My appetite disappears, and I spend the rest of the meal moving my food around on the plate. If Malone notices, she doesn’t comment. I hate that I appreciate the mercy. What would I say, after all?
I’m upset because I should want to kill you, but all I want to do is sit at your feet and worship you for the next ten years or so.
I really am a traitorous daughter.
23
Malone
Something is wrong with Aurora. The meal started off well enough, but somewhere in the middle of it, she shut down. I watch her as I finish my food, but she hasn’t taken a bite in nearly ten minutes. I already know that she won’t answer honestly if I ask what’s going through her head. That knowledge stings, though it has no right to. We’ve known each other a long time, but we’ve been opposed for most of that time. I can’t honestly expect her to crack herself open for me simply because I desire it.
And I do desire it.
“You’re staring.”
“I like looking at you.” It’s the truth, but I’ve never wanted the ability to read minds as much as I do right now. “You said you agreed to this because you lost someone recently.”
She tenses. “Yes.”
I set that knowledge aside when she first mentioned it because she obviously had no intention of telling me who it was, and she just as obviously didn’t want to talk about it. I can understand that. When my mother died, it was like someone punched a hole in my chest. I walked around in a daze for several weeks, and it’s only the loyalty and stubbornness of Sara and the others in my immediate circle that kept this territory running during that time. They ensured I’d have a safe place when I finally came back to myself.
Aurora doesn’t trust me. She might be using me to forget for a little while, but eventually she’s going to have to deal with whatever put that shadow in her eyes. And there’s a good chance I won’t be there to stand guard over her while she does, no matter how much I increasingly want to be that person.
No, I can’t be the safety net for her, not with our current relationship, but I can give her tonight. A scene to keep her firmly in her body and chase away the ghosts that linger around her.
Starting now.
I motion to her plate. “Are you finished?”
She frowns. “You’re not going to press me for more information?”
I desperately want to, but even I know when to stop a frontal assault and flank my opponent. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
I thought so. “There’s your answer. Now, answer my question.”
“I’m finished.” She pushes the plate away.
“Come along.” I gather the plates and head into the kitchen to deposit them in the sink. Then I lead the way down the hall to the playroom. “Close the door behind you.”
She obeys without a word, which just reconfirms that she’s nowhere near her normal state of mind. A sliver of worry stabs me, and I look at her again. I had intense plans for the night, but for the first time, I’m not sure if they’re the right ones. I don’t want to make her feel worse. I want to offer her the escape she so obviously craves. “What do you need?”
Aurora blinks. “What?”
“Aurora.” I inject some censure into my tone.
“Right. You hate repeating yourself.” Her lips pull up a little at the edges. “You’ve repeated that several times over the last couple days.”
There she is. I cross my arms over my chest and raise a brow. Waiting.
Finally, she sighs. “I don’t know what I need. I’m all tangled up inside, and everything seems complicated and wrong.” When I don’t immediately respond, she stares at the floor and seems to steel herself. “I can’t… I can’t cry. I haven’t been able to since…” Her breath catches. “It feels like it’s all bottled up inside me. I need to let it out.”
I have the strangest desire to go to her and wrap my arms around her. I already know she won’t accept comfort in that way, but I have more tools available to me. Aurora needs me to break down her defenses until all those feelings she’s been avoiding come rushing through. To lance the wound.
I can do that.
“Take off your clothes.”
She obeys instantly, fumbling in her haste to divest herself of the sweater dress. She seems to make herself pause and take the time to fold it and set it carefully on the floor by the door. Then she comes and stands before me, her hands clasped in front of her and her head bowed.
I feather my fingers over her temple. “I think the cane will work nicely tonight.”
She shivers and wets her lips. “Thank you, Mistress.”
For the first time possibly ever I want to tear away the veil of kink and just have a fucking conversation. I want to hold her and comfort her and let her cry it out. But that isn’t what Aurora needs, and I’m the only one who can provide her with a way to purge her emotions.
“Go to the bench and bend over it.”
She obeys instantly, crossing to the spanking bench and gracefully bending her body over it. I allow myself to look at her for a long moment, to see the way she’s already shaking, just a little. It’s all I need to get myself under control. I can’t afford to be distracted right now, to let my emotions slip their leash. Tonight is about Aurora, and that’s the way it needs to be.
I stride to the wardrobe and select a cane, a paddle about the width of my hand, and my favorite strap-on. It’s orange and wickedly curved—one of my favorites because it specifically strokes the G-spot. After a quick internal debate, I take a few moments to step into it and get it situated around my hips. I doubt I’ll want to pause to do it once I get going.
I take up a position behind Aurora and stroke my hand over her ass. “I’m not going to tie you down tonight. You’ve chosen this, and so you’re going to be a good girl and stay perfectly still while I beat you.” Her muscles tense beneath my hand, and I give her a light smack. “And then I’m going to fuck you. Understand?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“Good.” I don’t ask her safe word this time. We both know it, and I have no intention of pushing her anywhere near her limit. This is a delicate dance that I excel at, and I will thread the needle between too much pain and too much pleasure with Aurora tonight. Enough to shatter her, but not enough to break her.
