by Kelsie Rae
“You can take a seat on the exam table, and we’ll get your blood pressure taken care of.” Pointing to the two dark blue upholstered chairs, Tracy turns to Anthony and Sway. “You two are welcome to sit here.”
“Thanks,” Anthony replies as he and Sway sit down on the edge of their seats. Despite Anthony’s confidence in the waiting room, I know he’s just as nervous as Sway and me. It’s even worse than the official transfer appointment because now I know I’m carrying their child, and I desperately want to give them what they deserve––a healthy, happy little baby.
On autopilot, I offer my arm to the nurse, and she wraps the blood pressure cuff around my bicep before announcing, “120 over 80.”
I stare blankly at her. “Is that a good thing?”
She smiles. “That’s perfect. I need you to change into this hospital gown then put this blanket over your lap so you’ll be ready for the exam. I’ll let Dr. Bennett know you’re ready.”
My mouth feels like it’s full of cotton balls, so I simply nod as she disappears through the door. Pushing themselves up from their seated positions, Anthony announces, “We’ll wait out in the hall while you change,” then they close the door softly behind them, leaving me alone in the sterile room.
Change my clothes. I can do that.
Like a robot, I strip down then slip the itchy material over my bare skin.
Breathe, Marcy.
The paper on the exam table crinkles as I sit back down and place the white piece of cloth over my lap. The silence in the room is heavy, but I soak it up like a dry sponge and close my eyes.
A loud knock makes me jump seconds later before I squeak out, “Come in.”
The door opens. “Hey, I found a few strays in the hall. Do they belong to you?”
I freeze, my tongue losing all sense of how to form words as I take in the sexiest doctor I’ve ever seen in my entire life. In fact, I’m pretty sure he escaped from the set of Grey’s Anatomy to be here today.
Am I being Punk’d?
“Do you mind if they join us for the appointment?” he prods with a sexy smirk. There’s no way this guy doesn’t know what he does to his patients. “I’ll send them out when I do the internal exam, though.”
Eyes widening, my cheeks heat as I register what the hell he just said. Internal exam? With a guy that looks like that?
Kill me. Kill me now.
I haven’t had sex in at least six months, but at least I got all spiffied up down there for the embryo transfer, so there won’t be a bush or anything. Still. This is just mean. I’m going to kill Dylan the next time I see her. She’d mentioned he was good looking. But she didn’t mention he could melt the panties off a nun, let alone a hormonal pregnant woman!
A dry chuckle escapes him as he glances over his shoulder at Sway and Anthony. “Is she always this quiet?”
Sway hides her smile behind her hand before fanning herself when Dr. Bennett turns back to me, causing my face to burn even brighter.
“You okay?” Dr. Bennett strides closer, inspecting me with those flinty brown eyes. “You look a little––”
“I’m fine. And yup. They can come in. They’re the parents.”
Cocking his head to the side, he waits for me to continue instead of jumping to conclusions, proving that he’s thoughtful too.
I drop my gaze down to my hands and twist the fabric in my lap in hopes of being able to focus when the guy in front of me is way too distracting. “I, uh, I explained this over the phone when I made the appointment, but maybe you didn’t get the message. I’m a surrogate. An oven?” My laugh is awkward as hell as I point to Sway and Anthony, who are hovering near the doorway. “They’re the parents.”
“Oh. Yeah, of course. The receptionist mentioned it, but it had slipped my mind. I apologize––”
“Not a big deal. I know it’s a little bit of an unconventional situation….”
“Not at all. I mean, yes, you’re the first surrogate I’ve ever worked with, but I think it’s great. I’m sure you’re all very anxious to hear that little baby’s heartbeat, so let’s dive right in, shall we?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Alright, then. Marcy, will you lie back for me?” His giant left palm touches my shoulder as he guides me into a supine position. “Perfect. Could you raise the bottom of your gown so we can check your stomach? Keep the blanket over your lap, though. We don’t need to give anyone a show quite yet.” He winks, causing my anxiety to turn up another notch.
