‘You weren’t … you wouldn’t really have killed him, would you?’ Quinn said tentatively.
Hannah held her gaze for a long moment, and a cold shadow started to spread inside Quinn.
‘Of course not,’ Hannah said. ‘I just wanted to give him a bit of a scare.’
Quinn avoided her eyes. ‘Because you seemed kind of serious.’
‘Well, we got what we wanted, didn’t we?’ Hannah said. ‘He’ll go to jail. Besides, you seemed pretty serious when you had the gun.’
But it had been different with Hannah; Quinn had known that in the moment, and she knew it now. That coldness … Hannah had not only been prepared to kill Simon, she’d wanted to.
‘Anyway, none of that matters now,’ Hannah went on, picking up her wine glass. ‘It’s over. No one ever has to know you stole that gun. You didn’t even tell Patrick, did you?’
Discomfort needled at Quinn’s neck. Was there an implied threat in Hannah’s words? After the scene with Simon at Big Sky that night, Hannah had made a point of saying they were even, but now Quinn realised that they could never truly be on equal footing. Quinn had held Hannah’s secret over her head for twenty-one years, and now it was Hannah’s turn. It was a secret that had bound them together all this time, and now it was a secret that would keep them that way. As long as they had to ability to destroy each other, there could never be complete trust between them. They would always have to tread carefully.
But despite the danger each represented to the other, Quinn couldn’t envision a life that wasn’t intertwined with Hannah’s. Almost without thinking about it, her hand found Hannah’s; their fingers interlaced with the familiarity of a lifetime.
‘You’re right.’ Quinn rested her head on Hannah’s shoulder. ‘It’s over.’
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you to everyone at Pantera Press for continuing to support my writing.
Thanks, as always, to my wonderful editor Lucy Bell, without whom I may not have written this book in the first place. It was your enthusiasm from the earliest idea and your gentle encouragement when I’d lost confidence that gave me the inspiration I needed to smash out the first draft in forty-six days and meet that deadline.
Thanks both to Lucy and to Lex Hirst for reading that first draft and for your awesome feedback that helped me to tighten the story and bring the themes together. And thank you to Ali Green for believing in me as an author and for always taking the time to pass on your lovely feedback.
This book is above all about the joys and complexities of friendship between women, and I owe so much to all the women who have made my life richer, funnier and more fulfilling.
Thank you above all to my beautiful friend Nic Schubert for the most affirming, supportive friendship full of honesty, love, industrial-strength sarcasm, dick jokes and endless, endless laughter. Thanks for being there for me through everything, for the sheer amount of our material that made its way into this book, for the numerous silly things we’ve done together, for being my brain twin and for letting me introduce you to Buffy. Forever thankful our son and daughter brought us together so we could create the Nic–Bec bubble. I would do anything for you. Love you, Fucko.
Thanks to Finn, Cael and Lata for the brilliant, funny, difficult, cute forces of nature that you’ve become, and for providing plenty of inspiration. I can’t even pretend that the kids in this book aren’t you.
Thanks to George for your support over so many years. And no, the character of Ethan is in no way based on you.
BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS
1. What are some of the important themes of this novel? How effective do you think this story was in examining them?
2. Do you agree that close friendship is as important a relationship as romantic love?
3. Is Hannah and Quinn’s relationship healthy? Would they still be friends without the favour?
4. Do you think there are similarities between Hannah’s dark past with her tutor and Quinn’s experience with her boss?
5. Hannah and Quinn seem to have polar opposite lives – Hannah a married, stay-at-home mum of three, and Quinn a single and successful businesswoman. Do you think the women have similar personalities underneath it all?
6. Do you think the domestic arrangement between Ethan and Hannah is reasonable? Does it seem like a common family arrangement?
