‘Anna, are you okay?’ she asked, her eyebrows knitted together.
Anna ran her hand through her dishevelled hair, wiped at her face and patted down her clothes. She knew she must look like a mess, after walking around in the wind and crying for so long. Her throat felt swollen and she didn’t even try to speak. She nodded and swallowed hard, willing her tears to stay back.
Nina took a timid step forward, as though she was worried Anna would run off. ‘We were really worried about you,’ she said, her voice almost a whisper.
Talia was the one who came right out with it. ‘You didn’t score, did you?’
‘I did. But I didn’t take it.’ Anna’s voice cracked and the tears unleashed again.
‘All right, all right,’ Talia patted Anna’s arm. ‘That’s good. Sit down, yeah? I’ll make everyone tea.’ She moved past her towards the kitchen and started filling the kettle.
‘I’ll go help her,’ Jeanette said. But before she followed Talia into the kitchen she came over to Anna and shyly placed her arms around her. ‘I’m proud of you,’ she whispered into her hair, and Anna worried she might collapse in Jeanette’s arms.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Anna managed to whisper. Jeanette patted her back.
‘Shhh, it’s all right.’ Jeanette gave Anna one last squeeze then went to join Talia in the kitchen. When they were alone, Nina sat down on the couch and gestured for Anna to join her. Anna silently went over and sat on the other side of the couch, sinking into the old cushions. She kept her gaze on her own knees.
‘Anna?’ Nina’s voice was a little shaky. Anna looked up and was surprised to see Nina’s eyes were red and puffy. ‘I’m sorry you feel I lied to you. I probably made the wrong decision, not telling you I knew Jeanette, but … I’m sorry. I hope you know how much I care about you. And I’ve never lied to you about anything else. Not the crystal, or the way I found it. Or how remarkable your connection is during meditation. That is all the truth.’
Anna didn’t want her tears to start up again, so she looked back down at her lap and croaked, ‘Thank you.’
Nina cleared her throat. ‘When I realised you were a former drug user, it brought back quite a few memories for me.’ She laughed, but it was hollow. ‘It feels like another lifetime.’ Nina shuffled over on the couch so that she was closer to Anna and took Anna’s hand. ‘I think we were brought together for a reason. There’s something with the crystal that I think we’re supposed to do. Or know. Or share, maybe.’ Nina laughed again, but this time it sounded like bells. ‘You know I’m guessing. But I still feel there’s something … Do you?’
Anna looked up and nodded. ‘It’s Aisleen’s story, we have to understand what happened to her. It will help us move on. Or help us gather the strength to …’ How could Anna put into words the idea that had been strangely forming in her mind on her way home from the park? In the moment that she’d rejected the drugs, for what she believed would be the last time, a strength had surged through Anna. Her mind had raced with visions of Aisleen; the strength she had shown even when it would have been easier for her to give up. If Aisleen was strong enough to stand up for herself and other women, then Anna could be strong enough to not only free herself of drugs, but maybe help others do the same. People like Mads. ‘Maybe we’ll learn something that will help us to support others?’ Anna said shyly, worrying Nina would think she was far too much of a mess to help anyone.
But Nina’s eyes lit up and she grinned. ‘I think that’s exactly what we’re supposed to do.’
The house looked the same, with its simple, neat lawn and freshly painted cladding. Anna had been psyching herself up for this visit for days. Once she and Jeanette had properly cleared the air between them, Anna had told her that she felt like she needed to make amends somehow for her mistakes. She wanted to take some kind of responsibility for the decisions she’d made, instead of blaming them all on Jake. Jeanette had become teary and told Anna how proud she was, again.
‘You need to stop doing that, Jeanette. I need you to take off your rose glasses, is that what you call them?’ Jeanette had laughed. ‘Tell me, how can I make things right?’
Clarity had continued to strike Anna after that night. It had been her own decisions that led to her winding up in jail. As difficult as that was to accept, it also meant that Anna had complete control over her future. She wanted the path clear.
