by Amy Ruttan
Even when Calum’s mother was broke and needed money to buy food to feed him and his sister, their father couldn’t be bothered. His father had a facade of charm and made people trust him, believe in him, but he didn’t care about anyone.
A narcissist. That’s who his father was.
Pearl’s not a narcissist.
He knew that. She really cared for her patients. She was tender and kind.
Compassionate and passionate about her work under the ice-queen exterior. It’s why he was drawn to her. She seemed real when he spent his life surrounded by fake people.
Calum got up and followed after her—there were a few things he wanted to say to her. Pearl was almost at the end of the hall, where the main reception area was, and he didn’t want to call out to her in front of his receptionist, who was a bit of a gossip and and had known him from his days as a resident, when he and Pearl had worked under Dr. Chin and learned all they could.
She remembered that they had been together, that there had been a baby, but he couldn’t let her get away.
“Pearl, wait!” he called out.
She turned around, shocked. “Calum? Is there something wrong?”
He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to tell her how he felt that day she left, but he just couldn’t get the words out and it made him angry that he couldn’t.
There was so much he wanted to say to her but couldn’t.
And there were things that he only wanted to keep to himself about that horrible night. Things that he felt that she didn’t deserve to hear, but he still wanted her to know how her leaving had crushed him so completely.
For the last five years he’d been thinking of these things in his head, of what he would say if he saw her again. But now that he was presented with the opportunity, he couldn’t get the words out.
He just couldn’t do it.
She’d hurt him so badly, he wasn’t going to share his heart with anyone again. Least of all with her.
“Why don’t I come with you now to see George?” Really, he didn’t want to go anywhere today. He had a lot of charts and paperwork to catch up on, but he couldn’t think of any other reason to have chased her down the hall.
Like a fool. And that’s what he was.
He was a fool chasing after her like he’d chased after his father.
“You want to come see him now?” she asked, confused.
“He must be in pain.”
“He is,” she said softly.
“Then it’s better I go and see him now instead of forcing him to come here. I can do an initial exam there and then schedule him for regular clinic days. I’m sure you have the facilities to accommodate me.”
“I do.” She smiled, that warm genuine smile that not many people had seen when they were residents, but he’d seen it.
“You have a great smile you know,” he’d said one day.
“What?” she had asked, stunned, looking up from her charts.
“Your smile. You’re kind with patients and you mean it, but with other doctors you’re cold and you hide yourself away. You hide your feelings. Why?”
She straightened her back and her blue eyes were wide with fear. “Patients are different. They’re not in competition with me.”
“You think residency is a competition?”
“Isn’t it?”
“I never thought of it that way,” he said.
“Surgery is a competition. Surgeons are competitive by nature.”
“Well, I’m not here to compete. I’m here to learn and save lives.”
Her expression had softened, but only for a moment, and then she’d turned back to charting.
That had been the first time she’d sort of let him in.
He learned after that she’d been raised by two tough-as-nails surgeons and she was good at locking away her emotions, but that smile—that was the smile that he fell for. It was almost as if she was letting him inside the walls she had put up to keep people out.
“Good.” He pulled out his phone. “Give me the address and I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes?”
“Sure.” She took his phone and punched in the address of the Bridgers’ training facility. “I’ll see you in half an hour. I’ll call George now and have him come down to the training center.”
He nodded and took a step back, as if trying to distance himself.
He didn’t really know what he was doing. Why was he going there?
Because she smiled. You’re a sucker for that smile. Even after all these years.
Pearl smiled. She showed her softness toward a patient and she came to him and asked for help. That’s when he melted for her, and here he was falling into the old trap again.
Once again Pearl had turned his whole world upside down.
“See you then.”
The elevator opened, she got in and the door shut, and it was then he frowned. Angry at himself for letting her in again.
You’re a softie, Calum.
And he hated himself for that.
He knew one thing—this was as far in as he was going to let her.
He wasn’t making the same mistake twice.
CHAPTER TWO
CALUM FOUND THE Bridgers’ training facility quite easily.
He knew where it was. His father had repeatedly invited him here since he won his medical award. Finding the place was the easiest part of this whole situation.
What am I doing?
He couldn’t believe that he was actually here. He could have waited until this patient came to the hospital, but no, he had to offer to come here instead.
He had gotten carried away with memories when he saw Pearl. The way she cared for her patients got to him every time. If he hadn’t been so reckless and chased after Pearl, he wouldn’t have had to come.
You’re doing this for the young athlete, not her. Remember that.
And that’s what he had to focus on.
When he entered the modern building near Haight-Ashbury, he was impressed by the new architecture that blended with the old. The Bridgers might be a fairly new team to the Bay area, but they were sparing no expense.
