by Logan Byrne
“You need to look deep within yourself and find out what you truly want. Who can give you the most safety and security? Your friend might be a better option because he might not hurt you the way your ex-boyfriend will. Your ex is your ex for a reason.”
“I understand, but I also don’t want to lose my friendship with my friend. If I date him and it doesn’t feel right, I might lose him as a friend. Either that or I won’t be as close to him anymore. Is it worth it to risk that?”
“Sometimes in life you need to take risks. What if you date your friend and it happens to be the best relationship you will ever have? What if you get married, have children and grow old together? What if you lost that opportunity by turning him away?”
I had never thought about it that way. I always thought of the friendship, and not the great potential a relationship could have.
“I’ve never thought about that.”
“Most people never do. They just focus on the little things and don’t take into account the big picture.”
The first bell rang, signaling ten minutes until school starts.
“Well, it looks as if our session is over,” Mr. Garret said. “If you ever want to come in again I would love to help you more. I think you have a lot of things to think over. I am always here to help,” he said, smiling.
“Thank you. I will consider everything you’ve said,” I said while getting up.
I grabbed my bags and walked out of his office and down the hallway. He really knew a lot more than he let on. I really had to detach myself from the friendship view of things and really think about my feelings for each person. I owed it to both of them to pick someone. If I waited too long I might lose them both. I couldn’t live with myself if I lost them both.
Chapter Nine
Finals
“Juliet! Juliet, wait up!” shouted Ariel and Taylor.
“What’s up?” I asked them.
“What are you doing this Friday night?” they asked.
“Nothing that I know of, why?”
“We are having a girls’ night! We want you to stay over.”
“What are we going to do?”
“Everything!” shouted Taylor. “Gossip, watch sappy movies and pig out on junk food.”
“Oh and boys. Don’t forget about the boy talk,” interjected Ariel.
“So, are you coming?” asked Taylor.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said.
“Yay!” Taylor said while hugging me.
I was excited about this upcoming girls’ night. I desperately needed and wanted it, and it would help me not think about my guy problems.
I had never had a girls’ night or sleepover before. Well, that’s a lie. Once in the fifth grade Connie Syverson had a slumber party and I went to it. I didn’t count that though because only one other girl showed up out of the dozen invited.
I gathered my things and went to biology. My smile turned askew immediately when I walked in. There he was: James. He looked straight at me as my stomach turned inside out. What was he doing here? Why did he have to show up?
I went and got a seat on the other side of the classroom next to Ariel. I didn’t feel comfortable sitting next to him.
“Juliet,” Mr. Johnson said. “Please go to your seat over with your partner James. You need to stay with the partner you chose at the beginning.”
I looked at Ariel and she gave me a sorry look as I picked up my things and went over to sit next to James. He smiled at me as I sat down as if nothing happened at all. Everything was normal in his mind, and I didn’t know why.
“Okay, class,” Mr. Johnson said. “Today we are going to be going over differences in humans and androidians. What can anybody tell me about their differences?”
“Androidians are cyborg-like beings,” yelled Justin.
“That’s right, they are. They implant themselves with technological and mechanical parts to make themselves more advanced. They believe they are next on the evolutionary chain and that this is what humans are supposed to be next.”
“Is that true, Mr. Johnson?” asked Justin.
“Well, I am not entirely sure. It really depends who you ask. As a scientist, I think someday humans will evolve further, but not like this. This isn’t something that happens naturally so it cannot be what is next.”
“Do you think they will rise to power and force everyone to be like them?” asked James.
“Well, James, I’m not really sure. They have very low numbers and don’t seem to organize efficiently compared to us. There are also different groups of them that all have different ideas and plans for everything. Some are rather nice and calm while others are hostile and vengeful. I don’t think they will ever come to power, though.”
“I feel the same way,” said James while looking at me.
Why was he looking at me? Did he know about Marcus? Was he the shadowy figure I saw outside? Things were starting to get way too weird for me.
“Mr. Johnson, why are some androidians more powerful than others?” asked Greg.
“Well, kind of like why some humans are more powerful than others. Androidians get their power mostly from their parts. The more money they have, the better the parts they can implant, which can make them more powerful. Some are good at weaponry and others are better with technology and hacking computers. It really just depends on the person’s preference and their money. If an androidian had a large money source, they could ultimately do whatever they wanted and be whatever they wanted. The options are limitless.”
“Wow,” said Greg. “I never knew they had those options available to them.”
“Most people don’t because it isn’t reported on. The government doesn’t want people to know if they have a lot of money they can get these parts and be even more powerful. You could even do cybernetics and have nobody even know. That way part of your brain is like a computer and you can do a lot of cool things in your head where nobody can even see.”
As Mr. Johnson was continuing talking, the bell rang and interrupted him.