Jeanette furrowed her eyebrows and took some time before answering. ‘Well, most people who go through rehabilitation need to apologise to the people they’ve hurt. That’s why Mads wrote you the letter. But your case is a little more complicated, with your family overseas and, well, you’ve already apologised to me and Nina, I can’t think of who else …’
Anna nodded. It was impossible to apologise to her grandmother, who deserved it most. It would be difficult to track down her old English teacher and university lecturers whom she’d let down; they likely wouldn’t remember her anyway. But Anna knew two people she’d hurt badly.
Anna knocked twice now on the wooden door and stepped back. She heard a voice inside, some footsteps, and then the door opened.
Anna sat at the familiar dining table, facing Sonja and Miguel, who both sat with their hands folded on the table.
‘You look very well, Anna. So much better than …’ Sonja didn’t finish.
‘Thank you. And thank you for letting me into your home.’ Sonja looked away, while Miguel stared at the table. Anna continued, ‘It was me you saw a few weeks ago on Parramatta Road.’
‘I thought so,’ Miguel said, his voice with an edge.
‘I was embarrassed, ashamed of the way I treated you both. You were kind and generous to me and I took that for granted.’ Sonja looked up at Anna as she continued speaking. ‘You tried to advise me and I threw it back in your face.’ Sonja nodded and tried to smile. ‘I am very, very sorry for the pain I caused you. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you can’t.’
Once Anna finished speaking, the room felt too quiet. Sonja and Miguel shared a look. He raised his eyebrows slightly and gave a small nod to his wife. Sonja’s chair scraped as she rushed to stand up, coming around the table and placing her arms around Anna.
‘Of course we forgive you, Anna.’ Anna looked up at Miguel, who nodded again and smiled. ‘We do,’ he agreed. Sonja gave her one more squeeze, then wiped her eyes.
‘We’ll have tea. Miguel, fetch the galletas Frac from the good cupboard.’ At the mention of her favourite Chilean biscuit brand Anna’s mouth watered. As she bustled about the kitchen with Sonja, arranging cups of tea and a plate of biscuits, Anna marvelled at this perfectly ordinary situation. She caught herself before her mind travelled too far down the what-if path, knowing that this could have been her life years ago. Anna poured three cups of steaming tea and accepted that while she’d taken a painful path, she was in control of where she was now heading.
An hour later and with her stomach full from too many biscuits, Anna waved goodbye to Sonja and Miguel and walked towards the bus stop. Anna felt a freedom she hadn’t appreciated in the months since she’d been released. It was as though a sack of bricks had been lifted from her shoulders, her feet feeling light as they touched the footpath with each step. She felt she could go anywhere, achieve anything. For now, she would head to the Women’s Circle and meet with Nina.
As she boarded her bus, she couldn’t wait to have her one-on-one tonight with Nina. To tell her about her meeting with Sonja and Miguel. And Anna was also hoping to connect to Aisleen, for what she felt might be the last time. The woman from another place and another time who somehow – Anna understood now – had helped to save her.
QUARRENDON VILLAGE, BUCKINGHAMSHIRE ENGLAND 1770
Her heartbeat echoing in her ears was all Aisleen could hear as she was led roughly from her cell to the public platform. She didn’t have a trial the last time. She had been automatically sentenced to six months in prison for attempting to escape her husband. After the violent removal from her childhood home,
Aisleen hadn’t spoken a single word during her prison sentence, enduring the torture and the invasions of her body in silence. She’d survived the six months and buried her pain, but she wasn’t sure she could do it again.
A sharp poke to her ribs alerted Aisleen that she was expected to walk up the few stairs leading to the platform. Aisleen eyed the crowd as she climbed the stairs and took her place at the far edge of the platform. Edmund was already at the centre of the platform, a performer ready for his audience.
‘Good morning, all, good morning,’ he said as though the crowd was there for a friendly show. ‘We have only one trial today, the first in several months, in fact. Congratulations on being such model citizens.’ Edmund’s cocky laugh rang out over the silent crowd of a dozen or so men, half accompanied by their wives. Three of the men, Harold among them, were there for entertainment; Aisleen could tell by the excitement in their faces. But the others in the crowd must have been forced to attend, their anger clear in the stiffness of their bodies. Maeve stood at the front, her wrinkled face set in disgust. Amelia was there too, standing beside her husband, her delicate face pinched as though in pain. Aisleen was relieved that Mary and Matthew were not among the crowd. Joseph was not there either, and she felt a sharp pain in her chest. She hoped he hadn’t been taken to prison after all.
