Quarrendon, Buckinghamshire. A depopulated English village.
As Anna scrolled through the information, she remembered Nina explaining that she’d bought the crystal in a memorial village in England. Could it be the same place? That would mean this was all real. Aisleen was real. Anna cleared the search and typed again. Aisleen Quarrendon. Anna scrolled through the results and swore when she realised it was just a bunch of social media accounts. She threw her phone to the other side of the bed and lay down. Why was she seeing snapshots of this woman’s life? What was the point in all of it? Maybe Nina had mentioned the town name to Anna and she’d just forgotten until now. How could a crystal show her an actual woman’s life? It was impossible. But then, Anna didn’t like the alternative. Ex-drug addicts could suffer with mental illness because of the damage they’d done to their brain. Maybe that’s what all these dreams were – some kind of weird psychosis. Although, that didn’t explain why Nina saw the same things as her.
‘Ugh, shut up!’ Anna shouted at herself, slapping at her forehead.
‘You all right, Anna?’ Talia’s voice called from the hallway.
‘Yeah, sorry. Night.’
‘Night.’
Anna wrapped the crystal and placed it in her backpack ready for the Women’s Circle the next day. Until then, she would forget about all of this, and when she had her one-on-one chat with Nina, she would demand some answers.
Anna smelled the flowers before she saw them. As she entered the kitchen on Friday morning, the large, colourful bouquet seemed out of place in the dreary kitchen. She smiled reading the small card. Happy birthday, Anna! Today, celebrate your new beginning! Love, Jeanette. The flowers were already in a vase of water, but there didn’t seem to be anyone else home or awake. Maybe Talia had brought them in before she went to bed. Or maybe Sako did before she left for work. Taking out her phone, Anna messaged Jeanette to thank her. As she made her usual breakfast, Anna wondered when had been the last time someone had wished her happy birthday. Not while she was in prison. She hadn’t told anyone the date and no-one had asked. She remembered celebrating her nineteenth birthday not too long after she’d arrived in Australia. Sonja and Miguel had made her a special dinner and had done the same for her twentieth. And she had celebrated her twenty-first with Leah and a few uni friends by going out for drinks. Anna was pretty sure Jake had taken her out to dinner for her twenty-second birthday. That was it. By the time she was twenty-three, she would have been too out of it to know what the date was. Eight years of no birthdays. Anna ate her cereal in silence, staring at the bright flowers. It was a new day of her new life and she was determined to make the most of it.
‘Happy birthday, Anna!’ Brayden said far too enthusiastically when Anna arrived at work.
‘How did you know?’
Brayden shrugged. ‘Your birthdate was on your application. I remembered.’ Even though his cheeks were reddening as usual, Brayden didn’t look away from her as he smiled. Anna felt the tiniest of unexpected flutters in her stomach as she looked into his dark green eyes.
‘Thank you.’ She signed into her register, but Brayden logged her out.
‘Before you start, I’ve got a gift for you. Come out the back.’ Brayden was already heading to the small staff room. A couple of the other workers called out happy birthday to Anna as she walked past and she gave them a small wave as she said thank you. Out the back, Brayden reached into the top drawer of his desk and took out an immaculately wrapped gift. He placed the present in her hands as though it were made of glass. Anna smiled as she unwrapped it, aware of how closely he was watching for her reaction. She tore off the pale pink tissue paper to reveal a small box. Anna lifted the lid and forced the smile to remain on her face. Inside were a pair of clunky, beaded earrings. They seemed to be homemade.
‘Wow. Thanks, Brayden,’ she managed to say with enthusiasm. Because even though they were the ugliest earrings she’d seen, she really appreciated Brayden’s thoughtfulness.
‘I was worried you might not like them. I bought them online from Peru! They’re some kind of traditional earrings that represent happiness. And I, well, I want you to be happy.’
Anna had to look away from the eagerness in Brayden’s eyes. She ran her finger over the red and black beads, marvelling at how much thought Brayden had put into the gift. She put the box on the table, took out her own simple stud earrings and replaced them with the ugly ones. She imagined she looked ridiculous, but the grin on Brayden’s face was worth it.
