by Brynn Hale
I continue, “But Landon—or whatever your name is now because I can’t imagine they let you keep your real name if you had to die—it’s not that I can’t understand why they did it, they didn’t want family and loved ones contacting them and asking about you. But they told us your ashes were lost. We never actually got to bury you. I just can’t understand why you went along with it? Did I mean that little to you?”
My stomach pits and I feel a little nauseas. I didn’t know that. “I don’t know why I went along with it. Part of me felt like I was better off dead to you and everyone else because if it happened and it was bad, at least you had closure. And I thought that maybe you might move on. Why didn’t you move on, Luna?”
“I tried. I tried to forget you. I tried to regret you, Landon. But I couldn’t. I only regretted not asking you to…” She shakes her head. “No. I can’t.”
I walk away. It’s my heart on the line and being in his arms is doing things to my head.
I need to breathe.
I need to think.
The confusion is like a brewing hurricane inside of me. Part of me wants to be in the warm waters of his arms, growing secure and moving forward, but my heart is cold waters. There is churning inside of me. There is pulsing and something is growing. Is it love? Is it friendship?
I don’t know, but I step out in to the coolness of the night and it settles me, and I want to know.
5 Landon
She pushes out of my hold and heads toward the back. I watch her go, wanting to give her space, but my legs start moving and I push open the door to the beer garden. Most people are inside, but there are a few outside enjoying the crisp evening. She’s over by the rock garden, shaking her head with her arms wrapped around her waist.
There are times when I know a battle won’t be won. Sometimes those fights are external and sometimes internal. And other times I know that the mayhem, the chaos, the end results will be worth the hurt and effort.
Luna’s worth my effort and if she’ll meet me even part-way we’ll be a part of each other’s lives forever. I know it like I know that body. Where to touch to make her gasp. Where to kiss to make her moan into the night.
I walk to her, but I don’t touch her. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I probably should just go.”
“No, you enjoy your night. I’ll be the one to go.” There’s no reason to stop her fun. I’m the ghost in the room. She needs to be the life.
She turns and her glassy eyes throw a star in the Edison lights strung across the garden pergola. “Maybe we both need a night of actually living, Landon.” Her hand slips into mine. “I can’t promise tomorrow. But I want to have some fun and I’m not ready to go home.”
I squeeze her hand. It’s more than enough and it gives me hope.
“Then let’s go dance, baby.”
“No…no baby, just Luna.”
My moon.
She is the one thing that kept me going on some really trying missions. I’d look up into the skies and see that roundness and think of her glowing face. I’d think of how she’d twirl on that dance floor, like the moon through the sky. I know it’s cliché, but her time on the dance floor was always like no one was watching. From that first spin and clack of her boots, I was taken.
I look down. “New boots?”
A faint rosy blush covers her cheeks. “Yeah. Like ‘em?” She shows them off.
I hold her gaze. “I love them.”
She swallows hard, but in the next second, I’m being pulled inside.
We join Gwen in a line dance. My boots crack on the hard wood and I mess up on purpose a few times just to get to see Luna’s head shake and her pink lips rise in a smile.
We’re back at the booth and she’s enjoying her drink and I’m on water. I’ll drive her home, if she wants.
“You’re a better dancer than what you showed out there.”
“I’m a little rusty. Been a while since I danced.”
“And did you dance while you were…gone?”
I get the underlying question and I fight the urge to exert my male need to prove my virility.
“I didn’t dance with anyone, Luna.” That’s the truth. I couldn’t. I’d look at another woman and I felt like I was dulling memories that meant so much to me. “I can’t say I didn’t dance with myself, but dancing with someone else wasn’t going to happen. Dancing with you meant too much to me.”
Her hand rests next to me on the bench seat and I slip mine on top of hers.
She looks down. “Your hands are rougher.”
“And your hands are so soft.” I lean toward her.
“Hey, Beetlejuice, I’m heading out.” Gwen breaks the moment. “You gonna make sure my bestie gets home?”
“I will.”
Luna shakes her head. “I can take a Lyft.”
I don’t argue with her. There’s no need.
Gwen gives her a hug and says something in her ear.
“It was nice to meet you…Landon.” Gwen holds out her hand.
I stand and ignore the hand and wrap my arms around her, hugging briefly.
She whispers in my ear. “You hurt my girl and I’ll hang you up by your testicles.” She backs away. “You hug good for a dead guy. Have a good night.”
After a few more dances, the night is over. But I’m still here. I think Luna’s as surprised as I might be. I haven’t had this much fun in…way too long.
Sure, the guys on the team can wind down and get a little rowdy. But it was different. It was like we always knew we were on a mission. We were always on Black Ice time, and we weren’t supposed to have fun. It was too life and death to be glib and find joy while completing what might end our own lives.