The last time he had talked to his father, he had gone on and on about the financials of the new team. Apparently it was okay to back a new professional sports team, and let his ex-wife and his children starve.
Of course, now his father saw some use in him since he won the scientific award and the large grant that went with it. Looking around at the reception area of the Bridgers’ training center, Calum started to feel that old resentment in himself rising.
That old resentment he felt when his father would put work over family.
State-of-the-art equipment and a professionally decorated reception area with expensive art and marble floors—this is what his father valued over him.
Over his mother.
His father valued possessions.
He had to get control of himself; he wouldn’t let his father in here. He wouldn’t let his father interfere with his job. Calum had a cool, professional relationship with his father and that was it.
That’s all it would be and he wouldn’t let all those old emotions throw him into a tailspin. He had worn his heart on his sleeve once and had it shattered.
There was no way that he was going to do that again.
“Calum!”
He turned and saw Pearl walking toward him. His pulse quickened seeing her and he hated that she still had this effect on him.
He hated that he lost control.
“Pearl,” he responded gruffly.
“I’m so glad you agreed to come here. George is having a hard day,” she said gently.
“It’s no problem.”
“Good.” There was some tension to that smile. Her back was ramrod-straight and she stood there smiling awkwardly.
Honestly, he felt the tension, too, and he kept his hands jammed in his pockets.
“Why don’t you follow me?” Pearl suggested, turning.
“Okay.” He fell into step beside her. He tried to keep his distance, but being so close to her again, catching that whiff of her coconut shampoo, still felt the same as it did five years ago. It was hard not fall into old patterns.
It was hard not to reach out and take her hand like he used to.
So he walked rigidly beside her, trying not to come in close contact.
“I know this is hard,” she said, breaking the silent tension.
“What’s hard?” And he inwardly groaned, not wanting to talk about it.
She turned to face him. “I don’t want this to be weird between us. You said you wanted to be colleagues on this case and I want that, too.”
“We are.”
Pearl cocked one of her finely shaped brows. “Come on, Calum. We’re both adults, what happened—”
“We’re not going to talk about what happened,” he snapped, cutting her off. “That’s in the past.”
Her blue eyes widened, but only briefly. “Okay.”
“Let’s focus on the patient,” he said stiffly. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about what happened five years ago.
The last thing he wanted to do was feel any kind of emotion that was attached to that horrible moment in his life.
Truth be told, the last thing he wanted to do was feel at all. And he was envious she seemed so detached from it all, but that’s the way she had always been and why other residents, except Calum and a couple of others, had called her the ice queen.
Right now he wanted to think of her like that.
He didn’t want to think about all the times the ice queen had melted under his touch and had set fire to his blood.
He was here to do work. That—focusing on the patient—was what he intended to do. Calum followed Pearl into an exam room. The young athlete, George Vaughn, was sitting on an examination table, his bad leg outstretched and with ice.
He smiled a bright smile, his dark eyes twinkling when he saw Pearl. Not that Calum could blame him—Pearl was a beautiful woman.
“Hi, Doc!”
“Hi, George, this is my colleague Dr. Calum Munro and he’s one of the best orthopedic surgeons specializing in osteosarcoma.”
George grinned at him and held out his hand. Calum took his hand and shook it. The young man was strong, but wiry, which was good for a linebacker. He could run.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Munro,” George said politely.
“Same, George. How is your pain level today?” Calum asked, pulling over a rolling chair so that he could sit and examine the leg.
“It’s about a seven. The ice is helping,” George responded tightly.
Calum highly doubted the ice was helping. The lines in the young man’s face told another story. The pain George felt was deep, bone pain. A tumor infiltrating the nerves. George was trying to put on a brave face, like most of the young men he had as patients tried to do.
He was glad George was determined to fight this cancer. You needed to remain strong to fight the disease, to beat it. You needed mental strength to keep going when your body wanted to give up.
Calum had seen it enough times. He had seen it in his mother.
“Do you mind if I have a look?” Calum asked.
“Go ahead.” George winced as he leaned over and removed the ice pack. There was swelling near the knee and the moment he gently touched the area, George sucked in a deep breath.
Calum finished his examination, which included using his Doppler to listen to the blood flow in the leg.
“Do you think you can help me, Doc?” George asked hopefully.
“I’m going to look at your labs and your scans. From there I’ll confer with Dr. Henderson about the best course of treatment.” Calum couldn’t give George an answer just yet. He didn’t want to give false hope to the young man. Not until he had all the facts, but Calum was going to do his best to help him.
George smiled. “Thanks, Doc.”
Calum grinned and patted the young man on the back.
“Let me help you,” Pearl said, reaching out to grab George’s arm as she and Calum helped him off the table. Pearl handed him his crutches. “Do you have a ride back to your place?”