7. Is Ethan a good father and husband?
8. Are the social expectations of motherhood that Hannah faces unrealistic?
9. What are some of the judgements each of the characters experience, and why do you think they face them?
10. Did Simon consider Quinn a friend? Do you think he felt entitled to his actions?
11. Was Quinn treated fairly by the police?
12. When the system failed her, was Quinn’s attempt to take matters into her own hands justified?
13. How is Quinn’s sexuality weaponised against her? Would the same thing happen to a man?
14. Does Hannah trust Quinn, and vice versa?
15. What do you think the future holds for each of the women?
16. What do you think the future holds for Simon?
REBECCA FREEBORN
Rebecca Freeborn lives in the Adelaide Hills with three kids, a horse, more books than she can fit in her bookcase and an ever-diminishing wine collection.
She works as a communications and content editor for the South Australian Government, where she screams into the void against passive voice and unnecessary capitalisation. She writes before the sun comes up and thrives on unrealistic deadlines.
Rebecca is the author of Hot Pursuit (2018), Misconception (2019), The Girl She Was (2020) and The Favour (2021).
THE
GIRL
SHE
WAS
REBECCA FREEBORN
A seventeen-year-old girl is just never, ever in her prime. Ever.
Hannah Gadsby
NOW
Layla Flynn was breaking up a fight when she got the message. Her two children grappled with each other in the bath, sloshing warm water over the rim and soaking Layla’s shoes. She pulled Ella away from Louis, half-heartedly threatening, for the fifth time, to pull out the plug, then took her phone from her back pocket. On the screen, there was a notification from Facebook Messenger; a message from a woman whose name she’d never expected to see again.
I know what you did.
No preamble, no sign-off, just those five words.
An all-too-familiar unease glimmered deep inside her. It’d been twenty years since she’d left Glasswater Bay. She’d long ago stopped wondering whether anyone would find out what she’d done. It was in the past, and Layla didn’t dwell on the past.
Louis filled his mouth with water and spat it in his sister’s face, and within seconds they were splashing each other again, sending waves of water onto the bathroom floor. Layla pocketed the phone and lifted her son’s squirming body out of the bath.
She’d ignore the message. No one could prove anything now.
THEN
Sweet sixteen and never been kissed. God, I was such a cliché. Except that I was seventeen, which made it even more pathetic.
Sitting here against the wall at the Glasswater Bay High School social, watching as half my classmates coupled up and began to sway awkwardly on the dance floor: a wallflower, Grandma would say. The blue, purple and white lights from the rotating disco ball overhead didn’t reach the bench where I was, so I could sit in gloomy anonymity, the paper plate balanced on my lap littered with pastry crumbs. My gaze flicked irresistibly to my friend Shona, whose lips were locked with her new boyfriend’s, their pelvises fused together, his hands clutching her bum.
Renee bumped into me as she plonked down on the bench beside me. ‘Why don’t they ever play decent music at these things?’
‘If they played Magic Dirt or Regurgitator, I might actually enjoy a social for once,’ I agreed. ‘I don’t know why we bother coming.’
‘Well, for that.’ Renee threw an arm out toward
s Shona and Daniel. ‘Look at them. Practically dry-rooting.’
‘They’ll be rooting for real later on.’ I laughed to cover up the sting of this fact. I’d had an unspoken and unrequited crush on Daniel for the last year. But considering I’d never done anything about it, let alone told my two best friends, I could hardly be angry with Shona for asking him to the social. So now she was pashing my one true love while I watched like a creepy weirdo in the darkness.
‘We need to find you a guy,’ Renee said. ‘I bet you could hook up with anyone here. You look totally hot tonight.’
I glanced down at my black dress that I spent half my wages on last week. The bodice would’ve looked sexy on any of my classmates, but my almost-flat chest made me look like a twelve-year-old pretending to be a high-class escort. I was what was charmingly known as a ‘late bloomer’, confirmed by the lack of romantic interest throughout my high school years.
Renee was sweet to say so, but I knew how I really looked.
‘It’s not like we’re inundated with options,’ I said, ignoring the fact that none of the boys here even knew I was alive. ‘Glasswater’s a dive full of pigs and losers.’
Her eyes scanned the room. ‘What about Sam? He’s cute.’
