As soon as her period arrived, she’d make the call and put down a deposit. If by Friday, her period still hadn’t showed up, she’d see a doctor, get it confirmed and go to Hawaii for a month while she figured out her life.
Now that she had a solid plan, she picked up the pace and decided to jog home. After two blocks she was panting and breathing hard. Dressed like an Eskimo, it wasn’t the same as the easy five-mile runs she used to do in good weather. When was it…seven years ago? As a student nurse, when she’d needed a break from studying, she’d run like the wind. After being cooped up for hours, the freedom of being outside on a sunny day had been liberating. Where did the time go? She pushed a little harder. She wasn’t over-the-hill yet. She was twenty-eight, and could still run a mile for Pete’s sake.
She reached the end of the street, and stopped for breath. Her stomach did a heave-ho, and putting her hands on her knees, she bent over—shocked when her breakfast flew out. She put her hand over her mouth, hoping that nobody would come along and see her.
“Whoa!” A hand landed on her back. She didn’t look up. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the man whose voice she recognized.
“Sarah, geez, girl, you’re looking a little green around the gills.”
“Go away, Mick. I don’t want company right now.” She glanced around to see if they were alone. Kids were playing across the street, but no one was paying them any attention.
“Positive, huh?”
She was silent for a moment. It couldn’t be. “No,” she hissed out a denial. “I was running. That’s all.”
“Morning sickness. Did you do the EPT test?”
Her head jerked up, tears stung her eyes, but she swiped at her mouth, and straightened her back. “Stop with this Mick! No, I didn’t do any damn pregnancy test, and even if I did, it’s none of your business.”
“I know it’s not. I wasn’t the one who got you this way.” His brown eyes showed compassion—he wasn’t mocking her, but concerned. “I’m just worried about you, that’s all. Meghan’s always been kind to me, and as her sister…”
“I don’t need you to pay it forward. I can handle this.” Her stomach heaved, but she held her breath, holding on with sheer willpower. “I’m fine. Got it?” She put a little heat behind the words. “I’m just late, that’s all. Stress.”
“Hope you’re right.” He withdrew a tissue from inside his jacket pocket. “Here, wipe your face.” He used his boot to bury the mess under the snow. “There, all gone. Feel better now?”
She glared at him. “I’ll feel better when you stop acting like I’m a child. I’m going to be here for the month, not sure if I’ll stay in Heaven after that, but it would be nice if we don’t see each other again. It seems you rub me the wrong way.”
He smiled, as if her words just blew off his back. “Great dinner last night, wasn’t it? Your sister sure can cook.”
“Yeah. Great.” She stuffed the tissue in her pocket. “Okay. Have a nice day. I’ve got to get back. I’ll be taking care of Liam, and giving Byron and Meg the afternoon free.”
“Does he like my gift—the Super Hero set?”
“Don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet. Guess I’ll take mine back and buy him something special—from Toys “R” Us.”
“Aren’t they going out of business?” His brow arched.
“How the hell would I know? I don’t have kids.”
“Not yet. Might be sooner than you think.”
Her face flushed and she gave him a drop-dead look, which didn’t make his grin disappear. Was he laughing at her? Or trying to make light of it? As if there could be a ray of sunshine through this debacle.
Her eyes dropped to the snow-covered pavement. Where was a good sinkhole when she needed one?
CHAPTER SIX
Sarah hurried back to the house and found Meghan and Byron playing a game of Candy Land with Liam. Of course, they made the actual moves of his player and allowed him to win each game, but he seemed fascinated by the colorful board, and more animated than usual.
Meg looked up from the stack of white cards. “We’ve decided to see a movie this afternoon and get some of our Christmas shopping done. It’s so much easier when we don’t have to drag Liam with us. The crowds make him uncomfortable.”
“Sure. Take advantage of it while I’m around.” She took her boots off and her coat, heading toward her room before she paused. “I got to thinking during my walk, and I don’t want to disappoint you, but the fact is,” she drew a breath, and rushed on while she had the nerve, “I haven’t had a proper holiday in years. Not since I started working in ER. I thought I might take a long trip someplace, like Hawaii, and really decide what I want to do with my life.”
