All the adults exchanged congratulations and farewells. Ravid and Irim, who’d been growing increasingly squirmy as the meeting wore on, raced ahead of them out of the building. Tobi loped to keep up with them while Meira and Elkan followed at a more relaxed pace.
She put her arm around his waist, careful not to jab him with her hook. “Ravid Wizardkin,” she said, trying out the feel of the words on her tongue.
“My son,” Elkan said, both trepidation and wonder in his voice.
She squeezed him hard. “You’ll be a wonderful father.”
“I hope so.” He looked away. “Better than mine, at least.”
“That won’t be hard,” she said tartly. But she softened her tone at the pain in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “You’re right.” He was silent for a long time. Finally, he said, “I wish I’d asked him to stay for the wedding. Maybe…”
“He’s never going to forgive you for being a wizard, and you’re never going to forgive him for holding it against you. Let it rest.”
He nodded.
When they reached the park with the stream all four of them shed their shoes and rolled up their breeches. They waded in the shallow, swift-flowing water until the light dimmed, splashing Tobi, skipping rocks, adding to the stone dam generations of children had worked to construct, and sifting through shiny wet pebbles to find the prettiest. Then they pulled on their footwear and traipsed back to the house, reaching it just as Relan arrived from the other direction.
He surveyed the muddy, tired, cheerful group with a smile. “Looks like you had a good time.” He scooped up Irim, and she snuggled against his shoulder. He eyed Elkan, who was brushing dirt from the seat of Ravid’s breeches. “Although I suspect I may have to find other arrangements for Irim soon.”
“I’m happy to keep watching her until you can,” Meira said. “Elkan and I are standing up tomorrow, but we just started the adoption process. It’s going to be at least a month before it’s complete and Elkan can start taking Ravid in the mornings.”
“Congratulations,” he said. He shook hands with her, and with Elkan, who had lifted Ravid to his shoulders. “I can tell the three of you are going to be very happy together.”
Elkan grinned at him and put an arm around Meira’s shoulders. “Yes,” he said. “We are.”
* * *
Josiah lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. He tried to force his mind to concentrate on prayer, but it was no use. He could only beg the Mother to appear so many times before the words lost all meaning and his thoughts drifted away.
It had probably only been a couple of hours since Elkan’s brief bedtime visit, but it felt like days. He tried to be happy that his master—former master—and Meira were finally going to stand up together, but he was more upset than he’d let Elkan see that he was going to miss the ceremony. Elkan wasn’t going to have any family to support him, so he should at least have had a friend at his side.
He looked at the beam of moonlight streaming through his window. Please, Mother, come visit us. Elkan wants to talk to you. Walk down that light the way you did when Gurion Thricebound called to you. How much longer did he have to keep this up? Another whole day and night, at least. Please, please, show up. This is really hard. I know I’m not doing a very good job, but please come anyway. If all this is for nothing, I’m going to say some very rude things to Elkan, and you don’t want that to happen, do you?
It was no use. He’d taken a long nap that afternoon, so he wasn’t even sleepy. He threw off his covers. Sar, I don’t care anymore. I’m coming down, no matter what you say.
Just don’t get caught.
The donkey must miss Josiah as much as Josiah missed him. Last night Sar had insisted he stay in his room, however much Josiah had begged him to change his mind.
Josiah left his sleep tunic on, but pulled on his breeches. Barefoot, he crept to his door and opened it a crack. He didn’t hear anyone making a late-night run to the privy or stumbling back to their room after a particularly festive night at a tavern. He slipped out, eased his door shut, and padded silently down the hall, watching for shadows he could hide in if anyone suddenly appeared.
No one did. He took the stairs down to the second floor, breathing easier when he finally made it to the unbonded familiars’ room. Master Janion had long since gone to bed, and he didn’t have to hide from the animals. They could be trusted not to reveal his secret.
Sar looked up from where he was browsing on a big pile of hay. Josiah sprinted across the room and threw his arms around the donkey’s neck. Dear Mother, Sar. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Sar nuzzled his cheek. You’re doing very well.
Josiah flopped onto the hay and fed handfuls to his familiar. I get sick of being alone, but it’s almost worse when people visit. I have to lie still and pretend I don’t know they’re there. Kevessa came this morning, and again right after the evening meal, but both times she had Braon and Avnal with her so I couldn’t tell her the truth. They must have sat there for an hour talking to each other, and I couldn’t say anything. It was awful.
At least it had been Braon and Avnal both, and aside from occasional half-hearted flirting Kevessa hadn’t shown any particular attention to either of them. If she’d come with only one of her suitors, and they’d spoken intimately, or even kissed… well, Mother’s secret or not, he wouldn’t have been able to restrain himself.
Luckily they’d spent most of the time discussing Elkan’s negotiations with the Matriarch and Autarch and speculating on their potential outcomes. Interesting to listen to, but not too difficult to keep quiet during, since he had nothing new to contribute. He’d had to bite his tongue and clench his fists under the covers to keep from blurting ideas when the conversation had turned to the exciting possibilities of a future in which wizards could travel freely to Ramunna and Marvanna.
