by Tyler, Q. B.
October 13, 2012.
The day Bennett and I got married. I trace each number with my eyes one by one before I follow the trail down his arm to his hand, and I frown slightly when I see the ring on his finger.
My eyes widen in shock seeing it on his finger for the first time in six months. “You’re wearing your ring?”
“Well, I am married.” I look up at him and he gives me a half smile, half smirk, and I know I need to move before I do something I regret. Something that sets me back months. I move away from him to the other side of the island.
“You can’t…”
“Can’t what?”
“Do that!”
“Olivia,” he begs, “please, can we just talk?”
“Talk about what?” I ask. “How you broke my heart? How you destroyed us?” My subconscious, whose voice sounds an awful fucking lot like Wren Hamilton perks up. You sure it was just his fault?
“I know but…”
“No buts, Bennett. You cheated. You fucked another woman. I would never cheat on you. No matter what was going on between us.”
He’s leaning on the island now, assumedly to keep himself steady when his eyes flit up to mine and I can see the question there. “What was going on between us?”
I take another sip of my wine and shake my head as I start to move out of the kitchen. “I’m going to bed.”
“No. Olivia. What happened?” His eyes search mine for answers.
“What happened is you ran the second things got hard.”
“When was anything ever hard between us? We could always talk about everything. Anything.”
Until I couldn’t.
The wine on top of not eating much today has me feeling warm and fuzzy and all I want is to curl up in bed and sleep until tomorrow despite it only being seven o’clock. “Life happens.” I shrug and his eyes blaze with fire.
“Fuck that, Olivia. Don’t tell me that shit, what happened between you and me?”
“I—” I start when he’s around the island in an instant and standing in front of me.
“Livi, if I’m forced to accept this…I need to know why.” His eyes are pleading and desperate. “Please.”
“I…” I look away from him as tears prickle in my eyes when I feel his hand on my face again, stroking the space beneath my eyes.
“I’m sorry, for whatever it is that made it so you can’t talk to me.” My lip trembles as his words hit so close to home and resound in my heart. I couldn’t talk to him. I couldn’t talk about how I felt defective for not being able to protect our babies. I couldn’t talk about how much it gutted me when I saw the disappointment on his face every month I wasn’t pregnant or when I finally did get pregnant but then lost the baby.
“Bennett…” I whisper, shaking my head. I can’t do this. Not now.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” His hand is still on my face, and I relish in his touch. His gaze is penetrating, but I can’t find the strength to look away. I’m about to suggest we at least move to the couch to talk about this when reality brings me to a screeching halt.
My head snaps to my door and the repetitive knocking. It takes a second for me to realize someone’s at my door when Bennett breaks the silence. “Are you expecting someone?”
“N—no?” I shake my head and move towards the door when I feel a hand around my wrist pulling me slightly. I look up at him and he stares down at me.
“You aren’t expecting anyone and it’s late. I’ll get it,” he says and it takes me back to a time when we lived here together. His protectiveness used to be such a turn-on.
Fuck, it’s still a turn-on.
But times are different. I shake my head and put my hands on my hips. I meet his gaze with an annoyed one of my own. “You don’t live here, Bennett.”
“I don’t care,” he growls, and it’s only then that I hear his voice through the door.
“Liv…” The knocks continue and I hear David’s voice.
“Fuck!” I whisper yell and press a hand to my forehead as I squeeze my eyes together, begging, praying to wake up from this nightmare. “Can you…go somewhere that’s not here?” I ask Bennett while I point to the master bedroom.
“What? Oh, is that your boyfriend?” He nods towards the door and I stamp my foot at him.
“Bennett!”
“No, I’m kinda curious to meet the douche fucking my wife.” He makes his way over to the couch and puts his feet up on my coffee table, that puts him in perfect view of the door and I fight the urge to scream. I cannot handle this.
I move towards the door and let out a breath. I clear the last bit of tears from both my eyes and the ones clogged in my throat and open the door with a smile. “David.” I stand in the doorway, not wanting to let him in, and try to move us into the hallway.
His smile fades and his blue eyes are full of sadness when he realizes I’m not letting him in. “What—” he starts when I hear Bennett’s voice ringing through the air.
“Livi!”
David’s eyes snap to mine. “Are you serious right now?” He pushes the door behind me to see inside and steps around me and into my apartment.
“David…” I start.
Bennett is sitting on the couch with his arms crossed and a smug grin plastered on his face.
“You must be the guy sleeping with my wife.”
“Bennett,” I growl.
“Fuck off, Clarke.” David takes another step and I put a hand on his bicep, holding him back.
This is probably the time to mention that Bennett has no recollection of ever meeting him before things really get out of hand. “David, can we talk somewhere else?”
“What is he doing here, Olivia?”
“I live here,” Bennett snaps.
“Bennett,” I implore him with my eyes to be quiet and he furrows his brows before giving me a nod, letting me know he’s done talking.
“You haven’t answered my question.” David stands in front of me, blocking me from looking at Bennett or him looking at me.
