by Amy Ruttan
He was right. She’d run away. She’d hurt him. Every day she regretted that decision from five years ago.
After George was stabilized, she went to check on Jose and talk over the surgery she wanted to do on him and then she prepped for that, while avoiding Calum.
She performed Jose’s surgery and George started his targeted radiation on Thursday, and she got on the train on Friday.
Calum had been avoiding her and she was okay with that.
She’d been avoiding him, too. After that kiss. She knew she had to put distance between them and going away to Dianne’s was the perfect escape from all the ghosts of San Francisco.
She made sure that everything back in San Francisco was wrapped up and taken care of before she boarded her first, of several, trains to Sonora, California, where she was looking forward to the time out in the country, away from the city, away from her parents and most especially away from Calum.
Sonora was a six-hour train ride, but it didn’t feel far enough.
“Pearl!”
Pearl turned and saw that Dianne was waiting in the parking lot of the train station. Pearl sighed in relief and made her way through the crowd and over to Dianne, where she got a big hug. It made her feel welcome and at home, like it always did. She’d forgotten.
“I’m so glad you decided to come and that you survived the train ride. You seriously need to get a car!” Dianne teased.
“I like traveling by train. I could work, but I’m glad to be here. I’m looking forward to a hot shower and a change of clothes.”
“Of course. And Jerome is barbecuing.”
“In late October?” Pearl asked, stunned.
“You forget you’re on the West Coast. It’s not freezing as New York City is.”
“It’s October. It’s not that cold.”
Although they had the odd strange snowfall.
She would miss New York in the snow. She always did like seeing Central Park covered in snow, but she definitely wouldn’t miss the crowds and the bone-chilling cold of a New York winter. She much preferred California.
“Thanks again for having me. You saved me from having to spend another weekend alone.”
“No problem. I’ve missed you and video chatting or texting isn’t the same as being together.”
They climbed into Dianne’s Jeep. Dianne drove away from the train station and through the small California town, although Dianne and Jerome didn’t really live in Sonora proper—it was just the closest town that Pearl could get to. Their little village Mountain Spring was part of the greater Sonora area, but not in the city limits.
Dianne and Jerome’s ranch was closer to the hills. It was nestled in the foothills with lots of trees and Pearl couldn’t wait to go for a nice long walk out on their trails, just to clear her head and not think about Calum.
She was so glad that he was back in San Francisco and she was here. Ever since she’d returned to San Francisco, all she thought about was Calum and it was driving her crazy. She could not stop thinking about the kiss and everywhere in San Francisco brought back memories of their time together.
So many ghosts in San Francisco. She needed a ghost-free weekend to collect her thoughts.
“So your mom was bugging you again?” Dianne asked, breaking through Pearl’s thoughts.
“She always is.”
“You know, you’re an adult. You don’t have to deal with her.”
“I know, but both my parents find a way to annoy me.”
“You’re too nice,” Dianne said softly. “You’re an excellent surgeon and you don’t put up with a lot of crap, but you’re too nice to them.”
“I know. They couldn’t give a crap about each other or anyone else. They’re both so selfish. In retrospect, I should’ve ended up that way. But, honestly, they embarrassed me so much when I was a kid, I just didn’t want to be like that.”
“I understand. Family has a way of pulling on you, from different directions. It’s all well and good to dump those toxic members from your life, but they make up the fabric of your existence and it’s hard to pull away one thread.”
Pearl nodded. It was true.
There were some people in your life that just became a part of you and no matter how much you tried to pull away, they were there, binding you to them. Pearl was just going to have deal with the fact that Calum was an important part of her past and that she’d always be drawn to him.
She would just have to cope with that, and as much as she wanted him to be a part of her life, he couldn’t. She was too afraid of what would happen.
The rest of the drive out to Dianne’s ranch was enjoyable. Dianne talked about her new job and Jerome’s practice and what Derek was up to as a rambunctious five-year-old.
As they pulled up to the log house at the end of the long winding drive, Pearl’s heart skipped a beat when she recognized a familiar SUV in the drive, one with San Francisco plates. Her stomach knotted and dropped to the soles of her feet.
“Dianne?” she asked, hoping her voice didn’t shake.
Dianne worried her bottom lip, her big brown eyes wide. “I know. I’m sorry, but he comes every couple of months.”
“I wish you would’ve told me.”
“You wouldn’t have come and you would’ve been miserable in San Francisco. Besides, I saw the two of you in that surgery a few days ago and you were both fine. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
Dianne got out of the car and Pearl just sat there for a moment letting it all sink in. Yes, she and Calum had got along fine during that surgery that Dianne had assisted on, but she hadn’t been there for George’s biopsy. Or for that kiss and the way she had run from Calum again.
Dianne didn’t know how he’d embarrassed her with that comment, not that she could blame him.
It was just the fact it was in front of other hospital staff.
You can handle this. This ranch is big enough for the both of you.
Only she wasn’t too sure about that. She got out of the car and picked up her suitcase. The front door opened and Jerome came out.
