‘So, how’s things?’ he said as he handed her the glass of wine and sat down opposite her.
One large hand clasped his pint of beer; his other arm rested on the table in front of him. Quinn had to tear her eyes away from the raised veins on his forearms and her mind away from imagining those strong labourer’s hands on her body. ‘I’ve been better,’ she said. ‘But I’ve been worse too.’
‘Heard from Jess yet?’
Quinn had told him about Hannah’s suggestion and her meeting with Jess yesterday … in fact, she’d told him almost everything. It had felt natural at the time, but now, sitting across from him here, she realised she’d practically dumped her life story on a virtual stranger. And that made her feel foolish.
‘Not yet. So, what’s your story? Why did you want to see me today?’
‘Dunno. Been thinking about you a bit, I guess.’
‘You know you’re totally not my type.’
‘I’m not trying to score here, Quinn. I just wanted to make sure you’re all right.’
‘Well, I’m fine.’ Quinn said shortly. At least he’d come right out and told her he wasn’t interested. It wasn’t as if she’d come to score either, so at least they were on the same page … weren’t they?
‘I reckon you probably are.’
‘How old are you, Patrick?’
‘Thirty-six.’
‘What are the pavers for?’
He gave her an easy grin. ‘A retaining wall at Rapid Bay Primary School.’
‘Is that where you live? Rapid Bay?’ She was unusually nervous, and the questions wouldn’t stop bubbling out of her.
‘Nah, Normanville. Where do you live?’
‘Round the corner.’ She held his gaze, challenging him.
He looked faintly amused, then quickly switched tack. ‘When do you go back to work?’
Quinn’s cheer soured. ‘Next week.’
‘You’re just going to keep working for him after what he did to you?’
‘Well, I have to eat, Patrick, so yes, I’m going back.’ She threw back a mouthful of wine. ‘You don’t have to judge me for it. I’ve had quite enough of that from the cops.’
‘I’m not judging you, Quinn. I just wish there was another option for you.’
‘That makes two of us, bro.’
‘Yeah, sorry, mate.’
They finished their drinks in silence. ‘Want another?’ Quinn asked.
‘Nah, I’ve gotta get these pavers back. Can’t drink too much.’
The disappointment was flint in Quinn’s belly. ‘You don’t want to come back to my place for a tea or coffee before you leave?’
He smiled again. ‘If I do that, we both know what’s gonna happen.’
A bolt of desire flashed through Quinn’s hips. ‘Is there a problem with that?’
‘Well, my pavers might get stolen, for one thing. I don’t get paid so much that I can afford to buy more out of my own pocket.’
Quinn laughed. ‘Oh, come on. That’s a crap excuse.’
‘You don’t know how expensive pavers are.’
‘We’ve got chemistry. It’d be a shame to waste it.’
Patrick looked uncomfortable. ‘Last time we acted on it, you freaked out, and I don’t want to be responsible for that again—’
Shame transformed into anger. ‘It wasn’t your prowess that was the problem, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘It’s not. I’d rather it was that.’ Patrick stood up. ‘Come on, I’ll walk you home.’
‘I don’t need you to escort me.’
‘Bad luck, I’m doing it anyway.’
Quinn sighed and headed for the door, Patrick trailing behind her. They walked in silence up the street and around the corner until she stopped and pointed at her building. ‘Well, you’ve walked me. Good luck with your bloody pavers.’
‘I do like you, Quinn,’ he said.
‘Gee, thanks,’ she said sarcastically.
‘I don’t think you should feel like you need to jump back into things right away.’
Quinn groaned. ‘Why does everyone assume I need to become celibate all of a sudden? I don’t want to be made to feel ashamed to have sex.’
‘That’s not what I’m trying to do.’
‘You’re just not attracted to me.’
‘It’s not that either. But when we were together, you acted like …’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘You acted like I was attacking you. It was like you were reliving it. I don’t ever want to make you feel like that again.’
