by Sarah Morgan
Sean cleared the baby’s airways and while they waited for the next contraction Ally rested her eyes on his hard, male features, memorising every line and angle of his handsome face. He glanced up to reassure Felicity and frowned as he caught her looking at him, his eyes suddenly questioning as he read the obvious yearning in her eyes.
Instantly she looked away, swallowing hard to subdue her feelings. Oh, help! Had she given it all away?
Felicity groaned. ‘I’ve got another one coming…’
‘OK, pant for me. That’s it.’ With gentle skill Ally delivered the anterior shoulder, aware of Sean giving the injection which would make the uterus contract. The rest of the baby followed, the cord was cut, and she lifted the infant gently into Felicity’s arms.
‘Oh, Hugh! Oh— I…’ Felicity burst into tears and Ally blinked rapidly to clear her own eyes.
‘Congratulations.’ Her voice was husky. ‘A little girl.’
‘Oh, Mummy loves you, darling.’ Felicity cuddled the bawling bundle close and sobbed quietly, while the tears streamed down Hugh’s cheeks.
Ally glanced up at Sean, but his face was like a mask, his expression totally unreadable as he cleared up some of the equipment they’d used.
Didn’t he feel anything? How could anyone see a baby born and not be moved?
Lost in her own thoughts, she applied traction to the placenta, which was delivered easily, and then checked that it was complete.
By the time they’d cleaned Felicity up and settled her in bed to feed her new daughter, the midwife arrived with wet feet and frozen hands.
‘Gosh, it’s lovely and warm in here.’ She stood in front of the extra fire Hugh had thought to put in the room for the birth of the baby. ‘You look great!’
Felicity gave her a euphoric smile. ‘I am. It was incredible. Nothing like either of my previous deliveries. I enjoyed it. I really did.’
Ally laughed and cleared up the last of her mess. ‘Thank goodness! I wouldn’t have fancied using forceps or the ventouse at home!’ She carefully wrote down all the details of the delivery, handed them over to the midwife and promised to call on Felicity again the next day.
‘There’s no point at all in you struggling into hospital in this weather when you’re both so fit. If you’ve got any worries at all just give me a ring.’ As an afterthought she scribbled down her home number. ‘Call me at home if you need to.’
Felicity looked at her gratefully, her eyes misty. ‘I don’t know what to say, how to thank you…’
‘No need.’ Ally’s voice was gruff as she picked up her bag. ‘Well, we’ll leave you in peace now.’
She picked her way through the snow back to the Range Rover and shivered while Sean unlocked the door.
‘You were great.’ He slammed the door and turned the key in the ignition, his breath clouding the freezing air. ‘I wouldn’t have been able to do that without you.’
Ally glanced at him in surprise and then huddled deeper into her coat. ‘Of course you could. You’ve delivered babies before.’
He gave a grim smile, his hands holding the wheel steady as the vehicle lurched through the snow.
‘It’s not the technical bit that’s a problem, it’s all the emotional stuff.’
‘Like what?’
He stared straight ahead, his jaw tense. ‘I don’t know. One minute she’s panicking, then she’s screaming in agony, then she’s laughing. However she was reacting, you were one step ahead of her—I just couldn’t do that.’
‘And, I couldn’t put in a chest drain at an altitude of nine hundred metres in a howling blizzard,’ Ally said quietly. ‘We all have different skills.’
‘Maybe.’ He cleared his throat, his voice gruff. ‘You’re a very warm, compassionate person, Ally McGuire. Whatever you’re doing, you give your whole self. You don’t hold anything back, do you?’
She looked at his hard profile and felt a lump in her throat. ‘Not with people I trust. But I suppose I’ve been lucky. I’ve always had family who love me.’
For a moment she thought he was going to say something more, but his eyes were suddenly distant and he pulled into the drive without another word, leaving her with her own thoughts.
* * *
Geoff Thompson didn’t turn up for his next appointment and Ally made a call to the community alcohol team, but they were quite happy with his progress.