“David, there’s just…a lot going on right now.”
“What kind of bullshit answer is that?” His tone is harsh and biting and I can’t remember him ever speaking to me that way.
“Watch your fucking mouth and your tone for that matter,” Bennett snaps.
David’s eyes look murderous when he looks away from me. “Are you out of your mind? Who do you think you are? Why the fuck are you even here? Olivia threw you out, you fucking prick.” He points at my door before taking a step towards him. “And you’ve got a lot of nerve advising anyone on how to treat Olivia.”
“David…” I wrap my hand around his arm and try to pull him away from the living room towards my room, but I don’t miss the look Bennett is giving him. I ignore it, telling myself I’ll deal with him later before I push David into my bedroom.
“Are you back with that asshole?” he asks me.
I shake my head, denying it vehemently. “No! No, definitely not.”
“Then what is he doing here, Olivia?”
“It’s just…while he gets better—” I start, fully prepared to explain everything when he snaps at me, his blue eyes full of fury.
“He can’t recover from the accident somewhere else? Like his apartment? Can’t his girlfriend take care of him? Why is this shit falling on you?” I think he realizes he’s gone too far when he sees the look on my face. “Liv…”
My heart thumps and squeezes painfully in my chest. My bottom lip trembles, and I press my teeth into it. “I can’t believe you threw that in my face.”
“Olivia, I’m sorry—” His hand rests on my face and I can’t ignore how different it feels than when Bennett touched me.
“You should be,” I grit out. “I get you’re annoyed, but you can’t come here and behave like that.”
“But he can?”
“No! And this isn’t a competition between you two. Bennett and I aren’t together!” I yell.
“Are we?” he asks as
he runs a hand through his hair.
I swallow hard. David and I haven’t defined the lines of our relationship, and while he never seemed to pressure me on that, I’m beginning to think my grace period is about to come to an abrupt end.
“David, I’m still married.”
“That’s not what I asked. He’s got a girlfriend, remember? He’s moving on. Are you?” If this were anyone else and a different circumstance, I’d say this was coming from a place of tough love or support, but his stance, his tone, the look in his eyes makes me believe this is coming from a place of jealousy and contempt.
“That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is your ex-husband being here after everything he’s done. Are you that weak that you’re just going to let him back in?” Weak? I stare at him, my eyes wide as his words sink into my soul. How could he say that?
“Weak?” I take a step back. “Is that what you think of me?”
Regret flashes across his face, but it’s too late. The very minor progress I’d made post separation seems to evaporate before my eyes. You’re weak, Olivia. “If you let him use you like this, then yes.”
“Well, if that’s what you think of me, then I think you should go.” I don’t need this.
“You know if he hurts you again, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.” I’m about to tell him that what happens to me will no longer be his problem when Bennett comes through the door.
“Get the fuck out!” he growls and I gasp at the Bennett that I knew very well. The one that would never stand for anyone speaking to me in any way less than respectful. This is not going to end well.
“Excuse me?” David snaps.
“Is this how he talks to you?” He looks at me, the anger leaving his eyes when he looks at me. “I’ve never spoken to you like that…have I?” His brows lower slightly, and I want to tell him that he hasn’t because I know he’s fearing the worst.
“No, you just fuck other women, while you’re married to her,” David interjects.
“Okay enough!” I snap. “David, you need to leave.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You’ve been nothing but hurtful towards me since you walked in, and I haven’t done anything to deserve it.”
His eyes soften and I know he’s regretting taking his feelings about Bennett out on me. “Because I’m your man, Olivia, not him.” He points at Bennett.
“Funny, every court in America would say otherwise,” Bennett interjects.
I put my hand up towards Bennett, telling him to be quiet, again. “You’re not anything, anymore.” I wrap my arms around myself, my eyes welling up with tears as I “break up” with the man that probably got me through more than he could imagine. “You didn’t even let me explain before you exploded.”
“Olivia…” he starts. “Is there a reason you’re still here?” he snarls at Bennett.
“Baby?” Bennett looks at me and I glare at him for using a term of endearment.
“Baby?” David takes a step towards him and shoots me an angry look. “Are you serious, right now?” He looks at me and shakes his head, a dark chuckle leaving his lips. “You two deserve each other.” He takes a step past Bennett before shooting me a glare. “Good luck, Olivia, you’re going to need it,” he says before he’s out the door.
Bennett follows behind him as he storms out. I scurry behind them, hoping that things don’t get even more out of hand. “Olivia deserves better than me, I’m fully fucking aware. But she sure as fuck deserves better than you.” Bennett barks out just as he slams the door behind David before turning towards me. “That’s who you’ve been dating?”
I scowl at him, his chivalrous behavior completely forgotten and my irritation taking over. “Bennett, what the fuck? Was that necessary?”
“Was what necessary? Sticking up for you while he was a complete dick to you?” He puts his hands on his hips.
“I don’t need anyone to stick up for me! Least of all you!”
“I’m never going to let anyone talk to you like that. I don’t give a fuck what’s going on between us.”