‘Thank you,’ she said again, touching his arm as she spoke. One of the casuals walked in, coughed and mumbled an apology for interrupting, placed his bag down and rushed off.
Brayden stood a little taller, cleared his throat. ‘Ah, well, I guess we’ll get back to work.’ Brayden ran his hand through his neatly cut hair and spoke again. ‘Um, also Anna, I just wanted to say that, even though I’m your boss, I’m, well, I hope I’m your friend too. And this present is from one friend to another. Like, even though, I, ah …’ Brayden laughed and then started again, studying his hands as he spoke. ‘I just don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of my position in any way at all.’ Brayden looked up at Anna and she giggled at the seriousness of his expression. She couldn’t believe Brayden, who practically apologised for breathing, would think she felt anything but safe with him. The irony of comparing him to Jake was too much.
‘Thanks, Brayden, I appreciate it.’ Brayden’s shoulders relaxed. ‘And we’re definitely friends,’ she added as he grinned at her.
‘Cake at lunchtime, all right?’ he said and headed out of the room.
Anna nodded, touched her earrings and followed him out to the registers.
Later that evening, Anna imagined she was lying in an endless violet sea, not knowing where she began and the colour surrounding her ended. She had become the thick, rich waves of colour, pulsing with light. In the far distance, she could hear a soft voice guiding her somewhere else, but Anna didn’t want to go; she wanted to remain in the violet ocean where there were no thoughts. A hand tapped her shoulder and the spell was broken. Anna blinked, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the candlelight of the room. Her body, curled into the cushion, felt heavy and she had the urge to close her eyes again. But Nina was kneeling by her side, smiling.
‘I don’t think I’ve ever had a member go so deeply into meditation.’
Anna sat up slowly, stretching her arms and yawning. ‘I think I fell asleep.’
Nina shook her head. ‘No, you were in another realm, with your higher self.’
Nina spoke about weird things like this as though they were normal. Anna wasn’t sure what the Spanish translation of the word ‘realm’ was, but it sounded like another world. And who was her ‘higher self ’? Anna looked around and was surprised to see all of the other women had left. She must have really been out of it. She sat up a little straighter and tried to shake the fuzziness from her head. Nina pulled over another cushion and sat so she was facing Anna.
‘How did you learn all of this stuff?’ Anna asked.
‘I read a lot to begin with, about new-age theories, ancient religions, spiritual teachers of the world. And then I began getting little downloads.’
‘Downloads? Like the internet?’
‘Yes, but in my mind. I’d be out for a walk, or in the shower, and a thought would come to me. As if I’d asked a question and the universe was answering. I began to know things.’
‘Like a psychic?’ In South America, the terms psychic and witch were interchangeable and Anna couldn’t help thinking again of Mama and Tita crossing themselves as they walked passed the bruha’s house.
‘I guess so. I try not to label myself, or my gift; I just share what I know the best way I know how.’ Nina shrugged, again acting as though this was all normal. ‘Hey, I have to say as well, nice earrings.’
Anna laughed and touched her ears.
‘Thanks. They were a present from my boss. It’s my birthday today.’
&n
bsp; ‘What? Oh, I wish I’d known. Happy birthday!’ Nina rose to her knees and leaned forward to hug Anna, rubbing her back. ‘I hope you’ve had a good day?’
‘I really did.’ Anna had felt spoiled today. Everyone at work had done little things to lighten her load. There’d been a cake with her name on it during lunchbreak, and everyone who was on break sang to her. She hadn’t felt as special as that since she was little.
‘I’m so glad. Well, maybe we can go out for some dessert if it’s not too late after we have our chat?’
Anna’s stomach dropped. She had almost forgotten about the broken crystal in her bag. She’d been a little late to the circle, rushing in just as Nina was sounding the bowl. Anna’s anxiety over revealing the damage had dissipated once the meditation started. But she would have to tell Nina now.
‘So, how was your week with the crystal, did you have any further visions?’
