by Amy Ruttan
“So was I.”
“I was grieving,” she said.
“I was grieving, too, and you left me. Just like everyone else has. For that, I do blame you.”
Her expression softened for a moment and then hardened again. “I have to talk to George.”
Calum watched her walking into the ICU room, where George was. He looked away—he couldn’t watch her do it.
It was killing him. His heart was breaking all over again and he didn’t know how to change it. He was afraid of her leaving again, of the loss again, and he didn’t know what to do.
You do, you know.
He walked away and pulled out his phone. There was one person he had to talk to. If he was ever going to figure this out, there was one person that he had to make things right with and that was Grayson Munro.
“Calum, I’m surprised to hear from you,” his father said on the line.
“I’m wondering if you had a few minutes to spare for me. We need to talk.”
There was a pause on the other end. “Of course. Can you meet me in thirty minutes? There’s a coffee shop not far from the hospital, the Café au Lait.”
“I know the place. Sure. I can meet you there.”
“Good. I’ll see you soon, Calum.”
Calum ended the phone call. He looked back once at Pearl speaking with George and he felt a pang of guilt. He wished he could’ve helped him more, but as Dr. Chin used to say, sometimes there was nothing more to do.
Sometimes things ended to stop the pain.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND,” George said quietly. “I thought this was a new, cutting-edge treatment.”
“It is,” Pearl stated. “Unfortunately, your cancer is highly aggressive and isn’t responding to either chemotherapy or radiation. We have no other choice. To save your life, we have to take your leg.”
“Then take it,” George’s mother said through tears holding hand.
“No, Mom!” George snapped. “I’m a grown man. You can’t take my leg. I just got to the NFL. This can’t be the end of my career!”
Pearl swallowed the lump in her throat. She was trying not to cry. “I’m sorry, George. There are no other alternatives. The cancer has infiltrated too far. You’ll die if we don’t take the leg. There are good options for prosthetics. Prosthetics that will help you run again.”
“No. No, Doc. I’m sorry, but no.” He shook his head, angry, not that she could blame him. She was angry for him.
She was angry that she had to deliver this news to him.
She was angry at herself for being too scared to try and make a life with Calum work.
She was angry at herself for running away five years ago. She was angry that she had hurt and left Calum.
She was a fool.
“Baby, please see sense,” George’s mother said.
“No.” George wouldn’t look at them. “I won’t do it.”
“Can I talk to him alone?” Pearl asked.
George’s mom nodded and left the intensive-care unit. It was just her and George now.
“George, you understand that you will die. This will kill you. You’ll still have your leg, but you won’t be able to play, the chemo will make you so ill and the surgery to take away the tumor will destroy your muscles. It’ll make a mess of your leg.”
George glanced at her.
She was getting through to him.
“I can’t lose my leg, Doc.”
“You’ll lose your life if you don’t,” she said gently. “You’re young. Your whole life is ahead of you. The cancer hasn’t spread above the knee. It hasn’t spread anywhere else, but it will sooner rather than later, and the strongest chemo isn’t stopping its progression. If you let Dr. Munro take the leg, you’ll have your knee still and there are athletes that still play professional sports with a prosthetic. It’ll take some time, some physiotherapy, but you can still run. You can still play and in the meantime, I know that your coach offered you a job as assistant coach. The Bridgers still want you, George. Even if it’s just for your brains instead of your speed.”
A half smile appeared on George’s face. “It’s been my dream, Doc. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember.”
“It can still be your dream. Sure, it looks a bit different, but you can still have what you want. You can still do what you love.”
And just those simple words, which were supposed to help ease George’s mind, hit her like a ton of bricks and tears welled up in her eyes.
“Whoa, Doc, are you okay?” George asked.
“I’m fine. Actually, I’m pregnant so I’m slightly overemotional.”
George grinned. “That’s wonderful.”
“It is, but here’s the thing... I lost a baby five years ago. I swore I never wanted a family. I didn’t have the best childhood, but then I got pregnant, and when I lost that baby I was terrified of this happening again, but it has and with the same man.”
“It’s Dr. Munro, isn’t it?” George asked.
“How do you know?” Pearl asked, shocked.
“I know when people are in love. I don’t just have strategizing smarts. I have to say I’m a bit jealous, Doc. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m sorry that you were my doctor and that someone else got there first.”
Pearl smiled. “I’m very flattered.”
“You’ve been in love with him a long time.”
“I have. I thought he blamed me for the loss of our baby, and I thought he was better off without me, but I was wrong.”
George sighed. “Well, I guess I have no choice then.”
“No choice?” she asked.
“I’ll have the surgery, Doc. It’s not how I planned it, but I want a chance to live and I want a chance to find a woman like you and fall in love, have a family. I’d be throwing an awful lot away because I was afraid of a change of plans, because I was afraid to take a chance.”