Meghan’s happy smile turned to a frown and she jumped off the couch. “I thought you already had that figured out.” She walked slowly toward her. “There’s no place in the world like Heaven. You know that, Sarah, you’ve seen it too.” Meg pulled at the hem of her shirt. “Go for a vacation if you must, but don’t even contemplate moving anywhere else but here…please?”
Byron put his card down, and stood also. “Meg’s right. There’s no happier place than right here in Heaven, especially with her in it,” he said with a wink at his new wife. “But a little trip next month might be a way for you to recharge, Sarah, before settling down to a new position.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said in a non-committal tone. “So, what movie are you going to see? There’s a new suspense drama that’s expected to win some awards—got big name actors in it.”
“We haven’t decided yet. I had my eyes on that one, but Meg wants a feel-good romance or comedy. We’re going to hit the stores first, and when we’re done, we’ll see what’s playing.”
“Perfect. If you want to grab dinner afterwards, I’m fine with that. We have enough leftovers here that I won’t need to cook.”
“We’ll call you after the movie and let you know,” Meghan told her. “I thought tomorrow night when Byron’s working, you and I might go through Dad’s things.”
“Good idea.” She ran off to hang her coat in her bedroom closet and put on some warm slippers.
Once Meghan and Byron left, she set Liam up with his iPad and his games, and brought out her computer to sit next to him on the couch. He was truly absorbed, so she spent the next fifteen minutes looking at hotels on the Hawaiian Islands, thinking she didn’t really need to be pregnant to make the trip. The pictures awakened her adventurous spirit and made her long for palm trees and white, sandy beaches. As a nurse, her skills were in demand everywhere. Why not try the islands for a few years, and when she had enough, she could always come back.
She glanced at Liam. “Want some popcorn, hon?”
He nodded, so she put her iPad aside and got up to make his favorite treat. When it was ready she returned with a large bowl, paper napkins and took her seat next to him. Keats sat at his feet, and smelling the popcorn, lazily stood up to watch them eat. She tossed him a kernel, which he quickly caught and wolfed down, so Liam joined in the game. It was easy to see that Keats was going to have the biggest share.
Leaving the sofa, she found Mick’s Super Hero Lego set under the tree and pulled it out. She unwrapped the store packaging on the box, putting the pieces on the coffee table. “Look, Liam. Let’s build something.” She showed him how to fit the pieces together, but he stared at the box, and began lining up the pieces one by one. He had them color coordinated too.
“Okay, that works,” she said with genuine affection. “You’re doing great, Liam.”
Was that a hint of a smile? She took it as one, and offered him the bowl of popcorn, taking a handful for herself. She popped a few pieces in her mouth, and made her eyes wide, “Yum!” She rubbed her tummy and he did the same.
“You’re a smart cookie, aren’t you?”
“Cookie, cookie,” he said in a sing-song voice, and she went into the kitchen to fetch him one. Finding a wide assortment, she chose a chocolate chip and an O
reo and put it on a plastic plate, then she made hot chocolate for the two of them.
She watched him hold the cup in two hands and take a careful sip. He was such a beautiful boy and it was heart-breaking that joy, laughter and love were all trapped inside of him. She hoped he experienced those feelings even if he couldn’t express them.
Around three, she decided they all could use some fresh air. She got him dressed, put on her own coat and boots and they were ready to go. The snow was falling lightly and it was such a pretty sight. In the yard Keats yipped and jumped in the snow, and shook his head as fluffy flakes fell on his nose.
“Want to go for a walk?” She put the leash on Keats and they went out to the sidewalk, meandering to the end of the block. Liam stopped to watch a few kids slipping and sliding down the street. They had their little arms wide as they shouted with glee, but her nephew’s expression never changed.
She turned around and they headed back. When they reached home she felt inspired to make a snowman, wondering if Liam might participate. She tied Keat’s leash to the screen door, and had Liam sit on the stairs.