‘I did, but …’ Anna couldn’t say it. Without an explanation, she went over to the shelves by the door and grabbed her backpack, taking out the wrapped pieces of the crystal and placing them in Nina’s lap. Nina looked at her, eyebrows raised slightly as she unwrapped the crystal and touched the broken pieces. She didn’t say anything, but she held up the smaller piece, inspecting it carefully.
‘I’m so, so sorry. I don’t want you to think I was thoughtless with it. I took care of it, kept it wrapped up under my bed, but one of the girls I live with, Mads, such a –’ Anna stopped herself from swearing. ‘She found it and broke it. I’m really sorry.’
There was not a trace of anger in Nina’s eyes. ‘Nothing happens by accident,’ she said and handed the smaller part of the crystal to Anna. ‘That’s yours to keep. The crystal wants to be with you but wasn’t ready to let me go. So it will be in two places at once.’ Nina smiled as though this had been the plan all along.
‘But I can’t keep it, I …’
Nina placed her hand on Anna’s. ‘Of course you can; it’s yours and you deserve it. Breathe that in.’
‘Huh?’
‘Breathe in my words. Close your eyes.’ Anna complied. ‘Good. You deserve this crystal, Anna. You deserve peace and happiness. Take a deep breath and let my words in.’ Anna did as she was told, breathing in deeply through her nose as Nina repeated her words.
An instantaneous calm washed over Anna. It felt uncomfortably familiar, like an escape. Anna opened her eyes and jumped up.
‘I can’t, I have to go.’
‘Wait, Anna. What’s wrong?’ Nina was on her feet and followed Anna to the shelf where she’d left her bag. ‘Stop.’ Nina took her bag from her. ‘Tell me what you just felt. Why do you want to leave?’
Heat was rising in Anna’s chest. She didn’t want to answer Nina’s question, she wanted to be on her own, out of here and in the fresh air, running from her memories. She clenched her fists. Nina glanced down at them and the next time she spoke, her voice was firmer.
‘Anna. Breathe and then tell me what you are feeling. I promise you, I can help.’ Anna fought the urge to shove her out of the way. Nina’s green eyes were full of concern. Anna took a deep breath.
‘When I, ah, breathed in your words, the feeling reminded me of the beginning of a good hit. The feeling of instantly leaving my body, escaping the world. I can’t go back to that.’
Nina nodded. ‘I understand.’
Anna rolled her eyes and scoffed. She knew that Nina cared, but there was no way she could understand this.
‘I do. Trust me.’ Something in Nina’s expression made Anna believe her. ‘Why did you take drugs?’ Perhaps sensing Anna couldn’t answer the question, Nina continued. ‘Most people take drugs to escape, to feel that sense of calm that is almost identical to what can be achieved though meditation. Don’t be afraid of that feeling, Anna, that’s the real you. The fact you can connect with your higher self so quickly is a gift. If you can continue to reach that feeling through meditation, why would you ever need to touch drugs again?’
Anna didn’t know what to say. She didn’t understand all of Nina’s words, but she grasped her point. What was weirder about this room – with all its cushions, candles and magic crystals – than the derelict squats she stayed in when she was using? How could Anna think that it was more normal to be surrounded by drug addicts lying around, off their faces, half dead, than a room full of women meditating together? Anna didn’t know how to put her thoughts into words, so she shrugged and settled on, ‘Yeah, I guess.’
Nina seemed satisfied, smiling widely. ‘You’ll keep the crystal, then?’
Anna nodded. ‘Thank you.’
‘Good. Let’s go try it out.’
Settled again on their cushions, their own portions of the crystal in their laps, Nina explained to Anna a little more about how the crystal worked.
‘Time is not linear, like we all believe. We understand time that way to function as a society. But time is fractal. Yesterday exists just as today does. One hundred years ago is no different to this moment. Our brains just don’t have the capacity to take it all in, so we see only this time, this present dimension. Crystals like this are portals to those other points in time; they break through the timeline humans have created.’
Anna felt as though Nina was speaking a fantasy language she’d never heard of and her confusion must have been obvious.
‘When you touch the crystal,’ continued Nina, ‘you are actually witnessing an event in another time as it is happening.’
