by Cora Clark
Chapter Five
Robert Hanes
I needed to get out of the house and away from the lake for a bit, so the next day, I took a trip into town. Roseberg. I didn’t really have an agenda, apart from buying some more coffee, milk, and some food.
I got up early and took a cab ride, asking to be dropped off outside my old school. I paid the driver and got outside, instantly shivering. It was really cold, and the snow lay white and thick on the ground. I walked up to the gates of the school, finding a smile creep up as I eyed the red brick building. Not very big, actually a lot smaller than I had remembered it. I guess that had everything to do with my age and nothing to do with the building shrinking.
My gaze fell over the playground, the tables, and benches scattered around it, and the big windows of the school. I closed my eyes, remembering times where I sat at those tables. I didn’t have a lot of friends in school, in fact, I didn’t have any close friends. I always sat there alone, accompanied by a book or a notepad.
Before I started working as an editor, I used to enjoy writing books. It wasn’t something I did anymore. For some reason, writing stressed me out, even without a deadline. It was supposed to be fun and calming, but to me, it felt like I had the entire world hanging over my shoulder, waiting for me to finish the god damn novel.
Very far from the truth, as I never actually published a single one.
I took a walk into town with my hands warmly tucked in my pockets. I admired the old buildings, the cute shops, and the people walking around. Going to work, heading to get groceries, going to school.
I strolled at a slow pace, not being in a rush, and carefully took in everything I could see around me. But once I passed the old watch store, I stopped and looked through the window at the many shiny watches. It made me think of Dad. He used to spend hours in the place, chatting to the store owner, and sometimes buying a watch, and then showing it off to me and Mum.
I wonder why I remembered something so insignificant. Or maybe it wasn’t, maybe it was a very emotional memory I held of Dad.
But my sweet, innocent memories soon got replaced by the one I hated the most. Dad leaving. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since. I didn’t even know if he was still alive. Mum never told me why he left, and I didn’t know if she actually knew why herself.
Why would he leave us like that? Did he find someone else? Probably. I just couldn’t see any other reason. Personally, I could not understand why somebody would leave their daughter like that. Not a word, no letters, no calls. Silence.
I sighed and quickened my pace, feeling my feet starting to freeze inside my boots. I went through my shopping list at the grocery store and bought what I needed. A young girl with straight, blonde hair worked the till. I didn’t know her. I smiled and paid for my thinks, practicing my Swedish.
I called a cab and then got back to the house, realizing I hadn’t really been gone for very long. But then again, Roseberg was a very small town, it didn’t take long to get through it.
I unpacked the food and settled down on the couch, turning on the TV.
All those thoughts about Dad caused an urge within me to check out the photo albums, something I really didn’t think I was ready for.
But I just had to. I tried to focus on the mindless TV show playing, but I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I got up and pulled them out of the bookcase, wiping the dust off them before opening it.
And there it was. Memories locked inside photos. Truth. Things that happened. Things I didn’t remember.
I smiled as I went through the photos of me as a newborn, and as I turned the pages, I got older and older. Dad was in many of the photos, playing with me, being funny, and cuddling with Mum.
What happened, Dad?
I kept looking and eventually landed on the stage where I would have been ten, just before the accident. I felt my stomach churn as I got to the spot where there was a gap. Not an actual gap with empty photo slots, but a gap in ages. I was ten, and then I was around twelve.
Mum didn’t take many photos after the accident.
But that wasn’t what struck me the most about the photos. The clear unhappiness in my eyes was obvious. I now looked confused, scared, even, but the thing I hadn’t noticed as a child was how much my dad changed over the years.
His eyes went darker and darker, his smile fading. By the end, he was thin, bags under his eyes, and looked miserable.
Was it the accident? It couldn’t have been unless my dream had been a real memory. Could he have pushed me into the water?
I closed the photo album and sighed. No. No, he would never have done that to me. He loved me. And he loved Mum. At least for a while.
I put the album back where I had found it and instead pulled out my laptop.
Work. It would keep my mind off things.
Chapter Six
Putting the pieces together
The little girl watches the ripples of the dark water and smile. “Is there a lot of fish in the water?” she asks without taking her eyes off it.
“Yes, a bit.”
“Can you catch one?”
“That is what I am trying to do,” her father says.
The little girl smiles from ear to ear and then waits for him to pick up the fishing rod off the floor of the boat.
He doesn’t do it. Instead, he just looks at her. Sadness in his eyes.
“Are you okay, Daddy?”
He shakes his head but doesn’t say a word.
The little girl now feels uneasy. Why is he acting so strange? Why isn’t he fishing?
But she doesn’t get enough time to ask him again before being hit in the head by the ore. She yells out before feeling the cold water seep in through her clothes.
Sinking, sinking, and the world going dark.
I screamed. Sighing and cursing under my breath as I got up. I was getting really tired of the dreams. All I wanted was to have a nice, calm, and positive night's rest. But no. For some reason, my brain seemed to have gotten stuck on thinking my own dad had been responsible for me nearly dying.
