“Sort of.” Kerstin chuckled. “I hadn’t thought of it just like that before but I view it as a mix of sociology, history, and civics. I’m planning on moving through the history a bit rapidly. Let me know if I’m going too fast or if you have questions.”
The door chime sounded yet again. I rose to get it. I opened the door to Janice’s smiling face. It was impossible not to smile back at her.
“I’m dropping some things off for Dr. Mueller.”
“C’mon in.”
“She said not to come in.”
“And I’m telling you that it’s fine. She’s in there.” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder to the living room.
“Yes, ma’am.” Janice gave a sharp salute and marched into the small apartment.
“Janice. I would have come to the door.” Kerstin stood and walked toward Janice as she entered the room.
Kerstin didn’t seem pleased to have Janice in the room. I couldn’t help but wonder why after she seemed to value her admin’s service.
“I know, Dr. Mueller. Tori insisted. Here’s the information you requested. Do you have anything for me to bring back or arrange? Lunch is handled.”
“Nope. This is everything. Thank you, Janice. If you feel like taking a half day, feel free. I know you’ve been putting in a lot of hours lately.”
“Thank you. I’ll see how far I get on my billing. The human insurance companies are a pain.”
“No overtime at least. Get outside for a run or something.”
“I will, thank you doctor. Take care, Tori, and listen to her. She has a lot of good information.”
Janice let herself out and I returned to my seat. I figured it was going to be a long day if Kerstin was trying to give her admin the rest of the day off.
THREE HOURS PASSED before Kerstin showed signs of slowing from her explanations about history and the evolution of the various shifter sub-species. Apparently, it was all about the virus and the various mutations or strains of it.
History was a lot of what I expected. Lots of death, war, infighting, hunts from humans, and lots and lots of horrible things. Things finally started to improve when we hit the early 1830s. Sometime in the first couple of years of the new decade, the shifter communities had a coming together of sorts. It was prompted by the start of what would become the second cholera pandemic.
The problem wasn’t that the shifters were getting sick. It was more that they weren’t getting sick and it was drawing speculation that the shifters could ill afford. After some deliberation, the elders of each band of shifters decided to form an elder’s council. It was decided that each subset, based on animals forms assumed, would send one delegate to serve as their voice. How those delegates were assigned was up to the various groups.
They appeared to model themselves after Native American tribal councils. That seemed fitting at the time, as many of the shifters were Native American at least in heritage if not living as such. Some found it easier to pass in the white man’s society and did so. They didn’t do so out of a wish for power or fame. It was accepted that those who passed would be the eyes and ears of the community. They were assigned to feed information back to their leaders and carry out occasional missions to ensure the safety of the various tribes.
“Enough. My head is swimming. Can we please take a break?”
“Of course. We’ve been at it for a long time. In fact, lunch should be arriving soon. I arranged for it to arrive a bit early as we have so much to cover before dinner.”
“What’s important about dinner?”
“We’re going to meet some people.”
Chapter Ten
“WE’RE LEAVING THE Center?” I was astonished, joyful, and not a little bit filled with trepidation.
“No, we’re meeting people in the dining area down here this evening. I thought that after we concluded with today’s session you might like a short break for a nap or time to unwind. Then I will pick you up and bring you to our downstairs dining facilities. There are people who wish to meet you.”
“What people? Is this like a last meal ceremony or something?”
“Not at all.” Kerstin snickered. “There are those among us who study this process of change from fully human to shifters. We must watch those infected by mistake carefully to determine if they have enough virus to be affected. Once we have status on that, those who are infected become guests here for education and training.”
“I know. I get all of that. So, these are the people who studied me?”
“In part, yes. Also, some of our local Elders will be present, as well as others from our society.”
“So, if it isn’t a lynching or last supper, is it more like a ‘Welcome to the neighborhood’ event?”
“You could phrase it like that, yes. You’ll need people like yourself to bond with as you become more comfortable. This dinner is designed to see who you enjoy interacting with and who you might feel comfortable going to with questions once you’re released back to the community at large.”
“Oh! More like Big Brothers/Big Sisters then. I’m getting a mentor or three.”
“Are you always so flippant?” Kerstin asked. There was no judgment at all. Her tone carried sincere curiosity.
I felt my face flush. I hadn’t meant to let my sarcasm get out of hand, but as per usual, I had gone too far.
“It’s all a defense mechanism. You’re a shrink, you should understand whistling in the dark. I have a hard time showing emotions to people I don’t know well. Of course, the catch-22 of it is that I then have a harder time getting close to people because I’m afraid to be vulnerable and open up.”
I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I ran the water and soaked a washcloth in the icy stream before I wrung it out and draped it across the back of my neck. I soaked a second cloth and applied it to my face after shutting off the water and sitting on the toilet seat lid.
