by L. S. Pullen
“Honestly, you know, whatever that was, there’s absolutely nothing for you to worry about, right?”
I shake my head, doubt filling me. “I didn’t like seeing it. I’ve already seen them kiss, remember? And knowing they’ve been together…it just doesn’t sit right with me. I hate to admit it, but I’m jealous, and I know it’s an ugly trait if ever there was one. But then I feel guilty—it makes me question if I could ever be good enough for him.”
He turns his head to look at me.
“You are good enough. God, Flick, you know that boy loves you?”
“Of course, we’re like family.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it.”
I chew on my lip. “What if he only thinks he does? After losing Lawry…maybe it’s the nostalgia of it all. This—whatever it is—is too fast…”
“Fast, my arse. My boy, Nate, has been in love with you for years. The loss of Lawry just made him realise how short life is.”
“Like I said, we’re practically family. That’s the kind of love he feels.”
He shakes his head in frustration. It would actually be amusing to watch if my stomach wasn’t turning over as we speak. He grabs the back of his neck just like Nate does when he’s anxious.
“To hell with it… I’m just going to tell you something, and this is going to do absolutely nothing for my male ego, so try to be gentle with my feelings when you hear it, okay?”
“Okay,” I say, feeling slightly dubious. Do I even want to know?
“Don’t let on to Nate—I don’t fancy fighting with my best mate—not again.”
My eyes go wide. “What do you mean by again?
“Because we had a fight over you… Do you remember that time when I had a busted lip and a messed up eye a few years back?”
“Yeah you and Nate were both a little beaten up, you said some guys got in your faces.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing. There were no other guys involved, it was only Nate and me.”
I shake my head. “Why were you even fighting over me?” I put my hand over my mouth, trying to stifle a giggle.
Is he blushing?
“I said, no mocking.” He raises his eyebrows.
I cough, correcting my face as I wait for him to continue.
“I had a bit of a crush on you, so I decided to make a move, and of course I told Nate. Not only because he’s my best mate, but also, I thought it was the right thing to do. I mean, he always acted like he was an over-protective big brother. Up until that moment, he’d never let on his feelings for you. He freaked out. I didn’t even see the first punch coming. I was so shocked, and before I knew what was happening, we were full-on fighting.”
“Oh my God.” I don’t know how to digest this revelation. The thought of either of them hurting, especially over me, makes me feel like shit.
“Yep,” he says, popping the p. “We didn’t talk for two days. I was so angry with him. But then I was pissed at myself for not seeing it sooner—all the signs were there. We cleared the air, however, I was told to leave you alone. You were too special to just be another notch on my bedpost. He admitted he’d had a crush on you for a while, but was waiting for the right time to tell you. And that’s when I knew he didn’t just have a thing for you. He was in love with you.”
“I don’t even know what to say.” I can’t hide my smile.
He looks me straight in the eye, causing my breath to hitch. “I’m not going to lie, if it was anyone else but Nate, I would have made a move on you. But he’s a brother to me, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Not that you wouldn’t have been worth it. You’re special, Flick. Hell, you’re like family. Well…more like a hot second cousin.” He winks, elbowing me.
I smile sheepishly—there’s the Charlie I know and love. I shake my head. He looks over my shoulder, his face smug. Before I have a chance to question him, he leans down, planting a chaste kiss on my lips. My adrenaline spikes, confused…until I hear him.
“What the actual fuck, Charlie?”
I turn to see him charging towards us. I back into Charlie, who’s holding his hands up. Shit bag.
“Whoa, there, easy tiger…calm down,” I say, trying to play it off.
Nate’s hands are fisted at his sides.
“Hey, mate, behave yourself. It wasn’t like that.” Charlie holds up his hands as he begins to back away.
Tosspot knew exactly what he was doing. I’d slap him myself if I didn’t think Nate wouldn’t push me out of the way to throttle him first.
“Really? Because I’m pretty sure I just saw you with your lips on hers.”
He shakes his head. “Just a friendly peck, I promise, scouts honour,” he says with a salute.
Nate still looks like a predator protecting his prey. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it deep down. He takes another step closer. I turn to Charlie and pat him hard on the chest. He responds with a fake flinch.
“Way too much testosterone. I’m standing right here, enough already.”
“But—”
I turn back to Nate. “No, Nate, did you see me striding over to you like a full-on bunny boiler when Rachel was pawing all over you?”
“Well, no, but it wasn’t like that…”
I cross my arms. “No, really? And it’s not like it’s the first time she’s done it, either. Charlie was winding you up, for heaven sake. So stop acting like a dog who needs to piss all over me, and grow up.”
Charlie begins to laugh. I give him an incredulous look.
“You’re not helping yourself right now and to be clear. You’re lucky I didn’t knee you in the baby makers.”
He cringes and takes another step back. Nate chuckles from behind me. I’ll deal with him later.
I look over Charlie’s shoulder. “Are you all in heat or something? Is that guy seriously trying it on with Sophie? She doesn’t even look interested. Take the hint, bucko!”
Charlie’s head spins round so fast, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has given himself whiplash. I think he was hoping I was joking.