Quinn wished he’d stop being so fucking decent, because it was making it even harder to walk away from him. And she’d never had trouble walking away from anyone but Hannah before.
‘All right,’ she said. ‘This is it, then, I guess.’
‘I hope it’s not.’
There was a kind of swelling in Quinn’s chest, and her eyes dropped to her feet. ‘What do you want from me, Patrick?’
‘I want to be your friend.’
Her throat felt thick. She jutted her chin out. ‘I don’t do friends.’
He gave her a strained smile. ‘Well, that’s your mistake.’
‘Yeah, OK.’ Quinn rolled her eyes. ‘Thanks, Doctor … Patrick. I don’t even know your bloody last name.’
‘It’s Yates.’
‘OK, then. Seeya, Patrick Yates.’
She turned and walked into her building, not daring to look back, because that would be to admit how much she wanted him to follow.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
HANNAH
The beginnings of a hot day could already be felt in the air; later, the sun would beat down, flashing blindingly off the iron fence, but at this time of morning most of the backyard was still in shade. Hannah sat, coffee in hand, watching Grace on the swing. The boys were inside, playing Minecraft on the Xbox, and she’d closed the glass sliding door to muffle their squabbling.
‘Mummy, look at me!’ Grace cried. ‘I’m a superhero!’
‘You sure are,’ Hannah said.
She scrolled through Facebook, liking the occasional post. Almost every week she swore she was going to give up social media, but then she’d post a photo of the kids and the validation of likes would pull her back in again. And with three more weeks of school holidays remaining, she knew she would keep trying to fill that bottomless cup by documenting their every activity. It gave her the semblance of control she craved; ever since she’d seen Angela Harris again, ever since Quinn had been raped, ever since she’d been spending more time with Quinn, she’d felt herself unravelling, bit by bit. Everything seemed to be a reminder of Joseph, of the person she’d once been; at every turn she was faced with the memory of what she owed Quinn. It wasn’t Quinn’s fault of course, but before all this, Hannah had barely thought about the accident in years. Funny how she’d often longed to escape the bonds of her family obligations, and now they were her escape.
She drained the last of her coffee. Quinn was expected back at work in three days, and Jess still hadn’t let her know whether she was willing to speak up about Simon. Hannah knew she should be there to support Quinn, but ever since Ethan had gone back to work she’d been tied up with the kids, and it’d been too easy to put distance between them again. During the week away and their night out, the return of the old intimacy she’d shared with Quinn had been wonderful, but now Hannah’s life had returned to normal, she felt further away from Quinn than ever. She knew the inaction was driving Quinn crazy, and Hannah had the feeling she’d been out playing the field again. She couldn’t understand why Quinn acted this way. If she’d been raped, sex would’ve been the last thing on her mind, especially with complete strangers. But it had been Quinn’s coping mechanism for everything since she’d caught the so-called love of her life groping another woman. Back then, Hannah had applauded her for rewriting her own narrative and unleashing the tiger within, but now, at the age of forty-two, it just seemed a tiny bit pathetic.
But then, hadn’t Hannah reinvente
d herself once, too? Emerging from the fog of fear, she’d managed to finish her degree, then she’d abandoned her plan of a career in corporate law and instead become a prosecutor where she’d exorcised her guilt standing up for the powerless. And when sensible, stable Ethan had walked up to her at a party, she’d been all too ready to be led placidly away from the chaos Quinn represented and into this life.
Hannah knew she needed to be ready to support Quinn if she didn’t get an answer from Jess soon, ready to help chase up other women who had left the agency. When they’d first started speaking to the other law students about Joseph, she’d been surprised by the resistance they’d come up against. Harris had been well liked, so those who hadn’t been on the receiving end of his manipulation had reacted with outrage and disbelief. And the others, Hannah later discovered, the ones who had fallen for his charms, who had done things they hadn’t wanted to just to keep their heads above water, they had been at first angry and defensive, and then ashamed. It had hurt, learning just how many women he had done this to. There’d still been a tiny part of her, hidden deep inside, that had wanted to believe she was different from the others. That all the things he’d said to her had been for her only. Maybe that was why she’d still gone away with him that night, even after learning what he really was … the hope that she really was special.