I was starting to believe the mumbo jumbo. Other than a serious author or historian, no one, and I mean no one, does as much world building with as much detail as Kerstin had given me that morning. It had elements of books I’d read and a few movies I’d seen in the past few years, but nothing I’d experienced in fiction was fully accurate regarding the stories I was now learning.
I must have lost track of time while I was in the bathroom. After what I felt was only a few minutes, Kerstin knocked at the door.
“You all right in there, Tori? Lunch is here.”
“Fine. I’m fine. I’ll be right there.”
I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t see anything different about me. I couldn’t deny the speed at which my surgical wound had healed. These people either had powerful medicine or something was different about me. I hung up the wet washcloths and went out to see what surprises waited on my lunch tray.
Thankfully, lunch wasn’t a vegan meal or anything. Not that they had served me anything vegan but I was still wondering about food habits and things. When I had asked this morning, Kerstin simply told me it was in tomorrow’s lessons.
“Looks good. Nothing can beat a good bowl of chicken noodle soup and a turkey club.”
“I’m glad you like it. The dietary department does try to provide variety and has to meet the needs of a diverse diet here.”
“I imagine so. What about those who turn into wolves or large cats? They would normally hunt, right?”
“Yes, and in the safe areas, they still do. Of course, we all still need to eat in human form as well. There aren’t strict rules other than not eating your neighbors.” The area around her eyes crinkled and I wasn’t certain if she was putting me on or if she was serious.
“Makes sense. I suppose it would be hard to explain the constant vacancies in the area.”
“Exactly.”
“I notice you aren’t having a turkey club or chicken soup.”
“No, I’m a vegetarian. I tried being vegan for a while but frankly, it was really hard to do and I just didn’t want to make the effort. Vegetarianism works fo
r me physically, emotionally, and politically. I don’t mind if others eat meat, I just choose not to do so, nor will I prepare it.”
“Sounds fair enough. So, you being a vegetarian isn’t about being from a deer family. I remember what you said about your father.”
“Right. This was just how I felt about it. I feel healthier and lighter within my spirit if I stick to fresh vegetables, fruits, and grains. There are plenty of ways to get enough nutrition with the right research and a willingness to experiment. Thinking of trying it?”
“Not on your life. I love bacon too much to ever give it up. Umm, there aren’t any pig shifters, right? I know about bear, coyote, wolf, deer, and fox. Are there others?”
“You forgot our big cats. We have tigers, panthers, and cougars, which are also known as mountain lions. Of course, not all were indigenous to North America, but as people traveled the globe and resettled in other countries, so did the shifter population. But no pigs. You and your bacon may have a happy relationship.”
“Thank the Great Spirit for keeping pig shifters from happening. I will obviously give up venison but the rest is on the table. At least birds and fish are nonissues. Actually, I think all the rest were never on my menu board anyway.”
“As long as you can procure it, you can eat it, Tori. Not everything about your life has to change. You’ll still go out with friends, write your books, do your artwork, and whatever else it is that you have always done. Periodically, you will shift into your animal form. Those changes aren’t forced by anything external.”
“So, why do I have to shift? I mean, can’t I just keep my life the way it is and ignore it?”
“Let me answer that with a question. Could you ignore the artist in you? Would you be able to live without writing another story? What about your romantic life? Could you hide being a lesbian? Never have another relationship again?”
“Got it. Actually, I can do just fine with no more relationships, but the art and writing, those I have to do or my mind gets too chaotic.”
“I’m sorry to hear that you’ve given up on love. That’s a topic we can cover another time. I’m happy to poke and pry into your life during our regular check-ins but right now, this is about the must do now work.”
“Great, I get to have my head shrunk after I get out of here?”
“Yes, I’m afraid that isn’t negotiable. I’ll need to follow up with you for a while to ensure that you’re doing well with this new side of yourself.”
“You know, that’s one of the questions I had for you. The file you had me read refers to the animal side as my ‘Other’ but I didn’t understand if that meant I give up being me or if I have something living inside of me. It was confusing and I don’t know what to expect.”
“That is the next part of our discussion. If you’re done with your meal, why don’t you put all of this in the hallway and I’ll use the restroom. We’ll get back to work and tackle that in a few minutes.”
“Got it. I’ve got dish duty.” I grinned. At least doing the dishes here didn’t mean I was washing and drying. This having people bring me food and clean up after me wasn’t too bad. I just needed to find a way to get some exercise in soon before I turned into a slug.
SOME TIME LATER, we were in the living room and covering more stuff that sounded like a story out of a movie or book. I was happy to learn whatever Kerstin wanted me to learn, however, I was starting to get impatient to have my questions answered.
She must have noticed my squirming because she paused her lecture for a moment and just watched me.
“What? I was listening. You were talking about how to find safe places to shift.”
“I’ve no doubt about you listening. You also seem to be getting a bit restless.”
“I just have questions. Plus, I’m usually a pretty active person and I feel as if it’s been a month since I did anything I could call exercise.”
