And there lay the steed with his nostril all wide, But through it there rolled not the breath of his pride; And the foam of his gasping lay white on the turf, And cold as the spray of the rock-beating surf.
And there lay the rider distorted and pale, With the dew on his brow, and the rust on his mail: And the tents were all silent, the banners alone, The lances unlifted, the trumpet unblown.
And the widows of Ashur are loud in their wail, And the idols are broke in the temple of Baal; And the might of the Gentile, unsmote by the sword, Hath melted like snow in the glance of the Lord!
Nicky decided that ‘Captain could be the Angel of Death; we could glue wings onto him and throw him at the camera!’
This is not going to end well. We have each agreed to write a script, based on ‘’Twas the Night Before Christmas’/’The Destruction of Sennacherib’ (the two poems have the same scansion).
While I was locking up the shop, I noticed piles of books all around the place which Nicky had deposited, rather than put on the shelves.
Till Total £73
7 Customers
SATURDAY, 14 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 2
Orders found: 1
Nicky in. I mentioned the piles of books all over the place to her and was (predictably) greeted with her usual ‘Aye, there was a customer in the way so I couldn’t put them on the shelves.’ so I gave up and we moved on to one of her favourite topics: death.
Nicky: If I die before Armageddon, my pal George is going to make me a coffin out of an old pallet, put me in the back of my van and dump me in the woods somewhere.
Me: I want a Viking ship funeral.
Nicky: Ye cannae do that. The only way around it is to have a Romany funeral. You’ll have to build yourself a caravan and set fire to it. Oh, wait, you’ll be dead. You’ll have to get someone else to set fire to it.
I have developed what appears to be a foolproof system to deal with the incessant stream of cold callers trying to get me to switch electricity supplier.
Caller: Could I speak with the person who deals with your electricity supply?
Me: He’s not here.
Caller: When will he be back?
Me: In about a year.
Caller [long pause, every single time]: A year?
Me: That’s right. A year.
Caller hangs up.
Spent part of the afternoon filming Nicky reading her ‘’Twas the Night Before Christmas’ video.
Till Total £59.50
10 Customers
MONDAY, 16 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 4
Orders found: 4
Callum in at 10 a.m. to work on the boiler housing.
At two o’clock someone came to the counter and introduced himself as Jeff Shepherd. He brought in five boxes of books, mainly ex-library material, and I gave him £50 for what I took out. I couldn’t help thinking that Jeff Shepherd would be a great name for a one-man Def Leppard tribute band, possibly with a sheepdog.
Farmer Sandy came in at 3 p.m. to tell me about how his dyslexia film idea is going. As usual, he was looking for help which I am not equipped to give him: ‘Do you know any dyslexic celebrities we can get involved?’ I don’t know any celebrities, let alone dyslexic celebrities. As is also his usual manner, he didn’t bother to ask if I was too busy to chat and just ploughed on. When I made it visibly obvious that I had work to do, he finally picked up on the signal and said, ‘Right, you’re busy. I’ll let you get on.’ Then proceeded to continue his monologue about dyslexic celebrities for another twenty minutes.
Till Total £26
3 Customers
TUESDAY, 17 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 2
Orders found: 2
Lashing wet day, and bitingly cold with it.
Typed up the minutes from AWB meeting.
By 1 p.m. Sandy the tattooed pagan was the only customer. He’s after a copy of The Hereditary Sheriffs of Galloway. We normally have copies in stock, but today I couldn’t find one.
Nicky appeared as Sandy and I were talking about business:
Sandy: Nicky! Speak of the devil! Come here and give me a hug. I’m a lonely old man.
Nicky [leaping backwards in the opposite direction]: ‘No way! I’m not hugging you – I’m Scottish. Anyway, I didn’t come in for this treatment. Shauny – did a bag of black feathers arrive for me? And can I work tomorrow?
She then went to the antiquarian section and located a copy of Hereditary Sheriffs, underpriced (by her) at £65, which she thrust into Sandy’s hands. He bought it.
I still have no idea why she wanted the black feathers, but no doubt all will be revealed in good time.
Telephone call just before closing from someone near Castle Douglas who wants to sell twelve boxes of books, so I have arranged to view them on Friday.
Till Total £125
6 Customers
WEDNESDAY, 18 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 2
Orders found: 2
Nicky wandered in at 9.05 a.m.
Filthy wet day again, windy and cold. The radio in the shop never works properly when atmospheric conditions are like this, cutting in and out, so I switched it off.
Two women spent an hour in the shop, and eventually came to the counter with a relatively new book about tying fishing flies, in mint condition with a dust jacket. I’d priced it at £4.50. One of them asked Nicky if it was suitable for a beginner. Nicky pointed at me and said, ‘Ask him.’ so I had a look at it – it seemed pretty comprehensive, with patterns and materials all clearly shown so I told them it was ideal. They decided not to buy it and instead to go to the fishing shop in Newton Stewart instead, where they’ll probably end up buying the same book for £20.
