Maybe it would be a good thing to distance ourselves, just for a little while. Maybe it would give us both perspective on what we wanted. What we really wanted.
During the weekend in Seattle, we had become dependent on each other, and it had become our normal, the norm that we had compared everything else to. Of course, it was wrong to do that, but we had no other choice. It was a matter of survival.
I nodded and said quietly, “Okay.”
Our relationship was in a fragile state and I didn’t want to fuck it up. Thinking on the positive side, there was still plenty of time for me to win her over. I just had to take it one step at a time.
Greta and I nervously entered Dr. Fowler’s consultation room and took our seats, avoiding to look at each other.
“So, how are you two doing today?” the doctor asked.
“Fine,” I answered, briefly glancing at Greta.
“Good. I’ve been feeling really good. I think I may have felt the baby move last week, but I haven’t felt it since then. I don’t know if it was maybe something else, as it’s too soon to feel anything. Is it too soon?” she asked, in an anxious tone.
“Some mothers feel movements as early as fifteen weeks, which is almost where we are right now,” Dr. Fowler said. “So it’s entirely possible. It also depends on the tilt of your uterus.”
“Okay, so I wasn’t losing my mind,” she said with a slight smile.
“Not at all,” Dr. Fowler said. “Why don’t we move to the examination room to have a look?”
I nodded and followed the doctor and Greta into the room. I took my usual seat beside the bed, close to her head as she lay down on the bed.
She unbuttoned her pants and lifted her shirt up, revealing her little, round belly. I couldn’t help but smile, thinking that my baby was inside her, right there.
The doctor rubbed a gel on her stomach and pressed the wand, moving it around slowly. We glanced at the screen, and I studied the shapes intently until I was pretty sure of knowing what I saw. I cocked my head at the screen and noticed that the doctor had a curious expression on his face.
“Dr. Fowler?” Greta asked, trying to make sense of things. “Is that…?”
Dr. Fowler let out a surprised chuckle and shook his head. “You two certainly know how to make an impression, and that applies to your babies as well.”
“Did you say babies?” I stuttered.
“Yes,” the doctor smiled. “Congratulations! You’re having twins.”
My jaw dropped and I stared at him before focusing looking back at the screen. “Oh my God!”
“Are you sure?” Greta stuttered.
“Yes, let me show you,” the doctor answered.
He moved the wand around, pointing at the two babies on the screen. He added two arrows, clearly indicating the two sacks, naming them Baby A and Baby B.
“Holy shit!” I whispered, feeling dizzy all of a sudden.
“Would you like to hear the heartbeats?” the doctor asked.
Greta and I exchanged silent glances and nodded, the shock evident in both our eyes. I was barely ready for one baby, and now there were two!
After the appointment, we were still in a daze. We walked back in silence to the car, climbing inside and slamming the doors shut. Neither of us said a single word, nor moved. We simply sat in the SUV, in complete silence.
My head was spinning, and I didn’t want to know the thoughts whirling in Greta’s mind as well! It was the most overwhelming and terrifying news. Sure, I was grateful that so far, the two – two! – babies were healthy and developing as they should be. But, damn!
Luckily I had enough room for two babies, but I was going to have my hands full with them. How was I going to do this? Take care of two babies, while still running my business.
Eventually, Greta fastened her seatbelt and I looked at her.
“Will you please take me home?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“Of course,” I told her.
I started the SUV and drove to her apartment building, in a daze. I wasn’t sure how I made it there safely, but I did. I’d never let anything happen to Greta and the twins – oh my God! – so I didn’t drive fast at all. I was too shocked to drive over twenty miles an hour. I parked the car in front of her building and switched off the car.
“Are you okay?” I asked, not sure if it was directed at her, or at myself.
“Two babies,” she said blankly.
“Yeah…I was not expecting that.”
She turned to me slowly. “There are no twins in your family. How is this possible?”
“I have no idea, Greta. And I am so sorry about this.”
“Oh my God! You’re having two babies! Do you realize what that means?” she asked, sounding just as freaked out as I was.
“Double the love?” I tried to sound optimistic, hoping to prevent myself from losing it as well.
“Double the everything, Isaac! Diapers, wipes, clothes, feeding, crying–”
“Okay, hold on a second,” I said and turned to her. I reached for her hand and held it between mine. “Take a few deep breaths. Okay?”
She nodded, and together we took a few deep breaths, trying to calm ourselves down. She glanced at me and frowned. “How are you so calm? I am completely freaking out here.”
“Trust me, I’m freaking out too,” I admitted.
“Right, you’re just good at hiding your feelings,” she scoffed and moved her hand away.
“Greta, wait. Can we maybe talk about this in your apartment? We can figure this out together.”
“There’s nothing to figure out, Isaac,” she said and opened the door. “You’re having two babies, and that’s the end of it.”
“Wait. Please, don’t go. I’m freaked out too.”