Most of the other people who’d come to sit with him had been alone, so it had just been a matter of listening to them breathe, or occasionally murmur something to their familiar. Vigorre and Tesi had come together, but remained silent most of the time. Even Kalti had visited, much to Josiah’s surprise. Less surprising was the scolding she’d given him, her monologue covering every fault he’d ever been guilty of and a good many he hadn’t.
At the end of it she’d squeezed his hand hard. Her voice trembling, she’d said, “I’m sorry your bond was broken, even if it was your own fault. You really weren’t that bad a wizard. I’m going to miss you.” Then she’d dropped a quick kiss on his forehead and hurried out of the room.
He still couldn’t figure out what that had been about. If he didn’t know better, he might almost think she liked him.
Oh, well. Just because he was out of his room didn’t mean he was free to neglect his duty. He gave Sar another hug, surveyed the room, and chose a spot where a nice bright beam of moonlight streamed through the window. He knelt, folded his hands, and bowed his head. Then he jumped up and retrieved a cushion from one of the couches to protect his knees from the hard wooden floor.
“Much better,” he muttered as he settled back into place. Somehow it was easier to think of things to say to the Mother now that he was in a different setting. Thank you for helping Elkan become Guildmaster. It must have been you, because there’s no other way Hanion would have given in. I guess you wouldn’t really interfere with his free will, but you must have told Elkan what to say to change his mind. Or something. It doesn’t matter, though. Whatever you did, thanks. Elkan is going to be a terrific Guildmaster. At least as good as Master Dabiel. Maybe better.
Sar came to stand beside him. Josiah leaned against his warm, sturdy side and continued to pray. He became so absorbed in his thoughts he lost all awareness of his surroundings except for the bright moonlight and Sar’s support.
A startled indrawn breath jerked him back to awareness. He jumped to his feet and whirled around. A figure stood in the doorway, hand over her mouth, staring at him.
&nb
sp; He rushed over, his heart sinking as he recognized her. If it had been another wizard, it wouldn’t have been so bad. They would have recognized the importance of keeping the secret once he told them the truth. But this could ruin everything.
“Nirel,” he hissed. “Be quiet!” He grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the room, pulling the door closed behind her. “What are you doing here?”
She glared at him, but thankfully kept her voice to a fierce but quiet hiss. “I got lost on my way back to my room. What are you doing here? They told me you’d be unconscious until Firstday morning.” Her eyes narrowed. “Obviously they lied to me.”
“No they didn’t. Everyone but Elkan thinks I had my bond broken. You can’t let anyone know I’m still a wizard.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why not?”
He sputtered, then shook his head. “I’m going to have to tell you the whole story. Come over here and sit down.” He dragged her behind a clump of potted trees and bushes.
She glowered, but sat down next to him and leaned against the wall. “This had better be good.”
He poured out the tale, keeping his voice as soft as he could. Nirel listened, asking him to repeat a few things when she had trouble understanding his rapid whispers, but she didn’t relax into understanding the way he’d hoped. Instead her face remained hostile, even when he reached the end and stopped talking.
She shook her head. “Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. The Lady let you use her power to lie to people.”
Josiah ducked his head. “Yeah.”
“So they would go to war and get killed.”
He swallowed and dropped his chin further. “Um, yeah.”
“And then she forced you to pretend she’d punished you for it.”
Smash it, it sounded bad when she put it like that. “She didn’t force me. I volunteered.”
“And Elkan has to pretend to kick you out of the Wizards’ Guild, so no one will find out the Lady was complicit in your deception.”
“That’s right.”
Her voice rose. “And you still believe she’s not evil? After she used you and discarded you?”
“She hasn’t discarded me!” Josiah forced his voice back down. “I’m going to go to Ramunna and serve her there.”
“You really think word won’t get back to Tevenar? If things go the way Elkan wants, there’s going to be trade ships going back and forth all the time.” She shook her head. “I should go out and start telling people exactly what a fraud their Lady is.”
“You can’t!” Josiah’s heart hammered in his ears.
“Why not?”
He forced himself to breathe deep and slow. This wasn’t the disaster it seemed. “They won’t believe you. Everyone knows you’re Faithful. They’ll just think you’re saying the same things all the Faithful believe about the Mother.”
“They’ll believe me when they see you’re wide awake instead of dreaming away three days.”
Josiah’s heart calmed a fraction. “They won’t. I’ll keep pretending to be unconscious the way I have been.”
“Really? Even if I do this?” She jabbed stiff fingers into his ribs.
He jerked away. “Ow!”
“Or this?” She grabbed his earlobe and twisted.
“Stop it!”
“Or this?” She seized his head, pulled him close, and planted her mouth on his.
Josiah pulled away, but she followed, pressing her body against him. He forgot to fight as intense sensations surged through his body. When her arms went around him, he wrapped his around her and lost awareness of anything but the pleasure of kissing her.
Finally she drew back, panting. He stared at her, a confused tangle of desire, anger, and fear whirling through his head. “Smash it. What was that about?”
The bewilderment on her face gave way to determination. “See? I proved it. You can’t pretend not to react if I push you hard enough.”