“What the hell, is Marcus for real? What a prick.”
“Well, if he’s a prick, I’d prefer it if he wasn’t sniffing around my best friend. Here’s an idea: maybe you should go and make yourself useful and interrupt them or something. What hurts her, most definitely hurts your hot second cousin,” I say with a wink.
“Dude, she’s most definitely a keeper,” he says, holding his fist out to Nate who bumps it with his before heading in their direction.
Nate puts his arms around me from behind. “Are you going to tell me what all that was about?”
“Just had a little heart to heart is all,” I say, wrapping my arms around his.
“Hmm…anything I should be worried about?” he asks, placing a soft kiss to my temple.
“Should I ask you the same thing about Rachel?”
“Touché.” He pulls his arms away and turns me to face him. Cupping my cheek, he leans down and kisses me. I forget about everything.
Chapter Twenty-Five
After eating my weight in cake and a few too many Pimms, I make my way to the ladies’.
I’ve never seen toilets like these in my life. It has sinks and everything—the posh version of port-a-loo. I enter and hear someone inside one of the stalls throwing up. That’s not good.
I tap on the door. “Is everything okay in there?”
“Yes, sorry, two seconds.”
I don’t know why she’s apologising, there’s another cubicle I can use. The door opens, and out walks Rachel. I take a step back, surprised to see her, but it’s my kind of shit luck.
“Sorry…morning sickness clearly doesn’t just mean mornings.”
I feel like I might throw up, myself. Bile begins to rise in my throat. She’s pregnant. I lean back on the sink for support. My body teeters.
“You’re not pregnant, too, are you? You look a little peaky.”
I shake my head. “No, must just be the heat and all
this nice weather we’re having.” I swallow, trying to calm my thoughts. If you can’t think of anything good to say, you talk about the weather, right? Truth is, I’m trying not to freak out. The girl he used to sleep with is pregnant, for fuck’s sake.
She finishes washing her hands and grabs a hand towel from the basket.
“Tell me about it. I’m lucky it’s only my first trimester, otherwise this heat would be worse—oh where are my manners? I’m Rachel,” she says, holding her hand towards me.
“Felicity,” I reply, and take her hand.
She cocks her head, eyeing me. “Oh my…you’re Nate’s Felicity, aren’t you?”
“I wouldn’t say that, but yes, I’m her,” I say with a shrug.
“I’m such an idiot,” she replies. “I have a confession.”
Right, so we’re actually doing this—talking in the ladies’ toilet. “Oh…” I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t even know that I want to, either. I take a deep breath and wrap my arms around myself, pinching the skin on my elbow.
“I answered the phone to you once. I didn’t tell him…he found out a few weeks ago and freaked out. I want to apologise.”
I blink in surprise. “No need, it was ages ago.”
She shakes her head. “Yeah, but still, I know this may sound stupid coming from a complete stranger, but I’ve had time to think about how I’ve acted in the past. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. It’s why I decided to own up to myself and split from my fiancé.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” This is so weird. Is she suffering from heat stroke or something?
“We weren’t right for each other… I have a baby to consider, now, and that’s my priority.” She looks at her reflection and fixes her hair.
“What about the father?” I ask her.
“He wants in, which surprised me. Should be interesting, but I think we’ll be better at co-parenting than being engaged. I don’t want a baby born into a loveless relationship.”
“That’s brave of you.”
I try to control my racing heart—it’s not Nate’s—and now I feel like the biggest bitch that a part of me thought it was a possibility.
“Like I said, love in all the wrong places. Which brings me to Nate…”
I don’t want to hear any more. “Listen—”
She cuts me off, and she puts her hand on my arm.
“I don’t know if he ever mentioned me, talked about me...anyway that’s neither here nor there. He got wasted the night before his Gramps’ funeral, and not once did he stop talking about you.”
“We had a falling out…”
She shakes her head. “I was jealous even before that. I mean, who wouldn’t be? He is one of the good ones. Anyway, I want to be a good Mum, and that means being less of a bitch, you know?”
I nod—but it’s a moot point. I don’t know her. “I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful mum.”
“Thank you, I don’t have many female friends…probably from being such a cow, but I can see why he’s smitten with you. Anyway, the last thing I want is to cause animosity if we happen to bump into each other…having friends in the same circles.”
“Of course.”
She goes to leave but pauses. “I really hope you and him work things out. He’s been in love with you since I’ve known him.” She winks, letting the door close behind her.
It takes me a moment to remember why I’m here. I need to pee. Relief and apprehension flood my consciousness as I do. How can I move forward with Nate when I have so many issues of my own to still deal with?
I’m washing my hands when the door opens.
“Oh,” I say.
Nate locks the main door behind him. “I wanted to speak to you.”
I nod, looking around the room. “Everything all right?” I ask, not sure why he has collared me in the toilets of all places. I dry my hands for something to do.
“It’s been easier having you here. I miss him, though. This is the first time he’s not been here—” He looks at the floor. “I miss him.”
I take hold of his hand “I know you do.”
It’s quiet. The only noise comes from the humming of the distant music and my heart beating in my ears. The air grows thick.