He wasn’t. This had to stop.
I got out of bed and did my usual morning routine, and then checking my emails as I had my breakfast.
Head trauma. Was there any head trauma? I caught myself staring into nothing with coffee swirling in my mouth. Yes, I remembered there had been some head trauma. But how much? How much damage would the edge of a boat make if a little girl fell onto it?
I sighed and moved my laptop away from me. Instead, I picked up my phone and texted Hayden.
‘Got any work done yet?’
I waited with a stupid smile on my face.
‘Some. You?’
‘Yeah, some. What are you doing today?’
‘Hanging out with you?’
I giggled and wrote him back. ‘Yes! Do you want to come over?’
‘Sure, be there in halfa.’
I locked the phone and then trotted upstairs, getting dressed, and putting on some makeup. Just enough for me to feel more comfortable. I had just finished when there was a knock on the door. I smiled as I walked up to it and greeted Hayden, looking as cute as always.
“Hey, come in,” I said and stepped aside, letting him get in.
“What have you been doing, aside from working?” he asked.
“Oh, I went to Roseberg yesterday. Wasn’t there for long, though, wasn’t much to do.”
“Story of my life,” Hayden sighed as he sat down on the couch.
I sat down as well and turned the TV on for some background noise. “Hayden, can I ask you about something?”
He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, of course?”
I blew out a breath. “What do you remember about my accident?”
His smile faded and he began fiddling with his hands. “I was only young, I don’t know much about it.”
I eyed him. “But what do you remember?”
He sighed and eyed the TV as he spoke. “I… I remember my mum coming in and tell
ing me you had been in an accident. I was in my room, not sure what I was doing. I thought it was just… you know… nothing serious at first. But then I noticed she looked really concerned. I asked where you were, and she said the hospital.”
I nodded. “Did she say what happened?”
“Yeah, after we had been to visit. I asked her, and she said you fell off the boat.”
“Nothing else?”
He turned his gaze to me. “She said your father jumped in to save you, but you had already been in the water for a long time. That is all.”
I sucked my lower lip as I thought about it. “Okay, thank you, I don’t know what I was expecting to hear.”
He looked concerned. “Are you trying to put the pieces together?”
I threw my hands in the air. “I really don’t know. I have had these dreams… terrible ones, about the accident. And then I feel like someone is watching me when I am alone here.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s fine. I should have expected it to be difficult.”
“Well, I am here if you need to talk.” He reached out and stroked my hand, sending shivers down my spine.
I smiled at him. “I know. I have no idea what I would have done if you weren’t here. I probably would have left Roseberg already. Too many… memories, if you can call them that.”
“I can understand that. I will tell you whatever I know, whenever you want me to. But you know, I was young too, so my memories aren’t that good.”
I put my hand over his. “They are still better than mine.”
He smiled. “Have you spoken to your mum about it? I mean, before she passed?”
I shook my head. “No. I should have, but I never felt any need to know what really happened. I moved on, without looking back. I almost forgot about it all.”
“Well, I think that was it, not meaning to sound harsh or anything, but you and your dad were on the boat, you stood up, tripped, and fell in the water after hitting your head. I don’t think there is anything else to it.”
I leaned back, resting my back on the couch, then staring into the open fire. “I know. But these dreams, Hayden, they are telling me there is something I am missing. And there is this man there too, a man I don’t remember ever seeing.”
“What did the man do?”
“Nothing. But he looked threatening. Like he was an evil man, you know.”
“I don’t know about a strange man. Your dad had a few workmates over at times.”
I sighed. “That’s probably all there is.”
“What are you dreaming about the accident?”
I turned to face him, but for some reason, I couldn’t utter the words ‘I am dreaming that my dad hit me with the ore’. “Nothing. Just flashes of things which don’t make sense.”
Hayden smiled, a reassuring smile. “It’s the country air, like I said. And there is nobody here. Just me and you around this lake, for all I know. Nobody watching you.”
I smiled back, knowing he wanted me to feel safe, but I still didn’t. “I know. Just give me a few more days, and I’ll be all used to the country life.”
As Hayden turned back to watch TV, I swore I could hear a rattling sound behind me. I turned my head but could see nothing. I looked over at Hayden, who didn’t even blink an eye at the sound.
Am I going crazy?
Chapter Seven
Head trauma
I just couldn’t get over the fact that I kept dreaming about dad. Hayden left in the afternoon to do some work, and I found myself staring at the novel on my screen, not being able to focus enough to edit a single word. Instead, I opened the web browser and looked up the hospital in Roseberg. I found a number and dialled it without even thinking twice.
“Roseberg sjukhus,” a lady answered, and I got taken back for a moment, realising I needed to speak Swedish.
I chickened out and said, “Hi, my name is Octavia, do you mind speaking English?”
I could almost hear her smile. “Of course, how can I help you?”
“So… this might sound strange, but I had an accident as a child, and I was wondering if there is any way to access my records, and maybe book in an appointment for me to discuss it with a doctor?”
