by René, Dani
And it was my downfall.
And I broke the only jewel I ever owned.
18
Eva
The dungeon is quiet, but I feel him behind me. I always sense him walk into a room. We’ve been tethered to each other since we first laid eyes on the other. Since the first time I kneeled for him, I knew there was something different about Nathan Ashcroft and I knew the moment he spanked me, I was hooked. His power, that commanding force that follows him like a fog leaves me desperate for more.
A week has passed with soft kisses, harsh spanks, and Nathan taking me every which way he can. Last night he was sweet and loving, and no doubt tonight he’ll need the rough and hard. I’ve become accustom to his mood swings. The emotion that somehow thunders in his words, yet swirls in his eyes. He needs this, I need this, but I know as each day passes, every time he takes me, I want more. And with each spank, each moment that we connect, he craves it too.
He’s my high and I’m addicted. I’m currently kneeling in the dungeon, naked, with my legs spread, my hands on my thighs palms facing up. It’s not cold, but my nipples are hard from a slight chill. My long dark hair is bound in blood red silk rope. There are intricate patterns that bind around my chest, just beneath my breasts forming a star. My calves are bound to my thighs as I kneel, so I can’t move unless he unties me. He’s been working on Shibari, learning from Mason and testing it out on me. The feel of the soft rope on my fevered skin is phenomenal.
“Is my sweet slut wet?” he asks from behind me. The name he’s gifted me happened the first night we were together. At first, I thought he called all his sub’s that, but I realized soon enough, I’m special. He only calls me that.
“Yes, Sir,” I respond easily, a small smile playing on my lips. My voice already raspy with need. He walks around me, inspecting me in my presentation pose. When he crouches, his index finger tilts my chin up. Those dark eyes meet mine. He reaches for the rope that holds my legs in place and unbinds them swiftly with a tug. Once I’m free, I drop my eyes again.
“You look beautiful, stand,” he orders firmly. But the praise doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Thank you, Sir,” I whisper, standing to full height, but I don’t meet his gaze again. He didn’t ask me to and I know I have to obey. This life wasn’t my first choice, I kind of fell into it. I never thought of myself as submissive until I met Carrick. I was sixteen. He taught me light BDSM by cuffing me to his bed, he spanked me, edged me, and I was hooked.
Nate stalks behind me, gripping my long plait, he tugs it back so my neck is stretched to his mercy. “I feel like devouring you tonight. Walk to the window, place both your hands on the glass, do not hide your body. If our neighbors see you, too fucking bad.” His voice is warm, like a blanket covering me in its safety. His tone is rich, like the smooth brandy he loves to drink. And his lips on the shell of my ear as he gives his order is like a match is being struck and I’m the wick.
There’s a storm raging around us, but inside me, it coils in my stomach, tightening deliciously with the anticipation of what’s to come. What incredible pleasure I know he’ll bestow on my trembling body.
The thing about Sir is that he likes humiliating me. Degradation. One of the kinks that so few I’ve met enjoy. When I lean forward, I take in the city below me—cars passing, people walking hand in hand and here I am about to be tortured.
“Are you ready to go into subspace my slut?”
“Yes, Sir.” The thought of him taking me there again has my body pulsing with need. I’ve only ever been in that state once before. I hear him shuffle behind me, the toys he’s going to use are set out beside me on the table and I know I’m in for it.
“Hold on to that window, if you slip, you’ll get ten more,” he warns and I know he’s not joking. Lightly, he strokes the paddle over my bare ass, the wood is cool to my heated skin sending goosebumps racing over my flesh as it tingles in anticipation. As soon as the paddle is lifted from my ass, I shut my eyes and wait for the sting.
Left. Right. Left. Right.
Again and again.
I lose count. I lose all ability to think, to talk, to move.
My skin is on fire, smarting, but I don’t move. He doesn’t stop, I don’t ask him to relent. I don’t even call “yellow” to tell him I’m close to my limit. Only because I need to go there. To the place where I’m safe, where all my fears, all the pain goes away.
“My sweet little slut,” he coos the filthy name. “You love my mark. Don’t you?” I can’t respond, he knows I can’t. My mind is already flying. Then I feel him move, the buzz of a vibrator sounds around us, but I’m long gone. Floating, flying.