She nodded. “Good. I’m glad, George. You almost died and you’re too young. We take care of this and you go through physio, we can have you back in fighting form in a year or so.”
“I’m tired of feeling like shit,” George sighed. “Book the operating room and can you call my coach to come in. I want to strategize with him.”
Pearl smiled. “Of course. I’ll let Dr. Munro know your decision.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
Pearl nodded and left. She found George’s mother in the hallway and she told her his decision. The woman thanked her for talking sense into George and gave her a hug, then headed back into George’s room.
Pearl sighed. She had to find Calum. She had to let him know what was going on. She headed to the ICU charging station.
“Can you page Dr. Munro for me?” Pearl asked.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Henderson, he left for the day.”
Pearl was stunned. “He left for the day?”
“Quite suddenly,” the nurse said, like it was strange for Calum to leave abruptly.
“Thank you.” Pearl frowned and walked away. It was unlike Calum to do something like that, not that she could blame him really.
She’d hurt him, but she was going to change that. She was tired of running. She was tired of hiding and worrying about how life changed in an instance. Even though she was scared she might lose this baby, even though she was scared that she would be a terrible mother and worried that a marriage would end up like her parents, she was done running.
She didn’t know what the future held, but for the first time in her life, she knew that if he’d have her, her future included Calum.
And only Calum.
* * *
Calum found his father sitting alone in a corner table. He looked a bit tired and worn out, but that really didn’t surprise him too much. His father was in his sixties and was still trying to burn the candle at both ends.
>
He perked up when Calum came in. Calum made an order at the counter and then went to sit down with his father.
“I’m glad you called, Calum,” Grayson said.
“Are you?”
“I am.”
“It’s just...you never seemed to really care in the past.”
Grayson frowned. “I know. I was too busy some of the time.”
“All of the time,” Calum stated. “You were busy all of the time, Father.”
“Well, I’m glad you called me because I’ve been wanting to talk to you, as you know.”
“And I wanted to speak with you, since you’re an investor with the Bridgers.”
“Oh?” his father asked, which of course made sense that as soon as Calum mentioned one of his father’s investments, his interest piqued.
“Your linebacker, George. I can’t save the leg. The cancer is too far gone and I have to amputate or he’ll die.”
His father didn’t seem shocked. “That’s awful to hear, but I’m aware that the coach made contingency plans, and the Bridgers are willing to pay for his recovery and prosthetic.”
Calum was taken aback. “But you invested a lot in this young man. Don’t you just want to get rid of him? Isn’t he a drain?”
“He’s smart,” Grayson stated. “The coach feels like he’s an asset and wants to keep him on the team. I support the rest of the owners and the coach on this.”
Calum was shocked. “I’m impressed you’re backing this.”
“Of course. Sometimes you can’t stop cancer. I hoped you would for the sake of the young man.”
“Amputation will save his life.”
“And that’s good, because sometimes there are circumstances where the cancer is too far gone and there’s no hope and you’ve realized that you’ve wasted your life being angry, chasing something so foolish that you really have nothing to show for it. You have money and power, but you really have nothing, especially when no one cares.”
Calum’s stomach twisted in a knot. “What’re you saying?”
“I had a heart attack last year and I almost died. It made me realize how wrong I’ve been my whole life about my priorities. It’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
Calum couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
He had a heart attack?
And as he looked closer at his father he started to see how his father had thinned out and aged a bit more. He saw the signs that he had ignored before, because he’d brushed his father away so many times because his father had run from him.
Pearl had come back and he was trying to force her into an uncomfortable situation. All he could think about was his own grief, his own hurt. Yes, he’d been alone, but he never followed Pearl. He had never fought for what he wanted.
He had never fought for their love.
Calum had assumed Pearl was like everyone else in his life that left him.
He’d forgotten that his mom had tried to fight for his dad.
His mom had tried to fight until the end. Even though it was useless and his dad never came back, she had always hoped he would. Calum had always thought she was foolish for doing that, but he had done the same with Pearl. He waited for her, hoping she’d come back.
The only difference was Pearl came back, and in his own way he was trying to push her away, too.
“How are you doing now?” Calum asked calmly.
“I’m good. I’m taking care of myself and putting things right. I’m making amends.”
“So you wanted to tell me this to seek sympathy?”
His father shook his head. “No. Just to say, I’m sorry. I loved your mother, but I didn’t like to be pinned down. I didn’t like the responsibility of you and your sister—I didn’t want that job.”
“It’s too late to take up that job.”
“I know, but I wanted you to know that I didn’t fight hard enough for you. I don’t want you to make my mistakes. Career isn’t everything, money isn’t everything, and I wish I had found that out sooner. I’m sorry, Calum. I’m sorry for what I did. I don’t have to have your forgiveness, but I wanted you to know just the same.”