Why is he so damn good looking?
With a quick peek over at the intended parents, I slide my gown up to my ribs and smile softly when I’m reminded of why I’m really here.
Anthony’s hand is cupping Sway’s jaw as he rests his forehead against hers and closes his eyes to give me a little privacy. He did the same thing when they did the embryo transfer. So conscientious. So respectful. So supportive. They both are.
Despite the nerves, and the daily shots of hormones I had to take at the beginning of this adventure, it’s moments like this that remind me why I decided to do this.
Because of them.
What they’ve been through would tear some couples apart, but their trials have only brought them closer together. I’m so glad that I can––hopefully––give them the one thing they desperately want and desperately deserve.
In a way, I envy them. They love each other unconditionally. It doesn’t matter the obstacles thrown at them. They’ll handle each and every one of them.
Together.
And even though I might not ever have a love like that…at least I know that I was able to give one a little piece of me.
“I’m decent, you two,” I announce with a grin before catching Dr. Bennett staring down at me. Those same steely brown eyes bounce around my face as if he’s trying to piece something together, although I have no idea what it is. Sucking my lips into my mouth, I swallow my smile and let him continue his perusal while knowing exactly what he sees.
An average girl with a round face, a few freckles, and laugh lines around her green eyes. Nothing hideous by any means, but nothing out of the ordinary either.
I’m just…me.
“So, uh…”––he tears his gaze away from mine––“let’s get started. How have you been feeling?”
I clear my throat. “Fine so far. No morning sickness…yet.”
“It’ll probably hit soon. For most people, it shows up around six weeks and sticks around until twelve weeks or so. However, some people get by without feeling any morning sickness at all, so you could be one of the lucky ones. How’s your support at home?”
“I live by myself so…good?”
“No boyfriend or anything?”
Sway snorts before covering it with a cough. “Sorry, allergies.”
Jaw tightening, Dr. Bennett rubs his hands together and drops the subject. “I’m going to give you an external exam right now, then we’ll check for the heartbeat. The baby might still be a bit too small to hear it quite yet, so don’t stress if we don’t find one right away. After that, we’ll excuse the parents, and I’ll get a nurse in here so we can do the internal exam. Sound okay?”
Internal exam. Internal exam. Internal exam.
“Yup,” I force out while trying to ignore the butterflies that are currently assaulting my gut without mercy.
His hands are warm as they practically engulf my stomach while checking my organs to make sure…. I have no idea what he’s checking. My stomach quivers under his touch, but I tell myself I’m just nervous in general. It has nothing to do with the hot doctor who’s touching me. Nope. Not a bit. Besides, I was nervous before Dr. Bennett made his entrance, so it’s not like he has anything to do with those stupid butterflies attacking my gut, right?
The heat from his touch disappears as his deep, husky voice explains, “Everything looks good so far. I’m going to squirt some stuff onto your stomach, and then we’ll get to the good part.”
Doesn’t the good part usually come before yo
u squirt something onto my stomach? I want to ask, but I bite my tongue. No need to stoke the fire when he’s going to be all up in my lady bits in a few.
Gah! He’s gonna be all up in my lady bits in a few.
Seriously, though. I’m gonna kill Dylan.
And Sway.
Her knowing smirk is killing me as she watches our interaction like a reality TV junkie minus the popcorn.
A loud, squirting noise echoes throughout the room as Dr. Bennett squeezes a bunch of pink gunk onto my stomach. I gasp when it touches my skin.
With a quiet laugh, I look up at him. “It’s cold.”
“Sorry, the warmer must not be working. Let me just grab my wand, and then we’ll get to the fun part.”
He turns around to grab the wand while my teeth dig into my lip to keep from laughing. Swiveling my head to the right, I try to contain my embarrassment, but Sway bounces her eyebrows up and down as soon as she comes into view.
