by Sarah Morgan
Kat moved to the head of the bed, totally absorbed and eager to learn. ‘Do you always oxygenate by bag and mask before you intubate?’
‘Unless spontaneous breathing is adequate.’ Josh handed her the laryngoscope. ‘Take a deep breath before you start, and if you haven’t finished by the time you need to breathe again then remove the ET tube and laryngoscope and ventilate with oxygen for a couple of minutes, using the bag and mask, before you try again.’
Kat nodded, peering down into the patient’s larynx and carefully sliding the ET tube between the vocal cords.
‘Brilliant job,’ Josh said softly. ‘You don’t need me to tell you that oesophageal intubation can be fatal. The best way to confirm tracheal intubation is to actually see the ET tube pass between the vocal cords, as you just did. Well done.’
Feeling more than a little pleased with herself, Kat held the tube while one of the nurses fastened it securely in place.
‘Very slick, Dr O’Brien,’ Josh said, and Kat tried not to notice the warmth in his eyes.
Something flickered between them, something she forced herself to ignore.
She was there to work, and that was what she was going to do.
And work she did. In fact, she worked until her feet ached and she was so tired that she fell into bed every night wondering if her legs would actually move when she tried to get up in the morning.
In contrast, Josh displayed boundless masculine energy, working hideous hours and still managing to find time to keep an eye on the staff.
On several occasions she saw him talking quietly to Paula, the receptionist, and guessed he was offering advice and support. It had taken only hours for her to see what a close-knit team they were in A and E, and she was touched that they’d welcomed her as part of that team without question.
Snatching a quick cup of coffee in the staffroom late on Friday, her last afternoon before days off, she contemplated the weekend with a quiet smile.
‘You look happy.’ Josh strolled into the room and shot her a questioning look. ‘Hot date with Archie tonight?’
Immediately her smile faded. Perhaps it had been stupid and cowardly of her to have let him believe that she had a man in her life, but there was something about Josh that made her feel vulnerable, and during the week she’d found herself noticing all sorts of things about him that she would have rather not noticed.
‘We’ll just grab something to eat at home, I expect,’ she muttered vaguely, watching while Josh poured himself a coffee. His forearms were bronzed and dusted with dark hairs, and she suspected he spent a great deal of time outdoors when he wasn’t at the hospital.
On the deck of his pirate ship?
She shook herself. She was doing it again. Noticing things about him…
‘What does he do? Archie?’ He asked the question casually, and for a moment she just stared at him stupidly.
‘He’s—er…’ She struggled to find a suitable answer. ‘He’s studying.’ At the local primary school, she thought, biting back a hysterical urge to laugh. Oh, what on earth was the matter with her? Why didn’t she just tell the man to mind his own business? Or, better still, tell him the truth! That she had a little boy she adored and no room for any other man in her life.
But she knew why she was avoiding the truth.
Because that first, unguarded moment when they’d met on the beach had unsettled her, and she had the sense to know that her feelings on that occasion were best left undisturbed and unexplored.
And there had been something in his eyes that had taken her breath away.
Maybe she was using Archie as a defence, but what was wrong with that?
‘What about you?’ She changed the subject quickly. ‘Do you have a hot date, Dr Sullivan?’
She couldn’t imagine that this man spent a single evening on his own unless that was the way he chose to spend it. She’d seen the way women looked at him, both patients and staff.
‘Tonight I have a hot date with my older brother and his wife, who is cooking me my first decent meal in a week,’ Josh said easily, sprawling in the nearest chair and stretching long legs out in front of him. ‘And the rest of the weekend is my own, providing I don’t get called in here.’
‘Does that happen often?’
Josh shrugged. ‘Often enough. Two weekends off in a row is like winning the lottery, but one of the other consultants owes me a few favours so I’m taking them while the surf is good.’ His eyes scanned her face. ‘You look tired.’