‘I think he’s probably depressed,’ she confided in Will one morning, and he nodded.
‘Very likely, in the circumstances. Does he seem depressed?’
‘Well, not at first, but ever since we finished the detox programme he’s been avoiding me.’ Ally frowned. ‘I’ve called at his home twice but he’s always out.’
Will rubbed his chin thoughtfully. ‘Well, he’s been through a great deal so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s depressed.’
Ally made a note to call at his home again, trying to ignore the sudden wave of nausea that hit her.
Jack came in to see her later that morning, and she told him that his gastroscopy had shown a small ulcer, but nothing more sinister. ‘But you tested positive for H. pylori so I need to give you some drugs to clear it up.’
Jack raised an eyebrow. ‘And that should do the trick?’
Ally nodded. ‘Absolutely. You take three drugs together—an ulcer preparation and two different antibiotics—and that should eradicate the organism that causes the ulcer.’
She tapped keys on the computer and printed out a prescription, which she handed to him.
‘I hear you were called out yesterday?’
‘Yes.’ Jack took the prescription and tucked it in his pocket. ‘A woman with a sprained ankle halfway up Harrison Stickle. If I had a fiver for every female with a sprained ankle I’ve seen this year, I could stop doing the lottery.’
Ally laughed. ‘Any excuse to ogle.’
‘She was sixty, Ally,’ Jack said dryly, shrugging on his jacket, ‘although why a woman of her age wanted to walk in the fells in early December is a mystery to me. But there you are. It’s the likes of her that keep me fit.’
They talked for a few minutes more and then she followed him out, picking up her list of house calls from Helen.
Making a note to add Felicity Webster and Geoff Thompson to the list, she wrapped herself up in her woolly coat and took the keys to the four-wheel drive. Since the snow had started they’d worked the calls so that the one with the calls further afield took the Range Rover.
She called on a man with chest pains first and decided he had indigestion. Then she saw an old lady who’d slipped on the ice and hurt her leg. Examining her gently, she noted that the right leg was shortened and externally rotated. Fractured neck of femur.
‘You’ve broken your hip, Mrs Wise,’ she told her gently, exchanging looks with the woman’s daughter who was hovering in the background.
‘Oh, dear. Does that mean a trip to hospital?’
‘I’m afraid so.’ Ally covered her with a blanket and called an ambulance, waiting with them until it arrived.
Next on her list was Felicity, now three days post-delivery and thriving.
‘She’s such a guzzler!’ Felicity patted her daughter on the back to wind her, and Ally smiled.
‘How are the children taking it?’
‘Oh, they keep poking her.’ Felicity laughed and latched the baby on the breast again. ‘If she survives until Christmas it will be a miracle.’
‘And how are you?’
‘Oh, absolutely fine, thanks to you.’ Felicity glanced up, her expression grateful, and Ally smiled.
‘You did it, Felicity, not me.’
Felicity shook her head, settling the baby more comfortably on her arm. ‘No. I was in a total panic. I had such a bad time with the others.’
‘Well, I’m glad it all worked out so well.’ Ally checked the position of the uterus and then said goodbye, checking that she’d finished her calls before she made her way to the Thompsons. If she did catch Geoff Thompson in, she
didn’t want to have to dash off in a hurry to do another call.
The Thompsons’ house looked totally deserted. She rapped on the door twice and squinted up at the windows, but there were no signs of life. Well, they could be anywhere, she reasoned, climbing back in the Range Rover and driving back to the surgery.
Suddenly she felt hideously sick and sat still, trying to fight the waves of nausea and faintness which swamped her. She was breathing steadily with her eyes closed in an attempt to control it when the door was tugged open.
Sean stood there, his dark brows clashing in a frown. ‘What’s the matter? Are you ill again?’
‘No. Yes—maybe a bit.’ Help! She had to give some excuse for the way she felt. ‘I just feel a bit weedy, that’s all.’
He stared at her for a long moment. ‘It’s been a week and a half, Ally. The bug doesn’t last that long.’