“I didn’t quite believe it when she told me you were coming!” Jerome came over to her and enfolded her in a big bear hug, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve missed you, chica. It’s been way too long.”
“It has.” Pearl gave him a kiss back. “Where’s Derek? I have something for him from New York.”
“He’s asleep. He got tired of waiting.” Jerome took her suitcase and Pearl followed him and Dianne up the steps into the main foyer of their beautiful log cabin.
Pearl was taken aback by the high ceilings and the rustic feeling of the place, but also impressed with the modern amenities she could see as the space was open concept.
“Pearl?”
Pearl spun around and saw that Calum was on the stairs. He’d been coming down the main staircase and paused on the landing when he saw her.
“Hi, Calum,” she said, hoping that Jerome and Dianne didn’t notice the tension.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Calum said, coming down the stairs. He had a strange expression on his face and she knew that he was trying to make sure that Jerome and Dianne didn’t know that he was just as shocked and uncomfortable as she was.
“I didn’t know you’d be here, either,” she said quietly.
“I come every year around this time,” Calum stated.
“He helped with a lot of the construction on this place over the last few years,” Jerome said. “He is an amazing woodworker.”
Pearl raised her eyebrows. “Wow. I had no idea.”
“No, why would you?” Calum asked quietly.
“Come on,” Dianne said, stepping between them, and from her really large smile, Pearl knew that Dianne was sensing some of the tension. “Let me show you to your room, Pearl. You probably want to freshen yourself up bef
ore Jerome tries to poison you with his homemade beer.”
Dianne took the suitcase from Jerome.
“Hey!” Jerome teased and Calum was laughing.
Pearl followed Dianne up the stairs. She turned to look over her shoulder briefly and saw that Calum was watching her go up the stairs.
This was going to be a long weekend indeed.
* * *
When Pearl had cleaned up and changed her clothes, she headed downstairs. She was tired from her train trip and it was late, but she was hungry. Train food was okay, but when she got out of the shower she could smell Jerome’s barbecue all the way from her room and her stomach was growling.
Everyone was in the kitchen area around the main island. There were wineglasses out and Calum was laughing and talking with Dianne and Jerome. And suddenly, she felt out of place with her friends. Like she didn’t belong.
Like she was the interloper. She was so unnerved she almost turned around and went back upstairs.
You were invited.
Dianne wanted her here and she wanted to see Derek again. She walked into the kitchen, feeling awkward.
“Hey,” she said brightly.
“Pearl, would you like a glass of wine?” Dianne asked.
“Yes. As long as Jerome didn’t make it,” Pearl teased.
Dianne laughed and pulled out a glass, pouring her a glass of red.
“I have to say, Pearl, I’m quite hurt that you don’t trust my ability to brew beer or make wine. I mean, I have a kit and everything,” Jerome stated.
Dianne raised her eyebrows and shook her head subtly as she took a sip. Pearl tried not to laugh.
“Maybe some other time, Jerome. I’ve been on a train all day and I don’t want to risk anything after eating train food,” Pearl said.
“Fair enough.” Jerome headed out to the back deck, where she could see smoke rising from the large built-in gas barbecue.
“I’m going to see if he needs help,” Dianne said, quickly scurrying after her husband and leaving Pearl and Calum alone.
“I’m sorry if I’m ruining your plans,” Pearl said quickly. “If I had known you were coming I wouldn’t have intruded.”
Calum sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say what I said the other day in the biopsy.”
“Apology accepted. Your kiss threw me off and I panicked.”
Calum sighed. “It threw me off, too. Pearl, I’m okay that you’re here. You and Dianne are best friends. We can be adults—I mean, we are working together on George’s case and this place is definitely big enough for the both of us.”
She wanted to believe him, but she somehow doubted that this place was big enough for both of them. San Francisco didn’t seem to be a big enough expanse for the two of them, but if he was willing to make this work, she was willing to make this work.
“Do you think this was a setup?” she asked.
Calum nodded. “I don’t know what she’s playing at. I think she’s longing for the good old days.”
“You mean when we were all broke and tired, making our way through residency?”
Calum smiled. “Yeah, that.”
“Life seemed simpler then, from this perspective, anyway.”
“Yes. That’s for sure. So you avoided visiting your mother, huh?”
“Of course, I’m the master of that,” she teased.
“You know, I have met your father.”
“When?” she asked.
Calum chuckled. “I have. I met your father when I won the award, actually. He’s not the most... He’s not very warm and personable.”
“That’s a polite way of putting it,” she said dryly.
“You never told him about me, did you?” he asked.
“I did, but he couldn’t care less. It was just my mother who said I was throwing my life away, but now you’re a catch.” Heat bloomed in her cheeks as she said that. She hadn’t meant to, even if it was the truth.
There was a twinkle in his eye as he leaned over the island. “So I’m a catch, eh?”