‘Come over here, woman,’ Edmund shouted. Aisleen pulled her shoulders back and walked over to the centre of the platform.
‘This married woman was seen three nights gone past, wandering in the woods several miles from her home, unaccompanied.’ He slowed his speech for the last few words, treating the crowd as though they were not of sound mind. ‘The punishment for attempting to run away is six months for a first offence, two years for a second offence and death for a third offence.’ He turned to face Aisleen. ‘What attempt would this be for you?’ Aisleen remained silent but returned his gaze, narrowing her eyes. A loud cough came from someone in the crowd and Aisleen saw that Joseph had arrived. His hair was uncombed and he hadn’t shaved, but he was there. He raised his hand. Edmund grunted but pointed at him. Joseph cleared his throat again.
‘I am this woman’s husband and I can attest to the fact that she was not trying to run away. If she was in fact walking alone, it was to relieve her insomnia, which she has suffered from for several years. I often go for walks with her during the night as it helps her, though on this particular night I was not feeling well so she let me sleep.’
‘So, you knew she went out?’ Edmund countered. Joseph hesitated for a moment and looked with desperation around the crowd as though searching for an answer. Aisleen could tell he was unsure if he was helping or hindering her trial. But Aisleen knew that he was digging a double grave for them. A couple who conspired against the Enforcers, which was what these brutes could twist Joseph’s words into, was considered highly dangerous. Several couples had been hanged in the beginning for trying to create leniency in the rules. Aisleen stepped forward.
‘No, my husband Joseph did not know I went out. It’s exactly as he said. We often walk together to relieve my insomnia, but three nights ago I decided to go alone. I did not try to wake him.’ Aisleen had the crowd’s undivided attention; she could feel that almost all of them wanted the best for her and agreed that these rules were ridiculous, that the Enforcers were ridiculous. Perhaps all it would take was for someone to speak the words.
‘All I did was walk alone. I didn’t hurt anyone.’ Adrenaline pumped through Aisleen and she raised her voice as she continued. ‘I don’t know why women can’t be free, we have just as much right –’
A meaty fist connected with Aisleen’s cheek, breaking her cheekbone. Aisleen fell from the platform into the crowd, hearing the gasps and even several disapproving shouts.
‘Silence!’ Edmund roared as he reached down and grabbed Aisleen, dragging her back up on the platform, almost pulling her arm from its socket. Aisleen felt as though her body was dissolving. The throbbing pain in her cheek was all that kept her from fainting. Edmund towered over her, close enough for spit to fly over her face. ‘Women speak when spoken to. Keep your uneducated, foolish mouth shut.’
Edmund nodded at the two Enforcers at his side and they rushed over and grabbed Aisleen by the wrists, pulling her up and dragging her to a pole at the back of the platform. Edmund spoke again, this time in a measured and inflated voice. ‘The woman has admitted her guilt to the lesser charge of leaving her home after curfew without her husband. The punishment that I assign is twenty lashes. For speaking out against the Enforcers, I am sentencing her to death. The lashes will be carried out now and the execution will be in one week.’
Aisleen’s body was suddenly heavy and if it were not for the thick wooden pole she was now tied to, she would have collapsed. Death. They were going to kill her. Images of the many bodies she’d seen swinging from the very pole her wrists were now bound to flashed in her mind. That would be her, clawing at a rope around her neck, gasping for a last breath that would never come. Edmund stood before her and cracked his whip against the wooden board of the platform. Realising pain was imminent, she couldn’t breathe, a dizziness overcoming her. Why had she done any of this? How could she have thought speaking out would work? Nothing would ever change in this miserable world the Enforcers had thrust upon them. Perhaps death was the kinder punishment.
