“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Don’t . . . just don’t.”
Don’t say his name.
He nodded for a few seconds. When he spoke again, his tone was gentle. “You’ve been through shit most the world will never have to experience. Nothing broke you. But you’re letting this.” His hand tightened on me. “Talk to us. Let us be there for you.”
I ground my jaw to keep it from shaking and prayed for the tears pricking the backs of my eyes to dry.
What did they want me to say? They wouldn’t understand.
Einstein was there when I found out. I knew she was waiting for me to pull myself together. I knew she didn’t agree with the way I’d reacted.
But I hadn’t just been devastated. I’d been wrecked.
It was one thing to be consumed by overwhelming heartache. To live life on autopilot. It was another to admit to my friends—my family—that a man had the power to ruin me so completely by doing nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Because in hindsight, I should’ve expected this. I’d been unwillingly pushing him toward it all these years.
That doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“I always love seeing these tables filled with my favorite kids.”
I bristled at the voice behind the sentiment and focused my stare on the table when everyone else looked at her and exchanged greetings.
She sighed gently, the sound like nails on a chalkboard, and murmured, “Seeing all of you together like this gives me hope that one day soon, you’ll stop pretending to be something you aren’t.”
“Mom,” Dare groaned when a soft laugh escaped Lily.
“Who’s pretending?” Einstein asked with a huff. “I’m still doing me, thank you very much.”
“You sure about that?” Maverick, one of the twins, mumbled under his breath before shoving out of the booth.
I looked their way in time to see Einstein’s wounded expression before she could cover it.
“For a good reason,” Dare cut in, his voice now stern. “Not for the old ones.”
“Whatever you say, Boss,” Einstein said wryly.
The look Dare gave her in return promised so many horrible things. “Call me that again. I dare you.”
“Rain check?” she asked as she slid from the booth and followed Maverick out the front door.
“You should’ve never asked them to stop calling you that,” Mom said.
I rolled my eyes.
And here we go. Just another meal with our family.
“You don’t understand the repercussions of what you’ve done. Of what you’re attempting to do. You’re all naïve if you think you can escape that life. It can be days, months, or years . . . but eventually, that life will find you and bring you back.”
“Enough,” Dare said gruffly.
“Your father wouldn’t have been careless enough to try. Or turn his back on his promises.”
I faced her for the first time since she walked up, and she was staring right at me.
“I said enough.”
She didn’t flinch at Dare’s harsh tone.
She held my gaze unwaveringly, making sure I knew her last words were meant for me.
As if I had any doubt.
If there was anything I was sure of in my life, it was my mother’s disappointment in my decisions.
To be friends with Ma—with him. To love him. Choose him.
To turn my back on my dad’s choices for me. To rebel against my family’s lifestyle, and to support Dare when he disbanded it.
It was his plan and decision to disband the family, yet somehow, I was the one Mom blamed.
I could take the blame. I had most of my life. Like I said, I’d always rebelled against the lifestyle. Dare had kept it together—kept all of us together—for over fifteen years after our dad was murdered.
To our mom, he was the one who could bring it all back.
After all . . . mob families need bosses.
And Dare was ours.
I cleared my throat and broke away from the staredown. “Well, this has been fun,” I mumbled dryly. “I think I’d rather go back to sleep though.”
Dare caught my wrist again when I began sliding out of the booth. “We still need to talk.”
Everything in me seized.
For a few precious moments, I’d been able to forget what was coming. What was happening.
I guess I could thank Mom for that. For once.
“No,” I whispered. “We don’t.”
“Say the word, and I’ll talk to him,” Dare said in a low tone that assured me there would be more fighting than talking. “Say the word, and none of us will go.”
My shoulders sagged and a lump formed in my throat. “I want you to go. I just—” My gaze drifted to where Mom was listening to our conversation with rapt attention. “Can we not do this? Please.”
Dare’s hand tightened when I moved. “Libby.”
“Nothing,” I said urgently as tears filled my eyes and raced down my cheeks. “He literally did nothing.”
“Let her go, Dare,” Lily said softly when I tried to pull my hand free again.
I could tell from the look in Dare’s eyes that he didn’t want to, but the instant he released my wrist, I slid from the booth and didn’t spare another glance at them.
I didn’t make it halfway to the door when the gentle, sweet, awful voice of my mother sounded next to me. “I may not know what the two of you were talking about, but I’ve seen the papers and the flyers. I know that boy is coming back to town.”
I ground my jaw and stood there, stiff as a board, trying my hardest to stop the tears.
“If you know what is good for you, you will not see him. You will go nowhere near him. Do you hear me?” There were a few seconds before she hissed, “Libby, you are playing a dangerous game with him, and one day it will be your ruining if it doesn’t come for him first. Tell me you hear me for once in your life.”
I shot her a sidelong look. “I’ve always heard you. That didn’t mean I was okay with what you expected from me. That didn’t mean I could’ve stayed away from him. But it looks like you finally got your wish. He made it loud and clear that we are done.”
