Tainted Plans

by Jenn Vakey

  “Hi, Mom,” I said, staring up at the shimmering star. “I hope you don’t know what’s happening now. That you’re too busy up there to have checked in. To know that I lost her. Lost Lillith. My Tainted twin.” I sighed, tears filling my eyes. “You would have been proud of Dallin. He did everything he could to get us out of the city. But it wasn’t enough.”

  I pulled in another breath, unable to get the rest out. To tell her just what had happened that night. Where Lillith was now. I just wished I knew what they were doing to her. The people of Eden feared Tainted. Hated them. Were they hurting her because of what she was? That seemed so wrong. Yes, Lillith had an ability, but she was sweet and gentle. Innocent.

  “What are you doing out here?” a voice asked, filling the quietness around me.

  I hadn’t heard him coming, too lost in my thoughts to pay attention to anything going on around me. It wasn’t a surprise, though. In fact, it actually made me smile, if only a little. “I’m beginning to think there are several of you walking around,” I said, turning my head just enough to see where he had stopped only a few feet from the table.

  Rhydian dropped his brow, bemusement sweeping through his expression as he tried to make sense of what I’d said.

  “Surely the one of you can’t be everywhere all the time,” I explained.

  The confusion lessened, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he simply stood there, waiting for me to give him an answer. It was more than a little uncomfortable.

  So I didn’t make him ask again. “I’m talking to my mom.”

  Now he just looked at me like I was crazy. I couldn’t really blame him there. Knowing how important safety was here, and the fact that they had to verify my identity, I had no doubt that he knew my mom had passed years before.

  “Do you know your constellations?” I asked. He nodded, not taking his eyes off of me. I turned my gaze back up to the sky and pointed. “Delphinus. When we were little, our mother pointed to that star at the tail of it. She told us stories about what a magical place it was. A bright, colorful world with large open lands. When you ran through them, the grass would reach out to tickle you. There were trees in every color that grew candy and cakes, and there were no laws. Everyone there was nice, and they weren’t needed. For years she added more and more, saying it was where she wanted to live when we could leave the wall.

  “When she died, Lillith told me that she finally got to go to the magical planet. That she was there now, watching over us from the middle of those fields,” I trailed off, my thoughts drifting back to the look on my mother’s face when she would talk about it. The excitement in her eyes, the longing in her voice. I sighed.

  Rhydian hadn’t taken his eyes off of me as I spoke. When I looked over, I saw an almost thoughtful look filling them. That hardened, arrogance about him chipped away. For the first time, there wasn’t any hint of distrust there.

  Catching me looking back at him, though, he turned his attention up to the sky, looking in the direction of my mother’s magical haven.

  “How did you know I was out here?” I asked.

  It took a moment, then he looked back down. “I couldn’t sleep. I heard you leave.”

  I fought back a snarky remark, one that I knew would risk bringing the conversation to an end. I didn’t really want it to end. Not just because Adler needed me to get close to him. It was because the man that stood beside me now was almost comforting to be around. Willing to listen to me ramble without teasing or telling me those thoughts didn’t belong in our society. So many things didn’t belong in Eden’s society. Rules and standards I hadn’t even really realized were a suffocating weight until they were gone.

  “I wanted to both apologize and thank you for the other day,” I told him. “When you found me in the woods.”

  He gave me another perplexed look, still not saying even a single word more than he had to. But it was enough to make me continue.

  “With the laws in Eden, we weren’t allowed to show any of the anger we felt outside of our homes. Dallin, Lillith, and I never really had any reason to fight. I didn’t realize until I was taking my frustration out on you just how good it could actually feel. How much I needed it.”

  His neutral expression melted away into the faintest of smirks. It actually looked like he was trying to hide it, though failing miserably. “So you’re apologizing for losing it, but thanking me for giving you a reason to?”

  I had to laugh. I agreed that it sounded a little ridiculous. “Pretty much.”

  “What, you didn’t get to release your pent up tension on people during your Sentry training?” His words were the same accusatory remarks, but his tone was lighter now. More teasing than anything else. Definitely a nice change, and something I appreciated in the moment.

  I rolled my eyes and said, “You’re relentless.”

  Rhydian shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets as he closed the distance and leaned back against the table. It was a welcome sight. One that said the conversation wasn’t about to abruptly end.

  When he didn’t respond, I looked back up at the stars. It was a clear night, and the sky was littered with more of them than I could ever hope to count. Who knows how many of them had planets around them. Somewhere out there two people could be doing exactly what we were doing. Just sitting in silence, staring up at the sky.

  “Did you come here alone or with your family?” I asked after a few quiet minutes went by. Several long seconds passed without him answering, so I turned my head toward him and found him just looking at me. There was an edge to it now, though. Like I had crossed a line. “What?” I grinned, suddenly very self-conscious. “Is it some big secret?”

  He seemed to study me for a moment, as if still trying to decide if he trusted me enough to answer. I was beginning to think that he was just going to wait in silence until I changed the subject when he finally said, “My family doesn’t know I’m Tainted.”

