Technical Risk

by Sidney Bristol

  Suddenly light flooded the room. She squinted at Miles’ head sticking up from the sofa and his arm dropping from the lamp on the side table.

  “What’s wrong?” His voice was a little rough.

  “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” Inside, panic began to spiral. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  He sat up, his hair sticking every which way. “I wasn’t asleep.”

  “Oh.” She wiggled her toes against the cool wooden floor.

  “Everything okay? Something keeping you up?” He twisted to face her.

  “I think it’s the time difference,” she lied.

  This was her chance.

  She gestured at the bed. “You want to lie down and I’ll take the sofa? I’m not sure I’ll sleep much.”

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “Miles.” She sighed before she could stop herself. She would have this argument again. “It’s silly for you to squeeze yourself on the sofa.”

  “It’s fine.” He stood and stretched.

  She averted her gaze. He was still wearing his T-shirt, but other than that he was just in boxers and she knew what he looked like without either.

  “What are you getting up to do?” he asked.

  “I thought I’d get my laptop out and do something.”

  “Anything I can help with?”

  If only she’d stayed in bed.

  “I don’t know. Get some sleep. Don’t worry about me,” she said.

  Miles ignored her and circled the sofa.

  Even the way he moved oozed masculinity. She didn’t know how to describe it. The way he held himself, how he took in a room. He always seemed to be in control of everything. And she was a mess.

  Why hadn’t he kissed her since the elevator? Why were things different? Why was she bothered by the changes? Wasn’t that what she’d told herself she needed?

  She remained where she was, unable to move or look away from him as he closed in on her.

  “How’s your head?” he asked.

  “Fine.” She hadn’t thought about it since washing her face, and even then it didn’t bother her.

  He came to stand just inside the sphere of her personal space. It was too close, and yet not close enough.

  Miles studied her, his gaze moving from the top of her head to the wound and lower. She was fully clothed in pajama pants, a bralette and a long sleep shirt, and yet when he looked at her like this she felt stripped bare. Exposed.

  She licked her lips but couldn’t think of a thing to say.

  He was a danger to her. He could wreck her focus and her heart, but for some reason that seemed to matter less to her now.

  It was infatuation. Nothing more. And yet her insides were so twisted up she felt as though it had to be more.

  “What happened?” Miles asked.

  “When? What?”

  He reached out and caught a tendril of her hair. They both watched him wrap it around his finger.

  “Did I say or do something?”

  “I, uh, what?”

  “I can’t sleep because I keep thinking about last night and today. I want to know...what changed?”

  Her mouth and throat were impossibly dry and her knees wobbled.

  Weariness clung to Miles. His gaze was focused and tired. He was still the determined man she admired, but there was a grimness to him that hadn’t been there before.

  Diha opened her mouth, then closed it. She glanced away. It felt as though weights were stacked on her shoulders, pressing her down.

  Miles remained silent and she knew he was watching her.

  She couldn’t exactly run away from this. There wasn’t anywhere for her to go, and they were working together. Both reasons why they should never have kissed or done more. But they had. So she had to face this.

  “What do you want from me?” she whispered.

  “I want to know what I did to make you...” He shoved his hand through his hair. “What did I do?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then...why are you pulling away from me? You can’t even look at me right now, can you?”

  Her cheeks heated and a lump of shame sat in her belly. Her emotions were all over the place, but the calm center of her mind, that rational voice knew what she had to say.

  “I like you, Miles. Too much, I think. Which is why I don’t think I can cross that line with you again.” She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze, so she stared at a point on his shirt. Where did she have the right to wonder why he wouldn’t kiss her when she was trying to tell herself she couldn’t have those kisses? “I’m not... I’m me. I’m...”

  She sighed, the words abandoning her.

  “So that’s it? You’d be done with me without seeing what it could be? You won’t even tell me? Did you actually forget about dinner or was that you blowing me off?” She could feel the anger rolling off him.

  Her eyes snapped to his face. “I did forget. I meant to text you, but I never figured out what to say and then Cat was there and we started working...”

  Lines of hurt creased Miles’ face. They’d shared something. And she hadn’t been brave enough to tell him that was all it could be.

  “What could we be, Miles? What can happen between us? Last night was...” Memorable? Amazing? Legendary?

  “Sky’s the limit, Dee. But you have to take a chance. I learned that from my Nan. She gave up everything and said it was worth it.”

  “But who would have to give up everything in this situation? Me?”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to.”

  “And I wouldn’t ask you to, either. We’ve both worked to be where we are now, and I like my job. I like what I’m part of.”

  “I don’t have answers, but I’d have liked to talk about this before you shut me out.”

  That stung.

  She swallowed and nodded. “Okay, that’s fair. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” He cupped her cheek then, invading her personal space. “Talk to me.”

  She licked her lips, but her mind was silent as she stared up at him.

  “I like my job,” he said quietly. “But you know what I’ve learned in the last ten years? It’s a job to me. Not everything. I want more. And if more means—”

  Diha covered his mouth with her fingers. Panic had a tight grip on her. She couldn’t hear him finish that sentiment. It was too much pressure.