She didn’t even have the decency to look sad for me. “Maybe now you’ll fulfill your duty to this family. It should’ve been done long ago.”
I laughed in disbelief. “I’d rather die.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“Oh, but I learned from the best,” I drawled, giving her a meaningful look. I took a couple steps toward the door before turning back to her. “My heart has been torn from my chest. I have been in agony the last six months. And you can’t show even the slightest hint of sadness for your only daughter when she’s in the worst kind of pain. What the hell is wrong with you?”
She swallowed thickly, her head bobbing slowly.
I hated that she looked so sweet and caring, and yet she couldn’t spare those emotions for me.
“I am sorry you’re hurting. But I tried to keep you from this, Libby. If you had listened to your father and me, your heart would’ve never been put in this position with the James boy in the first place. And I’m more concerned about what’s coming for you.”
“It was dealt with ten years ago. It’s over, Mom. Nothing is coming. If they do? I’d rather die,” I repeated the words slowly, then turned and walked outside.
There was that anger. And I was going to hold on to it like my life depended on it.
Libby
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“There you go, Gabe.” I set the Moscow Mules on the wooden bar top in front of one of my regulars and then flashed him a sly grin when he left a hefty tip in their place—as he always did. I made a show of slipping the note he’d hidden under the bill into my pocket and then stuffed the cash into one of the nearly overflowing tip jars.
“I repeat. What are you doing?”
“See you around, Libby,” Gabe said and turned to go.
Finally let
ting my eyes shift to where my best friend had situated herself on a barstool, I gave her a dry look. “What does it look like?”
“It looks like you’re failing at avoiding someone.” Her eyes glinted with a tease. “Not that I’m disappointed.”
“Can’t avoid you when we live together, Einstein.”
She snatched a cherry from my garnish tray before twirling it between her fingers. “Was I talking about me? I don’t think I was. Then again, I think you already knew that because you aren’t an idiot.” She placed the cherry between her teeth, smiling knowingly at me as she tore the stem out. “So . . . whatcha doing here?”
Instead of responding, I began making drinks for the people I knew wouldn’t be far behind her. Our friends—our family.
Einstein and I were too similar. If we wanted to know something, we didn’t stop until we had our answers. The only difference was Einstein was a genius—hence the nickname—and she usually already had all the answers to her questions. She just wanted the person to confirm them.
“Last I heard, you were taking tonight off and staying as far from The Jack and downtown as you could get. And by last I heard, I mean just this afternoon.”
I slanted a glare at her but didn’t comment.
This morning my pain was too overwhelming.
This afternoon my anger was too unpredictable.
I had had every intention of hiding in my apartment until Henley left town.
But I knew how to work the bar on pure adrenaline and heartbreak until the doors closed. I’d been doing it for months. I was determined to do it tonight.
So I spent an extra hour getting ready—not that I’d admit to that—and my fixed smile was as wide and as fake as they came.
“Yet, here you are,” Einstein continued. “In the same lovely establishment a certain band is playing at tonight. A band a certain Max—”
“Someone needs to take home all the tips we’re gonna make tonight.” I sent her a smirk. “Might as well be me.”
Lie.
I had no doubt tonight’s tips would be better than I’d ever seen them. The Jack was overflowing with fans who were eagerly waiting to see Henley perform in the bar they’d started out in. But I wasn’t here for the tips.
The truth was, I’d been to every one of Henley’s shows in this bar . . . and part of me couldn’t imagine being absent for this one.
Another part swore I was standing tall because The Jack was my home, and I refused to let any man run me out of it.
And yet, the biggest part was aching to know I hadn’t made it up. Begging to know it had been real.
“When are you gonna let me give you my last name, Rebel?”
I raised my arms out wide, letting the breeze play through my fingers. “Told you I’m never letting a man tie me down.” A laugh ripped from my throat when Maxon grabbed my waist and pulled me to the ground with him.
He rolled on top of me and nipped my neck teasingly, his fingers racing up the inside of my thigh. It didn’t matter that we’d just finished not long before or that we were outside. We were somewhere no one would ever find us . . . and this was Maxon and me. We’d never been able to stay away from each other, and we only had days before he left again.
“I remember a few times you begged me to tie you down,” he murmured, his voice dripping with seduction.
My eyelids fluttered shut, and my legs opened for him. “You know that isn’t what I meant,” I said breathlessly when he pressed a finger inside me. “I don’t want to be owned. And you’ve never owned any part of me.”
From the laugh that shook his body before he kissed me, I knew he could hear the lie in my voice.
Because he had owned me for as long as I could remember.
Heart. Body. Soul.
“And the show?” Einstein leaned forward and snagged another cherry.
I lifted a shoulder and set the drinks on the bar. “There’s live music nearly every night. Tonight isn’t any different.”
The tick of Einstein’s brow let me know she wasn’t buying it.
Because it was different. It was so different.
Maverick slipped up behind Einstein and snatched a drink off the bar. “Are these for us?”