She watched Edmund run the whip over his hand, as though warming it up. Beyond her own shallow breath, she heard shouts of protest growing amongst the crowd. Aisleen caught Maeve’s eye. Maeve lifted her chin: you will survive this. Aisleen shifted her gaze to Amelia, who bowed her head, the slight movement directed right at her: you can survive anything. She looked to Joseph, whose eyes were begging her, survive this, please. Almost everyone in the crowd was participating in the increasingly loud shouts. Even as Edmund commanded them to stop, and as the other Enforcers shoved their way through the crowd, punching at whomever they passed, the crowd’s unified chant of protest did not stop. When Aisleen’s fingertips suddenly felt warm and tingly, just as they had when she’d touched the crystal, she realised that despite the lashings and despite the death sentence, the chance to connect with other women, to hold Mary again, to learn the fate of her mother, and most importantly to speak out, was worth it. Her words had given this small crowd the courage to shout their protest. Her body stopped shaking and she stood strong against the pole. Anna’s face flashed in her mind again. In some unexplainable way, this had all been worth it for her as well. As Edmund brought down his whip and thrashed her stomach for the first time, Aisleen closed her eyes and pictured the crystal in her hands, its glow casting a bubble of light around her. She heard the whip cracking, her dress and skin ripping; she could feel her blood dripping down her body. But she could also hear the consistent protests from the crowd becoming louder. Aisleen felt no pain. By the time Edmund had exhausted himself and Aisleen was untied and allowed to drop to the ground, she felt like she was returning from a faraway place of light and peace. Thick, angry welts covered her body; most had opened into bloody gashes. But her spirit had survived.
CHAPTER THIRTY
ANNA JUMPED AT the pounding on her front door. But as she realised who it would be, she smiled, turned off the stove and rushed to let her in. It was Jeanette, envelope in hand, grinning. Anna had moved into the studio apartment a few months ago and even though it was tiny, she loved it. She hadn’t felt this at home since the day she and her mother had moved into her grandmother’s house. The best thing about her place was that if she stood on tiptoe as she looked out of the kitchen window, she could glimpse a speck of the ocean. She lived only a fifteen-minute walk from Bondi beach and so far, she’d not gone a day without walking down there for a swim. Jeanette followed her inside and they stood in the kitchenette both smiling stupidly.
‘Have you read it yet?’ Anna asked.
Jeanette shook her head. ‘But I know you got it, I can feel it.’ She waved the envelope around. Anna felt a surge of doubt rush through her. What if she�
�d built this up too much in her head? Weeks ago, Jeanette had told Anna that she’d put a motion forward with the charity she worked with, WIPAN, to create a special grant for Anna. It would be called the ‘Second Chance at Education Fund’ and provide Anna with the money to pay for tuition at a university of her choice to continue her studies. Anna had already decided that if she were to receive the grant she would enrol in a Bachelor of Business again. She wouldn’t attempt to get credit for subjects she’d completed so long ago. She would start afresh. Jeanette handed her the envelope.
‘Open it,’ she gushed.
Anna’s hands shook as she peeled open the envelope. She took out the single piece of paper, her eyes blurring as she scanned the page. But what Anna read didn’t make sense. She looked from the letter to Jeanette and back again. Jeanette was practically bouncing up and down, and the pieces fell together in Anna’s mind. She folded the paper and slapped Jeanette on the arm with it.
‘What did you do?’ she demanded, delight causing her voice to squeak. ‘How did you manage this?’ Anna read the letter again, this time out loud. ‘Dear Anna, we are pleased to offer you a full-fee paying place at Macquarie University in the Bachelor of Business. You have received a twenty per-cent discount in fees as your course has been paid in full. Information about requirements for the course will follow in the coming weeks …’ Anna shook her head, in awe of Jeanette who was some kind of fairy godmother who continued to surprise her. Jeanette clapped her hands and then threw her arms around Anna, still bouncing.
‘I wanted to surprise you! WIPAN approved your grant weeks ago and I noticed enrolments were open. I knew your heart was set on business, so I applied for you.’ Jeanette’s smile suddenly disappeared. ‘Oh, I hope that was the course you were set on? I didn’t overstep a boundary, did I? Are you happy?’ When Anna grinned, Jeanette’s own smile returned and they hugged again.
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