He knew. She could tell by the look in his eyes. He’d guessed.
‘Maybe it’s not the same bug.’ Her protest was half-hearted and he gave her a grim smile.
‘I think you and I had better have a talk, don’t you?’
‘Not now, Sean.’ She tugged the keys out of the ignition and took another deep breath to try and control the nausea.
‘Yes, now.’ He jerked open the door and stood waiting while she gathered up her bag and coat and slid to the ground. Her legs gave way under her and she would have gone all the way if he hadn’t caught her.
‘Steady…’ He stiffened slightly and she reminded herself that she wasn’t allowed the luxury of leaning on this man any more. Pulling herself together, she walked towards the health centre with as much composure as she could muster. Once inside he caught her wrist and propelled her through to his room. She stood just inside the door, watching him warily.
‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’ His face was set and grim and her heart seemed to drop into her stomach.
‘Sean, I—’
‘When were you going to tell me?’
His expression was forbidding and she slipped a hand onto her abdomen in an instinctively protective gesture.
‘I don’t know. I…’
He was suddenly pale, his eyes cold and distant as if he were talking to a stranger. As if the love-making between them had never happened. ‘It’s the oldest trick in the book, isn’t it?’
She frowned, baffled. ‘Trick? What do you mean, trick?’
‘To get me to marry you.’ He strode over to the window, staring out across the fells.
She stared at his broad back, stunned. ‘You think I did it on purpose to get you to marry me?’
He shrugged, his expression challenging as he turned to look at her. ‘Well, didn’t you?’
‘No!’ Her blue eyes were wide, her expression horrified, as she shook her head. ‘No. Of course I didn’t.’
‘Why are you pregnant, then?’
She stared at him, bemused. ‘Sean, it was an accident…’
He smiled wryly and shrugged those wide shoulders. ‘You’re a GP, Ally. You know the facts of life. I remember asking you if you were protected.’
She coloured hotly and swallowed. ‘I was. I mean, it shouldn’t have happened. It was totally the wrong time of the month.’
‘Obviously.’ There was no missing the irony in his voice and tears pricked her eyes.
‘How can you possibly think I did it on purpose after everything you’ve said about not wanting children?’
‘I don’t know. Perhaps because you seemed determined to reform me.’ He gave a humourless laugh. ‘Get pregnant and then I’ll be forced to stick around and make a commitment.’
Ally shook her head, numb with disbelief. ‘I’m not forcing you to do anything—’
Sean’s eyes blazed with anger. ‘Aren’t you? You say you know how I feel about not having children, about letting them down. Well, if you know all that how come you’re standing there telling me you’re pregnant?’
‘It was an accident…’
He swore under his breath. ‘And pigs might fly.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake!’ She stared at him helplessly. ‘How can I prove it to you?’
He gave a short laugh and looked at her, his eyes bleak. ‘Well, that’s the beauty of this situation isn’t it? You can’t.’
‘If you trusted me…’
‘Why should I trust you?’
She swallowed hard. ‘Because I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you.’
His jaw tightened. ‘You just have.’
‘No.’ She shook her head slowly, trying to understand the way he was feeling, the reason he was reacting so violently. ‘You’re scared that I’ve trapped you into marriage—’
He made a dismissive gesture. ‘I’m not scared!’
‘Yes, you are.’ She stood her ground, resisting the temptation to back away when she met the full anger of his gaze. ‘You’re scared of commitment and that you’re going to have to marry me, but you’re not, Sean.’
He turned away from her so that she couldn’t see his expression. ‘You haven’t left me much choice, have you?’
‘Sean, I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth!’ The words spilled out and she blinked back the tears that threatened to follow. ‘I don’t want to marry someone who isn’t capable of giving love to me and my baby.’
He turned to face her, his expression grim. ‘Don’t you mean our baby?’
‘No.’ She choked on the word and shook her head. ‘I don’t mean our baby. It’s not our baby, Sean, because you don’t want it. It’s my baby, and mine alone.’