‘I’m fine,’ she lied, reluctant to confess just how exhausted she felt in case he thought she couldn’t cope with the job. ‘I’m still busy unpacking and getting the house sorted.’ And running around after a six-year-old boy. Unlike most people’s, her day didn’t stop when she left the hospital. But Josh had worked longer hours than her and she’d seen enough to know that he carried a huge weight of responsibility. ‘What about you, Dr Sullivan? Don’t you ever get tired?’
He gave her a lazy smile that made her heart shift. ‘I have plenty of stamina.’
Somehow his comment brought colour to her cheeks and she cursed herself. What on earth was the matter with her?
Thoroughly unsettled, she stood up quickly and walked towards the door. ‘Thanks for all your help this week, Dr Sullivan.’
‘Stop calling me “Dr Sullivan”,’ he said, his tone mild. ‘It’s Josh.’
She hesitated. ‘Josh.’ Using his name somehow made everything much more personal and suddenly she needed to get away. ‘I’ll see you on Monday.’
By then she would have talked some sense into herself.
* * *
Kat woke slowly, still deliciously half-asleep, reluctant to move from the bed. She could have stayed there all day but the sun was blazing through the thin muslin curtains and already it was uncomfortably warm.
It must be late.
Driven by a maternal instinct more powerful than her need to snatch more sleep, Kat forced herself to sit up. She scraped her tangled hair out of her eyes with her fingers and checked the clock.
Then she checked it again.
It couldn’t possibly be nine o’clock! Archie was always up at seven, and he always woke her up. He must still be asleep, too, worn out after his first week in his new school.
Feeling faintly uneasy, she slid her legs out of bed. ‘Archie?’ Still in the strappy silk nightdress she wore to bed, she walked out of her bedroom.
There was still no response and she frowned and popped her head round his bedroom door. His pyjamas lay abandoned on the floor and several wooden boats were scattered on the bed.
He must be in the living room, watching television.
She hurried downstairs but there was no sign of him and she forced herself to be rational. What could have happened to him? Nothing, she reasoned firmly as she pushed open the door of the downstairs toilet and put her head round the door of the kitchen. He was just playing hide and seek, or maybe—
She stopped dead.
The back door was wide open.
Rational thought was replaced by overwhelming panic and her heart catapulted into her mouth. Had she left it unlocked all night? Had someone come into the house? Had…?
Various scenarios, all of them alarmingly dark and unpleasant, played across her brain and she jabbed her feet into a pair of trainers which she’d left by the back door and rushed out into the garden, yelling at the top of her voice. ‘Archie!’
There was no response and she felt the panic rise and swamp her. Think. Think. She lifted fingers to her forehead and raced to the bottom of the garden. She tried to be rational—tried to think as he would. He loved the sea and everything about it, but surely he wouldn’t have gone onto the beach on his own? If he had then he could have been swept out to sea and drowned—She shook herself and forced herself to be calm. He just wouldn’t have done a thing like that! He must have just wandered into the garden. In which case someone must have taken him, someone must have…
She looked around frantically
, forcing herself to breathe, searching for a calm that she just couldn’t find. She needed to think and she couldn’t think if she was panicking.
She felt dizzy, faint and completely nauseous. More horrible scenarios flitted through her brain. Someone had definitely taken him, or maybe he’d drowned or been—
And then she heard his laughter and she froze.
‘Archie?’ Weak with relief, she leaned over the garden gate and then she saw him. In the garden of the converted lifeboat station, talking to a man who had his back to her. He was dark-haired and powerfully built and was wearing nothing except a pair of cut-off jeans. Together they were examining the hull of the boat. ‘Oh, my God, Archie…’
Her fingers sliding and fumbling with the gate, she somehow opened it and sprinted the short distance next door, her hair flying around her shoulders as she ran, her breath coming in snatches.
What was he doing there?
What had possessed him to go next door to a stranger’s house?
‘Archie.’ She pressed a hand to her chest to control her breathing and stop herself shouting. She just wanted to grab him and never let him go. ‘Archie, what are you doing? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.’
The man turned and Kat took a step backwards. It was Josh Sullivan.