“Well, we can address both of those. What is your most pressing question?”
“That’s hard to say but for now, I’ll go with my question from earlier. What is this ‘Other’ in the file and what role is this going to play in my life?”
“I should have known you’d go for a big question. This isn’t an easy one to answer for me but I’ll do my best.”
“Why? What’s so hard?”
Kerstin looked almost sad for moment but quickly pasted on her professional veneer. It was something I had noticed once or twice before but as the day progressed she seemed to rely on her professional mask less. Until now.
“The ‘Other’ we refer to is your animal side. Each has its own personality and ways of working with the human side. Some people have names for it, some call it their beast or their partner. Everyone develops a relationship with their Other after their First Shift. As all relationships, it will grow and change over time. Most will never try to take over. Occasionally, usually a larger cat or dominant wolf form, may attempt to wrest control in reaction to outside factors.”
“What kind of factors?”
“If the Other feels a threat is imminent or if their human side isn’t as dominant as they are, there may be internal power struggles. If there is a threat, the Other may wish to assert themselves to protect both entities.”
“For me, what are the likely issues?”
“Honestly, as a deer shifter, you might bring on a shift by expressing fear of outside influences. Anytime your fight or flight instinct comes into play your Other might decide it can run faster than you can deal with the situation. I will add that it can be so strong that it’s harder to control than when a wolf wants to display dominance or a big cat wishes to protect their young. Of all the issues having an Other can bring up, the biggest risk for you will be discovery because of fright.”
“Good thing I don’t get myself into fights or dangerous situations too often.”
“Right. Might be good for a while to avoid things like sky diving or racing cars.”
“Uh huh. My life as a writer and artist is tame for the most part. I do research by asking others and looking things up rather than trying most of them myself. The most I’ve done is head to a shooting range to try a weapon I’d never fired or use research as an excuse to go try a special restaurant.”
“Good. If you aren’t a daredevil there is less of a chance of an accidental shift. The second challenge is to not use this as an excuse to lock yourself away from the people you care about.”
“I’m already a recluse. I live forty minutes from here and an hour from the town where I do most of my re-supply. The only guests I’ve ever had spend time at my place are my parents and that’s a rarity. I usually go to them.”
“Your Other may start pushing you to be more social. Deer are fairly social creatures and very family oriented. You might find it a positive that other than mating, most of the time the males and females remain separate. The females tend to the young while the males are the protectors and fight for dominance and the right to mate.”
“This carries over to shifters?”
“Not entirely. Our human nature keeps family units intact but typically the male will be dominant and in charge of security and safety.”
“That’s why the guy that was in my field, he was checking things out for his family?”
“Yes.”
“What happened to his wife and kids? Who is looking after their safety now?”
“The herd and their extended family have everything under control. The kids are in good hands.”
“Fine. I have to trust that for now. So, why don’t I feel this Other or some need to shift?”
“You have yet to have your First Shift. That is when the Other comes to you. As to why no shifting yet, we have some time before the hormones and other blood chemistry balance out by shifting. That, other than fear or the other reasons we’ve covered, is what will drive your shifting. Every now and again, you will feel driven to shift if you don’t do so on a regular basis. The need will drive you until you lose control.”
“So no full moons but I will still feel pulled?”
“Yes. The story about the moon is just that: a story. The reality is that the need varies by person and type of animal they become. Also, the more dominant the animal the more often the need to shift.”
“I see.”
“Do you? We view it as a gift and most shift far more often than is required by chemicals in our bodies. Do not fear this, Tori. It is a gift, a blessing to be able to shift and connect so cleanly to Mother Earth.”
“Can I ask you another question?”
“Of course.”
“Why did you look so sad when I asked you about the Other?”
“That’s a tough one for me. It is something I’ve never been graced with as an experience. I never shifted. Not once. I’m adopted but I was assured that my birth parents were shifters and that I carry the virus.”
“Does anyone know why you never shifted?”
“Not exactly. Growing up I always felt as if some things were held back from me. Combing through my medical records showed nothing and I don’t wish to hurt my parents by asking them about it.”
We both stayed quiet for a few minutes, lost in our own contemplation. I grew uncomfortable and broke the silence with another question.
“Can I get some exercise? Is there someplace to work out around here?”
“Of course. It's a good place in your lessons to break for a bit as well. What are you looking to do? We have a pool for laps, there is a weight room, a few racquetball courts, and a room full of treadmills, steppers, and elliptical machines. If you prefer a real run, the nature room works for a lot of people.”
“I’d love a swim but I doubt the good hand doctor packed a swimsuit.”
“Did you look?”
“Actually, I don’t own one. I sometimes take a dip in the stream near my place but I don’t need a suit for that or for my pond.”
Kerstin blushed, but then her face cleared. “We have access to swimsuits. There’s a supply room off of the locker room. Is that your decision then?”
Stranger Than Fiction Page 11