“If I let you inside my apartment, we both know what’s going to happen, and I don’t want that. I made a promise to myself that I won’t do that again. Let’s just keep this professional and deal with it in our own ways. We’re not in a relationship, so it shouldn’t matter what I feel. I’m here to give you a baby, that’s it,” she explained.
Her words hurt me deeply and I lowered my gaze. “That’s not true.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore, Isaac. You’re getting what you want, double what you wanted, so you should be happy. My feelings shouldn’t matter. I’m just your surrogate,” she shrugged.
“You’re much more than that,” I protested.
“Maybe, I don’t want to be more,” she said as she climbed out of the SUV.
“Greta, wait a second,” I begged her to stop before she walked away. “We have to talk about this.”
“I don’t want to, Isaac. Not right now. This was not what I bargained for.”
“It’s not what I bargained for either.”
“Look, I don’t want to fight with you. I just need some time and space to process this. Can you give me that?” she pleaded. “I won’t do anything stupid. You should know me by now.”
“Okay. I think that would be a good thing for both of us.”
“You process however you need to, but you have to let me process in my own time.”
“I promise.”
“Thank you,” she said and slammed the door shut.
I pursed my lips as I watched her disappear into her building. She had left one of the ultrasound pictures on the center console of the SUV and I drew in a deep breath. The two shapes were clearly visible, though grainy, against the black background. Two!
Oh my God!
24
Greta
My head spun as I lay in the bath, my hand resting on my belly. It had been nearly two hours since Isaac had dropped me home, and my head would not stop spinning. Two babies.
There were two babies growing inside me!
I had been thinking of how Isaac would find it difficult to manage one baby, and now there were two! I felt like this changed things, but also, in a way…it didn’t. I had agreed to have Isaac’s baby. The only catch was that now, there
were two. That freaked me out a bit.
But I didn’t know why I was feeling this way. It was just another little life growing inside me. I tapped my fingers lightly against my stomach and glanced down at it.
“So, there’s two of you now,” I whispered softly, feeling less lonely. “I wasn’t expecting that. I’m a little freaked out, to be honest. I never imagined that I’d have two babies growing inside me.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and rested my head back against the bathtub.
“I thought I could do this, you know. I thought that I was mentally strong to get through this, but when I saw you two on the screen today, your cute little bodies swimming on the screen, something changed. I heard your heartbeats and I fell in love with you two. Though I’m terrified about the day when I’ll have to get you two out of my body, I am more terrified of what happens after that,” I spoke softly, unable to control the raw emotions in my voice nor stop the dull ache in my heart.
“I am terrified of the day when your daddy will take you home, and I won’t be able to go with you. How am I going to live without seeing you every day?”
Tears streamed down my cheeks and I let out a few sobs. “How am I going to pretend that you didn’t steal my heart from the very first moment I heard yours? But I don’t really have a choice.”
I wiped away the tears. “I have a confession. I’ve loved your daddy since I was thirteen years old, and he’s been such an important part of my life since then. I can’t imagine my life without him. But I’ve tried so hard to keep my distance from him, especially now, and I’m not capable of just walking away. I love him too much.”
I started sobbing again and shook my head. “Now, don’t you dare think that I am a crybaby. I have a lot of stuff going on right now, and I’m growing you two, so it’s a lot for me to handle.”
Breathing deeply, I ran my fingers along my bump, protruding from the water’s surface like an tiny island. “I love you both so much, and no matter what happens, that will never change, okay? I need you both to remember that. No matter what happens, or what your dad tells you, I love you with every ounce of my being.”
This sadness was overwhelming me completely. There was only one way to feel better – I needed to talk to someone. Someone who would understand everything and not judge me. I needed someone like that right now. So, I climbed out of the bath and dried myself off.
I walked to my bedroom, put on my most comfortable pajamas, and called Mad.
She was the only one who I could talk to right now, other than Isaac. But I couldn’t talk to him because I’d get only sadder. Try as I might, there was no way that I could walk away from the twins, or Isaac. He had become an essential part of my life in the past few months, and I didn’t know how I could carry on without him.
I should have thought this through before signing that contract. Now, I was in love with him again, but he wanted me only when it suited him, and to have his baby. I had run through every scenario, wondering whether he’d let me keep one of our kids. But it seemed insane even thinking about it! I could barely look after myself right now, and I wanted to bring in a baby into this chaos. I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to, but the thought of not seeing my little babies shattered my heart.
I had asked Mad to come over because I really needed her, and she agreed to reach my place in ten minutes. She lived a few blocks from me, which was a shame, because we didn’t really hang out as often as we’d like to. She was into rock metal bands and mosh-pits – things that I did not like at all. Despite these differences, I loved her to death.
Ten minutes later, Mad was at my door, her face full of concern and worry. She knew that I struggled with my emotions at times, that I had been depressive during my teens. Wordlessly, she entered my apartment and held out her arms, pulling me into her warm embrace. I immediately broke down.
“What’s going on, Greta?” she asked.