‘Well, this is a surprise.’ His voice was cautious, a faint expression of amusement in his blue eyes as he looked at her. ‘Archie told me his mother was still asleep. I didn’t know you were the mother.’
Josh?
She stared at him stupidly. It was Josh who lived next door to her?
‘I—You…’ Momentarily distracted, she stared at him for a moment and then turned her attention back to her son. He was wearing an ancient pair of trousers that were too short for him and his T-shirt was back to front and inside out. ‘Archie, what do you think you’re doing?’ Her voice shook. ‘I looked everywhere for you. I’ve been so worried.’
He gave a tiny shrug. ‘I woke up and you were still asleep. I wanted to explore.’
To him it was as simple as that.
‘You should have waited until I’d woken up.’ She dragged her shaking fingers through her long hair. ‘You shouldn’t just wander off like that. You scared me!’
‘It’s OK, Mum,’ Archie said kindly. ‘You were obviously tired. I thought you needed a lie-in.’ His eyes were huge and anxious and she felt ripped into pieces with the worry of what might have happened to him.
Oblivious to the fact that she was dressed in her nightdress, she dropped to her knees so that she was on the same level as him. She took him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye, needing to explain why she was upset. Needing him to understand. ‘You left the house on your own and you…’ She closed her eyes, unable even to voice the words. ‘How many times have I told you not to talk to strangers? How many times, Archie?’
‘But he had a boat.’
Kat stared at her little boy, her chest rising and falling as she struggled to control her breathing. ‘He had a boat? That’s why?’ Her voice rose slightly. ‘You left the house without telling me because he had a boat?’
The thought of all the things that could have happened to him tormented her brain.
‘Yeah, I saw it from my bedroom window.’ Archie’s green eyes, so like her own, lit up and danced with excitement. He was full of life and curiosity. ‘And it’s a brilliant boat. Look at it Mum! And Josh has been helping me with my knots. I was doing it the wrong way. I was putting—’
‘But, Archie.’ Interrupting him and trying to moderate her voice, she gave him a little shake. ‘It doesn’t make any difference if he has a boat. It doesn’t make any difference if he has a whole fleet of boats! He’s still a stranger.’ She lifted her head from the boy, her hair rippling like fire down her back as she glared at Josh. ‘And as for you—what did you think you were doing?’ Her voice rose and she saw him frown.
‘For heaven’s sake, Kat—’
‘Don’t “for heaven’s sake” me,’ she spat, releasing Archie and standing up straight, her body shaking with a fury driven by pure relief that her son was safe. She still had to tilt her head to look at Josh but at least she didn’t feel at such a disadvantage, ‘He’s six years old, for God’s sake! Six years old. Don’t tell me that it didn’t occur to you that somewhere out there he had a worried mother!’ Her eyes flashed and her hair swung with every movement of her head as her temper rose. ‘And you’re just standing here, teaching him knots!’ She glared first at Josh and then the offending boat, as if her stare alone would be enough to set fire to it. Tormented by all the hideous scenarios that could have taken place, she dragged Archie into her arms and held him so tightly that he squirmed.
‘Mum, you’re hurting me!’
‘Actually, it didn’t occur to me,’ Josh said, his tone cool and a frown on his handsome face as he watched her. ‘I haven’t had much experience with children. He turned up here and asked to see the boat. I showed him. Simple as that. Then we got onto the knots.’
‘He’s six, Josh.’ She glared at him over the top of her son’s head. ‘Six-year-olds don’t just turn up! Someone, somewhere is supposed to be looking after them. And heaven knows, it isn’t always an easy job.’ She turned back to Archie as the question settled in her mind. ‘How? How did you just turn up here?’ She gave him a little shake, trying to understand how this could have happened. Desperate to protect her child. ‘How did you get out of the house? You couldn’t possibly reach the door by yourself.’
‘I stood on a chair.’
She stared at him blankly. ‘You climbed on a chair to let yourself out?’
‘I saw the boat,’ Archie said simply, as if that was sufficient explanation.