I look back on the years and wonder if I’ve wasted a part of my life or if I experienced something that has changed me. For good or bad, I wasn’t sure. The Red Star Rebels aren’t mercenaries. We don’t kill for hire. We’re the ones that are called to go in on covert operation rescues and most of the time we get the job done and it’s like we were never there. But occasionally, there are casualties. Not many and usually they’re the bad guys—if there is such a thing. And only the bad guys. But there have been a few times where missions have gone sideways and to get out, we had to do what we had to. My pride in my work has become on the half-empty side lately of the philosophical/positivity debate of half-full/half-empty. It was never half-full, but I felt fulfilled.
Until one night not long ago.
Luna grabs her purse from the booth. “I’ve ordered a Lyft.”
“You haven’t had your phone in your hand all night. Luna, it’s not like I don’t know where you live.”
She rolls her eyes. “That was creepy, Landon.”
“Sorry. I mean, I’m staying right around the corner from your place. Let me drop you off.”
“It’s too dangerous.” Her face pales. “I don’t know if I can watch you drive away tonight.”
I move into her space, making sure not to touch her, but to let her know I’m right here. “Then don’t. Let me hold you and show you how much you mean to me.”
“Still?”
I slip a hand behind her neck, her blonde hair as soft as I remember. “Always.”
She swallows hard and her long golden eyelashes flash. “Take me home…”
I pull into her driveway and run around the car to open the door. I punch in the code on the townhome door and she shakes her head.
“Why didn’t you change it?” I ask.
She walks past me as I hold the door open. I guess there are some questions that she won’t answer, and I have to be okay with that because there are some questions I can’t answer.
Inside the townhome, I pause. I’m walking back in time. Last night when I was here, I was in my trained mode. I wasn’t examining the surroundings. I wasn’t remembering.
But now the past is in my face. Her and me here. That first night. The perfect night.
I reach out to her and she
drops her purse. “When you didn’t accept my proposal, I think a part of me died and I tried to move on. And then when I was stationed in Afghanistan, I watched eight soldiers in my squad die, almost half of the team. I kept in touch with several of the wives and I saw how hard it was for them to move on, not that anyone has to, but I think that we hope that they will. It’s not fair to the living to be living with the dead, Luna. When Black Ice told me that it would be better if my family and friends thought we were dead, in case something went horribly wrong and we were left to the wild dogs or jaguars, they would have less explaining. Now I see it was to their benefit not the people we loved. They made up stories for all twelve of us. We’re all living zombies. I’m Murphy when I’m there, and I truly feel like I’m a different person, but with you, I feel…I feel like me again.”
I press my forehead to hers. “I thought you’d probably moved on. Hell, any man would want to have you in their life. You’re gorgeous, so full of life. You’re my angel, Luna. I feel like I’m in heaven when I’m with you. And a part of me stayed alive just to see you again.”
“Are you going back?”
“I don’t know.”
She steps back and runs a hand through her hair. “Then why even come back?”
“Because…Luna, you’re the one mission I’ve always regretted not finishing. I know we’re meant to be together. Without you, Lu, I’ll never really live again.”
6 Luna
I can’t stop myself. I lead him by the hand upstairs and to my bedroom. Standing back, I slip the top of my dress over my chest and down, over my hips, and finally it puddles in a heap at my feet.
“Commando?” he asks his eyes skimming all my body as I know there’s a kitten grin on my face.
He lets his gaze travel over the new and old curves that he knows and now gets to remember. My body isn’t perfect, but I feel worshipped in his eyes.
Landon stumbles to kick off his boots, drop his jeans, and yank his long legs from the grabbing denim.
I step out of my boot and nod to beckon him as I walk to the bathroom. “I wanna shower. Wanna join me?”
I look down and see his boxers tent impressively. I’ll take that as a yes.
I slip into the shower after a roll of steam saturates the air. “Are you coming in? It’s really nice and warm.” I tease him just enough to hear him growl.
He steps into the shower and grabs the bar of soap, forming suds between his rough palms. When he has a good lather, he reaches for me and I close my eyes to just feel. His fingers glide over my skin, lighting every inch of me on fire until I can only release the torment in a long moan. My body relaxes in the confident massage of his hands and I give myself over to him. And for minutes he explores me. His hands caressing my breasts, down my soft stomach, over my hips, around to my ass, and then back around front and down until his fingers tunnel inside of me and my knees weaken.
“Landon…”
“I know, baby.” He brings his hands back to his own body and soaps quickly. He pulls both of us under the rainfall shower head and the water washes away some of the lingering pain. I let it all travel to the sea and I come up for air.
He winds his large hand behind my neck, cups my butt cheek with the other and I lift my leg to encircle his waist, his cock right there. He guides me measuredly and carefully, until my back is against the wall and his cock head is just inside of my body.
We stare into each other’s eyes. There are emotions that haven’t been finalized and feelings that are boiling, but I’ve never hated him. And as much as I’ve tried to move on, I still love him, but I won’t take him back, if he’s going back to Black Ice.
His mouth claims mine and the hand not under my ass, grabs my breast, kneading the flesh and teasing the nipple between his fingers. His lips are softer than I remember, like pillows of silk.
With skill and without touching me, he rubs his cock against my clit, knowing what torture he’s putting me though. I gasp, tilting my head back, until my neck is there for his lips to explore.