  “Don’t say that. I—I’m not ready for you or I to say something like that.” Truth was, he didn’t have to finish the statement. The way he looked at her right now was enough to tell her that he’d move mountains.

  He pressed a gentle kiss to her fingers then pulled her hand down, holding it in his. “How do I fix this if I can’t tell you what I’d give up to make it work?”

  “This is a lot, Miles. It’s a lot and I don’t know if I can do this and what I’m supposed to.”

  “Hey?” He slid his fingers into her hair, tugging gently. “Nothing has to be decided now. All I’m asking for is a chance.”

  “And that chance scares me. What if... What if you change your mind and I don’t?” She tripped over her words. Closing her eyes, she drew in a breath and spoke. It was only a tiny bit easier without him looking at her. “I don’t think I can do that. I’m not... I mean...”

  He let go of her hand and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. “Have you ever gone shopping for a really great pair of shoes, tried on a pair and just knew it was a perfect fit?”

  Oh, God...

  If she ignored the whole feet part and focused on the rest...

  Her knees just about gave way.

  He whispered, his breath tickling her cheek. “That’s what kissing you the first time felt like for me. I don’t think I’ll be the one to change their mind.”

  Her mind was impossibly quiet. It was as if the world were standing still and she was frozen, living in this exact second for a lifetime. She was trembling on a precipice, afraid for her life. She was soaring beyond joyful. Joyful. What a weak wor
d. She needed something better, something that encompassed the weightless, light, radiating sensation. It felt as though she were vibrating apart, those two halves of herself unable to coexist.

  Which one did she want?

  To live in fear of this big, scary, wonderful thing?

  Or to embrace it?

  Feelings had never been Diha’s strength. She was a woman of logic and reason. On paper she knew being with Miles didn’t make sense, and yet a greater part of herself didn’t care. She didn’t know all of him. There wasn’t enough data about him for her to make an informed decision. But her heart already knew.

  “Was that too much?” He swiped his thumb over her lower lip.

  “Yes,” she managed to squeak out.

  “I won’t say it again. At least not for a while.”

  “Okay.”

  Bits of herself surfaced and the room came back into focus.

  His thumb continued to draw patterns on her cheek while he spoke. “What do you think we should do? Keep our distance from each other until this case is wrapped up?”

  She swallowed.

  There was no way she could just compartmentalize all of this and keep going. That seemed wrong.

  “You’re frowning.” He swiped his thumb down the corner of her mouth. “I don’t like that option myself. I’d rather enjoy what we can have while we’re together, but I’m a greedy man.”

  It was hard to focus on what he was saying. His accent was thicker now, and it would be far too easy to just listen to him.

  “What do you say, Dee?”

  She swallowed, trying to get some moisture back into her mouth. It wasn’t until now that she realized she’d missed the feel of him pressed against her.

  “I, um, it’s really hard to think right now,” she said.

  Miles chuckled and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek.

  That one touch woke up a yearning inside of her. It curled up through her and she sighed, leaning into him and the touch.

  If she were honest with herself, that was what she wanted. Him. His kisses. The way he held her. These private moments they shared.

  “Miles?” She kept her eyes shut. It was easier this way.

  “Hm?”

  “Kiss me?”

  She heard the smile in his voice as he spoke. “I thought you wanted space? I have to be very close to you to kiss you.”

  He tugged on the bit of hair wrapped around her fingers and she lifted her chin.

  “You have to open your eyes,” he whispered.

  If she did that, would he be able to see just how far she’d fallen for him? Was he being honest with her? Could she trust him this far?

  It was a leap of faith for her, and he was worth it. If he was being honest with her, if he really felt that way, then opening her eyes was nothing in the scheme of things.

  She swallowed and though it felt like it took a monumental effort, she peered through her lashes at him.

  One side of his mouth was twisted up in the smile she’d only ever seen when they were alone. He could be so serious, but this side? The one who smiled and talked about his feelings? He was all hers and she wanted to hold on to that.

  She held her breath as he bent his head. Her world stopped as his lips touched hers. She swayed into him and suddenly her arms were around his shoulders. The kiss quickly passed beyond a heartfelt meeting of lips. She wasn’t sure what came first, the deeper kiss or the surge of need. He teased her tongue while demanding more from her. The way her scalp prickled at the tight hold on her hair did something to her insides.

  Diha rose up on tiptoe to get closer.

  His hand strayed lower until he could palm her bottom. Heat scalded her skin and she knew she was blushing, but no part of her cared. Not so long as he kept kissing her like this.

  Why had she ever thought to give this up? What had made her try such a thing?

  She slid a hand up under his shirt, wanting to feel his skin against hers.

  He made a sound like a growl and let go of her hair, only to grab a handful of her sleep shirt and tug it up. He smoothed both hands up her back, his fingers splayed wide.

  She’d never felt small or delicate. Sturdy and curvy were the most suitable words, and yet he completely changed that with the press of two hands and ten fingers. She sighed into the kiss.