  I know there was no hiding my surprise at that. He would have had to have been my age or younger when he came to Alkwin if he was leaving to escape the test. All I could think about was how lost we would have been without Dallin. Neither Lillith nor I had any idea what to do, or even where to start looking for answers. Without him, we never would have even had the chance to leave before the test.

  “How did you…?” I started, unable to pull together just how I wanted to phrase the question.

  He must have sensed where my thoughts had gone, because he went on without waiting for me. “There was a girl I knew who was Tainted. Her family worked with the network to get her out, and she told them about me. We left together.”

  There were so many questions that I wanted to ask. Why he wouldn’t have just told his parents? What did they think happened to him? But as curious as I was, I didn’t want to push. That would just make him shut down.

  “That couldn’t have been easy,” I said instead.

  Rhydian looked away, a tension in his shoulders that wasn’t there before. He didn’t respond. I didn’t really expect him to. I could only imagine what his life must have been like if he hadn’t trusted his parents enough to tell them the truth.

  “Is your friend still here?” I asked, trying to cut through the awkwardness that now surrounded us.

  He shook his head, focus still trained on some unseen thing off in the distance. “She was killed a few years ago. She was captured by Sentry when we went into Eden for something.”

  No wonder he had gone after the royal family. I didn’t agree with his actions at all, but they were the ones that made the laws. The ones that made it impossible for everyone in this city to even live in the only place we had ever known for the past four hundred years. And they made it just as hard to leave. I would be lying if I said I didn’t blame them a little too. King Phineas had been there that night. He knew that my sister had been taken. That we had wanted nothing more than to leave his city. And he allowed her to be stolen from me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said softly. I didn't know what e
lse to say. The truth was, I actually felt bad for him. And that only made me feel guilty. I was planning on turning him over to those same people to get my sister back. In some ways, I felt like that actually made me worse than them.

  He nodded. “It was a long time ago.”

  That might be true, but I could still see that hurt in him. The same one I felt at the loss of my sister. I was going to get her back, though. I was. So I didn't really know how to respond.

  “Do… do you want to talk about it?”

  His gaze finally turned to me, and I was met with a look that said he thought I was being ridiculous. Maybe I was.

  “What?” I asked, forcing a playful smirk. “Afraid I'm going to go running to my secret Eden contact with your deep dark secrets?”

  I knew I was pushing him, and I blamed it on being tired. But he wasn't leaving, wasn't getting defensive and telling me it wasn't any of my business. And I wanted to know. Needed to know.

  Letting out a sigh, Rhydian looked down at where I was still lying on the table and lifted himself up to sit on the edge. “Have you ever heard the term girlfriend?”

  I nodded. “I actually learned that one recently.”

  He gave me a knowing nod and said, “Evanly and Zaydan. Anyway, Maizie was my girlfriend. We were just friends in Eden. My father wouldn't allow me to court her. She was born with a hereditary condition.”

  He didn't need to explain why that was important. Eden liked to weed out hereditary problems. If someone was diagnosed with one, they were surgically altered so they couldn't have children. This prevented it from being more than just the occasional problem to pop up. If it was a child, the procedure was performed when they reached the tenth year. Fathers didn't usually approve of their children marrying someone they couldn't have children with. Not unless they had one of the lower vocations. I didn't know where Rhydian had been placed, but he didn't seem the type for one of those.

  “We started dating when we got here, and we were together for about a year,” he went on. His tone was heavy, and for the first time, I could actually see a hint of some real emotion there. Something other than anger or frustration. “We had just ended things a week before she died. There's not really much more to say than that.”

  There was. I didn't even need to know that he was lying to know that. It was written all over his face, in the way his body shifted slightly as he pushed the words out. Was that guilt? If he blamed himself, it would explain his abrasive attitude. The way he hardly seemed to let any emotions show other than the negative ones.

  “A guy asked Dallin to court me right after Lillith’s abilities showed,” I said, not really knowing anywhere else to go from there. “I didn't really know him. He was a patient of mine. Despite the fact that I distinctly remember being very short with him and telling him that if he was going to waste my time lying to me, he could just leave untreated, he called on Dallin the next day and asked.”

  That got a smile out of him. I imagine it was more from having no difficulty at all picturing me saying that than anything else. Either way, I would be lying if I said I didn’t take a little pleasure from being able to get that reaction. “What did he say?”

  I smirked, recalling the look on Dallin's face from where I had hid around the corner so I could listen. “That he didn't care who the guy was, no one was going to be courting one of his girls without taking the time to get to know us first.”

  “Isn’t that the whole point of courting in Eden?” Rhydian asked, but I could hear that amusement there. “You court so you can get to know them and determine if the marriage would be a good fit.”

  Shrugging, I told him, “Dallin plays by his own rules, but only when it comes to making sure the people he cares about are happy. He wouldn't say yes to anyone unless he knew we would have actually wanted him to.”