The plastic touches my sodden pussy, finding my throbbing clit and I cry out his name to the city who watch from below me. “Good girl, but you better not come or I’ll stop all this,” he murmurs his threat in that thick seductive tone. He continues his assault on my ass, and his taunting on my wet slit, but I know I have to refrain from allowing the pleasure to take over completely. I know I can’t fall over the edge or I’ll be in a world of pain.
“Sir, please,” I bite out, not angrily, merely in frustration. My nails dig into the window, but he doesn’t tell me to come. He holds me on edge. Lifting the vibrator, he halts his spanks and my body trembles. I need more, less, something in between. I don’t know. As I slowly come down from the high, he starts the torture again sending me skyrocketing toward the edge, I’m standing there, waiting to fall, to fly, to move. But as I hold onto that feeling, he stops again.
I think I growl, I can’t be sure, but a sound vibrates deep in my throat. He doesn’t let off, he keeps me hovering on the precipice. The vibrator on my clit, the spanks with the paddle, it’s the only contact he’s making with my body. My core is dripping, I can feel my arousal on my inner thighs. Sticky, warm, I’m about to lose it. I know I am.
“Do you want to come, slut?” he asks, I think he’s laughing, but I’m too delirious to tell.
“Yes, Sir!” I cry out.
“No. You’re a horny little fuck toy that I need to use some more.” His words only send me spiraling into the abyss of dark desire, and dangerous lust.
Once again, he starts his assault. My ass smarts. My clit feels as if it’s about to explode. My body is wound so tight, everything south of my belly button feels as if it’s being gripped in a tight fist.
My knees wobble, my thighs tremble. I bite down on my lip, I can’t hold on anymore and he knows it. As soon as I feel myself slipping, the command comes. “Squirt for Sir. Soak the floor in your sweet cunt juices.” He growls and I do. My body releases from the coil and I snap. My cries are so harsh, so loud I’m sure the people from seven floors down can hear me.
I shut my eyes so tight, all I see is white, harsh and bright, but it only makes me squeeze them tighter. My knees shake, my hands slide down the window as I collapse onto all fours, slipping on the wooden floor where I’ve drenched it in my slick release.
“Now lick up the mess you made, then come and kiss me.” He settles beside me on the floor waiting as I lick up what I can. My body trembling from the orgasm. As soon as he’s happy with what I’m doing, he pulls me into his arms, cocooning me from the hurt and pain of life, giving me the affection I crave in that moment. My mind isn’t here. It’s floating far above us. The moment is perfect. His arms are warm, he offers affection, safety and I know as I come down from that place, he’ll be there to hold me. Giving me the aftercare of a caring, affectionate Dominant.
When I wake from the dream, the memory of that night when I had his arms around me, I find the bedroom draped in darkness. Carrick must be at work. My ass is still sore from when he whipped me. In a way, I’m glad he didn’t take me. Yes, I wanted it. Wanted him, but in my heart, I know I’ll never belong to any other man, but Nathan.
I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, pushing up onto wobbly limbs. I’ve slept more in the last two days than I have in months. Deciding I need something warm to drink, I head down the
long hallway to the kitchen. The place is meticulous and I almost feel bad for dirtying a mug, but I set it on the counter, turn on the kettle, and watch the water boil through the glass jug.
My mind has been in turmoil and my body has been in pain. Nothing can prepare you for having someone you love walk out on you. But deep down, I have a feeling that Nate wasn’t telling me everything. Perhaps he really doesn’t love me, but why wait three long weeks to get rid of me. I don’t understand why he didn’t just break up with me, like a normal person would, tell me to move on. Why try to hurt me. It doesn’t make sense that he wanted me to feel anger, or even hatred toward him.
There’s one thing I know about him is that he doesn’t do something without reason. That means there’s more to this whole situation than he’s told me. Determination is a dangerous thing when you’re in pain. It makes you do things you probably shouldn’t. My mind reels with confusion. I need to do something. Force him to tell me the truth. But how? The kettle clicks once it’s boiled, and I fill the mug with steaming liquid.
