We also protect ourselves by having a plan in place for what to do if we stumble, fall back, or completely relapse. We know what we must do to regain lost ground. We protect ourselves from dropping back into old patterns out of guilt and shame by recognizing that relapse is not a failure but rather a learning experience that opens our eyes, gets our attention, and shows us what we still need to do to fully take our life back. It’s a reality check that tells us either that we need to do more or we need to do what we’re already doing with greater honesty and authenticity.
Eventually, we master the art of self-protection, and our circle widens to protect others. We gently guide them, affirm what they are doing right, and nudge them back onto a healthy path when they need a nudge. We stand up for them and stand in for them because we choose to, not because of any demand. We are not driven by shame to protect others. Our gratitude for getting our own lives back, recognizing with fresh eyes all that is worth protecting, moves us to protect those who need assistance in taking their lives back. By standing together in faith and love, we rely on God—our shield and our refuge—to hold at bay the forces that would bring us down and back into old ways of life that did not serve us well.[56]
We take protective action because we are worth protecting. We protect others because we see their worth and are no longer trapped by self-obsession.
Persevering
The Bible clearly states that those who persevere will be honored—not for getting through the challenges in perfect order but just for getting through the challenges. James 1:12 says it this way: “God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” On those days when we experience a setback or feel like a failure—and we all have those days—we keep moving forward. When we fall down, we get back up. If we get back up one more time than we fall down, we are doing all that God has asked us to do.
At one point, we were victims of the past, of circumstances, of the cruelty of others, and of our own mistakes—some of which we never would have made had we not been the victim of someone else’s abuse, neglect, or cruelty. But now we’re in a different place. We’re not back in the Garden of Eden. We’re still on this side of Eden’s fence, and on this side there are weeds and wickedness that can throw us off at every turn. But we do not have to succumb. We have tasted defeat, and we have enjoyed some significant victories. We must not go back to the old ways. We must not stay down when we fall. We must rally our faith (even faith the size of a mustard seed), persevere in prayer, and enlist the help and support of others to keep us moving forward. We learn to persevere through the most difficult times, so we can live to experience all of the blessings God has for us and for those we love.
One Last Word
When you consider everything that goes into taking our lives back and living our taken-back lives, it is quite a wonderful picture. It is a picture of God’s faithfulness, power, and grace. It is a picture that is complete and whole and full of purpose and meaning. It is a picture of fulfillment, joy, peace, and even happiness. It is what we want for you. It is what God wants for you. We hope and pray that this book will open your eyes to the possibility and promise that you can experience fullness of life—today, tomorrow, and forever. As we type these last few words, we are praying God’s healing and blessings on you. We hope and pray that this little book will be a catalyst as you take back the rich and full life that God intends for you. And may you never give it up again! We leave you with one last encouragement: Stay the course! Trust God. Persevere, no matter what.
Take your life back, and give it all to God!
Notes
[1] Philippians 3:19.
[2] Benjamin Ivry suggests this view in his review of The Return of the Prodigal Son by André Gide: “Gide’s prodigal son returns home, not because he regrets his actions, but because he is poor and hungry.” Benjamin Ivry, “Returning Home, Somewhat Changed,” Art around Town (blog), The New York Sun, October 5, 2007, http://www.nysun.com/arts/returning-home-somewhat-changed/63996.
[3] Luke 15:18-19.
[4] Luke 15:24.
[5] Matthew 11:28-30.
[6] André Gide, The Return of the Prodigal Son (Logan, UT: Utah University Press, 1960), 25.
[7] Sheila Walsh, “Will We Miss Our Moment in History—Our Chance to Love the Prodigal?” The Stream, March 4, 2016, https://stream.org/will-miss-moment-history-chance-love-prodigal.
[8] Genesis 1:27.
[9] Genesis 2:23.
[10] Genesis 2:25.
[11] Genesis 3:7.
[12] Genesis 3:10.
[13] Psalm 139:14.
[14] Pat Conroy, The Death of Santini (New York: Random House, 2013), 38.