I don’t relish the challenge as much as I might have in the past. How can I when I’m actually worried about her? I want to be the one to give her whatever comfort she’ll allow, but I’m achingly aware of how easily this could go wrong.
She’s using me. She has been since the beginning. The knowledge didn’t bother me before, and I’m not sure it bothers me now, but there’s no escaping it either way. No matter what I want, I’m not certain we have a future. I don’t think there’s an answer to that question available until Aurora deals with her grief.
Tonight will begin that process.
I set the cane down and heft the paddle. I’ve spanked more submissives than I care to count over the years, have developed my skills until they’re damn near art. I know what I’m doing.
So why are my palms sweating? My stomach twisting itself into knots? Why am I more nervous than I was during my first scene? I know the answer as soon as the question rises. It’s because it’s Aurora. Because it’s never mattered overmuch before the way it does right now. She matters to me.
Damn it, I’m falling in love with this little asshole.
I swing the paddle, coming down squarely in the middle of her ass cheek. She jumps and lets loose a cute little whimper, but I don’t give her much time to recover before I begin working my way over every square inch of her ass and the backs of her thighs. I’m warming her up right now, pushing her past the first initial resistance to pain, that moment where she doubts that this is what she really wants. Getting her ready for the deeper strikes of the cane that will have her struggling to sit down for days. The ones that will bruise her pretty little ass.
It’s fine. I’ll kiss it better later.
I beat her until she’s shaking and her hips are rolling against the bench, though she can’t rub against anything useful in her current position. Then I drop the paddle, letting it clatter on the floor. Aurora whimpers. She knows what comes next.
Instead of picking up the cane, I step to her back and press myself to her, sealing us together from knees to hips and letting her feel the strap-on pressed against her aching ass. She jumps and then moans, arching back against me. I bend down to press my chest to her back and move her hair off the back of her neck. “How do you feel?”
“I can take more.” Her tone is a little dreamy, a little dazed.
I kiss the bared spot on her neck and smile against her skin. “I know. And you will.” She truly is a delight. I drag my nails lightly over her skin as I shift back and squeeze her ass. She jumps again, whimpering in a way that makes my pussy pulse.
The cane feels good in my hand, and I take a slow breath and then bring it down on the top curve of her ass. There are times when I would move down the space her body provides in uneven strokes, but what Aurora needs is to be out of her mind with pain and then pleasure. So I stripe her, one strike after another, layering them so there isn’t a centimeter of spared skin.
It takes time and concentration and effort, and by the time I reach the bottom of her thighs, I’m sweating lightly, and my arm aches. Aurora has gone totally limp, her breathing heavy and even. She’s firmly in subspace, and now I just need to bring her home.
I toss the cane aside to join the paddle and move forward to squeeze her ass. She moans. “How do you feel?”
“You keep asking me that.” She sounds almost drunk, her words slurring a little. “I feel fucking terrible and wonderful, all at once.”
I carefully pull her up, keeping a hold on her when she weaves, and turn her around. “I’m going to fuck you now.”
She looks down at my cock and gives me a happy smile. “Okay.”
“Lie back, love.” The endearment slips out, but she’s too out of her mind to notice. I hope. I nudge her onto the spanking bench on her back and urge her legs wide. Her pussy is drenched, but I still take the time to press two and then three fingers into her, spreading her, readying her. The orange strap-on isn’t as massive as the red, but it’s large enough that I am concerned about hurting her if she’s not ready for it.
She gasps as I fuck her slowly with my fingers, moaning and writhing around me. I could finish her like this. She’s already primed for it. But that’s not what she needs right now. Instead, I intentionally wind her tighter and tighter, edging her toward an orgasm…only to stop before shoving her over the edge.
Aurora makes a mewling sound and tries to follow my fingers as I withdraw them. “No! I’m so close.”
“I know.” I hold her steady with one hand on her hip and stroke up her stomach and play with her breasts. Allowing her time to recover while not letting her wind down completely.
When her breathing begins to even out, I start the process again, this time with my mouth. I have to be careful, so fucking careful, because all I want is lick her and suck her and nibble on her until she comes all over my face. But that’s not what Aurora needs right now. Shatter, not break. She’s close to the point she needs, but she’s not there yet.
Her thighs tighten around my head, and I force myself to stop. I’m panting, my body shaking as my desire battles against my control. Aurora digs her hands into my hair, trying to force me back up to her clit. She’s babbling now, her words tripping over themselves as she begs me to let her come. The longer I stay there, my forehead pressed to her lower stomach, resisting her increasingly frantic hands in my hair, the more the words compress down to two words.
“PleaseMalonepleasepleasepleaseMaloneplease.”
Finally, slowly, I lift my head and push to my feet. She’s staring at me as if she’s never seen me before, tear tracks down her face. It’s not true crying, not the kind of soul-wrenching sobbing she needs to let out, but it’s a start.
It’s time.