But, as it turned out, there’d been nothing special about her at all. Other than her charming capacity to believe all the wonderful things he’d told her about herself. Her bruised ego, her embarrassment, her shame – and the anger that had grown out of it – were the real reasons she’d lost control in the end.
‘Mummy, watch this!’
Hannah looked up from her phone just in time to see Grace go flying off the swing in a perfect arc, her arms trailing out behind her. For one faultless second, she was suspended in the air like a bird, then her feet hit the lawn, her legs crumpled and she pitched forward straight onto her face. Hannah leapt up and rushed over to her. Grace pushed herself up to a sitting position and threw herself into Hannah’s arms, wailing.
Hannah ran a hand over all her limbs, checked for scratches and broken bones, brushed the dirt from her face, then hugged her daughter tight. ‘You’re OK. You’re OK. It was just a shock, that’s all.’
They sat in the grass until Grace sniffed and rested her head against Hannah’s shoulder. ‘I’m OK now, Mummy.’
It was times like this, when Grace was all sweet and soft, and not throwing tantrums or antagonising her brothers, that it was easy for Hannah to forget that she’d never wanted a third child. While she was sure there must be people with unexpected pregnancies who were elated at the chance to do it all again, to have another baby to cherish, Hannah’s first reaction to the positive pregnancy test had been dread. Sam had been going to start school the following year, and Jet was only two years behind him. After so long away from work, it had almost been within her sights. The idea of starting all over again, delaying her career for another five or six years, was like a tiny death.
She’d remained in denial for weeks, putting off telling even Ethan while she figured out what she was going to do. When she had finally told him, he’d been shocked at first, then elated, grabbing her in a hug and spinning her around in a scene that wouldn’t have been out of place in a rom-com. And that was when she’d known that abortion wasn’t an option. She’d never gone so far as to raise it with him, but he’d made this off hand comment one day that people in stable relationships with the financial means should never make that decision, and she’d felt too ashamed to bring it up. So she’d hidden the truth deep inside herself all this time. The only person she’d ever considered telling was Quinn, but she knew her friend would judge her for an entirely different reason: for putting a man’s wishes above her own body, her own emotional needs, her own career. Even now she still grappled with guilt in the face of her love for the funny, sweet, force of nature Grace had become. The child was a gift and it was impossible to wish her existence away now, but she couldn’t forget the helpless rage that had dogged her throughout her pregnancy, and even when Grace had been a newborn. It was worth it, without a doubt, but it hadn’t been an easy road.
The sliding door rumbled open and the boys burst out. ‘Mum, Jet just said Minecraft is stupid, and it’s not,’ Sam complained.
‘Yes it is,’ Jet said.
‘It’s just because you’re so bad at it,’ Sam shot back.
‘Mum, I’m hungry,’ Jet said.
‘Colour me surprised,’ Hannah said. ‘Have a banana.’
‘No! I want something else.’
‘What are we doing today?’ Sam asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Hannah said. ‘It’s going to be really hot.’
‘Can we go to the pool?’ Jet said hopefully.
‘Last time I took you all to the pool on my own, you jumped in the deep end and the lifeguard had to scoop you out. It’s a wonder they didn’t ban us forever.’
‘I won’t do that this time.’
‘You say that now.’ Hannah got up from the lawn and took Grace’s hand. ‘But when you get excited you don’t listen.’
‘We could see a movie?’ Sam suggested.
‘And have Jet kick the seat in front of him the whole time?’
Jet groaned. ‘We never get to do anything cool.’
‘You poor deprived children.’ Hannah smirked. ‘All right, come inside. I’ll make you all a fruit platter.’
‘Can I have my own plate?’ Sam asked. ‘I don’t want Jet’s and Grace’s germs all over my fruit.’