Sarah made a big snowball then began rolling it in the snow until it was about two feet wide and two feet high. “See Liam, it’s easy. Take a little ball and keep rolling it until it gets big.” She put a small ball in his mitten and made a rolling motion. He tossed it down without looking at her.
Unwilling to give up, she started on a smaller second one, and placed it on the first. Next she formed one the size of a bowling ball. Liam sat on the step, his arms folded as he watched her. She took off her hat and put it on the snowman’s head.
“Liam! We need something for the eyes. And a carrot for the nose.”
Liam stood and headed for the door. She had to scramble after him, and release Keats from where he was tied. By the time she and the dog got inside, Liam had taken a carrot out from the fridge.
“Good boy,” she told him. “Now we need something for the eyes. How about this, Liam?” She had two Oreos instead of coal, and slipped a third to Liam. “Now for a mouth. What can we make a mouth with?”
Liam headed over to the Lego set. “Legos?” she asked.
He nodded, so she grabbed four red pieces, then took Liam with her as she did her grand finale.
“See Liam—he can be your friend now. Frosty.”
A shy smile spread on his face and he gingerly touched the snowman. He touched it again, harder. Then, still wearing a mitten, he stuck his finger in the snowman’s middle. He began to laugh, and it was the happiest sound she had ever heard.
She wanted to hug him so bad, but when she went to put her arm around him, he pushed her off. Sarah let him go, still warm from his giggles.
Quickly changing Liam from his wet snowsuit to fleece reindeer sweats, she then got him settled on the sofa with Keats curled up beside him. After an afternoon of successful parenting, she wondered what would she do if her period didn’t come… Was she ready for motherhood? She was no Mother Teresa, nor as accepting as her sister, Meg. But a baby was a life, a precious infant that had certain rights too.
Sarah wasn’t sure about anything. But she couldn’t take the uncertainty any longer. One way or the other she had to know.
“I’m going in to change, Liam. I’ll only be a few minutes.” He was watching Toy Story for his umpteenth time but he never tired of it.
She stripped off her wet jeans and took out a pair of black sweatpants from the bottom drawer. Once dressed she then opened the top drawer where she kept her underwear. In the back of the drawer she’d hidden her EPT box, a two-pack. With trembling fingers, she pulled it out. Fear raced through her. If she didn’t know she could pretend everything was fine. If it wasn’t, did she really want to deal with the consequences? She went to put it back, but stopped.
Her heart pounded and her stomach was queasy as she made her way to the small bathroom. She read the instructions carefully. There wasn’t much to it, but this was the first time for her. She’d been on the pill since she was eighteen. She’d never missed a period, and was hardly ever late. Maybe a day or so, but then like clockwork it would arrive and she’d go on about her business. This was day four. Time to know.
According to the package the test result could be used up to five days prior to her normal period, and yet she was four days late. Ninety-nine percent accuracy. The same science used by doctors. Who were they kidding? Surely this one little tube couldn’t be fool-proof?
She pulled out the life-changing piece of plastic from the two-pack box. It carried the digital readings pregnant/not pregnant. Hard to make a mistake with that.
“Well, it’s show time,” Sarah said, squatting over the toilet bowl. In two minutes she’d know one way or the other.
* * *
Meghan and Byron came home, laughing and chatting. Meghan was excited about the fun-filled Christmas movie they’d seen and Byron raved about the Italian restaurant they’d visited.
“So how was your day?” Meg asked.
“It was great. Liam is such a good kid. We played with the Lego set and had popcorn—and you might have noticed the snowman the two of us made.”
Byron nodded. “Yes, good job. I might have been officially replaced.”
Sarah held up her hands. “Never! He let me do the hard work but when it came to putting the face together, Liam was all over that. I mentioned carrot and that got him running.”
Meghan’s eyes twinkled. “Yes. He enjoys that part of the process. I see you were creative with the eyes and mouth.”