And I lose it. My snort is far from quiet as tears leak from the corners of my eyes before I finally give in and laugh. It’s loud. And embarrassing. And so impolite I should probably burn in hell for the thoughts churning in my head. But I can’t help it. He’s gorgeous, and he just mentioned his––cough––wand.
“Something funny?” Dr. Bennett rumbles with his head cocked curiously.
“Nope,” I reply through another bout of laughter as Sway joins in.
Kill me. Kill me now.
“It’s the nerves,” Anthony covers for me. “Right, Marcy?”
“Mmmhmm,” I hum as a fresh wave of tears well in my eyes, and my face stretches into an even wider grin. Wiping them away, I apologize, “I’m sorry. Seriously. Anthony’s right. It’s totally the nerves. And the hormones. Let’s be real. I’m a mess.”
He chuckles softly before raising a wand into the air. “You’re not a mess. You ready to hear this heartbeat?”
I nod, my dopey grin slowly sliding into a soft, comfortable smile. “Sway. Anthony,” I order. “Get your butts over here and listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”
Like a little bunny, Sway jumps up then bounces over to me with Anthony trailing a foot behind. Once they’re both beside the exam table, I look up at Dr. Bennett and release a deep breath. “We’re ready.”
Sway grabs my hand as Dr. Bennett presses the wand a few inches above my pelvic bone.
Brows furrowing, Dr. Bennett moves it a little to the left, but I don’t hear anything. He shifts the wand to his other hand and presses it into my stomach at a forty-five-degree angle.
Still. Nothing.
Squeezing my hand a little tighter, Sway rests her head against Anthony’s shoulder but doesn’t say a word. I can feel her anxiety rolling off of her, and it amplifies my own until I’m desperate to break the silence.
“Everything okay?” I whisper, my voice threatening to crack.
Dr. Bennett moves the wand to the right side of my uterus but keeps the same forty-five-degree angle. His brows are wrinkled with concentration before a soft rustle echoes through the static of the doppler. As his eyes connect with mine, his triumphant grin is contagious.
My heart stops.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The rhythmic beat is louder than a siren in the otherwise silent room, and my eyes close as I soak up every single pulse.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
A quiet sniffle grabs my attention, and I look up to see Sway’s eyes red with tears. Wrapping his arms around his wife like a security blanket, Anthony pulls her into his chest and rests his chin on top of her head. His knuckles turn white as he holds onto her so tightly that I’m surprised she can breathe.
I can see it in his eyes. He’s close to breaking too.
I feel like I’m intruding on an intimate moment. A moment that should be shared between husband and wife and their baby. A happy couple who are unable to conceive without modern medicine. Yet, here I am.
The oven.
The girl with a healthy uterus, but no one to use it with.
The realization sucks. Hard.
Sometimes life really isn’t fair.
Then that same thump, thump, thump echoes through the room, reminding me that sometimes we find a loophole to sway it in our favor. And I’m so glad Anthony and Sway get to cheat the plan fate had laid before them.
And that I get to help them do it.
“Man, I’m a mess. I’m never a mess,” Sway chokes out with a pathetic laugh before wiping away a fresh wave of tears that fall down her cheeks in rivulets. “Thank you. Both of you.” She squeezes my hand again before sniffling. “Thank you so much.”
I dig my teeth into my lower lip to keep my composure, but it doesn’t do much. The tears still threaten to escape, no matter how much I try to hold them back.
What do I say to that?
You’re welcome?
It just…doesn’t do it justice, especially because I’m the one who feels honored to have this opportunity. If only I could make them understand that.
Squeezing her hand in return, I nod, positive that I look like a bobblehead but unable to say a word.
“I’m going to go clean up in the bathroom while you guys finish the exam,” Sway announces. “We’ll meet you in the waiting room, okay, Marce?”
“Sounds great. I’ll uh…”––I swallow past the giant ball of emotion that’s lodged in my throat––“I’ll see you in a few.”