His jaw clenched. ‘You’re going to keep it, then?’
She stared at him in horror. ‘You’re not asking me to—?’
‘Dammit, no!’ He interrupted her roughly, leaning on the back of a chair and sucking the breath through his teeth. ‘No. Not that. But there are other options. It’s not as if it was planned. It’ll totally change your life.’
‘I know how much babies change your life. I’ve got Charlie, remember?’ She lifted her chin and held his gaze. ‘This is my baby and I’m going to love it with every bone in my body, so if you’re suggesting adoption you can forget that, too. I would never give my baby to anyone else.’
‘You don’t know that.’ His knuckles were white as he gripped the chair-back. ‘If the going gets tough you just might bail out…’
What was he talking about? ‘What do you mean, bail out? I can’t bail out. I’m its mother!’
His hard mouth twisted. ‘You wouldn’t be the first. Babies can be hard work. What if it cries a lot?’
Was he talking about his own mother? Was that what this was all about? How could she convince him? How could she ever get this man to trust anyone ever again? If she’d met his mother in the street she would have thumped her, along with the foster-parents who’d obviously done nothing to win a young boy’s trust.
‘You think I’d give it to someone else if it cried? If it was less than perfect? That’s not me, Sean.’ She stared at him, aghast, love and compassion for him swamping her own feelings of misery. ‘You really don’t know me at all, do you? I don’t need this baby shrinkwrapped with a guarantee attached. This baby can cry every night for ten years if it wants to. I’ll still love it and care for it.’
‘On your own…’ His voice was hoarse.
She shook her head. ‘No. Not on my own. I’ve got my parents and my brothers and Charlie.’ She met his gaze head on. ‘This baby will be surrounded by people who will love and protect him. You can be sure of that. He’ll have everything he needs.’
‘Except a father.’
She swallowed hard. ‘Yes.’
There was a long silence and she could hear his ragged breathing. ‘And if I did ask you to marry me?’
‘The answer would still be no, Sean.’ The strain of the encounter had stripped away the last of her energy, and she sagged slightly. ‘No, I wouldn’t marry you. You’d always accuse me of having blackmailed you, and I couldn’t live
with that.’
And before she made a total fool of herself she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
CHAPTER TEN
ALLY lay in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep. All she could think about was Sean and what he’d said about the baby. Did he really think she’d consider having it adopted? Her blood boiled when she thought of Sean’s mother. What sort of a woman was she to have let her own flesh and blood go into foster-care? No wonder he was so afraid to love anyone. From the sound of it, he’d never had any constancy in his life. Apart from Will and Molly, of course, but maybe they’d come on the scene too late to influence his ability to trust anyone.
With an impatient sound she sat up in bed, scraping her blonde hair away from her face with slim fingers. She was never going to be able to sleep. Never. Reaching for her dressing-gown, she pulled it on and fastened it around her waist. If she wasn’t going to be able to sleep she may as well go and have a drink.
Padding into the kitchen, she flicked on the light and took a bottle of milk out of the fridge.
Just as she reached for a mug the phone rang.
One glance at the clock on the oven told her it was two in the morning. Who on earth was ringing at this time? She wasn’t on call.
‘Hello?’
It was Jack, his voice grim and serious as he got straight to the point. ‘Geoff Thompson is your patient, isn’t he?’
‘Geoff?’ Ally frowned and put the empty mug down on the table. ‘Well, yes, he is. Why?’
‘Because he was spotted walking into the Langdales this morning and hasn’t been seen since. His wife’s called the police and someone thinks they might have spotted him up by Stickle Tarn.’
‘Oh, no!’ Ally’s face paled and she bit her lip. ‘Well, don’t go anywhere without me, Jack.’
‘I was hoping you’d say that. Can you get your mum to stay with Charlie?’
Ally was already wriggling out of her dressing-gown. ‘No problem. She can be here in ten minutes.’
‘I’ve called out the team and the police have already called Howard, the SARDA co-ordinator.’