She scrunched her nose, feeling a little bad for Frosty. “I expect the birds might peck the poor snowman’s eyes out by morning.”
Meghan pulled Sarah into a side hug as she laughed. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Byron swooped his son up in his arms. “Bed time, little man.”
Liam giggled as he was carried upside down toward his bedroom. “Night, night, Liam,” Sarah said softly.
Meghan rolled her eyes. “Those two.” She patted Sarah’s hand.” Thanks for taking him today. We got a lot done.”
“It was nice having Liam to myself.” Sarah swallowed a lump in her throat and stared at the fireplace.
“What’s going on? You seem quiet.” Meghan gathered wrapping supplies and headed to the Christmas tree and the bags of gifts.
“It’s nothing. Just feeling a little blue that’s all.” She attempted a smile, but even she knew it was fake. “Christmas brings out the worst in a lot of people, so I’m just one of the millions.”
Meghan sighed with feeling. “I know. I see it in my line of work. Depression is heightened around the holidays. All the hype, the false good cheer. Gift buying can also be stressful—I hope you’re not planning on getting us much this year.” Her sister shook a sheet of tags at her. “We don’t need anything, and you should save your money until you’re on your feet again.”
“I’m not going crazy with the shopping, don’t worry about that.” Sarah wiggled her toes in the thick socks on her feet and curled up on one end of the couch. Meghan sat cross-legged on the floor, surrounded with tape, scissors and giftwrap. “It’s wonderful being here with you guys, you know that, but it’s also really awful being alone…not alone, because I’m not…but, well, you know what I mean.”
Meghan’s eyes held empathy. “Yes. It’s the hardest time to be without someone you love.” Her sister pulled a dinosaur from a large shopping bag, attempting to wrap it without a box. After a few failed attempts she put it aside. “I’ll get Byron to figure this dang thing out.”
“Good idea,” Sarah said. “I hate wrapping awkward presents.” Actually, she was a big fan of the gift bag.
Meghan wrapped up a few of the easier items they’d purchased today, then put the scissors and scotch tape down. She selected a Santa Claus name tag and wrote To Liam, From Santa, adding a festive red bow.
She leaned to scoot the new toys under the tree and turned to face Sarah. “I know you’re sad, but do you still love Rick, hon?”
“I’m not sure.” Her feelings were all mixed up. “I think I resent him. Especially that he’s home with his wife, his child and expecting a new baby. He’s happy, and that makes me even more miserable.”
“Understandable.” Meghan plopped herself down next to Sarah and put a hand on Sarah’s knee. “Want me to give Mick a call? He might come over and we could all play cards, or Scrabble; something to take your mind off Doctor Loser.”
“No.” She shook her head, staring again at the flames. “I know you mean well, but you can’t keep pushing Mick and me together.” Especially after he’d seen her toss her cookies on a public street. How embarrassing! “We rub each other the wrong way.”
“How so? You still strewing over the fact that you tried to get him arrested?”
“No! You saw him last night—his hostility to me—and then I ran into him on my walk this morning. He made a few comments, nothing in particular, but it wasn’t a pleasant exchange.” She drew a breath. “I get that he’s still pissed off with me for accusing him of theft. I would be if it happened to me. But I’ve apologized enough already.”
“I wasn’t trying to fix the two of you up—I just know how lonely this time of year can be, so I thought it would be nice to have the extra company. But no more, I promise.”
“Thanks, Meg.”
“No problem.” Meghan rested her head on the back of the sofa and closed her eyes, taking several deep breaths that made the mound of her tummy move beneath her Christmas sweater. “Are you still itching to dig around Dad’s things?”
“Yeah. I’m really curious. I’ve seen a lot of those old war movies and it was freaking scary. The boys who were over there were just kids.”
“I know. Poor Dad,” Meg said.
“Yes, and the fact that he came back in one piece makes me wonder if he was an officer. Maybe won some medals. Whatever happened, I guess I just really want to know.”
Meg sighed. “I get a jumpy stomach every time I think about it—like a premonition.”
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