His identical twin squeezed into a space near Einstein and offered me a grin as he grabbed the wrong drink. “It’s like you knew we were coming.”
I pointed at Einstein. “I did. Clearly. And that isn’t yours.” After taking the drink from his hand, I set it onto the bar and slid him his whiskey. “Where’s—” I looked up, a ghost of a smile crossing my face when I saw Dare leading Lily toward the bar.
“This is insane,” she yelled to me once he had her pressed against the bar and was blocking anyone from getting too close to her.
“It usually is when they come back to town,” Dare responded, concern for me shadowing his eyes. “I’m not surprised you showed.”
“Get me if you need anything else,” I called out, but as soon as I turned to help more customers, Dare snatched my wrist and forced me to look at him.
His gaze darted over my face, studying me.
I knew he was worried. Knew they all were.
There wasn’t a need to be. I’d be fine the morning Henley were on the road to California.
At least, that was what I kept telling myself.
“How long has it been since you’ve seen him?” Dare demanded, his tone low and barely reaching me over the roar of the crowd.
Eight months and twenty-seven days.
I wasn’t counting.
I forced myself to stand naturally, to stare at him as if I had no idea who he could be asking me about. This was just another night. Just another band.
There was nothing special about any of it.
“Seen who?”
Dare’s eyes locked on mine, and his lips pressed together in a weak attempt to hide his grimace. And I knew in that short answer I’d already given myself away.
I turned when he released me but didn’t make it a step before he said, “Maxon.”
His hand twisted in my hair and pulled until all I could do was stare above me.
My knees shook and belly swirled with white-hot heat.
“Rebel,” he whispered in my ear, a plea and a question.
A ragged breath tore from my chest, mixing with my whimper. “More . . . Oh God, more.”
I glanced over my shoulder and shrugged. “Why would I care?”
From where she stood in Dare’s arms, Lily gave me a soft, understanding look. He must have told her the entire story, and I hated him for it.
It wasn’t his story to tell.
I stilled when screams and yells started pouring through The Jack, crying out for Henley and its members.
Each time I heard his name called louder than the rest, it was like a shock to my system and a knife to my heart. Pride surged through me just as heavily as my bitterness, leaving electricity dancing along my skin and a sick feeling racing through my veins.
Don’t look. Don’t look, Libby.
And then he began, the bass leading them off, sending a rush to my core. Each deep note worked through me the way his fingers had so many times before.
I reached out to steady myself on the back bar and hesitantly turned my head, keeping my eyes downcast until I could no longer stand it.
And there he was. Maxon James. Eyes locked on me. Fury and possession streaked across his devastatingly handsome face, making my knees weak.
The rock star who frequented my dreams and haunted my sheets.
The boy who vowed to be my forever.
The man who shattered my world.
I hated him.
I gritted my teeth against the emotions threatening to overwhelm me and lifted my hand in the air, flipping him off. Not waiting to see if he reacted, I turned and threw myself into making drinks for the next hour.
Refusing to look at the stage.
“Libby, I love you.”
Acting like I couldn’t hear his voice mixing with
the others.
“Your heartbeat will always be my favorite song.”
Pretending not to know every aching word by heart.
“Every lyric I write, I write for you.”
Accepting goodbye was already here.
“It’s gonna be you and me forever.”
Maxon
WHEN WE FINISHED OUR ENCORE, I lingered a few seconds after the guys leaped off the stage into the waiting, screaming crowd of The Jack. I silently begged her to turn from where she stood like my own personal siren. My jaw clenched tight and my blood buzzed.
When there was nothing, I unhooked and dropped my bass to the stage, ignoring the shocked gasps as I stormed off stage to the back rooms.
After most shows, the four of us exited the stage to celebrate with each other for a few moments. Reveling in the sounds of our fans screaming in the crowd as we took a shot and wondered still how this had become our lives before we ventured into the chaos of paparazzi and eager women and parties.
Not at The Jack.
We played. We jumped off stage so the guys could drink with the fans. And I slipped away with Libby to whatever secluded place awaited us.
It’s how it had always been.
Then again, we’d never played a show here when she wasn’t waiting for me in the back before we went on. Even before the fame and money. Even before Nate.
Until tonight.
And she’d flipped me off and fucking turned from me.
I stalked across the back room, my long legs eating up the distance too quickly no matter how often I turned. Until soon, the room felt too small and I felt caged.
It’d been nine years since we’d left Wake Forest and Henley had blown up bigger than we’d ever imagined. And in those nine years, Libby had always been right here. Teasing me with kisses and touches and telling me she wouldn’t be waiting the next time. And I was fucking terrified next time had actually come.
A weight settled low in my gut, and it felt impossible to breathe.
I let out an animalistic roar, shoving my foot into a metal folding chair and sending it flying across the room.
I turned at the soft gasp that came from behind me. My body tensed when I saw the girl standing just inside the room, the door shut behind her. She was wearing shorts so damn short the pockets were sticking out. And I was pretty fucking sure the only piece of material under the leather jacket she was unzipping was a bra.
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