“Well, class,” he said. “The class is already over. Don’t forget the things I said, for you might need to know them for an upcoming quiz.”
I grabbed my things and walked out before James could even catch a breath.
“Wait!” I heard James say.
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see him standing there.
“Why are you avoiding me?” he asked.
“I’m not,” I replied.
“Yes, you are. You won’t talk to me or anything. It’s like you don’t care anymore. Don’t you want to talk things out?”
“I don’t know. Now isn’t the time to do it anyway. Maybe we can do it another time,” I said as I walked hurriedly to my locker.
“I get the hint,” he said. “Have a great day.”
“James, you’re taking it the wrong way,” I said as I turned around to see he wasn’t there anymore.
Amidst the sea of students was no sight of his face. He disappeared just as quickly as he showed up.
I went on with the rest of my day without seeing him again. I wasn’t sure how I truly felt about this. Deep down I still did love him, but how could I be with someone so aggressive, someone so careless? I needed more than that. I needed stability, and I wasn’t sure I was going to get it from him.
When I got home, I saw my mother in the kitchen baking cookies.
“Hi dear, how was school today?”
“It went well. I’m having a girls’ night this Friday with some friends.”
“Oh, that sounds great! I bet you will have fun!”
“What do you do on a girls’ night? I’ve never done anything like this before and I’m nervous I’ll look stupid in front of them.”
“Oh, well, it is a night where you and your girlfriends get together. You talk about boys, watch movies and have a big pig-out. You can let your hair down with no makeup on and not worry about being judged. Just a time when you and your girlfriends can
be yourselves without having to impress anybody.”
“That sounds great,” I said. “I’m going to spend the night with them and then the next day the track finals are taking place. Is it okay then if I stay over at their house?”
“Of course! I’m jealous that you are going!”
My mother had plenty of friends but hadn’t seen them as much since the move. I could tell she was secretly hurting and probably was truly jealous I was hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends and she wasn’t.
As I was standing around talking to my mother, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
“Hey, how are u?” asked Marcus.
Finally he talked to me. I had been waiting to talk to him and figure out everything that has been going on.
“Hey u, I’ve been wanting to talk to u. How are u?”
“I’m good, just missing u,” he said with a smiley face.
“I wanted to talk 2 u about what happened,” I said.
“What do u mean?”
“Well, u kissed me. And then left.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m sorry if I offended you by doing that.”
“Not at all,” I said with a smiley face. “I just was confused.”
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist. Ur so beautiful.”
My cheeks turned beet red as I tried to hide my blush from my mother’s eyes. Marcus was sweet, and he was making me happy. I was torn, however, about how to proceed with our conversation. I liked Marcus, but I also loved James. I didn’t want to lead anybody on, but I myself didn’t even know what I really wanted. Do I go with the one who makes me blush, or the one who makes me crazy about him?
“Thank u,” I replied.
“Ur welcome babe.”
What should I do? He was already calling me babe and it seemed like it went so fast. I put my phone back in my pocket and went upstairs. I paced as I started going over my options. If I chose Marcus, I would have somebody who was my best friend, somebody who has never let me down and has always been there for me when I needed him. On the other hand, however, he was an androidian. I could never bring him home and he lived in an abandoned subway tunnel. We would never be able to have a normal life together. We would always be hiding like mole people underground.
If I chose James, I would have somebody I truly loved. Somebody who did treat me well and made me crazy. Somebody who could act human and I could bring home. We wouldn’t have to hide and could live anywhere in the world out in the open. He was somebody more stable in that regard, and I wanted a normal life. As normal as I could get with the situation I was in.
Love was a scary and tricky thing. She was merciless and your choices didn’t last forever. I couldn’t wait too much longer, for the fear of losing my options. There was a chance they could both find other people, or just simply not want me anymore. They could feel betrayed and think I was using them this entire time.
My heart ached as I felt it swell from the anxiety of what was going to soon happen. If I let Marcus down, he might never talk to me again. I would lose a great friend: my best friend. If I let James down, I would lose a part of me. I would lose the person I truly did love. Do you take a lot of love with a little friendship, or a lot of friendship with a little love?
I paced around my room before coming up with a decision. I knew what I wanted and whom I wanted. I knew in my heart whom I wanted to make things work with. I knew whom I wanted to give my heart to.
I wanted to give it to James and I wanted to give him my all. I truly liked Marcus, I really did, but I needed more. I needed a fulfilling life where I could live in the real world. Not a world in some dark underground camp, but in the French countryside. I wanted to be with someone who looked the most human. Somebody I could go on dates with.
I needed to tell Marcus. I needed to be honest with him and stop leading him on. I did love him as a friend and he needed to know the truth from me. He was such a genuine person, and I didn’t want to lose his friendship.
I got online and saw he was on. I took a deep breath and started messaging him.