“He still loves you,” a voice from behind startles me and I spin around to find Carrick leaning against the door frame looking ever the sex god in his charcoal suit and silver dress shirt. His hair is messy, sticking up in all directions making it look like he’s been pulling at it in frustration.
“What makes you think that?”
Sighing, he pushes away from the door, shoving his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “I called him. I needed to know what the fuck is going on. Something doesn’t sit well with me and I wanted to know how he could let you go. Granted, I don’t care, because I’d rather have you in my bed than his, but I can see you’re broken up about this.”
“You had no right—”
“I have every fucking right, Eva,” his voice is steel. Hard and cold like the man himself. Carrick is a cold-hearted bastard and I don’t understand how he can care for me when I’ve never seen him with a woman more than once. He fucks around like it’s his job. He over-indulges with women in this club like they’re all here for him. As if he wants to test every submissive in the country so he can boast about having her first.
With me he can.
“I didn’t mean to get angry, I just don’t like seeing you hurt,” he confesses, his tone gentler now. I stalk toward him, gripping my mug. The heat of it warming me, but I’m still cold. It feels as if it’s seeped into my bones somehow and I don’t know how to change that. How do I find warmth again, when it walked out of my life?
“I’m not yours to care for, Carrick. You let me go years ago. We may still be friends, but you need to let me fight my own battles. If he wanted to leave, then I couldn’t stop him.”
“Six years I’ve watched you, Eva. I’ve seen you flourish from that broken teenager to a woman who can hold her own. Do you not think somewhere in that time I’ve come to care for you?” He grips my hips, holding me steady because I feel like I’m about to faint. His touch is something else entirely, not lustful, but kind, affectionate.
“You told me when I was seventeen that you couldn’t be with me. Even though I wanted you. I was ready to submit to you,” I tell him, meeting gentle eyes.
“You were a child,” he hisses.
“I wasn’t a child when you fucked me on the hood of your Mercedes Benz that night,” I counter quickly. I know I’m pushing him, but I have nothing left. Only him.
“Don’t tempt me to put you over my knee and spank that sass out of you, girl. Because I will and I’ll enjoy it.” His feral growl is enough to send a shudder racing down my spine. Those deep honey-colored eyes bear down on me, staring into me, seeing my anguish. “This isn’t you. It never was. Yes, you may enjoy kneeling, spanking, and submitting, but you’re no slave.”
“I was to him,” I say, lifting my chin in defiance. I may not have been used to the kink that Nathan enjoyed, but I wanted to because of him. I wanted the man, the monster, all the sides of him he kept hidden beneath a suit and tie. He had a polished exterior, but was so broken inside. Just like me. We were two halves of the same broken glass. We fit together seamlessly. Only, the glue that once held us somehow disintegrated and we’re once again left forgotten shattered pieces.
“To him you were a fucking toy!” He roars, pivoting so fast, I feel dizzy. His fist slams into the wooden door, breaking through the surface. When he pulls it back out, blood oozes from his knuckles. Grabbing the tea towel, I race to him, taking his hand in mine. When I dab at the blood he hisses. Gently, I pull a splinter from his finger causing him to growl like a rabid dog. “You see what you are?”
Snapping my gaze to his, I stare at him for a moment before asking. “What?”
“You my sweet girl,” he whispers, cupping my face with his other hand like I’m fragile, “are a submissive. You want to please. That’s why you did what you thought he needed. Did you enjoy when he fucked other women with you right there?” I shake my head, biting my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “I’m a Dominant, I can give you what you need,” he assures me. His gaze imploring, and as much as I want that, as much as I crave to be needed, wanted, desired, there’s only one man that pulls at my heart.
“Carrick,” I breathe softly in a gentle warning. I know we can’t do this. I wanted it before, but now that it’s right here in front of me, I know we don’t belong together. My emotions are all over the place, playing with me in ways I can never fathom, but I can’t fuck up my friendship with Rick. So, I offer a small smile. “I can’t. I’ll always belong to him.” Moments pass. Then he nods.
“I’ll go. Make yourself at home. I need space.” Then he turns and leaves me standing in his kitchen with a bloody tea towel and my heart thudding against my ribs. Sighing, I drop the cloth on the countertop and head into his bedroom to find my belongings. Pulling my phone from my purse, I scroll down to Nate’s number and hit dial. I’m not sure what I’m going to say to him, but it’s time we sit down and talk like adults. On the fourth ring, I’m about to hang up when he finally answers.