Anthony ushers Sway into the hall as Dr. Bennett presses a little black button on the wall that I assume notifies his nurse to come back into the room. Sure enough, Tracey enters with a small tray of equipment and sets it down on the counter next to the sink.
“We ready?” she asks.
“Yeah.” Stepping away from me, Dr. Bennett wiggles the mouse on the computer screen and scans my chart for a minute then grabs some gloves. “You don’t need a pap today, so we’re going to just do a quick internal exam to check your cervix and make sure everything is in good shape down there. Do you have any questions?”
Ummm…are all your patients like Niagra Falls when you go poking down there or…?
I shake my head. “Nope. No questions.”
Please don’t notice I’m wet. Please don’t notice I’m wet.
“Okay. I’m going to have you put your heels on the edge of the table and scoot down a few inches toward me.” He sits down on a stool near my freaking vajayjay then waits for me to comply.
Aaand it’s official. All the touchy-feely emotions from moments ago disappeared as soon as Sway and Anthony stepped out of the room. Now, I’m drowning in a whole different level of touchy-feely. I press my legs together and count to ten before he soothes, “I promise, this’ll be quick and painless. Don’t stress.”
Oh, I’m stressing, I want to correct him. I’m stressing bad. There’s no way I’m getting out of this with my ego intact.
Still, I follow his instructions and scoot down a few inches before pressing my heels against the padded edge of the table. The cotton blanket is still covering my lower half, but I know it’s only a matter of time before he removes it, and that’s when I’m going to have to fight every instinct in my body to keep from curling up into a ball.
My cheeks flame at the knowledge that I’m seconds away from Dr. Bennett coming up close and personal with my vagina.
Hands gloved and ready for action, he shifts the edge of the blanket up a few inches as my knees press together.
“Take a deep breath,” Dr. Bennett murmurs. His tone is patient and kind and so freaking hot I should fan myself, but I keep my fists clenched around the scratchy cotton material. Staring up at the white ceiling, I do as I’m told and suck in as much oxygen as my lungs can hold.
His deep chuckle vibrates from his chest and hits me in all the right places as he instructs, “Now you have to let the air out, Marcy.”
My lips form a small ‘o’, releasing the air in a slow breath before I start the process all over again while refusing to look down at the swoon-worthy guy who’s between my
legs right now.
“Alright, Marcy. Can you open your legs for me a little bit? Relax and let your knees fall apart?”
“Yup,” I squeak. With as much focus as I can muster, I pull up an image of an old guy with saggy balls, but it does nothing to erase Dr. Bennett’s touch. My muscles quiver as he slips his finger into me. He isn’t doing anything inappropriate. The person who deserves to be sued right now is me. I’m the problem. Me and my needy libido that has been dormant for way too long before insisting on making its appearance in the middle of a freaking pelvic exam.
His fingers probe my cervix, and I arch my back up a centimeter, if that, before digging my teeth into my lower lip to keep from gasping.
Do not. I repeat, do not orgasm while on this table, Marcy or so help me, I will die from embarrassment, I order.
I squeeze my eyes shut and count to ten while my skin prickles with awareness.
“Alright.” His touch disappears. “You’re all finished. Everything looks good so far. Your cervix is normal, and everything is right where it should be. I’ll see you in a month for another check-up, okay?”
Avoiding his eyes, I focus on his hands as he removes his gloves. When I notice the worn silver band around his ring finger on his left hand, my brows furrow.
“You’re married?” I blurt out. How the hell didn’t I notice that before? And I thought Dylan said––
“I’m sorry?” he asks before tossing the used gloves into the garbage can while studying me carefully.
“Nothing.” I want to slap my forehead but restrain myself and scramble to change the subject. “Thanks for today and for being so accommodating with Anthony and Sway. I know it’s a little unconventional, especially for a small town. I really appreciate it.”
Glancing down at his left hand, he hesitates before squeezing the back of his neck. “Anytime. See you in a month, Marcy Holden. Take it easy.”