“Marcus, I need to be honest with you. I like you and think you are a great guy. You are sweet and funny and have always been nice to me. I just can’t be with you as more than a friend though. I still love James, and I want to be with him. You did nothing wrong, so don’t blame yourself. It’s just that I can’t see a life underground away from society. I want a life on the surface. One where I can go do things and be around people. I can’t do that living underground. I’m sorry, I really am. I really hope we can continue to be friends, but I understand if you hate me. I have to get ready for dinner, but I’ll talk to you later. Have a good night,” I typed to him before logging off.
I felt nervous after sending him the message. What if he hated me? What if he got depressed and did something stupid? I closed my computer and went downstairs. I couldn’t be around the computer anymore after knowing what I did. I had to get my mind off this, and think about what I was going to do to get James back. He was my rock, and I needed to lean against him once again.
My mother made lasagna for dinner. The fragrant air filled my nostrils as I smiled and walked into the kitchen. She had a huge dinner made for the three of us. I hadn’t seen her make this much food since last Thanksgiving.
“Why is there so much food?” I asked confusedly.
“We are celebrating something tonight!” she said with excitement.
“What are we celebrating?”
“I got a promotion today,” my father interjected while smiling.
“Really? A promotion for what?”
“I am heading the werewolf task force. We want to catch those wolves that are attacking people. If I catch them and do it sometime soon, I know bigger things will come. Things will get better for all of us,” he said, smiling.
I could tell my father was excited about this new assignment. Only my father could get excited from the thought of capturing a pack of werewolves. He was a little twisted in that way.
I sat down for dinner and started eating as my parents were talking. I started to tune them out and think about what to do next. James didn’t always show up to school, and he didn’t even have a phone. I didn’t even remember exactly how to get to his house. Even if I did remember, I had no way to get there. I had to be patient and hope he would show up to school again. Being a patient teenager was something that was easier said than done.
“Juliet? Juliet!”
“Oh, sorry. Yeah, dad?”
“Your mother tells me you are going to a friend’s house Friday night.”
“Yeah, that’s right. She is having a bunch of girls over and I am staying over. We are going to the track finals the next day.”
“I am going to want the name, address and phone number of the girl’s house.”
“Really, dad? I am 17 years old. Do you really need to have all of that information?”
“Yes, I really do need all of that information. You’re still underage and you’re still my daughter. If I don’t get that information you aren’t going.”
Why couldn’t my father treat me more like an adult? He was too overbearing and I couldn’t take it anymore. I might as well be ten years old because I was treated like I was.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll find out everything for you so you can keep tabs on everything I do. I’ll even give you the GPS coordinates of the bathroom so you can know when I am in there too. Wouldn’t want you to be out of the loop.”
“Don’t get an attitude. Just do as I tell you.”
I rolled my eyes and kept eating. I was going to beg James to bite me when I turned 18 so I could get away from here. I wanted to be an adult, and I never was going to be one living here.
“May I be excused, sir?” I asked while looking at my father.
“You may,” he said, giving me a strong look right back.
I got up and went upstairs. I pulled my shirt out of my dresser. I smelled it and smelled James as if he was standing right next to me. I got butte
rflies whenever I smelled his scent, and it made me feel as if his arms were wrapped around me tightly.
I didn’t see James again until Thursday at school. When I got to school, I walked around the corner to see him at my locker. I was shocked. He hadn’t done this since we broke up, and I was so happy to see him standing there.
“Hey,” I said as I walked up to him.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
“What about?” I asked as my heart dropped.
“I’m leaving school.”
“What? Why?”
“There is no point anymore. Why continue to stay here? It isn’t needed. I’m not some seventeen-year-old kid.”
“Well, when will I see you?”
“You don’t want to see me anyway.”
“Yes I do, don’t be stupid. I wan—“
“Juliet, stop. You said it yourself and I agree with you. We can’t work out. It never would’ve.”
“Yes we can work out.”
“No, we can’t. I will always love you. Never forget me,” he said as he walked away.
I watched as he left me. I couldn’t even get myself to cry. There were so many emotions running through my veins that wouldn’t allow any tears to flow. My face turned red as I held back everything that made me human.
“Hey girl, you still coming tomorrow night?”
I took a deep breath and turned around with a smile to see Ariel standing there.
“Yeah, I am definitely coming,” I said with a smile.
I was trying to hold my emotions back. I wanted to stay strong and not break down in front of her. I didn’t want to ruin their good time tomorrow by having to talk about what was going on with James and me. I wanted to have a good girls’ night, and I wouldn’t have one if I were a crying mess.
“Great! We are going to meet at my house after school. Just come with your stuff when you can and we will get the party started!”
“Can’t wait,” I said while trying to give her a real smile.
Ariel walked away giving high fives to people as they walked by. I wished I could be that happy. I wished I wasn’t broken.