‘Like that movie Back to the Future?’
Nina’s laugh sounded like bells. ‘Sort of, yes. We’re connecting to another point in time. Does that make sense?’
‘No,’ Anna laughed. ‘Maybe, a little. We’re seeing women in a different time, living their lives, but it feels like the past to us because that’s what our brain can comprehend.’ Anna’s thoughts formed at the same time as her words and she realised she did have a basic understanding.
‘Yes! Seriously, you are a fast learner.’
Anna grinned. ‘So why do crystals like this exist? Are we supposed to learn something from what we’re seeing?’
‘To be honest, I don’t know. Crystals hold a very high vibration. That’s why people are drawn to them; sometimes just holding one can make you feel better. But I’m not sure why some of us can also have these powerful connections to other times through them. I have a feeling that we have lessons to learn from what they connect us to, but I’m guessing.’
Anna wondered what her lesson would be from all she’d seen of Aisleen’s life. If Aisleen was a real woman who lived in Quarrendon, why was Anna seeing her? Was she helping Anna, or was it supposed to be the other way around?
‘Nina, was the town you bought the crystal from named Quarrendon?’
‘Yes. Well, it’s known as Quarrendon Memorial now. How do you know that?’
‘I heard it in one of my, I don’t know … flashes, I guess, or dreams.’
‘You hear them speak?’ Nina seemed excited, moving up on her knees and then back down again.
‘Don’t you?’
‘Never. I’ve watched scenes play out, but it’s like watching a silent movie. You have to tell me what you heard!’
Anna tried to process this role reversal. She’d been ready for more answers from Nina, not the other way around. She told Nina what she’d seen so far of Aisleen’s life. She saw recognition in Nina’s eyes at times, but she could also tell some of it was new to her.
‘Wow,’ Nina said when Anna had finished speaking. ‘You have a mighty strong connection to her, Anna. I’ve never actually heard of anything like this, apart from past life regressions or hypnotherapy.’
‘What?’
‘Don’t worry, we’re not going into all that, there’s no point. The only thing to consider now is: what is Aisleen trying to teach you?’
Anna couldn’t answer that. After everything she’d seen of this woman’s life, Anna felt she was supposed to be helping her. Warning her about being followed. ‘Do you think they can
see us as well?’
Nina bit her lip, considering her answer. ‘I really don’t know. I don’t think so, since we’re seeing Aisleen discover the crystal for the first time and watching her journey with it. But truly, Anna, I’m guessing now.’ Perhaps sensing Anna’s disappointment in her answer, Nina continued, ‘I do know, though, that you came to these circles for a reason, I lent you the crystal for a reason and it broke for a reason.’
Anna considered that Mads was part of some universal plan for Anna to keep part of the crystal. Her anger towards Mads lessened.
‘So should we go back in, try to find out what the lesson is?’ Nina asked. Anna nodded. Together they closed their eyes and touched the crystals.
QUARRENDON VILLAGE, BUCKINGHAMSHIRE ENGLAND 1770
Enforcers held Aisleen’s wrists and ankles, towering over her. She was surrounded; she could see nothing but their twisted, angry faces. Beyond them was an endless darkness and they were going to throw her into it.
‘No!’ Aisleen screamed, shaking her hands and feet, trying to free herself.
‘What? What is it?’ Joseph’s voice, thick with sleep, came from beside her.
Aisleen realised that she was in her bed. Safe. She reached over and patted his chest. ‘Nothing, it was just a dream.’ Joseph rolled over and resumed snoring almost immediately, but Aisleen could not force her heart to slow. She crept out of bed and padded to the kitchen table. She filled a cup with the remnants of water from the drinking jug and took it with her outside. Aisleen stood by the front door, leaning on the frame, the cool night air calming her. As she sipped the water and looked out into the familiar darkness of the woods by their home, her dream felt further away. But dread sat like lead in her stomach. What if the Enforcers found out about the gatherings? What would happen to her and the women? To Mary? Aisleen was sure they had raised no suspicion. But why would she dream of the Enforcers like that? Perhaps it was a warning.
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