Calum really didn’t know how to take that, but he understood his father for the first time, probably in his entire life.
“I appreciate you telling me this. Have you told Sharon?” Calum asked, wondering about his sister, whom he hadn’t heard from in years.
“I have. She thanked me and that was the end of that. I want you to know, you don’t owe me anything for schooling. I held that over you because I didn’t know any better. I thought it meant I could control you and keep you in my life, but I was wrong.”
“Thank you.” He was having a hard time processing all this information. “I don’t think I can forgive you for what you did to Mom, but for me, you have my forgiveness. I’m just sorry that this didn’t happen sooner and for that, it’s my fault. I was so wrapped up in my career and you were reaching out to me. I hope you can accept my apology.”
Grayson smiled. “Yes. Thank you. I do.”
Calum finished his coffee and stood. “You can call me. You don’t have to do this alone.”
His dad smiled up at him weakly. “I will.”
Calum nodded and left.
He had to find Pearl and talk to her. If she didn’t want to marry him, then that was fine, but he was going to make things right. He wasn’t going to let her leave again. The two of them were in this together and he was going to make it work however she needed it to work.
He loved Pearl.
He had never stopped loving her.
He was never going to stop loving her. No matter what happened next.
No matter how uncertain the future was.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CALUM FOUND PEARL in the intensive-care unit. She was sitting at the nursing station, her head in her hands.
“Hi. Sorry, I heard you were looking for me,” he said breathlessly.
He’d run all the way back.
He wanted to see her and he wanted to take care of George. The cancer had to come out today. Both physically and metaphorically.
Pearl glanced up, her eyes full of tears. “Where were you?”
“What happened?” he asked.
“Nothing, I just...you know I get overemotional and I was thinking about what happened and how foolish I was.”
“No. I was the foolish one.” He glanced over his shoulder because he really didn’t want an audience listening in. “Come on, let’s go talk. There’s an empty meeting room down the hall.”
Pearl followed him and he shut the door.
Once they were alone, he turned around.
“I love you, Pearl.”
She blinked a couple of times.
“What?”
“I love you. If you don’t want to marry me, that’s fine. You’re right. I was trying to keep you with me by having you marry me. I was not willing to change and move with you. I didn’t go after you. I was stubborn and hurt that you left me, like everyone else has done. I love you so much. I always have and if staying in your life means that we don’t get married or I have to leave here, I will. I just want to be with you.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “What if I lose this baby?”
“What if you don’t?”
“I—I don’t know. I guess, I’m too afraid of going through that pain again.” She sighed. “I know why I lost our baby and I can take precautions this time, but there’s no guarantee. I don’t want to let you down again. I’ve let so many people down...”
“Who? Your parents? I think they let you down, just like my parents did, too. My mother spent her whole life pining after a man who didn’t want to be pinned down and my father has spent his whole life trying to earn more money, but ultimately that didn’t get them the happiness they sought. I’m happy
when I’m with you. You coming back into my life gave me back my life.”
“Yes. The same. I love you, Calum. I always have. There’s been no one else in my life. I felt like I let you down the way that I’ve let my parents down. I blamed myself for losing the baby, for leaving you...”
Calum closed the gap between them. “You can never be a burden. You are my life and I haven’t been living that life these past five years.”
“I’m so sorry that I left you. I was in so much pain I felt I had to hide it. I’m so sorry. I wanted our baby so much. It broke me when I lost it and I didn’t know how to let you in. I didn’t know how to share the grief.”
He brushed away the tears with his thumb. “When we lost it. We’re in this together.”
She smiled and nodded. “Right.”
“I don’t ever want to lose you again. If this doesn’t work out, we’ll adopt—or not. I don’t care, I just want to be with you. I want a life with you.”
There was a knock at the door.
Calum stepped back and opened it. A nurse was standing outside. “Dr. Henderson?”
“Yes,” Pearl said, stepping forward and wiping her eyes.
“The patient is in the operating room, prepped and ready.”
“We’ll be down shortly.”
The nurse nodded and Calum shut the door. “What’s this all about?”
“No one knew where you went, other than you apparently left for the day. I paged you, but you didn’t respond. George agreed to the amputation, but only if we do it today. His vitals are good and we need to get rid of that cancer.”
“I’m glad he decided to proceed. I thought he was against it.”
“He was, but we had a good talk and he helped me understand some things.”
“What’s that?”
“Life isn’t always as planned, and dreams don’t always pan out, but strength and resilience and adaptability are what matters.” She walked past him. “Come on, let’s go give George a second chance.”
* * *
The surgery went smoothly and though Pearl was sad that Calum’s new procedure couldn’t save George’s leg, George would still have a life. The chemotherapy and radiation was killing him as much as the cancer was.