  I didn't have to say more to make him understand my point. Fathers had every right in Eden to grant permission to a man to court his daughter without her consent. That's not to say that she couldn't call it off later down the road, but it was considered in poor taste not to at least wait a month or two. During that time, she couldn't be courted or even show interest in anyone else. That was the way it almost always worked.

  “Sounds like an interesting guy,” he said.

  I nodded my agreeance, looking back up to my mother's star. “He's a really good guy. Even as a Sentry he was known for treating everyone fairly and with respect. It didn't matter what their vocation, sex, or status were. I think even you might like him.”

  “For a Sentry with a Sentry spy as a daughter.”

  I laughed.

  CHAPTER TEN

  I knew there were nightmares after I had finally fallen to sleep, evident by the fact that I woke up covered in sweat, with tears soaking my face. I didn’t remember them, though. Maybe that was for the best. I didn’t want images of what they could be doing to my sister filling my waking thoughts. Even if they were just dreams.

  Settling into life in Alkwin was easier than I thought it would be. After breakfast, again filled with laughter and playful stories from the others, I went to the schoolhouse for my first job of the day. Originally it was supposed to be working in the garden. My time with Rhydian must have earned me more trust than even I had guessed, because I was now on child care duty. Of all of the jobs assigned in Alkwin, to me this one really did require the most trust. Children were innocent and unable to defend themselves the way adults could. I thought I’d be shadowed during it, but when I walked into the school to pick them up, the teacher, an older woman with silver hair that hung in curls down her back, just smiled at me and dismissed them into my care.

  There were nine children, aging between three and ten. They looked at me warily when we walked out, but I couldn’t really blame them there. I was a stranger.

  “Are you from Eden?” a little girl asked me as we walked around the building toward a small playground that had been built for them. She was no older than seven or eight, with curly blonde hair and big brown eyes.

  “I am,” I said, giving her a kind smile. It was more forced than I would have liked. It wasn’t really her fault. It was her hair. The same shade as Lillith’s. Seeing it brought back that pain that I had been trying so hard to clamp down.

  Most of the kids ran off immediately, but she didn’t. She just stood there, staring up at me with a mix of suspicion and curiosity in her eyes. “My mommy says that people in Eden who aren’t like us are bad. That they hate us.”

  I looked down at her, wanting more than anything to tell her she was wrong. Just to take away that note of fear and anger that I could hear in her voice. But I couldn’t. Not entirely.

  I sat down on the bench of the table nearest to the playground, not surprised when she took a seat next to me. This might have been their play time in between their lessons, but some children valued knowledge more than leisure time. I had been like that as a child, and I could see she was the same way.

  “What’s your name?” I asked.

  “Melenia,” she said, not taking her eyes off of me.

  I glanced back to the playground, doing a quick mental count to make sure I hadn’t lost track of any of the children, then turned back to Melenia. “I’m Leeya. And your mom is right. There are people there who aren’t nice to the Tainted. Not all of them are like that, though. I’m not Tainted. I think a lot of people are just scared of what they don’t understand, but I do know that there are people there who aren’t Tainted who will still try to help them instead of hurting them.”

  Her big eyes narrowed even more at my words. I could practically see the battle raging behind her eyes. Caught between believing what her mother had told her and her own opinion of me so far. “You aren’t like us?”

  I smiled and shook my head. “My sister is.”

  “Where is she?” she asked, turning her head so she could look around.

  That pain welled up again, threatening to consume me. But I took in a breath, pushing it back down. “She’s still in E
den.”

  She nodded, a sorrow filled look in her eyes. One far too old for her pretty little face. “My daddy is still in Eden. We got separated when we were leaving. There were bad men coming and he told my mommy and me to run. Maybe he’ll get out some day and come find us.”

  The hope in her eyes broke my heart. I had no idea how long she had been here, but I knew the truth in it. If her father hadn’t come yet, he wasn’t going to. Another person struck down by the city we’d once called home. Killed because they weren’t happy just letting us leave. It wasn’t enough just to remove Tainted people from Eden. They wanted to exterminate them.

  To my relief, a little boy sitting on one of the swings yelled for Melenia, waving his arm in a dramatic gesture to call her over. She smiled, then jumped up and ran off before I was forced to lie to her. To give her false hope.

  Her story hit me harder than I thought capable coming from such a young child. I knew what I had lost. That had been the focus of everything since I woke up on the street after meeting with Adler. But my story wasn’t unique. Looking out at the children playing, I wondered how many of them had lost someone or been separated from their family in an attempt to flee Eden. How could a society that had been built with the purpose of survival go after people like that? Break apart families, killing them? It didn’t make sense to me. They had taught us in school that Tainted people were evil, wanting nothing more than to wipe us all out. But wasn’t that what the government of Eden was doing? How were they any better?

  How was I any better?

  Shaking my head to clear those thoughts out, I let my eyes sweep around the area. Taking in the peaceful beauty of it. As I did, I caught sight of Rhydian again. I might have been teasing him when I said that there had to be more than one of him walking around, but it was beginning to feel more and more like that. He was always there. Not just there, he was watching me.