George nodded. “Yeah, the coach brought me in and he’s going to take me back. No doubt he wants to talk strategy.”
“Strategy?” Calum asked.
Pearl laughed. “My friend George here, besides being one of the fastest linebackers I’ve seen in a while, is an excellent play strategist. He’s been assisting the coach with that while he’s on leave.”
“Yeah, but that’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life,” George said quickly. “I want to be back on the turf.”
“We’ll do everything we can to make that happen,” Calum said, instantly regretting his words.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Only he couldn’t help it. He felt bad that George was missing out. How would he feel if he couldn’t live his dream of becoming a surgeon?
Life was not fair.
He was keenly aware of that from when they had lost the baby and then he had lost Pearl, too. Life had dealt him a raw hand and he was going to try and make sure that the same thing didn’t happen to this young man. He couldn’t guarantee success. It was cancer and there was no cure. Only treatments.
“Right,” Pearl said cautiously.
“Dr. Henderson and I will strategize this afternoon,” Calum teased, winking.
George grinned and opened the door. “Thanks, Docs!”
Pearl helped him out of the exam room and watched to make sure that he got down the hall, before she came back into the exam room and closed to the door. She crossed her arms, her lips pursed.
“So we’re going to strategize, huh?” she asked.
“Of course. Isn’t that what colleagues do?”
* * *
“Yes. That’s what they do,” Pearl answered, a bit stunned. She was pleased that Calum seemed so optimistic about George’s cancer, because she didn’t feel that way. Of course, Calum was always the more optimistic one.
Not that she could really blame him. With her upbringing and dealing with her parents, anyone could be more optimistic than her, but it still always amazed her Calum was more optimistic than her. His childhood had been no better. Still, over the years she was trying to improve herself. Trying to see that brighter side of life, but it was hard to do that with her parents always reminding her she wasn’t good enough.
Everything good in her life had been taken from her. Everything.
“Stop crying, Pearl. You’re embarrassing me!” her mother had hissed, shaking her as she stood outside the hospital door where her grandmother had just died.
“But, Grandma... I can’t... I miss her.”
“You think you’re the only one?” Her mother sighed, annoyed, and ran a hand through her hair frustrated. “Who will watch you now?”
Pearl wiped her tears. “I can stay with you. I won’t cry. I promise. I won’t cry.”
Her mother sighed. “Crying shows weakness. You can’t show weakness.”
Pearl nodded. Inside she was bursting. Her heart was breaking. She wanted to cry, but if she did her mother would send her away. She swallowed the pain. It sat like a rock in her.
“I won’t cry. I swear,” she’d insisted.
Her grandmother had taken care of her, loved her, and then she had died.
Pearl always wanted that home back. She just didn’t know how to get back there. To find something like that again.
And then she found Calum and got pregnant. She was terrified, but secretly she wanted a family. A real family. Maybe she could have and sh
are that love she felt when she was a child and with her grandmother.
Then she had lost the baby. So it was hard to see the bright side, especially after that.
And even though it had been five years, it still stung.
It still felt as fresh as yesterday, but she swallowed that grief like she had when her grandmother died.
“So do you want to go somewhere and get a bite to eat?” he asked, pulling her out of her morose thoughts.
“What?”
“I haven’t had lunch, it’ll be a late lunch slash early dinner, but do you want to go out and maybe talk about how we’re going to approach this case?”
She really shouldn’t go out with him.
She should stay here and catch up on her work, but she didn’t have a lot of work to do because the team was off today. Her team of capable physiotherapists and kinesiologists were with the athletes today. No one else was injured enough, which was great, but really her only patient was George.
And George had been seen to.
She could go out with him. They had to discuss George’s file. It was work and nothing more.
Right.
And she was nervous. Her palms were sweaty as she rubbed her hands together.
“Sure.” And she hoped her voice didn’t shake It was just business. She had to keep telling herself that.
Calum had made it clear that they were just supposed to be colleagues. She should learn to keep her distance, but colleagues could have a meal together, couldn’t they?
Maybe colleagues who didn’t have a past like you have with Calum can just have a dinner together.
“Great. I do have some thoughts on George’s case and I need your help on some of mine.”
Pearl blinked a couple of times as she let that sink in. “Right, because I’m helping you with your caseload.”
She was so nervous around him. She had to remind herself to keep calm, cool and collected.
They were here to work.
She had to stop thinking about the past.
“Exactly. We both win here and we’re granting you privileges at the hospital, because I’m actually willing to take on George’s case.”
“And I appreciate that and I’m willing to help.” Pearl crossed her arms, hoping by doing so she could hold him off, or at least hold back her emotions, which were threatening to spill out.