by Jenn Vakey
Rhydian walked over first, taking the discarded clothes and tossing them into a stone pit that was filled with ashes. Then he lit them on fire.
While they burned, he turned toward the woman. I could see he was struggling, but he was trying to look composed. Needing to get things done correctly.
“What's your name?” he asked.
“Nysa Diederich,” she answered.
“And your daughter's?”
“Effie.”
He nodded, then looked back at me. Silently asking. I nodded myself. She was telling the truth. “Did you check the mark?”
“One like mine,” I answered.
That seemed to be enough for him. He motioned the others back over, then we turned toward Alkwin. Nysa didn't fight it when Jaron picked her up this time. She just looked exhausted. I imagined she was actually grateful for the opportunity not to walk.
I didn't even argue when Auggie walked over and took the crossbow and my bag from me. We were behind the wards. I was safe. I was with the people I trusted.
We were nearing the edge of Alkwin when Rhydian grabbed my arm and stopped me. “I’m going to take Leeya to get her cleaned up before she goes back in,” he said. They all looked at me, no one questioning the need for it. I didn’t know how bad I looked, but I could imagine. It was in the silence that had followed us back. The fact that barely a word had been spoken in the last hour and a half.
The others left us at that, walking back toward the city. Rhydian kept his grip on my arm and turned me to the left, walking me off into the woods. Toward the river.
I just went with him, waiting for him to say something. I knew there was a lecture coming. I even braced for the possibility that he would yell at me. Demand to know why I would do what I did.
He didn’t.
We continued in silence until we reached the bank of the river. When he finally released his hold on me, he just stared ahead at the water, like he was trying to figure out what to do next. How to get me clean.
I walked a few steps forward and looked down at the surface of the water. Seeing myself for the first time. There was blood covering the majority of my face, splash marks all the way up to my hairline. It wasn’t just my face, though. It covered my chest and my arms. Something I had been avoiding looking at since I walked out of the woods. It was dried now, and could have passed for mud had we all not known what it was.
“That’s kind of gross,” I said dryly, breaking the silence.
Rhydian looked over at me, staring for a moment. Almost like he didn’t even understand what I’d said. Then he sighed and shook his head.
I could see why he was questioning how to clean me off. There was so much of it. I was tempted to just jump in, but the thought was actually tiring.
“Just use my shirt,” I said, looking back over to meet his eye. There was no point in trying to salvage it at this point. It would be better just to burn it.
Rhydian’s eyes narrowed slightly from hesitation, his gaze moving over my torso.
“What?” I asked. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me without one before.”
He folded his arms, but made no motion like he was going to oblige my request. “And as much as I don’t want to argue when you’re telling me to take your clothes off, I’m pretty sure you’re in shock right now.”
I should have blushed at his statement. The fact that I didn’t was further proof of the tenseness of this situation.
I rolled my eyes and pulled my shirt over my head, dropping down to my knees at the water’s edge. I knew as I pushed the shirt into the cool water to soak it that he was right. This wasn’t something I would normally do, not even around him. I couldn’t seem to care in that moment, though. I just wanted it off of me. I needed to feel clean.
Rhydian sighed again and dropped down beside me. He took the shirt from my hand and grabbed my chin to hold it still while he wiped my face clean. I watched him, seeing a look of torment in his expression. There was a lot that he wanted to say, but he was holding it back. I didn’t really need to hear it. I was fairly certain I knew what it would be.
“Did he touch you?” he finally choked out as he tilted my chin and started wiping my neck clean. His brow dropped, stopping me from giving an answer. I didn’t understand it for a moment, then I felt just how tender the skin was as he ran the shirt over it. Watched the flash of rage hit his expression.
“Just there,” I answered. “Apparently I was being difficult.”
A faint smirk met his lips, some of his tension easing. “Of course you were.” That humor didn’t last long, though, as the anger quickly took hold again. This time I knew he was ready to tell me exactly what he had been holding back. “What the hell were you thinking, Leeya? No one leaves the wards alone. Auggie never should have let you go out there. We have our rules.”
“And he made the right call,” I said quickly, feeling a little more like myself now. I knew it was the direction the conversation was going. Focusing on my actions instead of the man that I had killed. But I wasn’t about to care. “She would be dead if I didn’t go. She was so close to bleeding out when I found her, and the Sentry were just a few minutes behind. We got her back, and I’m fine. Besides, I’m not Tainted. They couldn’t have used me to get through the wards.”
He stopped wiping, his eyes moving to mine. That had been the wrong thing to say. I could still see his anger, but something else was starting to move to the forefront. Concern.
“You have no idea what he was planning to do to you, do you?”
I did know. It seemed so inconceivable at the time. Stuff like that didn’t happen in Eden. It was in his eyes, though. In his words. The way that he had no problem at all touching me.
“And I stopped him,” I said gently, wanting to lessen the pain he was feeling. The fear. “I gave a little girl her mother back.”
I expected him to argue more, but he just dropped back on his heels and stared at me. There wasn’t anger in it, but almost like he couldn't believe what he was really seeing. Like he was seeing me for the first time, a new level of respect coming with it. Even though I knew he would never admit to it.