Nicky started packing the books for this month’s Random Book Club mail-out. She managed to make the most phenomenal mess, with piles of books, both packaged and unpackaged, all over every surface, including the floor. When I asked her why she was incapable of keeping the place tidy, she called me a ‘fussy old woman’. Carol-Ann appeared while she was busily making more mess and said, ‘Nicky – why is there stuff everywhere? Look – even on the floor,’ at which point Nicky accused us both of having OCD and said, ‘Have you not heard of the saying “a tidy house is the sign of a dull woman”?’ When I pointed out that this is a shop, not a house, and I’m not a woman, she shook her head and looked at the floor.
In the afternoon I filmed some material in the church graveyard and the shop for the ‘Night Before Christmas’ video.
Norrie brought in twelve boxes of books.
Till Total £22.50
4 Customers
THURSDAY, 19 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 1
Orders found: 1
This morning I finished packing and labelling books for the Random Book Club, then sorted the mail sacks and Royal Mail online postage. The total postal bill for this month’s output came to £250.
The radio was working again because it was a clear, sunny day.
In today’s post was a bag of black feathers, which (presumably) Nicky ordered for her Christmas video. It occurs to me now that perhaps she’s thinking of attaching them to Captain somehow.
A group of eight students came in at three o’clock and wandered about taking photographs for half an hour. None of them bought anything.
The cockney Bernard Cornwell fan came back, and I sold him three Patrick O’Brians.
A customer bought one of the BB books from the Glencaple collection, so I’m slowly on the road to recouping my investment. Nicky was right, though. I overpaid for that lot.
Till Total £76.48
7 Customers
FRIDAY, 20 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 4
Orders found: 4
Nicky in. Callum turned up at 10 a.m. with an enormous pumpkin which he’d found in his garden. He hadn’t even known it was there, so it must have germinated from one of last year’s seeds. Nicky decided to paint a pair of glasses on it and put a
wig (which we had for a window display) on it. She assured me that the likeness is uncanny.
Cold, sunny winter’s day. Nicky spent it sorting through more of Norrie’s books.
As I was coming down the spiral stairs after making a cup of tea, a middle-aged couple who were looking at local history books in the Scottish room stopped me and asked me the price of a copy of Scottish Ghost Stories, a fairly common and cheap paperback. I told them that they could have it for £2.50, at which point the woman said, ‘Of course, you know this house has a spirit.’ I coughed to suppress my incredulity that a grown woman could believe in such a thing but was slightly taken aback when she continued, ‘It’s on the stairs. On the landing to be precise. I felt it there.’
For all my scepticism and conviction that this is no more than a coincidence (the landing was where Joyce told me that ‘George’ liked to conduct his ghoulish activities), this is now the third time that someone has mentioned the stairs as the site of supernatural activity. I remain unconvinced but slightly unsettled.
We filmed some more material for the ‘Night Before Christmas’ videos. Nicky has made a pair of wings for Captain – who she has decided will play the Angel of Death – using the black feathers.
Till Total £142.50
9 Customers
SATURDAY, 21 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 2
Orders found: 2
Nicky opened the shop this morning.
We spent most of the day ignoring customers and filming the necessary material for our respective videos, which we have decided to post on Facebook and let the people who follow the shop’s page judge whose is best. Nicky is excellent in front of the camera – she doesn’t need to make any effort, her natural comic timing is effortless.
By the end of the working day Nicky had piled so much junk (‘props’ for her video) onto the till that it was impossible to operate it.
I spent the evening editing the videos.
It’s a month until the shortest day of the year. Most people I know dread January, but for me the worst time of year is between September and December: the fishing season is over, it becomes colder and wetter, and the days shorten until some days it feels like there has been no light at all. At least January is redeemed by the lengthening days.
Till Total £264.49
8 Customers
MONDAY, 23 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 4
Orders found: 1
Bitterly cold day.
Obligatory telephone call with The Pensions Regulator this morning in which they asked for my email address:
Me: M A I L @ T H E - B O O K S H O P dot C O M.
Her: So, that’s [email protected].
Me: No, M A I L.
Her: Right, so [email protected].
Me: Yes, just send it to [email protected]. I’m going to ignore it anyway.
Uploaded the ‘Night Before Christmas’ videos to Facebook with a post asking people to send a photo voting for their favourite.
Just a handful of customers today, but unusually they all bought books.
Till Total £204.50
9 Customers
TUESDAY, 24 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 2
Orders found: 1
It’s very unusual to have a customer waiting outside the shop when I open at 9 a.m., but there was a man pacing about impatiently at the door this morning. He asked if we had any books on the Middle East. We have a reasonable selection – two or three hundred books, some antiquarian, some up-to-date. He spent two hours there and bought nothing.
Just before lunchtime an elderly Yorkshireman came to the counter with three books about fishing, all fairly scarce. The total came to £66 and on being told this he demanded my ‘best price’, so I told him that the best price for me would be £100. His wife – clearly used to his haggling – burst out laughing and said, ‘That’ll teach you, George.’ Finally let him have them for £60.