“How do you feel about me? Do you want me, Flick?”
I look at him. “Well…I…what do you mean?” I stutter.
“Do you want to be with me?”
I smile. “You want to put a label on it?”
He shakes his head with a frown. “Not when you put it like that, no. But I want you to want me the way I want you.”
I bite my lip, swallowing what feels like grit.
“I do. I gave myself to you. I let go of my insecurities to be with you, Nate.”
I don’t think he understands how hard this is. Sometimes I can hardly catch my own breath—it’s like the oxygen has been sucked out of the room.
“Physically, you did, Flick, but not all of you. Emotionally, you’re holding back.”
I move back and put some distance between us. “What is it you want from me, Nate?”
He takes a step towards me. “I don’t want anything from you, except for you to be present. I want you to be as invested in me, as I am in you.”
“It’s too much too soon. I don’t deserve you… God, Nate, Rachel told me she was pregnant, and the first thing that came to mind was that it was yours.”
I keep waiting for the worst. Like anything good will evaporate through my fingers, and whatever this is with Nate, will vanish into thin air and I’ll be left to drown in quicksand.
He clenches his jaw. “I’m by no means a perfect man, and trust is something you earn, and I will, Flick. I’ll show you every day that you’re worthy, that we deserve to be together— flaws and all.”
The door rattles, interrupting us, causing me to flinch. He puts his hand on my shoulder and holds his finger up to his mouth. Silence. Whoever it was appears to have left.
Giggles bubble from my chest, the seriousness of the conversation now passed.
He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t mean to accost you in the ladies’,” he says. But the smirk he’s wearing is anything but apologetic.
“What would your Nan think of your unruly behaviour?”
He smiles, bringing his hand to my cheek again. “Promise me you’ll try not to overthink this—us?”
I take his hand. “I’ll try.”
He leans in close, stopping a fraction from my lips.
I make up the distance.
My lips meet his, my insides tightening low in my belly. A want develops between my legs as his tongue tangles with mine. I pull him closer, feeling his hard length through his jeans.
He ends the kiss and rests his forehead against mine.
“What are you doing to me?” I ask.
“No more than what you’re doing to me.”
I breathe him in deep.
“Come on, if we stay in here any longer, I won’t be able to hold back.”
Is it all kinds of wrong that the thought excites me? Even though we are in the toilet, and there is a hoard of people only meters away…
Sophie grabs me by the elbow. “Where were you?” she asks, looking between Nate and me.
“Toilet,” we both say in unison.
My face is on fire as I turn into Nate’s chest to hide my mortification. Sophie laughs her head off, and when it subsides to a snort, I peek up to see Charlie strutting in our direction. Did he go to some kind of male finishing school to master that walk, or is it natural?
“What’s so funny?” he asks, smiling towards Sophie.
She fans her face as she catches her breath. “Nothing, just these two lovebirds crack me up—” Her voice catches, and her face pales, her body going rigid.
I step forward, as does Charlie. He takes hold of her elbow, worry crossing his face.
“Soph, what’s wrong?” I ask, but she’s somewhere else.
I follow her line of sight and let out a frustrated groan
. This cannot be happening, for fuck’s sake.
“What the hell is he doing here?” I mumble under my breath
Nate takes hold of my hand. “What’s wrong, who’s here?” he asks, pulling me into his body.
Adrenaline pulses through my body, the sight of him pissing me off. “No one important...just someone we used to know,” I say through gritted teeth.
Charlie looks to see whom we are staring daggers into.
“Put it like this, if I ever saw him again it would be too soon—” Her voice hitches, her lips quiver, all her emotions coming to the surface.
I rack my brain, what do I do?
Charlie clears his throat. “I came to find you guys because Evie needs volunteers to get the cupcakes ready for the raffle draw. There’s a lot of numbers involved, and seeing as cakes are your forte, I thought you could help me?” he says looking at Sophie.
A wobbly smile crosses her face as she rolls her eyes. “Well let’s have at it,” she replies.
With an exaggerated move, he offers her his arm. She waits a beat, then takes hold of it before they walk away.
“Remind me to thank him later. The man deserves a hug for that.”
Nate pulls me into his body. “No way. He’s already had his lips on you, he can keep his hands to himself.”
I smack him playfully.
His smile fades. “Jokes aside, she looked like she saw a ghost, is she all right?”
I shake my head. “She might as well have…but it’s not my story to tell.”
He tightens his hold on me and keeps me anchored as I try to keep my nerves at bay.
“Felicity, is that you?”
I let out a sigh—louder than intended. My heart picks up speed, my pulse racing in my ears so loud, I wouldn’t be surprised if they can both hear it. I want to pretend I didn’t hear James ask my name, but as his hand touches my shoulder, I know I can’t avoid him.
A shiver rolls over my body. I twist to look at him, removing myself from his touch.
“James,” I say, unable to keep the contempt from my voice.
I plaster on a fake smile. My wide eyes flit to Nate. His fingers gently squeeze my waist, giving me the strength to hold it together. The last thing I want is to have a meltdown in front of all these people, but with Nate by my side, I feel like I could tackle a mountain.