A boat had been enough for him to forget everything she’d ever taught him. She gave a shudder and then looked at Josh, who was watching the proceedings in silence, his broad shoulders leaning against the hull of the boat, his arms folded across his muscular chest. He was stripped to the waist, his bronze skin gleaming from the physical effort of working on the boat. Somehow all that relaxed masculinity made her even angrier. ‘And you seriously didn’t wonder where he came from? A little boy all on his own at this hour of the morning?’ With considerable difficulty she averted her eyes from his body, even though the desire to stare was strong.
He was built like an athlete, all sleek muscle and power, and she wished he was wearing something more than a pair of shorts. They didn’t cover anywhere near enough.
‘Calm down.’
‘Calm down? I was worried sick.’ She broke off, struggling with a ridiculous urge to burst into tears. What if something had happened to her Archie? There was a long pulsating silence broken only by the shriek of seagulls and the distant crash of waves as they hit the beach.
* * *
Josh watched her for a moment and then let out a breath and dragged a hand through his dark hair. ‘I didn’t think. To be honest, kids aren’t really my thing.’ His voice was gruff and he shook his head. ‘He came over here, he was interested in the boat, I showed him. It was nothing more complicated than that. It didn’t occur to me you’d be worried. I don’t know much about being a parent.’
She felt the anger drain out of her.
Of course he didn’t. He was the archetypal single guy.
Sexy, single guy.
You could tell at a glance that the only thing Josh Sullivan would know about children was how to avoid having them. She gave a cynical smile. Men were all the same. It wasn’t his fault.
It was her fault. She was a lousy mother. She should have woken up. She was the one who was supposed to be looking after him and she’d failed dismally.
Suddenly her legs felt weak with reaction. She plopped onto the bench and sucked in a long breath. ‘Archie, you have to promise me you won’t do anything like this again.’
‘I can’t come and see the boat again?’ His face fell and his bottom lip started to shake. ‘But Josh taught me the knot.’
She saw the he
ro-worship in his sweet little face and felt her stomach drop. He’d been in Josh’s company for less than an hour and already he was looking at him as though he were nothing short of a god. Was this her fault? she wondered. Was it because Archie had no male role model?
Why, oh, why did life have to be so complicated?
She’d thought that leaving London would be the best thing for both of them but now she wasn’t so sure.
‘Sweetheart.’ She kept her voice patient, trying to appeal to his sense of reason. ‘It was kind of Josh to show you the boat and help you with your knots, but that’s it now. We need to go home and have some breakfast.’
‘But can we come back after?’
‘No, we can’t!’ She was absolutely sure that the last thing Josh needed to enhance his weekend was a lively six-year-old boy. ‘I have lots of nice things planned. Now, say thank you to Josh.’
Archie stared at the ground mutinously and Kat nudged him gently. ‘Archie…’
‘Thank you,’ he mumbled, and then lifted his head and looked at her pleadingly. ‘But can we come back again if you come too and if I ask nicely and remember to say thank you?’ His tone was desperate. ‘Please?’
Kat swallowed, embarrassed and flustered. She ached to give her son everything he wanted but it just wasn’t possible. ‘No, sweetheart,’ she said huskily, brushing her hair out of her eyes and trying to keep her voice firm. ‘Josh has a life to lead.’
And it didn’t include single mothers and small boys.
Josh shifted. ‘Well, I—’ He broke off, his eyes on the boy, as if he wanted to say something and couldn’t quite bring himself to. He shrugged awkwardly. ‘Be good.’
Kat gritted her teeth and then gave herself a telling-off. What had she expected? That he’d invite her son to spend the day with him? She must be losing her mind.
Bursting into tears, Archie tugged himself out of his mother’s arms and ran the short distance to their cottage without looking back.
Kat breathed out heavily. ‘Oh, damn…’
Six-year-olds didn’t have much in the way of reason, she reminded herself wearily. And Archie was such a willing, compliant child usually. But his love of boats seemed to override everything. She stood up quickly, her eyes on Archie, watching until he vanished into the kitchen.