[15] Ibid..
[16] Ibid., 9.
[17] Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, Toxic Faith (Colorado Springs: Shaw Books, 2001), 19.
[18] John 1:14, NIV. Italics added.
[19] 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
[20] Jeremiah 6:14, TLB.
[21] Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver, “Romantic Love Conceptualized as an Attachment Process,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 52, no. 3 (1987): 511–524.
[22] Jeremiah 6:14, TLB.
[23] Adapted from Stephen Arterburn and Connie Neal, The Emotional Freedom Workbook: Take Control of Your Life and Experience Emotional Strength (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997), 63.
[24] Charlotte A. Schoenborn, “Exposure to Alcoholism in the Family: United States, 1988,” Advance Data, no. 205 (1991): 7. See http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/ad/ad205.pdf.
[25] Bruce H. Lipton, The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2008).
[26] Candace B. Pert, Molecules of Emotion: The Science behind Mind-Body Medicine (New York: Scribner, 1997), 268–274.
[27] Paul J. Rosch, “Job Stress: America’s Leading Adult Health Problem,” USA Magazine, May 1991.
[28] C. S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (New York: HarperCollins, 2001), 146.
[29] See 2 Corinthians 12:9.
[30] Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.
[31] Jeremiah 6:16.
[32] Acts 3:6. Italics added.
[33] See 1 Corinthians 7:1-5.
[34] See 1 Corinthians 10:13.
[35] Ibid.
[36] Acts 2:44-46.
[37] James 5:16.
[38] Italics added.
[39] John 7:17, NIV.
[40] John 18:6.
[41] John 18:3.
[42] See Matthew 8:23-27; Mark 4:35-41; Luke 8:22-25.
[43] Matthew 14:27-29.
[44] James 1:21-22.
[45] Romans 12:3.
[46] Matthew 7:3.
[47] Matthew 7:5.
[48] James 5:16.
[49] Jeremiah 6:14, TLB.
[50] Matthew 5:23-24, NIV.
[51] 1 John 4:20, NIV.
[52] Matthew 5:22.
[53] Jeremiah 6:14.
[54] See 1 John 4:18; Ephesians 3:17.
[55] 2 Corinthians 1:4 (author’s paraphrase).
[56] Psalm 46:1. See also 2 Samuel 22:3, 31, 36; Psalm 18:2, 30; Psalm 91:4; Psalm 144:2; Proverbs 30:5.
About the Authors
Stephen Arterburn, M. Ed., is the founder and chairman of New Life Ministries—the nation’s largest faith-based broadcast, counseling, and treatment ministry. He is also the host of the nationally syndicated New Life Live! daily radio program, which airs on more than 180 radio stations nationwide, on Sirius XM radio, and on television. Steve is the founder of the Women of Faith conferences, attended by more than 5 million women. A nationally known public speaker, Steve has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, ABC World News Tonight, Good Morning America, CNN Live, the New York Times, USA Today, US News & World Report, and Rolling Stone. In August 2000, Steve was inducted into the National Speakers Association’s Hall of Fame. A bestselling author, Steve has more than 10 million books in print, inclu
ding the popular Every Man’s Battle series. He is a multiple Gold Medallion–winning author and has been nominated for numerous other writing awards. He is also an award-winning study Bible editor of ten projects, including the Life Recovery Bible.
Steve has degrees from Baylor University and the University of North Texas, as well as two honorary doctorates. He resides with his family in Indiana.
David Stoop, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in California. He received a master’s in theology from Fuller Theological Seminary and a doctorate from the University of Southern California. He is frequently heard as a cohost on the nationally syndicated New Life Live! radio and TV program. David is the founder and director of the Center for Family Therapy in Newport Beach, California. He is also an adjunct professor at Fuller Seminary and serves on the executive board of the American Association of Christian Counselors. David is a Gold Medallion–winning author who has written more than thirty books, including Forgiving What You’ll Never Forget and Rethink How You Think. He resides with his wife, Jan, in Newport Beach, and they have three sons and six grandchildren.
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