Falling in lust, yes. But falling love had never been my intention even though my resistance dissolved with every kiss.
Each kiss meant I was leaving a little part of myself behind.
Scared to heal.
Terrified I couldn’t.
Flashing my panties to encourage Alex to quickly follow me up the beach, I raced through the campsites, looking for his truck and tent. Needing for my own sanity to sleep with him before I chickened out and changed my mind.
Really! That’s not a tent! Or at least a tent for two.
“Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t hide either my shock or stifle a full body laugh when Alex stopped at the smallest tent I’d seen. Oh well, we could improvise. Standing in front of him, I clasped Alex’ arms around my waist, ignoring the date and concentrating on the way his hard cock pressed against my cheeks.
Yes. I needed this, deserved this.
Deserved to feel happy, even if only for one night. I embraced his warmth, leaning back and wriggling my ass to tease, “You want me to sleep in that?”
“I thought the whole plan was we wouldn’t sleep.” This time it was Alex who turned me around, wet kisses starting at my neck, small nibbles working their way around my face. I felt every vein in my body throbbing in anticipation of our next kiss. Knowing it would be the last while still standing up, or fully clothed.
But instead of sealing the deal, kissing me into the tent, Alex pulled away.
“Is there a problem?”
If so, I was prepared to be his perfect solution. Moving my hips into position and willing him to take back the control. Make me go out of my mind with passion and desire, and fill my brain with lust instead of memories. I wanted Alex, but I needed him to be the one to take the decision out of my hands.
Before I changed her mind. Not about him, I’d made that decision months ago when I mentally chose Alex as the only guy in town who could keep my interest. I needed him to seal the deal before I changed my mind about tonight. Trying to hide my panic, I forced a smile and hoped Alex didn’t know me well enough to know the difference. “Are we really going to stay out here night not kissing?”
“You’re the one who laughed at the tent.” Easing my own momentary panic attack with his stubby nails scratched up my legs, Alex asked, “Are you sure about this, I mean we’ve played some pool, flirted and kissed but nothing that we can’t explain away as friends caught up in the moment.” Suddenly the voice of calm and reason, Alex’s hands weren’t listening to his words, “If you’re not ready for this, we can go back to the pub, that is, if you want.”
A complete contradiction. Almost like my life. It would have been so much easier if we’d come straight to the tent in a drunken haze. Instead, I’d had all the time in the world to wonder if it was still too soon or the wrong day.
No. Perfect man, perfect timing and if he was as good as his kisses promised, all I needed to do was get inside the tent and it would be a perfect night.
“Undo the zip, take me inside your castle and kiss me like you mean it.” Still, as I waited and looked for him to take control, I recognised the same wary desire within Alex as my own heart. Taking this step was huge for both of us, the only difference being I knew why he was hesitating. He didn’t have a clue. Again, the nervous smile to hide my panic and fear. Where were those panty stripping kisses from before? I needed them, and him. Now. Before I ran back to the pub, and fucked the first guy who looked my direction just to stop the date crushing me into oblivion.
Now. Damn it, now. My eyes pleaded.
“If you insist.” Alex unzipped the tent with one hand, running his other up my leg in sync, leaving a trail of goose bumps in his wake.
“Seems like you want to undo more than the tent,” I tried to quell my nerves as I bent down to crawl inside, Alex’ hands moving from my legs to cup my ass underneath the edge of my dress as he followed close behind.
We almost fell over each other on the sleeping bag and mat, not that there was room in the tent for much else.
“It’s not much, but these days I’ll call it home,” he joked. “Next time I can always get you a bed of roses if you prefer.”
“I thought I told you to kiss me like you mean it. Less talking and more action,” I demanded, desperately needing Alex to give more of those kisses that erased all thoughts.
Without room to stand, I had no choice but to lean back on the mat, hoping the ground didn’t get harder during the night. I lay in the middle of the small tent, able to reach each side at the same time, without even stretching. I needed, wanted Alex to lie between my legs and continue our party from the beach, instead he on the side. His back against the tent wall. At least his hands had no intention of slowing down.
My breath quickened as he worked his way up my legs in well-travelled strokes. Unable to wait for him to take control, I searched for his mouth until his moans filled the tent. Pulling him closer, I did everything within my power to encourage his kisses to go harder, deeper and when his fingers made their way between my legs, finding me wet and ready, my eager moans joined his chorus.
“You are so freaking gorgeous,” he moaned. In a way, the lack of swearing made his words seem dirtier. As if he’d taken the effort to find others. Freaking. Yes, I could be freaking, for him.
“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Pushing Alex to wriggle to the middle and lie flat, I knelt over him, straddled and making a show of slowly fisting my dress up and over my head. My eyes searching for his reaction of black lace bra which should have been at least a little visible through the dress, but the black thong shouldn’t have been any surprise. Not the way he’d found and played with the string in the pool room.
Desire. Naked desire. Exactly what I needed.
My body tingled as one hand edged between my legs, finding and stroking my wetness as I ground against his fingers. Thinking that with the right thrust, at least part of him would start to fill me. His other hand went high, cupping my breast, his fingers edging around until thumbs teased my nipples into erect peaks.