I buck against him and his cock slips back where it was. I stare into those dirt brown, fathomless like caverns into the center of the earth, as he enters my body, stroking so slowly that I know he’s trying to make it last for both of us.
His mouth covers mine and he kisses me until I’m breathless putty in his hands. He winds his free hand in mine, pressing my hand against the wall and bringing it over my head.
“Damn, you’re so fucking hot, baby.”
“And I don’t remember you being this…huge.”
He chuckles. “It’s been a long time. He’s really fucking happy to be home.”
He thrusts a little harder, a little faster, building the tempo, making sure to grind over my clit with ever stroke. And with every drive I give into the feeling, the moment, and the truth.
The internal burn starts so innocently, but it’s strong and sure. Each thrust brings us closer and closer to the peak and he holds off his pleasure to make sure mine is there first.
I go rigid in his arms, my body taking over and clearing every thought from my mind as his cock continues to stroke in and out. I shudder with a sharp and relieved moan. I bury my head on his shoulder and bite down on his skin letting him know that he’s done his job right.
He follows right behind me, planting deep and giving in to let the waterfall of pleasure wash over him.
I cling to him, my fingers curled around his shoulders and my limp body clinging to him.
“Holy shit,” I say on a fast breath.
“There definitely was a moment when I think I saw God, so I’ll agree.”
I chuckle and he pulls from my body, swinging me into his arms and carrying me to the bed.
7 Landon
I slowly rouse to find blonde hair splayed across my bare chest and a naked woman using my body like I’m a blanket. She smells like daisies and Texas sunshine, clearing my mind and reminding me of last night. The beauty and the connection, it’s still there. And I’m still here and she’s still here.
Without warning, her hand wraps around my cock and the faking little minx starts to rock along the length slowly. My penis rockets to hard in her grasp.
Looking up, she wears a mischievous grin.
“Looking for a third round?” I ask, closing my eyes and enjoying the sensations pulsing through my gut.
I turn and cup her breast with one hand. My thumb flicks that perfectly pink bud, watching a shock of pleasure rocket through her body. Her mouth falls open and she begins to pant, her desire building quickly.
I lean forward and pull her lower lip into my mouth and suckle for a moment before claiming what is mine. She whimpers at the pressure, but I won’t let her up. She makes me go breathless but together we can breathe again.
I roll us so she’s on top of me, my gaze traveling hungrily over her body. She bends over and sucks at one of my nipples.
“You…” I grunt. “Remembered.”
“I couldn’t forget.”
My nipples are uber sensitive and basically a gateway to my cock becoming rock hard. And now he is—granite, stone, cement. Ready for action.
Scorching blood pulses through my body. Pure desire winding through my veins.
She lowers herself slowly onto my cock and takes over. Every planting of her body to mine is bringing both of us closer together.
I jerk up from the bed, sitting as she rides me. That’s better, baby.
And I see it in her eyes. The angle is hitting that sweet spot inside of her. She gasps and moans continually flutter from her mouth.
I entwine my fingers in the hair at her nape, easing her head back, and when her back is arched, I bend forward and take one of her hard nipples in my mouth, circling the tip over and over. With every lick, her body shudders and clenches internally making my cock feel like it’s in a vise. My thrusts are deeper, harder, more insistent that she’ll get what she desires first.
Her breath comes in quick and hot bursts, each one spurring me on. My
dick throbs, warning me of the impending release, but I force it off. She’s close, I know it. I can feel it. I know her body. I know her.
As she reaches her peak, a brief, sharp half happy squeak and half satiated gasp echoes the space between us.
I pump into her body a few more times before I pull her close and stay planted, relishing in how she clings to me and holds me.
“Happy birthday, baby.”
She sighs. “Thanks. I forgot.”
When things have calmed, she leans back. “You are clean, right?”
I expected the conversation last night, but I know she just wants to trust me.
“Little late to ask, but yes. No one after you. And tested before I went to work for Black Ice. I’m going to assume you’re covered?”
“Yeah. I am.”
I clasp her face in my hands. “I can imagine how beautiful you’d be pregnant, and you’d make a wonderful mother.”
She tips her head and her hand pulls from my chest. “We have a long way to go before talking about kids, Landon.”
She’s right. I want to jump back into the way it was, when that doesn’t exist anymore. My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I ignore it, enjoying basking in the glow she’s giving off.
“You need to get that?” She motions with her head.
“No. I know who it is. Black Ice has a mission, they want me back Monday.”
She rolls off of me and her distance is more than the arm’s length away.
I’m not going to lie to her. I’m not going to keep things from her. Honesty. She’s getting it whether she likes it or not. We’ve tiptoed around the truth before and it ended with me walking away. I won’t walk away this time.
I reach over and read the text before it buzzes and makes her jump again.
Bronson: Bro, did a little digging and I found out something you need to know.
I look over at Luna. I know everything I need to know about her.
Murphy: What?
I stare at my phone and the name. Even my phone isn’t the real me.