Pearl rolled her eyes and tried not to laugh. “You’re only a catch to my mother because you won that prestigious award and are a brilliant surgeon. Of course, when I wanted to marry you, you weren’t worth my time and would ruin my life.”
“Did you?”
“Did I what?” Pearl asked.
“Did you want to marry me?” he asked gently.
* * *
Pearl’s face bloomed pink again and his own pulse was thundering in his ears. When she blushed like that, it made his heart skip a beat.
Why did he still want her? He just couldn’t resist her. He had never gotten over her and he doubted he ever could.
He waited for an answer. Not that he really expected to hear what he really wanted and he wasn’t sure what that was. She was the one who had left him.
She had left him, like so many people in his life had done before. His dad, his sister and even his mom left him, in a way, when she died. But Pearl made him feel alive again. She always had. He had only ever wanted her. He still wanted a life with her.
“Calum...” She blushed again. “I...”
He reached over and took her hand. It was small and delicate, just like he remembered. He’d admired her hands many times when they were doing work. She had surgeon hands, but they were still soft and fit so well in his.
Her breath hitched in her throat and he took a step closer to her. He didn’t know what he was expecting in this moment. She hadn’t answered his question and he didn’t care. He just wanted to be close to her again.
She looked up at him, her lips parted, and he ran his thumb over her cheek.
God, he wanted to kiss her again. He couldn’t resist her. Why couldn’t he resist her?
“You don’t have to say anything,” he whispered.
“It’s not that, it’s...”
“It’s what?”
“I think the ribs are finally done,” Dianne said, coming back into the kitchen.
Pearl pulled her hand away and took another sip of her wine, and Calum stepped back. Dianne paused and looked at them both.
“Is everything okay?” Dianne asked, confused.
“Perfectly fine.” It was a lie—there was something unfinished here and he’d been so close to her. So close to finally getting through to her after all these years.
“We were just discussing our case back in San Francisco. The young linebacker for the Bridgers,” Pearl said.
“No work talk,” Dianne moaned. “This is supposed to be a fun weekend.”
“Can I help you with anything?” Pearl asked, following Dianne from the kitchen into the dining room.
Calum tried not to sigh in regret. He was annoyed they had been interrupted. He just wanted to kiss her again. He hadn’t stopped thinking about the kiss.
Maybe it was good Dianne had come in before he got too carried away.
Calum abandoned his glass of wine and headed out on the deck, where Jerome was finishing up with the cooking.
“You okay?” Jerome asked as Calum wandered out onto the deck.
“I’m fine.”
Which was a lie.
He stood at the edge of the deck and stared up at the sky. The stars were out and the night was clear and crisp. It was cooler here than in San Francisco. It was kind of perfect and he understood why this had been Dianne and Jerome’s dream.
“You’re clearly not fine,” Jerome said.
“And how do you figure that?”
Jerome shook his head. “I’ve known you more than a decade. You try to hide stuff, you try to bottle up your emotions, but I know something is bothering you. You surgeons think you’re made of steel, and that you’re emotionless automatons that can deal with whatever, but every surgeon I’ve met is moody, with a capital moo.”
Calum cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
“I can say that because I’m not a surgeon. I was an anesthesiologist and now I’m a family doctor. I’m not a surgeon, therefore I can express myself a lot better.”
Calum snorted. “Oh, yeah? And when are you going to tell Dianne about that big-screen television that you bought, the one that’s as big as her living room wall?”
Jerome shot him a look. “That’s neither here nor there.”
“You’re hiding it from her.”
“I’ll eventually tell her. Are you going to tell Pearl about how you feel?”
Calum frowned. His stomach twisted in a knot, because Jerome had hit the nail on the head. He wasn’t sure that he was going to ever tell Pearl how he felt. Too much time had passed. Maybe it was too late for them.
“Exactly my point,” Jerome stated. “Calum, why don’t you just talk to her?”
“I will...soon. Right now we have to work on an important case together and we just have to keep it professional. That’s the best we can do right now.”
Calum knew by Jerome’s face that he didn’t believe him, but Jerome was a good enough friend that he wasn’t going to push Calum. Jerome had been here when Calum was grieving—not only the loss of the baby, but also the loss of Pearl.
“Okay, man. I won’t say anything else. Let’s go eat some ribs!”
Calum nodded. “Sounds good.”
He held open the door for Jerome and followed him inside.
He couldn’t let himself slip like that, but when he was around Pearl he lost all sense of reason.
CHAPTER EIGHT
CALUM CAME DOWN later than he intended to, but he had had a horrible night’s sleep. Usually, he slept pretty well at Dianne and Jerome’s place, but he couldn’t get Pearl out of his head. All he could think about was her, how close he’d been and how it felt to touch her. How it felt to kiss her again.
And how she was down the hall. He thought he’d left her safely behind in San Francisco, but here she was at Dianne and Jerome’s and so close to him.
When he finally decided to give up and get up for the day, he had a cold shower to wake himself up and try to shake the remnants of his dreams about Pearl. His thoughts about taking her in his arms and showing her how much he missed her.