“What?”
“Nathan?” His breathing hitches at the sound of my voice. He must’ve answered without looking at his phone, or he’d already deleted my number. The latter makes my heart ache.
“Eva, why are you calling me?” He sounds like he’s walking. The noise from the traffic sounds over the line and I can’t help wondering where he’s going. Jealousy tingles through me, taunting me. Perhaps he’s going to meet another woman. Someone who can give him what he needs.
Steeling my voice, I breathe deeply before responding. “We need to talk.”
“There’s nothing more to say. We don’t work. This is finished, Eva. I made myself clear, or did you not feel degraded enough when I left you thoroughly fucked with cum dripping from your cunt?”
His words are meant to hurt and sting. Instead they enrage me. “No, clearly I didn’t. I guess I’ll take Carrick up on his offer then since you’re—”
“What?” he demands. His voice is shrill, losing his confident cocky edge. I can hear the fear lacing his shocked grunt.
My mind works quickly. I’m about to goad the beast and I know it’s wrong, but I’m angry. I need to finally fight for what I want. And I want Nathan. If that means taunting him the way he did to me, then so be it. I’m no longer the scared little girl that’s happy to take his shit.
The man I want is a monster, but I’ve seen him in another light too. I’ve gotten glimpses of his romantic side, the tender, gentler side. That’s the Nathan I want and that’s what I’m about to go to war for.
“You heard me. Carrick offered me his Dominance. He’s told me that he’s prepared to collar me.” My confidence slips when a sound falls from his mouth that is inhumane. I know I’m about to put myself in a world of hurt, but I no longer care. Suddenly, a door shuts somewhere and I hear an engine rev in the background.
“If you go anywhere near him, mark my words, I’ll cane you. Not only your ass, but your tits and cunt too. You’ll be in so much pain, for so fu
cking long, you’ll forget that any other man exists but me. Do you understand me, Eva? I’m not playing around. His cock, his hands, any of his fucking toys touch you in any way, I’ll make sure you pay for it.”
“Jealousy never did look good on you, Nathan. It doesn’t feel good being played at your own game, does it?” I don’t know where I find my self-confidence, but it seems to spark me into action. I’m pulling on a pair of jeans and my trainers by the time Nate hangs up in a fit of rage with threats of killing Carrick. I race down the stairs only to slam into Mason’s hard body. He’s built like a goddamn wall. Tall, dark, and handsome, he’s all sorts of exotic with his European ancestry.
“Woah, pretty lady.” His hands grab me, holding me from falling back onto my ass. “Are you okay?”
Nodding quickly, I ask. “Where’s Rick?” My breath coming out in short spurts. Fear than Nathan will harm Carrick sets me into a panic that is too confusing to think about.
“He’s in the office. Are you okay?”
I don’t respond, but offer a small smile. As I push past him, I head straight for the dark wooden door at the end of the hallway. Shoving it open, I gasp when I find Carrick balls deep inside Jessie. The same girl that Nate made me go down on.
“Shit,” Rick hisses, pulling out of the bent over brunette. “Leave.” He growls at her, and I notice the glare she pins me with. She quickly pushes the hem of her dress down which was bunched around her waist and scurries by me with a huff. Once we’re alone, and he’s safely tucked in his slacks, he pins me with a questioning gaze. “You want a ride as well? Bent over or…?” He laughs, amusement written all over his face.
“I told Nate you offered to collar me,” I inform him, ignoring the question. He reaches up, running his fingers through his already sex-mussed hair.
“Jesus, Eva.” He flops into the chair as I close the door with a resounding click.
“He’s on his way here to kill you.” My teeth pull on my lower lip, biting down hard in fear at the thought of what Nathan is capable of. Carrick watches me for a moment before rising confidently. He heads toward me, gripping my shoulders, he holds me to him, pulling me into a warm embrace. He’s so calm and my anxiety is spiked. My stomach is in knots with thoughts of what is about to happen. I wanted a reaction from Nathan, I’m sure to get one now.