Telephone inquiry about a copy of Dark Estuary by BB. The customer wanted every detail about the condition, which is described online as ‘mint’. It is tedious to have to explain that no, there are no tears to the dust jacket, there’s no inscription, no folded pages, no creases, no foxing, no bumped corners etc. when ‘mint’ already means that. After five minutes he seemed satisfied with the condition and asked if he could have a discount if he bought directly from us, rather than through Abe. The book was £8. I said that no, he could not. He hung up.
My mother appeared at 4 p.m. with the couple who are running The Open Book this week. They’re American: she is probably around fifty-five, he looks a bit older. He has a tattoo of a dolphin over his right eye. Went for a drink with them in The Ploughman after work.
The Christmas videos Nicky and I made are being shared a lot on Facebook.
Till Total £69.50
2 Customers
WEDNESDAY, 25 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 5
Orders found: 4
One of the shop’s few regular local customers, Ian, dropped in and asked if we could order two Terry Pratchett novels for him. He told me that he could get them on Amazon but would rather give us the trade. I could have hugged him.
Emailed John, the builder, about the chimney. We need to repair it before the weather really turns wintery and causes further damage. No reply, so I phoned Wacek, the Polish builder.
Message from Granny on Facebook: ‘Shaun, you shitty bastard, why you not write to the Granny? I miss Scotland, with the rain and the sheep.’ Replied that I’ll Skype her next week.
Isabel came in at two o’clock to do the accounts. She was raving about the ‘Night Before Christmas’ videos.
Telephone call at 2.30 from a man near Dumfries with 2,000 books to sell. I have arranged to visit him on Friday as he has Oxfam coming to collect them next Tuesday if I don’t get there first.
Till Total £73.49
7 Customers
THURSDAY, 26 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 2
Orders found: 1
Today’s missing order was for a book listed by Nicky last week. Hopefully she’ll find it tomorrow.
Telephone call from a man in Dalry (about 25 miles away). He has been charged with the task of disposing of the library of Donald Watson, the wildlife artist, who died in 2005. I’ve arranged to meet him on Saturday.
There were no customers after two o’clock, so I closed half an hour early and started reading Nan Shepherd’s The Living Mountain. It’s a short book, and comes recommended by Callum, whose taste in reading is quite similar to mine.
Till Total £144.50
4 Customers
FRIDAY, 27 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 3
Orders found: 2
Nicky was in with a bag of squashed welshcakes. She spent the first ten minutes of the working day scoffing them.
Wacek, the Polish builder, appeared at 10 a.m. and had a look at the problem with the chimney. He told me that he could fix it for £3,000 and could start in a week.
After lunch I drove to Dalswinton, near Dumfries, to look at the books the caller on Wednesday had told me were going to Oxfam if I didn’t get there first. The man selling them is a retired academic, and he and his wife live in a beautiful mill which they converted twenty years ago. They’re moving to a two-bedroom flat in the west end of Glasgow and have to dispose of most of the contents of the mill, including (so far) about two thousand of his books. They were charming, and I had a cup of tea and a chat with them before looking at the books, most of which were in agricultural feed sacks, with the more valuable books on the table in the sitting room, including a book signed by Bertrand Russell. I went through about five of the forty sacks to ascertain an average value (hoping that the rest were similar) and wrote them a cheque for £1,300, which was probably considerably more than I ought to have offered. It’s going to take a long time to break even. They helped me load the sacks into the van. Left at 4 p.m., home at 5.30.
Till Total £56.28
&nbs
p; 7 Customers
SATURDAY, 28 NOVEMBER
Online orders: 4
Orders found: 4
Nicky was in. She’s back to wearing the black ski suit again, now that the colder weather has set in, and the temperature in the shop drops below the legal requirement for working conditions.
We unloaded the sacks from the van and dumped them in the corner of the front room of the shop. It’s getting seriously cluttered now, with a dozen boxes of fresh stock to process, thirty-seven boxes of reject stock to take to the recycling plant in Glasgow, and now forty bags of God-knows-what.
I asked Nicky to prioritise the books in the boxes, as the more valuable material was in those, rather than the fertiliser sacks, whose contents were more modest in value. She gloatingly told me that she’s discovered that she is entitled to eleven days’ paid holiday a year. One of her friends told her. Neither of us had any idea that there was holiday entitlement for part-time workers, but it appears that there is. She’s backdating her claim for the past four years.
I left the shop at 2 p.m. and drove through torrential rain to Dalry to look at Donald Watson’s library. Donald Watson was a wildlife (predominantly birds) artist, and highly regarded. He wrote and illustrated a number of books, and as a young man was encouraged to follow this career by Archibald Thorburn, one of the most famous wildlife illustrators of the twentieth century. He lived in Galloway for most of his life, and died in 2005. I met the executor of the estate at his house on Dalry’s main street, and we drove up to the house: an attractive cottage in the town, but very run down, damp and dirty. The best of the book collection had been removed and given to a public library. What remained consisted of seventeen cardboard boxes full of a wide range of subjects, mostly of little value and in poor condition. I left with five boxes of the best of it, including a first edition Peter Pan.
Confessions of a Bookseller Page 27