“No one asked you to come to my fucking rescue, Bennett.” I shake my head and look up at him as I remember all of the good things about David Jacobs. The nights he held me while I cried myself to sleep. The dates where we sat in almost silence while he held my hand. The whispered promises that one day I would be fine. “He was there for me.”
He moves towards me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me towards him. He tucks a hair behind my ears and stares down at me. “Well, I’m here now. You don’t need him.” I can see the sincerity in his eyes and hear it in his voice, but it’s not enough.
Not now.
I remove his hand from around my waist and move back to the island to pick up my glass of wine, suddenly feeling like I need another one. “You’re here temporarily.”
“No,” He argues.
I sigh in exasperation and frustration. “Bennett, why are you so hell-bent on making my life so difficult? Haven’t you done enough to me?”
He looks like I’ve slapped him and shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Livi. I’m sorry I pushed you into the arms of that asshole. All of it.”
“Is this all about David?”
“No, but excuse me if it pissed me off to see the woman I love with another man.”
I narrow my eyes into slits. “Welcome to my life, Bennett.” I grab my glass and the rest of the bottle before moving into my room and slamming the door.
The smell of bacon wafting under my door pulls me out of the last few minutes of sleep. I put a hand over my head, trying to will away the slight pounding from all the wine I’d consumed last night all the while cursing myself for drinking so much. I press my face into the pillows before turning to my back and staring up at the ceiling before contemplating going back to sleep. I look at my phone and see I have two missed calls from David and a voicemail and a few text messages from both David and Alyssa. I opt to ignore them both before climbing out of bed, my head pounding with every step I take. I open the door, wishing that a bathroom was connected to this room so I wasn’t forced out into the open where I could run into Bennett.
When I don’t see him, I dart into the bathroom, close the door behind me and let out a sigh of relief. Staring at my reflection, I’m grateful I had the foresight to bring my things in here last night before I went to bed. I brush my teeth and scrub my face, hoping I can scrub the memory of last night from my skin. I run my fingers through my hair, fluffing it since it had flattened some in the night and shake some of the body back into it before opening the door. Making my way into the kitchen, I see Bennett sitting at the island watching television.
“Hey you.” He gives me a timid smile and points at the spread he’s laid out. “I made breakfast.”
I ignore the thought that a man hasn’t made me breakfast in a very long time. Since the last time he made me breakfast to be exact. I decide to focus on where all of this food came from. “Where…I didn’t have all of this in the fridge.”
He sets down his fork and leans forward, cocking a brow and pursing his full lips. “Yeah, about that. What have you been eating? Besides trash?” Worry paints his face and I look away, not wanting to be scolded but also to hide the shame that I know covers mine.
“It’s really too early.”
“Fair. I used your computer to order groceries. You hardly have anything, Livi.”
“I don’t eat much at home. It’s kind of depressing to eat alone.” I shrug sadly and he nods in understanding.
“I get that, but you should still be eating more than takeout.”
I swallow when I look at all the food he’s prepared. “You made pancakes.” My stomach growls instantly, remembering just how good Bennett’s pancakes were. They were fluffy and sweet and melted in your mouth underneath the sweet syrup. Fuck, I’ve missed his cooking.
“They’re your favorite,” he says as if it’s the most obvious reason in the world. He gets up and moves t
owards the stove. “I didn’t make your eggs because I didn’t want them to get cold. Still over medium?”
“Ummm yes, but you don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do.” He cuts me off as I pour myself a glass of orange juice. “I made coffee. One of the few things you did have.” He chuckles. I pass on the coffee for now and sit at the bar sipping my orange juice slowly.
I watch him prepare my eggs in silence, the only sound in the room coming from ESPN on the television and his spatula against the pan. “You’re quiet,” he says as he slides the eggs onto a plate for me. I pull a grape from the bowl in front of me and pop it into my mouth.
“I’m hungover,” I correct him.
“Ah. I was wondering if you were going to finish that bottle.”
“Mama didn’t raise a quitter.” I chuckle and he smiles.
“How is your mom?”
“Not your biggest fan.”
His face falls slightly. “Understandable. Did you tell them what’s going on?”
“Yep.”
“They know I’m here?”
“Nope,” I answer quickly.
“Noted,” he says before he takes his place next to me and reaches for the remote, muting the television.
“Oh, you don’t have to stop on my account.”
“I was just killing time until you woke up.” He picks up a piece of bacon and bites into it. I feel his gaze on the side of my face, but I don’t meet his eyes. I just focus on cutting the pancakes in front of me.
“Yes?” I finally ask, after what feels like an eternity of his eyes studying me.
“About what you said last night…” he starts. “Was I… flaunting her in your face?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I rarely saw her, actually. You were pretty…good at staying on your side of town.” I can’t read his reaction. He’s slightly tense but also seems relieved at my answer.
I take a bite of my pancakes and I can’t avoid the moan that escapes my lips. “Fuck, I forgot how well you can cook.”
He beams under my praise, despite our prior conversation, and I’m grateful for the change in topic. “All those classes we took.”