  Was there anything wrong with this man? Anything at all?

  Diha let go of him and dropped back down to her heels. He blinked at her. The heat blazing in his eyes was comforting. It soothed her fears and gave her just enough confidence.

  She reached down and grabbed a handful of the long shirt, then hauled it over her head.

  He stared at her chest where her breasts were doing their best to escape the bralette.

  “Dee...”

  “Shut up and kiss me,” she said.

  She caught a flash of his grin before he pulled his own T-shirt off. He didn’t give her a single second to look at him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and hauled her up against him, then took her mouth in a demanding kiss that left her limbs feeling rubbery and cumbersome.

  Last night wasn’t just about the moment. There was more between them than a perfect moment. She’d never been very brave, but for him she wanted to take this chance. She wanted to have it all, and if it ended, she wanted to know she’d tried. That she’d done what she could.

  Miles palmed her bottom and she rocked her hips against his. He groaned as she trapped his erection between them.

  She’d given him logical reasons why this couldn’t work. And now she wanted to revisit the reasons why it could. She wanted him to change her mind and prove her wrong. It was a desperate feeling deep in her chest.

  For now, she’d start with the passion of the moment.

  Diha gathered what little confidence she had and slid her hand between them, wrapping it around his erection. Miles went still and groaned into her mouth. Her heart pounded as she navigated his length through the fabric of his boxers. He shoved his underwear down and out of her grasp enough that her palm connected with smooth, hot skin. She stroked him as he thrust his tongue into her mouth. A shudder shook her as she recalled what it had felt like to have him possess her.

  She wanted that again.

  Miles wrapped his hand around hers, tightening her grip and guided her. Even with his instruction, there was something about having him in her hand that made her feel feminine and powerful. His moan of pleasure wasn’t fake.

  He wanted her just like she wanted him. Maybe more so. And that freed her in a way she didn’t fully understand.

  “Miles?” she managed to gasp between kisses.

  His lips covered hers once more. “Hm?”

  She squeezed his erection and he groaned. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers.

  “I want...” She cleared her throat, determined to speak her desires this time. “I want you.”

  “What about—”

  Her cheeks burned. “Can we forget everything else I said and just go with this?”

  He lifted his head, looking down at her in a way that made her squirm and anxious all at once. “I can do that. For now.”

  His words rang ominously, but she’d deal with that conversation later.

  Miles let go of her. She froze under that gaze. He slid both hands under the elastic of her panties and pajama pants, forcing the material down her hips. The material fell to her ankles.

  “The things I want to do to you,” he muttered.

  She swallowed. Good things?

  He pulled her to him, kissing the side of her neck where she was most sensitive. She gasped and took a stumbling step toward him, only to get caught up in her clothes.

  Miles chuckled, wrapped his arms around her and lifted.

  Diha didn’t quite yelp this time, though she wasn’t exactly prepared for it.

  “Wrap your legs around me,” he said in a sinfully sexy voice.

  What else could she do?

  He turned and in a few strides her ba
ck was to the bathroom wall, her chest pressed to his and her legs wound around his hips.

  “Mm, you always smell so good,” he said against her neck.

  “Me? I swear I smell you everywhere.”

  Gently, he nipped at her. “Good.”

  He took her hands and held them both up over her head. The only thing keeping her suspended was the intimate press of his body.

  Miles slid his hands down her arms to her shoulders. He hooked his fingers around the lacey fabric of her bralette and slid his fingers down, parting the cups as he went until her breasts slid free. The lace plumped and framed her breasts, making them sit up higher than gravity would otherwise allow.

  “Mm, all mine,” he muttered before ducking his head and licking one breast.

  Diha gasped and her vision hazed at the feel of his mouth on her. She’d questioned her memory when it came to how he made her feel, but it was every bit as intense. She squirmed, unable to hold still. His erection slid against her. She shifted her hips, but it was a futile effort at this angle.

  “Miles,” she groaned and grabbed two handfuls of his hair.

  He big down on her nipple, not hard, but enough that her focus narrowed and she gasped.

  “Where are the condoms?” he asked.

  She panted, trying to get air into her lungs. “My bag.”

  Miles pushed off the wall, cradling her close to him, and carried her to the bed. He set her down on the edge and she immediately missed the press of him. She clutched to the comforter as he bent, rummaging in her suitcase.

  This was surreal.

  Tomorrow she was going to have to talk to Felecia and Cat. Or maybe just Priya. Someone needed to talk some sense into Diha. She didn’t understand this. She needed a relationship translator. Someone who spoke love and lust more fluently than she did. For now, all she could do was hold on and enjoy what they had.

  Miles straightened and ripped a condom open.

  She watched him roll the latex on while her body quivered with need.

  “Come here,” he said.

  He grabbed her hand and pulled her up on her wobbly legs. She leaned toward him, but he caught her around the waist and lifted her again, putting her back against the wall. She gasped and clung to him.

  Miles held her by the hips. She shifted slightly and felt his erection against her folds. She bit her lip and canted her hips.