Fear rose to dominate his other emotions. “Please. You can’t.”
She clenched her fists. “You can’t stop me.”
Blast it, she was right. He’d never be able to lie still and limp if she tried that in front of witnesses.
Gentle and sad, Sar’s voice sounded in his mind. There’s one way.
Josiah gulped. He shoved back terror and grief, focusing on triumph. “Yes, I can. I can have Sar break our bond for real. Then I’ll really be unconscious, and nothing you can do to me will change that.”
Her brow furrowed. She studied him, turned and raked Sar with her eyes, then jerked her attention back to Josiah. “You’d be out too long. People would know something was wrong.”
“Elkan could explain it. No one would believe the Mother would betray them on the word of an outcast Faithful.”
“But she did!”
“Not really. She helped me put things back the way they would have been if I hadn’t interfered. Saving Tevenar from the Ramunnans was important enough to justify it.”
“Tell everyone that and see if they believe you.”
He sighed and rubbed his face hard, trying to get rid of the lingering memory of her kiss. “I suppose we’ll have to, if it ever does come out. But Sar truly will break our bond to stop that from happening.”
She turned away. “I should still try.”
“Why do you care? You’re not Faithful anymore.”
She clenched her fists. “Yes, I am. I don’t care what you did, or what Elder Davon said, or even what the Lord of Justice thinks. None of you can take my Faith from me.”
Josiah blinked, but considered it wiser not to point out the obvious fallacy of her statement. “Exposing me won’t make Elder Davon take you back.”
She flinched, but didn’t answer.
“Please promise not to tell. I’ll do anything you want. I’ll tell him I lied about Elkan healing you.”
For a moment her eyes widened and she caught her breath, but then she slumped and turned away. Her voice was dull. “It wouldn’t matter. Elkan confirmed it, and Meira would, too. My mother as well, if it came to that.”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Only save you from that horrible man you were going to marry.”
She scowled, but her voice lacked its earlier conviction. “I wanted to marry him.”
“He would have beaten you!”
She shrugged.
For a while they were both silent. Finally Josiah said, “Is there anything else I could do for you? Anything you want?”
“Not really.”
“But you won’t tell?”
She gave a long sigh. “I don’t know.”
Josiah closed his eyes. Sar, what am I supposed to do? I can’t let her tell, but I can’t force her not to. I don’t want you to break our bond! Not when the Mother said you didn’t have to.
I don’t see any other way, if she insists—
Soft lips touched Josiah’s. He jerked his eyes open to find Nirel’s inches away.
She spoke against his mouth. “There is one thing I want.”
His heart raced. “Are you sure?”
“No.” She leaned into him, her mouth pressed against his, and he could do nothing but respond.
They kissed for a long time. After a while Josiah remembered a few of the things Ledah had taught him and tentatively experimented. Nirel responded eagerly to some, but seemed not to like others. It was fascinating exploring her individual desires and preferences, similar to Ledah in some ways, very different in others. Josiah poured himself into learning her. She learned him, too, becoming more confident and daring as they continued.
Eventually, drunk on sensation, Josiah paused for breath. Nirel stroked his face and tangled her fingers in his hair. “Please don’t stop. If I think about this too much, I might change my mind.”
That shocked a little sense into him. “If you have any doubts, we ought to stop.”
She shook her head, but pulled back. “It’s against the Ordinances. The third one of the third month. But we’ve already broken t
he first and second, so what does it matter?”
“It matters to you.” Much as Josiah wanted to proceed, he wasn’t going to urge her to overcome her reluctance. The last thing he needed was for her to decide afterwards that she hadn’t really wanted to after all, and tell everyone his secret in retaliation.
She turned away, twisting her hands together. “I’ve been cast out already. There’s nothing more they can do to me.”
“But you said no one could take your Faith from you.”
Her voice rose. “That’s not true, is it? They did.” She put her hands on his chest and shoved. “You did.”
He scrambled away. “Nirel, this is a bad idea.”
She followed, shoving him again, although not hard enough to hurt or knock him off balance. “I guess I’m not good enough for you. You don’t want some Dualist thief’s daughter.”
“I never said that! Of course I want you.” He swallowed hard. “I always have.”
That stopped her. She blinked at him. “You have?”
“Since that first time you kissed me, at least.”
Her mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “I was such a child then.” She shook her head. “But I know it’s really Kevessa you want.”
“Well, yes. Her too. But you were first.”
“Would you give her up for me? Would you stand up with me, if I asked?”
“Um…” How could he answer that?
She huffed out her breath. “Of course not. But it doesn’t matter. That’s not what I want. I’ll never marry a man who’s not Faithful. Let alone one of the Lady’s servants.”
“So what do you want?”
She wrapped her arms around her body. “I just want to know what it’s like. With someone I care about. Vigorre wouldn’t. If you won’t either, I’ll never have another chance.”
Josiah got up and walked to a window. He looked down over the moonlit city. “Look, Nirel. We shouldn’t rush into anything.” He gulped. “Tell you what. I have to pretend to be unconscious for another whole day and night. Think about it. I will, too. Meet me back here tomorrow night. If we both want to go through with it, we can.”
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