“This.” I moaned and stretched, giving way to his touch and offering him more. It’d been so long since I felt a man’s desire. This day of all days, I had the primal need to give a man pleasure and be pleasured in return. Wanted, desired and needed in no particular order.
Only fragments of clothing stood in the way of my greatest risk—overthinking.
“You’re still over-dressed for the occasion.” I leaned back to let Alex remove his shirt, but when Alex’ hands went for the elastic around his waist, I pushed them away. My pussy already felt bereft of his touch, but there was more I could do, for him. “Allow me.”
Despite wanting Alex to be in control, now I needed to set the pace and lead the way. Needing to suppress all thoughts of doubt with a trail of wet kisses down his chest. Taking my time to feel each muscle. The cut of his chest, the roll of each ab. How his body shaped from the broad muscles that had to come from working on his uncle’s farm—yes, I may have been a slight stalker about everything Alex—to his waist. A smattering of blonde hairs leading an arrow path down past his shorts.
Alex had played a leading-man role in my dreams since the first time he swung me around to celebrate a touch down. As hard as I tried to take in his body, admire his tan and find out for myself whether the rumors were true – no tan line, the panic started again. I tried to remember that my fantasies could only come true if I’d stop thinking and focus on feeling.
But no matter how much my body craved his, knew that my brother and even parents would be cheering me on if they knew, each kiss meant crossing a boundary morally and within my heart.
Maybe, I wasn’t ready.
Without warning, my kisses slowed to a stop.
Confused, Alex’ hands grabbed my bare ass, the thong not offering any resistance. The full size of his cock resting beneath me, wanting any opportunity to escape the confines of his shorts.
“Is it because of me,” he asked. “I mean it’s the first time for
me with someone new and I can’t promise you a tomorrow—”
“No, I’m fine.” I wasn’t, but didn’t expect Alex to notice. At least not in his condition. I only needed a moment to compose myself, get back into the mood.
“If you don’t want to do this, I understand. I told you before, we haven’t crossed any boundary that would stop us going back to the way we were.” With more sweetness than I deserved, Alex caressed my face, adjusting his hips slightly and giving me space to breath.
“You could tell?”
“Babe, there are kisses and then there are lips on autopilot. I don’t want this to be a charity thing where you think you are doing me a favour. What do you want?”
I had two choices, talk or cry. Actually, there were no guarantees if I did the first that the second wouldn’t happen anyway. Surprisingly, I didn’t even consider leaving. Something to think about later.
“Simone? Babe, you can talk to me.”
I sighed, wishing for a do-over. “If you had just kept kissing me, we would have done it and I’m sure it would have been great.” For all my words, I wasn’t moving, going anywhere. Giving him the option of pushing me away. I still wanted to capture the randomness of desire we almost grabbed before my stupid thinking got in the way.
“Talk to me.” His hands still said desire, but his eyes were full of concern. Damn him, he was making it almost impossible to treat this as a random hook-up. No tomorrow and no regrets.
“Asking me what I want, that was never part of the deal.” Fake smile and deep breath, I tried kissing him back to where we were before.
“No.” He stopped my hands from peeling back his shorts and turned his face out of reach of my kisses. “Talk to me. Come on, you’ve got me in the perfect position of helplessness. I’m seriously not going anywhere so you might as well talk. How about you start with why you’re in town this weekend.”
“I told you, I came home to see my family.”
“Then why does your brother keep texting you, at least I assume it’s your brother. Why is he so worried about you?”
“What makes you think it’s Teddy?”
“Easy.” I didn’t react quickly enough to catch his lips so his gentle kiss found my nose. “If it was another guy you wouldn’t be here with me and if it was a girlfriend, you would have walked in with them.”
I felt the familiar build-up of pressure in my chest, the chills that always preceded a full-body sobbing session. Ugly crying at its finest, guaranteed to scare off any guy. But I needed to tell someone and damn it, Alex was pushing hard to be my person.
Starting slowly, watching his face for any reaction or reason to bolt out of his tent and find another pub, I carefully selected every word. Speak, not cry. “Today is kind of an anniversary, not that my friends remember or understand, but Teddy remembers and is just looking out for me so I don’t do anything stupid.”
“Talk to me.”
The trembling started and Alex repeated his words as his hands massaged my legs. Not the sensual caresses or strokes of before, but comforting. “Simone, you can trust me. Whatever happens here doesn’t have to follow us home if you don’t want it to. Talk to me.”
For the first time in months, the pressure and trembling subsided without me collapsing in exhaustion from my tears. Decision made, yes I could talk to Alex and maybe it would help make up my mind whether this would be another awful mistake in a lifetime of mistakes or—
No!
I needed one more kiss while he didn’t understand and didn’t know.
Something to hold on to tomorrow if he wasn’t there.
“I told you to kiss me.”
This time my lips found their target with purpose and he didn’t have a chance to resist before my hands reached between us. Raising my hips so slightly, that I could push down his shorts and plunge him inside me before he had time to resist.