We didn’t talk again as Rhydian wiped the rest of the blood from my chest and my arms. Then he took off his own shirt and tugged it down over my head, helping me put my arms in. I closed my eyes and moved my nose to the shoulder. It smelled like him, and made me feel so very safe. Then he helped me to my feet and we walked together back toward Alkwin.
“Do you have any idea how worried everyone was when Auggie came running back into camp carrying a child and you weren’t with him?” he asked, his tone more normal now.
I looked up at him, but I didn’t respond. How worried everyone was, or how worried he was? I didn’t have to ask. I had seen it the moment his eyes first met mine on the path. Even with me being back, it still hadn’t gone away.
I let my hand brush against his as we walked, our fingers barely tangling together in those few seconds before they separated again. Just enough to let him know that it was okay. I was okay.
“I don’t want him to get in trouble,” I said as we neared the border of camp. Close enough to hear the people there, but still out of sight. I knew this wasn’t a conversation we could have around anyone else. He was one of the leaders of Alkwin. I was the new girl who couldn’t seem to stay out of trouble. It wasn’t my place to question the way things were done. “He fought me pretty hard on it. He didn’t want to leave me behind. Don’t be mad at him.” He looked over to me, but I could tell he was. It sent a shot of fear through me again. I didn’t know how people were punished here. I couldn’t stand the thought of Auggie being held responsible for something I had done.
I grabbed Rhydian’s hand and stopped him, turning him so he would face me. “Please. I needed that. I needed to save her.”
There was so much conflict in those green eyes of his. He was struggling with my request, but he finally nodded, then dipped his head down to press his lips gently against mine. It wa
s nothing more than that, just a second that our lips were together before they parted, but somehow it felt so much more intimate than the fever filled kisses we’d shared before. Then he brushed his thumb gently over the bruise on my cheek and led us back through the tree line.
Auggie and Zaydan were sitting at the table closest to us when we walked out. Auggie looked nervous, and I couldn’t blame him. Just as much as I couldn’t let him have to face Rhydian’s wrath because of this mess. Zaydan also looked worried, but for his brother, not himself.
Rhydian let out a deep sigh beside me. I knew he wasn’t happy with my request. I also knew that I was both the reason he was as upset as he was, and the reason he was willing to even consider not punishing him.
Auggie jumped up when we approached, his eyes finding the bruises that were forming on my throat. “I'm sorry, Leeya,” he said, his dark brown eyes filled with guilt. Pain. “I never should have left you.”
I gave him a kind smile, and although I felt slightly uncomfortable doing so, I pushed up onto my toes and hugged him. It was a new feeling, because Rhydian had been the only guy I had hugged other than Dallin. It definitely didn't feel the same way.
Interesting. So not all guys made my body react the way it did when Rhydian touched me. It was him that made me feel like that.
“Thank you for letting me help her,” I said, pulling back to look at him.
He looked startled, his gaze shifting warily to Rhydian.
Rhydian looked between me and Auggie, his face void of any expression. I could see that anger in his eyes, though. Strong enough that I thought for a moment it would overpower what I had asked of him. “Has the mother been seen by Noella?”
They both nodded, but Zaydan was the one to answer. “Leeya got her patched up. Noella said she just needed fluids and rest.”
Rhydian nodded. “I’m going to go take Leeya to get looked at. It was less than desirable circumstances, but a successful retrieval,” he said, the words looking almost pained as they came out. “Make sure everyone knows to be more on guard. They’re always more aggressive after one of theirs is killed.”
“They might not find him,” I said, and they all looked to me. “He was pretty deep in the woods. The others were all left closer to the path. Although, one of them did see me before I shot him with a tranq, so…” I shrugged.
I could see Rhydian was biting back a response. He just gave a tight nod, then walked me toward the clinic. After crossing through the training field to drop off our weapons, though, we made a detour to the dorm. I didn’t say anything as I walked with Rhydian to his room. He pulled open a drawer and grabbed another shirt out, tugging it a little harder than needed to get it over his head. Showing just how angry with this entire situation he still was. I didn’t bother changing myself. Though I doubt I would have admitted it to anyone, I needed that extra level of security wearing his gave me.
He didn’t even suggest it, or give me the option. The moment he stepped out of his room, he took my elbow and steered me back out and toward the clinic.
Noella was in the front room with Nysa and her daughter. I smiled at the sight. “How are you feeling?” I asked.
Nysa’s eyes teared up, squeezing her daughter tightly in her arms. “Thank you,” she said.
Noella looked over at me, her eyes moving from my throat to Rhydian’s shirt that I wore. “I’ll be in in a moment,” she said, struggling to keep her own worry from showing.
I shook my head, grabbing a few things out of the drawer. “I’m okay,” I told her. “Just some bruises and a scrape on my arm.”
I thought she might insist, but she simply nodded and watched as I walked down the hall and into one of the open doors. I didn’t attempt to shut it behind me, just like I didn’t bother looking to see if Rhydian was going to follow me in. I just waited to hear the sound of the door closing as I jumped up onto the bed, placing the supplies down beside me.