Quinn called while Hannah was cutting up the fruit. Hannah balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she answered.
‘She’s not going to do it,’ Quinn said.
Hannah’s heart sank. ‘Jess?’
‘She said she doesn’t want to relive the whole thing again.’
‘You can’t really blame her for that,’ Hannah said carefully. ‘We always knew it was a long shot.’
‘Yeah, but I can blame her for throwing me under the fucking bus,’ Quinn snapped. ‘Along with the other women he’s probably done it to. Not to mention the ones he hasn’t got to yet.’
‘Have you had any luck chasing down any others?’
Quinn sighed. ‘I thought of a couple of possibilities and tried to contact them on Facebook, but they haven’t responded. I feel like Jess was my only chance, and she didn’t even care enough to help me.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I haven’t even told the police whether or not I’m dropping the charges yet.’ Quinn’s voice was flat. ‘And I have to go back to work in three days. What am I going to do, Hannah?’
The weight of the problem bore down on Hannah. Quinn had been leaning on her so heavily, and she did want to help, but there was a small part of her that needed a break from all this. Then, as it always did, the potent mixture of guilt, obligation and fealty gnawed at her stomach. Quinn hadn’t given up on her when she’d been in trouble. Hannah owed her.
‘Do you have a key to get into your work?’
‘Yeah, why?’
‘Pick me up at ten o’clock tonight. I’ll fill you in then.’
Hannah hung behind as Quinn slid the key into the lock, using the light from her phone screen to find it in the dark. They’d parked up the street a little way and gone to the back entrance, but she was still nervous. While it wasn’t exactly illegal for Quinn to enter the premises after hours – it wasn’t like she’d stolen the key – what they were about to do was definitely on the wrong side of the law. But it had been Hannah’s idea in the first place, and Quinn had leapt on it with the desperation of someone who was drowning.
‘Do you know where the HR records are kept?’ Hannah asked as they stepped inside and Quinn closed the door behind them.
‘They’re in a filing cabinet in Svetlana’s office.’
Down the end of a shadowy hallway was a dark office. The surface of Hannah’s skin shivered with apprehension. What if one
of the partners came in to get something? Being here was one thing; they could always make up some bullshit story. But if they were caught with their hands on personnel records, they could end up back at the police station, but for an entirely different reason.
When they reached the office, Quinn shut the door before turning on the light. The office had no windows and was cramped and gloomy despite the fluoro light that flickered overhead. A computer perched on a desk strewn with paper and pens and Post-it Notes with scrawled messages. A sturdy, grey steel filing cabinet stood in the corner. The whole scene looked as if it had been abandoned for only a moment, and though all of Hannah’s instincts screamed at her to get out of there, she went straight to the filing cabinet.
‘It’s locked,’ she said as she tried one of the drawers. ‘Somehow I didn’t consider that.’
‘Don’t worry.’ From the desk drawer, Quinn pulled out a jingling set of tiny keys. ‘Svetlana isn’t big on security. She has her network password on a Post-it on her computer screen.’
She unlocked the filing cabinet and opened the top drawer. Despite Svetlana’s disregard for order on her desk, the records were all impeccably filed in alphabetical order in hanging suspension files.
‘The problem is that I can hardly remember any of the women’s names,’ Quinn said. ‘We could be here all night going through all these records.’
Now that she was faced with the comforting order of the filing system, Hannah’s agitation settled and her brain kicked into gear. She closed the top drawer with a steely zing and went straight for the third drawer. ‘Forget about their records. We’re going straight for Simon’s. Mandalay, isn’t it?’
‘Of course.’ Quinn dropped to her knees beside Hannah. ‘I’m glad you’re here. I would’ve been going through them one by one if it weren’t for you.’
Hannah walked her fingers over the tabs at the top of the suspension files until she found the one she was looking for: Mandalay, Simon. She pulled out the manila folder from inside and placed it on the floor between her and Quinn. ‘You want to do the honours?’
The Favour Page 17