glare.
“What are you talking about? You love her! That means more than—”
“Jesus, Asher! It’s not her. Okay?” I grunt in frustration. He’s going to drag this out of me until I’m coming clean, until he’s found out why I’m really walking away.
“What?” He asks, shock lacing his tone. “Nathan, if there’s something going on here. If you’re in trouble of any kind, I need to know. Not because of the company, but because you’re a friend.”
“There’s something that I haven’t told you,” I face him once more. “I’m being blackmailed. I need to let her go. It’s the only way I know she’s safe. It’s the only way I know she’ll leave with her heart safe and me out of her life. I’m the fucking monster and I’ve almost broken her completely. If she finds out what I’ve done…” My confession doesn’t give away my secret, but it allows me some sort of understanding from my best friend. At least, I hope it does.
“Nate, are you still blaming yourself over Emelia? Are you always going to allow yourself to be dragged down by one fucking mistake? I told you a long time ago, when she first left you, that doesn’t make you a monster. If it did, half of the Dominants and Master’s in Sins would have their slaves walking out. We all have our own kinks. Some darker than others. You can’t blame yourself for what Emelia couldn’t hand
le.”
“It wasn’t that. It was the fact that Emelia loved me and I couldn’t love her.”
He watches me for a moment before rising from the chair. Placing both palms flat on my desk, he leans in. “Look me in the eye and tell me you do not love Eva. Tell me without flinching, without fucking blinking and then I’ll believe you.” He waits. We’re at an impasse because he knows I can’t. Silence is our friend, it sits between us waiting for the moment I finally admit that I can love. That I’m capable of feeling something other than guilt, regret and hate. “I thought so.”
When I glance at his darkened eyes, I can read the frustration on his face. It’s eating away at him and me. There’s nothing more I can say to strengthen my case to leave, unless I tell him the whole truth and I can’t do that. Shame squeezes my chest at what I did, but I’ll make it right. I have to.
“Nate—”
“Enough, Asher! It’s done. I can’t give Eva what she wants. Tonight, she’ll need to say goodbye.” Shuffling the pages on my desk, I attempt to look busy, but deep down, my body is trembling with anger, fear, and frustration.
“You’re making a mistake, Nate. That’s all I’m saying.” He turns to walk out of my office, leaving me in a maelstrom of emotion that’s too much for me to handle. I can’t deal with this shit right now.
Pulling my phone from my jacket pocket, I tap out a response to my pet.
Me: I want you wearing that red dress. No panties. Make sure you’ve got your pretty pink butt plug in. Tonight will be painful.
Her response is immediate and I picture her lying on my bed waiting for my messages. She spends her days at home, and works most nights at Sins. When I walk into the house after a long day at the office, she’s the first thing I see. It’s heaven. A perfect life that can never be.