I screwed up my nose. ‘His idea of humour is telling the whole class how many times he wanked on the weekend.’
‘OK, who else? I know, Rasheed! He’s hot in a nerdy kind of way.’
‘Rasheed’s nice, but we’ve got nothing in common.’
‘You’re both brainiacs,’ Renee pointed out. ‘And you both like reading. Maybe he could read your lips.’ She chuckled.
I couldn’t help laughing. ‘Thanks, but I think I’d rather wait for the right guy.’
Renee gave me a wry smile. ‘Babe, you know I love you to death, but if I leave it up to you, you’ll never make a move on anyone. Do you really want to start uni next year having never kissed a guy?’ She glanced over her shoulder. ‘Look, he’s over there by himself. I’ll go talk to him.’
‘No, Renee, don’t.’ I tried to restrain my friend, but she’d already escaped, sidling between the gyrating couples until she reached Rasheed.
My face burned as she spoke to him. Rasheed was nice and all, and good looking too, with his golden skin and long-lashed dark eyes, but he was even more self-conscious than I was. I’d rarely seen him speak outside of being the first to answer all the teacher’s questions in Biology. But Renee had a point about popping my kissing cherry before I finished school. The older I got, the more I felt like a giant loser. But doing it with Rasheed? No doubt he’d never kissed anyone either. He probably wouldn’t even come over.
He was coming over.
Renee was clutching his hand and grinning at me in triumph as she delivered my prize. He looked embarrassed to the point of physical pain. I almost felt sorry for him, until I remembered that Renee had just told him I liked him and now I was about to be rejected by a guy I wasn’t even interested in to begin with. Renee deposited him on the bench beside me.
‘You kids have fun!’ She winked at me. ‘I’m going to get a Coke.’
Humiliation fizzed in my belly as she sashayed away. I darted a glance at Rasheed. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey.’ He shifted uncomfortably, as if he was trying to move further away from me without being too obvious. We both stared straight ahead as the ballad ended and was replaced with an energetic Destiny’s Child number. The guys peeled away from the dance floor in a wave while the girls whooped with glee and formed circles to shake their manes and wiggle their hips. I tried to think of something to say to Rasheed, but my mind was blank, and the longer we sat there, not talking, the more the discomfort swelled in my throat.
‘Read any good books lately?’ I finally managed to squeak.
‘Sorry?’ Rasheed leant closer to hear my voice over the music. His cologne smelt nice – spicy and woody. I repeated my question, and to my surprise his face lit up. ‘Yeah, I’ve just finished Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb – have you read it?’
‘Sorry, I haven’t heard of it.’
‘It’s an epic fantasy. Do you read much fantasy?’
‘Uh, no, not really.’ So much for having something in common.
We resumed our uneasy silence and stared out into the crowd. I spotted Renee gesturing at me from where she was dancing with Shona, giving me the what are you waiting for? signal. I frowned and shook my head at her. An early eighties song came on and there was a cry of joy from the dance floor. The night was almost over, and I wanted to be up there with my friends, dancing and having fun, but instead I was stuck here with Rasheed, vying for the position of Lord Mayor of Awkward Town.
Then Rasheed said something I couldn’t make out, and as I moved closer to hear him better, he launched forwards and our teeth clashed. He drew back a little, mumbled an apology and then his mouth was on mine again. For a few seconds, I was frozen, then his tongue was in my mouth and I was trying to kiss him back, but our teeth kept knocking together and it was all very, well, wet. Was this really what I’d been waiting for all this time?
Just as I was wondering how I could politely break contact, there came the sound of whooping over the metallic synth-pop music. Rasheed drew away, smiling shyly. On the edge of the dance floor, Renee and Shona were clapping and cheering. My face flushed hot and I shuffled away from Rasheed, tugging my dress down over my thighs and wishing I could wipe my mouth. Renee swooped in and took my hand, pulling me to my feet.
‘Come to the ladies with me.’ She threw a smile over her shoulder at Rasheed as she led me towards the toilets. Shona fell in beside me.