I wanted to cry, to plead with the world for forgiveness, but all I could do was grind until his erection returned and I felt him grow inside. Filling my body and hopefully a small piece of my heart.
Slowly, I moved my hips until we found our rhythm, rocking together until out of nowhere I felt the long-forgotten but welcome tightness build. So long without a man, and this one was perfect. I bucked my hips, feeling the full length and force of Alex until his fingers clenched into my hips. It took all my restraint not to scare the wildlife with my cries as I welcomed to the magic of my first orgasm in over a year that hadn’t been self-induced. My throbbing pussy milked Alex until he joined me. Whispering instead of shouting my name.
At least someone was thinking of the other park guests and wildlife.
“That was,” Alex started, still holding me in place. “Totally random.”
“Random good or random bad?” Leaning over, not knowing if his kisses would feel the same now that our frustration had been relieved.
Yes.
Totally, yes.
“Random that I didn’t expect this, or you, or for it to feel so fucking right.” His kisses were hungry for more. “You have no idea what it’s like to feel again, to actually think the world might not be such a bad place after all. You did this.” To my delight, and a little relief, he kissed my nose, my cheeks and then back down to my surprisingly tender breasts. “You need to know that isn’t going to end here. We might have some explaining to do back home, but this does not end here.”
Words I wanted to hear, but still he didn’t know all of my truths. Would that change the way he felt? Would he look at me the same way my old friends did before I escaped here?
Questions where the answers would only deny me relief.
“Are we really going to not sleep in this tent?” Climbing off, I tried to decide between gathering up my clothes or making space on the mat with hopes of distracting him again.
“That depends on whether you’re going to talk to me or not.”
Damn. Lying down in his arms I tried to silence him with kisses, surely he wouldn’t knock back a BJ because of conversation. When his fingers found me still wet, curling inside until my whimpers were not of pain but of the fear he’d stop, I thought distractions had worked.
Instead, he took his time, mouthing my nipples while one finger, then two and then three thrust inside me. Curled around until my squeaks were no longer human. Oh, yes. I wanted this, needed this. Wanted Alex. I could never have relaxed this much with a random, only Alex.
Only Alex.
“Alex!” I cried out as I felt the tremors build, repeating his name until I gushed over his hand. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so, well, ready for more.
“Thank you. That was—” I nestled into his arms. I’d offered a BJ but got so much more in return.
“Okay, you have a choice.” Alex’s voice was calm, controlled and comforting. “We can do that again, or you can talk to me.”
No.
I stretched out with my Cheshire cat smile on display and hoped another round of distraction could work a treat, “Well, if you’re up for it, I could do you all night!”
“Just remember, you asked for it!” He laughed and I honestly thought he was joking until he kissed his way from my neck, down my chest, taking a small detour to give each breast his devoted attention, before he climbed to the other end of the tent. No opportunity for me to return any favors. Totally selfless, incredibly talented. If I had to choose between his fingers and tongue, I’d still want both.
I’d barely recovered and didn’t expect my sensitive pussy to withstand any more attention, but the gentle bites and licks worked me into yet another frenzy. Could this be counted as a third, or was it really a continuation of the second? By the time I felt the waves start again, I didn’t care about the numbers, I only cared that Alex’ head remain trapped between my legs until the end of time.
“Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, Alex!”
“You liked?” His mouth was glistening and his kisses tasted of me. Yet another first. First time I’d done anything like this on a first not even
date, first time in a tent, and first time I tasted myself on the lips of my lover.
If this was our first non-date, what the hell could I expect tomorrow?
“Wow!” There could be no collapsing when I was already on the ground.
“Talk, or I’ll have to do it all again,” he teased my nipple.
“Promises, promises, sounds good to me.”
“Really?” His fingers danced back down my stomach until I giggled for him to stop. Seriously, I’d need those Panadol if he went again.
“Okay, okay, I give in! Kiss me just once more and then I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
This time our kiss wasn’t the hungry exploration of new lovers, or the random passion of almost strangers giving into carnal urges.
This time, each kiss held a promise for tomorrow and I knew even if Alex didn’t feel the same when we awoke; this man and this night would always be special.
Because of what it meant, and what it didn’t.
Even if I said the words, he’d never fully appreciate or understand.
I moaned when Alex winched himself away, his sudden absence of skin against skin almost painful.
“Simone, you don’t have to talk to me,” he said, eyes soft with hope and concern. “I’m not going to force you to do anything that you don’t want to do, but you didn’t end up here this weekend by accident. Talk to me, cry on my shoulder, whatever you need. I’ll hold you until you don’t want to be held anymore.”
Lightening the mood, his legs wrapped around mine and he flashed the smile that had already won my heart, “But, if I hold you I reserve the right to want to do a hell of a lot more, if you’ll let me!”
Now or never. If this thing was going to be for more than one night, I’d find out eventually and it might as well be now.
“Twelve months ago today,” I started nervously. Alex was never going to look at me the same after all, I’d left town to avoid the people who would always consider me a monster.
Have you met Alex: friends to lovers romance Page 5