She was quiet on the other end for a moment before she said, “I can look you up, what is your date of birth, including the four numbers at the end?”
I had to think about that for a moment before I said, “Seventeenth of June nineteen-ninety, and three, five, eight, one.”
“Full name?”
“Octavia Emily Hanes.”
I could hear her pressing buttons on the computer for a moment, and I bit my lip, hoping she would find me.
“Yes, I can see you here, I’ll check if the doctor can see you today.”
I smiled. “Thank you so much.”
“Please hold while I check.”
I listened to the classical music playing as she put me on hold. I wondered if she was actually getting on to the doctor who saw me as a child. That would have been the best outcome for sure.
“Thanks for waiting,” she said, “Unfortunately he is busy today, but he is happy to see you tomorrow morning?”
I nodded as I responded, “Yes, yes, that’s great, what time?”
“Eight, is that okay?”
“Perfect. Thank you so much for that.”
“Not a problem, see you tomorrow at eight.”
“Thank you, bye,” I said and hung up the phone. I thought about the questions I would ask and found myself pacing the floor in the kitchen.
Head trauma. Was there any head trauma, if so, how much? Was there any foul play suspected?
I managed to get some work done throughout the day. I felt really good about it, actually, and managed to get back on track with the deadline of the book.
But as the sun set and the darkness arrived outside, I started feeling strange. I was watching TV with a cup of mulled wine in my lap as I heard noises around the house. I kept turning the volume down, listening and then deciding it was nothing. The wood was old, it could have been the planks expanding, or shrinking because it was getting so cold outside.
The only problem was; the noises didn’t fit that explanation. It was a rattling noise, like someone was dragging chains across the floors. It sent my heart into a constant state of panic as I tried to focus on the TV.
“What happened out there?” I heard a familiar voice say. I turned around, my heart pounding hard in my chest.
I saw Mum standing in the kitchen, arms crossed. “I don’t believe she just fell!”
Then I heard my dad’s voice. “What are you saying? Are you accusing me?”
A small child appeared in the staircase, sneaking, listening to the conversation. I was frozen in place and couldn’t hear the TV anymore.
“I don’t know what to think! How could you not have grabbed her when she fell?”
“I told you, I grabbed onto her jacket, but she was already in the water by then, it all happened so fast!”
I now saw Dad walking up to Mum, standing only a few inches away from her. “Are you going to tell the police you think I did it?”
She shook her head, tears now streaming down her face. “Of course not! I just want the truth!”
“I am telling you the truth!” My dad’s voice got louder, and he screamed in my mum’s face. She turned away, wiping her cheeks.
The little girl, me, quickly turned and ran back up the stairs.
Then they were gone. I blew out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding, and suddenly heard the TV again.
I tried to calm my breathing, placing a hand on my chest, feeling my heart pound through the skin. Did I just see that? Was that a memory?
I turned around, making sure the kitchen was empty and then went to get another cup of mulled wine. I was going crazy. These memories were getting too real.
I downed a cup, feeling it sting my throat, and then filled the glass back up again.
I checked the entire
house. Opened every door. Nobody there. I was just seeing things. When I was sure I was alone in the house, I sat back down on the couch and turned the volume up even more. I never thought memories would show up like this, like ghosts talking to each other, and I always saw myself as this… other person.
I finished my cup and placed it on the coffee table before deciding to head to bed. I brought my laptop and put on some YouTube videos to fall asleep to. I didn’t want to hear the chains rattling, and I most certainly didn’t want to hear my mum and dad arguing.
I closed my eyes, listening to a YouTuber critique a recent movie. I turned over and took a breath. Sleep. No dreams, just sleep.
When I slowly started to drift off, the scene of my parents arguing played in my mind once more.
Why was my mother doubting him? Did she see something? Why did she not believe him? What had he done for her to think it would have been more than just an accident?
Darkness surrounded me, and I fell asleep.
Chapter Eight
Hypnosis
My alarm went off at seven in the morning. I turned it off and rubbed my sleepy eyes, feeling grateful, as I had no dreams that night. I got up and jumped in the shower before getting ready to leave for Roseberg. I knew where the hospital was, but only because Roseberg was such a small town.
I called a taxi which showed up in just fifteen minutes. Surprisingly, I didn’t recognise the driver. So far, I had gotten a different driver each time I called them.
As I sat in the car, watching the snow fall from the sky and landing on the wet road, I wondered if I should text Hayden, letting him know what I was doing.
I decided against it, thinking that it would only matter if I actually got some useful information from the doctors. He was probably already thinking I was going crazy, and I didn’t need him to worry about my wellbeing.
The driver pulled up outside the hospital. I paid the fare and got out of the car. It was much smaller than I had remembered it as a child. I walked in and smiled at the receptionist. The smell of bleach filled the air inside, and the heater was on, making sure the people waiting weren’t cold.
“Hi, I’m Octavia, I have an appointment,” I said.