As soon as the doors closed behind us, they both threw their arms around me and jumped up and down. I laughed. ‘You guys are more excited about this than I am.’
‘Layla Flynn, the tongue-wrestling champion!’ Shona declared.
‘So, how was it?’ Renee asked as we turned to the mirror to reapply our lipstick.
‘It was bloody gross,’ I said. ‘I can’t believe you actually enjoy doing that.’
‘Oh, I love kissing!’ Renee enthused.
‘It gets better.’ Shona inspected her teeth in the mirror. ‘It’s like sex. The first time sucks, but the next time is better, and by the third you can’t get enough.’
I stared down into the sink. Both my friends had lost their virginity when they were fifteen, and I was still going on about how yucky boys were. Renee bumped her elbow into me gently. ‘You know what, Rasheed’s probably just a crap kisser.’
‘I guess it wasn’t that bad,’ I lied. ‘I just don’t really like him that way.’
‘At least you’ve done it now,’ Shona said. ‘You’ll be bonking before you know it.’
‘Speaking of which,’ Renee said, ‘is bonking on your agenda tonight, Shona?’
‘Well, Daniel’s taking me to Bruiser’s party after this, so we’ll see what happens. But I have precautions!’ Shona plucked a string of at least five condoms from her make-up case and unfurled them with a flick of her wrist.
They burst into giggles, and the ache in my belly grew. It’s not as if I was anything more to Daniel than a cardboard cut-out beside my hot friends, but the idea that Shona was probably going to have sex with him in the back of his car tonight made me shrink inside a little.
Shona snapped her case closed. ‘Let’s go, bitches.’
The music had stopped and the lights were on when we emerged from the toilets. Students milled around in small groups, saying goodbye or finding out who was going to Bruiser’s party. Shona made a beeline for Daniel, who was chatting with his mates, and Renee and I trailed behind her. Just as we reached them, Rasheed materialised, eyeing me nervously. He looked unsure what was expected of him.
Daniel nodded towards Renee, Rasheed and me. ‘You guys coming to Bruiser’s party? There’ll be booze.’
Rasheed flushed. ‘I can’t, sorry, my mum is picking me up.’ He stole a glance at me. ‘See you at school on Monday, Layla?’
‘Sure
.’ I tried not to show my relief that the whole encounter was over.
‘I should go.’ He began to back away. ‘She’ll be waiting out the front.’
Daniel snorted as Rasheed turned and hurried towards the exit. ‘Can’t keep Mummy waiting!’ he said, loud enough that Rasheed must have heard him.
‘Hey, don’t be mean!’ Shona elbowed him in the ribs. ‘What about you guys? Coming to the party?’
‘Absolutely,’ Renee said.
I hesitated. I’d told my parents I’d stay at Renee’s place for this very reason, but after the kiss, my mood had tanked. I didn’t feel changed, or more mature, or different in any way. I was still the same geek I’d been before I bumped teeth with Rasheed.
‘C’mon, Lay,’ Shona said. ‘We’ll find you someone else to pash. Someone who’s better at it than Rasheed.’
‘I don’t know—’ I started, but I was cut short as Daniel let out a bellow of laughter.
‘You pashed Rasheed? That’s scraping the barrel, isn’t it?’
I wasn’t sure whether he was insulting me or Rasheed, or both of us, but suddenly Daniel didn’t seem quite so attractive anymore. ‘I think I might just go home.’
‘No, come, please!’ Renee took both my hands and gave them a little shake. ‘It won’t be the same without you. Have a few drinks and you’ll be right.’
I squeezed her hands. ‘I’m a bit over it tonight. Sorry.’
Shona gave Daniel a push. ‘You didn’t have to be such a dick about Rasheed.’
Daniel grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him, slinging his arm around her shoulders. His possessiveness both annoyed the crap out of me and made me feel small with envy.
‘Fine.’ He winked at me. ‘If the lady doesn’t want to go, then we’ll give her a lift home.’
My annoyance dissipated and my estimation of Daniel went back up. ‘Thanks. That’d be great.’
The Favour Page 29