I press a hand to her stomach and use my other to guide my cock to her entrance. I go slowly, working into her in short strokes as her body fights to take the girth of it. By the time we’re sealed together, hips to ass, she’s panting and shaking. I guide her legs up over my shoulders, a position that means I’ll be pressing against her newly beaten ass and thighs with each stroke. Pain with her pleasure, pleasure with her pain. I search her face, her lips parted around each panting breath, her eyes too wide. “Good?”
“Please don’t stop,” she whispers.
“I won’t. Not until you shatter.” And then I begin to fuck her. Hard, fast strokes designed to unravel her completely. I press forward and down, bending her in half, spicing her pleasure with pain, and then it’s the most natural thing in the world to kiss her. I claim her mouth even as I claim her body, and then her hands are in my hair and she’s sobbing against my tongue as she orgasms.
And then she’s just sobbing.
I ease out of her and yank on the harness, loosening it enough to allow me to step out of the strap-on, and then I gather her into my arms and carry her out of the playroom and down the hall to my bedroom. I don’t think she sees me, for all that she’s clinging to me, her tears soaking the fabric of my shirt.
“I’ve got you, love. Let it out.” I carefully sit on the bed and pull the comforter up around us. And then I simply hold her, offering her a safe place to let go completely.
I have been warrior and queen and villain, but the only thing I want to be in this moment is exactly what Aurora needs. A strong partner who can withstand the force of her grief. She’s always so damn careful never to let her walls down fully. It’s no wonder she hasn’t allowed herself to cry since her loss. I gather her closer and press a kiss to her temple as she sobs. There’s no need for words right now. My strength is enough for both of us.
Time passes, but I don’t bother to check the clock to see how long. It matters less than the way Aurora’s sobs finally ease, devolving into little hiccupping breaths that break my fucking heart. I smooth a hand over her hair. “I’m here.”
She releases a long exhale. “Thank you.” Aurora lifts her face a little and winces. “I sobbed all over you.”
“It’s fine.” It’s more than fine. Fulfilling this need for her did something to my chest. Sometime in the last few hours, that possibility of love turned into reality. It’s not something I can say to her, not something I can add to her list of things to deal with when she’s obviously already got so much on her plate, and the knowledge sits ill with me.
I smooth my hands over her wet cheeks. “I’m happy I could be there for you.” It’s the truth, though not the truth I want to say. I have the sinking sensation that I won’t ever be able to tell Aurora my truth. That I love her despite it being too soon, despite us spending a decade being on the opposite side of a line I only managed to cross a few short days ago.
I love her, and I’m going to lose her.
24
Aurora
I wake up encircled in Malone’s arms, her body curled around my back as if determined to protect me, even in sleep. As if she sought to fight off my nightmares through her presence alone.
The irony is not lost on me.
The reason I’m grieving right now is because of actions she took twenty years ago. The reason we met in the first place is because I had nowhere else to turn and ended up in the Underworld out of sheer desperation. She’s the very last person I should allow to comfort me.
And yet that’s exactly what she did last night.
She broke me to pieces in a way that only she seems to be able to do, built my pain as beautifully as a cathedral, and then took a wrecking ball to it with pleasure.
Then she held me while I sobbed for hours.
My feelings are so tangled up inside. I didn’t expect to find parts of Malone that I like, that I am drawn to. Not beyond the physical. But, now that we’re several days into this, I am faced with the fact that sh
e’s more complicated than I imagined. Ruthless and ambitious, yes, but if she was really the monster I’ve believed all this time, she wouldn’t have blinked at taking the throne from her sister back in Sabine Valley. She wouldn’t care about her team the way she obviously does. She wouldn’t carefully manipulate people who test her, rather than simply eliminating them and making a brutal example to foster fear so no one will challenge her. She’s a master chess player.
The two versions of her do not overlap. Not really. She can be cruel, but there seems to be a method to it. There’s a reason she chose my mother’s territory to come after, a reason the people here seem to welcome her in a way that I know they didn’t welcome my mother. My grandmother admitted as much a long time ago.
So what is true?
I can’t ask Malone. I’m not ready to. The moment I rip the veil off what this is, it’s over. Maybe I’m just as much a monster as I believed her to be, because I don’t want to give up the few short days I have left with her. No matter my goals at the beginning of this, it was doomed from the start.
I can’t kill her.
I sure as hell can’t fall for her.
There is no happy medium where I release the past and fall into her arms. There is no future where she catches me. These two weeks were merely to satisfy her curiosity. When they’re over, this is over.
Malone shifts at my back, pressing her hand to my stomach and bringing me back more firmly against her. “You’re thinking very hard over there.”
“Guilty,” I whisper.
The barest hesitation. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about it. “No.” No, there are better options for us. Last night she made me forget. Hell, every time she touches me, she makes me forget. If I’m a traitorous daughter, I might as well embrace it until the bitter end.
I turn in her arms and am already moving down her body before she rolls onto her back. I kneel between her spread thighs and hesitate, waiting for her to stop me. But Malone just looks at me with green eyes gone almost soft from sleep. She looks soft right now. Soft and rumpled and too beautiful for words.
Queen Takes Rose: A Wicked Villains Novel Page 18