“There’s something I need to tell you, and I should have told you this a while ago, but I just didn’t know how to,” I whimpered as we sat down on the couch.
“You can tell me anything,” she told me.
I sighed and lowered my gaze. “I’m pregnant, Mad.”
Mad’s eyes widened and she looked down at my stomach. “Oh my God!”
“I know. It’s a big thing and I should have told you sooner, but I was just…” my voice trailed and I nervously ran my fingers through my hair.
“I guess I didn’t really know how to tell you, because I was scared. You’re my best friend and keeping this from you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Greta. I know you have your reasons,” Mad said and tucked my hair behind my ear. “And you don’t have to say sorry. We all have our shit to deal with.”
“You’re probably wondering whose it is, right?”
“A little. I didn’t know you were dating anyone or dating at all,” she admitted.
“I’m not, actually,” I muttered and wiped a tear. “You know the CEO of Destiny Developments?”
“Our only remaining big client, sure.”
“Well, I know him from way back, like from when I used to live in Tranquility with my parents. He was Garrett’s best friend. Still is. He’s the one I had been having those meetings with.”
“You’re sleeping with our client?” she asked, but not in a judgmental tone.
“No,” I said concisely. “He asked me to be his surrogate.”
“You’re having his baby?”
“He’s paying me a lot of money. When he reached out to me, I was desperate because we’d already lost two of our biggest clients. You know how it was ‘coz you saw all those bills on my desk. So, I agreed to have his kid.”
Mad lifted her eyebrows in surprise as she processed the information.
“But it turns out that it’s not just one baby,” I said, handing her the sonar picture.
“Oh my God!” Mad gasped as she looked at it. “You’re having twins?”
I nodded and lifted my loose-fitting shirt, revealing my pregnant bump. Mad glanced starry-eyed at my bump and a goofy smile formed on her lips.
“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” she gushed, taking me by surprise. “How are you feeling?”
“Overwhelmed, scared, sad, terrified, happy, excited, confused, and heartbroken,” I listed some of the emotions and covered up my belly. “There are a lot of feelings inside me right now.”
“I can imagine, especially having to deal with this by yourself,” Mad said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Mad. I’m sorry for feeling that I couldn’t talk to you about it. I just thought that I could talk to Isaac about this, and that would be enough. But it wasn’t.”
“Are you two fighting, or something?” she asked.
I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.
“Then what?”
“When I was living in Tranquility, I loved Isaac and lost my virginity to him in high school. But he broke my heart because he didn’t call me after that. I kept telling myself that maybe he was too busy. But I realized that if he did care about me, he’d make an effort. So, I moved on with my life. Then, a few months ago, I saw him for the first time since high school, and suddenly, I was the girl who had been pining over him. Those memories were painful. What besieged me to agree to have his kids, I still don’t know. It may have been a mistake, but I was desperate for the money.”
“I can understand that, Greta. You love your business, and clearly, you’re dedicated to it. I admire you for what you’re willing to do to keep your business going. Not many people are like that,” Mad said. “I’m really proud of you. You’re such an amazing person.”
“I don’t feel amazing. I feel like I made a mistake,” I sighed. “I can’t stop thinking about the day when the twins will be born and I’ll be alone. I won’t see them or hold them. I won’t be able to watch them grow up.”
“Won’t let Isaac allow you to see them?”
“I don’t know if he will. Our contract is pretty clear on that part,” I answered. “And I don’t want to confuse them. This whole thing is complicated and the kids won’t be able to understand it.”
“Have you talked to Isaac about it?”
I shook my head and pursed my lips, as tears ran down my cheeks. “I told him I needed some time and space to process this whole thing. Plus….”
“What?” she asked me, cocking her head to the side.
“Things are complicated between us,” I frowned.
“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you.”
She knew me so well. I nodded, bursting into tears, and Mad hugged me tightly.
“It’s okay. Everything is going to be just fine,” she reassured me. “I understand that you’re emotionally attached to Isaac, and to the twins. Walking away isn’t going to be easy, or not as easy as you’d thought it would be. But think of it like writing a new code.”
I frowned and looked at her. “What do you mean?”
“Figure out the problem that needs solving and design a solution. Test it to see if it works, and if not, debug,” she explained. “Eventually, it will run smoothly and the problem will be solved.”
I scoffed. “I doubt designing a solution will be easy in this case. It might not even be possible.”
“This is not my area of expertise, but I’ll support any decision you make. I’ll always be here if you need someone. I’m here for you, Greta. Always,” Mad said, placing her hand over mine.
“Thank you. I appreciate that so much,” I said with a smile, trying to stop my tears.
Mad had just become the glue that would keep me together.
25
Isaac
The sweet aroma of dark roast Arabica beans enveloped me as I poured myself a cup of coffee in the break room. It had been a tough day at work, the Board was breathing down my neck, and I was not in a good mood. I hadn’t been in a good mood for the whole of last week, in fact.
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