He walked straight toward me, watching as I pulled the sleeve of the shirt up. I wasn’t going to try to do it myself, because I knew he would just take over. Besides, I think I needed that. I needed to feel the care he showed when he tended to me. I needed to feel that connection to him.
“You’re going to need to make a report about what happened,” he said, spraying the grey canister over the scrape to clean it. “It doesn’t have to be done now, but it’s required when a Sentry is killed.”
I nodded. “Can I just tell you now?”
Rhydian looked up and met my eye, that same pained expression as before. I wasn’t sure he actually wanted to know everything that happened. At the same time, if he was anything like me, he needed to know. He nodded.
I went over everything with him, starting with the argument I had with Auggie about letting me go in the first place. I told him about finding her on the road unconscious, and leaving the false trail. He actually smiled at that, giving me a look that said he was proud of me for being so clever. Then I told him about them splitting up and me taking out the first one. I didn’t even leave out the part about missing the first shot.
The hardest part was watching him struggle not to react when I told him about the man I had killed. The moves he had taught me that I used against him. The things that he had said to me. The fact that I knew which arrow I had grabbed, and I knew what stabbing him there would do.
He stood there silently through it all, cleaning my arm and taping a bandage to it.
When I was done, he ran his fingers gently over the bruise on the side of my face. I closed my eyes and pushed into his hand, taking pleasure in the way that it felt.
“You’re making it very hard not to kiss you right now,” he said softly.
I opened my eyes and found him looking down at me. He looked so raw, so exposed. I actually liked seeing it on him. I had seen the way he was with everyone else in camp. So certain all the time. It was like this side of him was only for me to see, and it made me feel incredibly special.
“Because I defended myself awesomely?” I asked, wanting to see him smile. Even if it was only a small one. But he didn’t.
“Among other things,” he said, his eyes moving between mine, around my face.
Part of me knew that this was the exact thing that I was supposed to be avoiding with him. I had my plan to get Lillith back, and I needed my focus to be there. There was also the things that he had done. Seeing him like this, the way he was looking at me, the care for me that I could see there… It was making it so hard to even consider taking a step back from him. The thing that really scared me was that I think I needed him. I could feel it when I was out there and I was scared. It wasn’t a need for him to protect me, but just to feel the strength that he gave me. The comfort.
“I’m sorry I scared you.”
Rhydian sighed and dropped his forehead down against mine, closing his eyes as he sighed. Then, after a few seconds, he dipped down and kissed me again. It was slow this time, yet surprisingly intense. His hand cupped my face when my lips parted and he deepened it, but the pace never increased. It wasn’t about the heat or the excitement that was between us. It was fear, relief. Feelings, deep feelings. It was about telling me exactly what he had been going through in those hours. He’d thought he had lost me.
And it felt like my heart was breaking.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I had thought a week would be enough to get my head straight and get ready for what I needed to do. It wasn’t.
Things were so different in the days after that horrible ordeal in the woods. Not just with Rhydian, but with me. I found myself rethinking everything I had ever thought or believed. Lying awake at night, I kept picturing that man as he died right in front of me. Died because I had taken his life. I talked to Rhydian about it. Another one of our nights out on the picnic table. He really was the only person I thought I could talk to who would understand.
It took some time, but I had accepted it. As Rhydian said, it was my life or his. He also wasn’t just some innocent person. He told me th
at there were men like that, even in Eden. That what he had planned to do to me, he had likely done with other women. That he would have continued it. Most importantly, he would have killed me. Killed Nysa.
One outcome that surprised me after that horrible day was the way that I saw Rhydian for the things he had done. I still didn’t understand them, and I knew I never would without talking to him about it. Something I couldn’t do without telling him how I knew. But the more I saw, the more I had to deal with, the more I hated Eden.
Rhydian might have killed people, important people, but he genuinely cared about those in his charge. On the other hand, the king had no problem taking people in his care and having them murdered. It was like the line between good and bad was blurring in my mind, and I was trying to make sense of it. I might have eventually gotten to the point that I could, but I didn’t have time for that. I didn’t have time for anything anymore.
Adler wanted Rhydian at first light in the morning. Delivered to him outside of the archway. He had said before that he wanted to deal with Rhydian himself, which meant he would also be there. If I didn’t get him out, Adler was going to go back to Eden and kill my sister.
That meant that I didn’t have a choice but to make my move tonight.
My hands moved mindlessly over the plants in the garden, pulling off everything that was ready to be picked and placing it in the basket next to me. I had my plan now. I would leave as soon as I could get out of Alkwin without anyone noticing. Then I would travel all night, hiding along the side of the path when Adler and his men passed. After that, I just had to get back to Eden before he did.
I would be tight on time, but I needed to go straight to Dallin and tell him what was happening. Then, if there was time, we could get Paxton. From there, we would just have to wait for Adler to come back and follow him to wherever he had my sister. Although, admittedly, I still had no idea how I was supposed to get back inside the wall. I just had to hope there would be some way to open the passageway I had left through from the outside.