Looking over his shoulder, he frowned at her. “Wait on the bed.”
“What? No. What if you fall?”
“What you going to do if I fall?”
“Catch you.”
“Little girl, you can’t catch me. Wait on the bed where you’ll be safe.”
She frowned at him, her hands going to her hips. “And if you fall?”
“Then I’ll fall and drag myself to the bathroom. You are not catching me.”
“Maybe if you lean on me and one crutch that will be better,” she said, ignoring him.
“Come in front of me.”
“Shit! Are you falling?” She reached around in front of him, placing her hands on his chest to steady him. Not that he seemed at all shaky. The heat of him seared her skin.
“Fuck, your hands are freezing.”
“Oh, sorry.” She drew them back.
He frowned down at her. “Shouldn’t be running around in light-weight pajamas without a robe or socks. Get into bed, under the covers and wait for me.”
“But you might need—”
“Now,” he growled.
Sheesh.
She moved around him towards the bed. “Fine, but if you fall you can’t blame me. And I’m not helping you.”
“Liar,” he told her as he moved into the bathroom. With a sigh, she slid under the blankets. The scent of him surrounded her and she sighed in happiness. It helped that it was still warm from his body heat. She swore he was a sauna.
When he came out, she saw he was pretty steady on the crutches. He sat on the bed and set them aside before managing to swing his legs around. She sat up in worry, reaching over to help him as he grunted.
“Back under the covers,” he commanded.
“I’m trying to help you.”
“I don’t need your help.”
She shied back, feeling hurt. He sighed and leaned his head back against the headboard. “Come here.” He opened his arms and she slid carefully over, leaning against his chest. His injured leg was on the side closest to the edge of the bed. Still, she didn’t want to accidentally bump into him.
“Sorry, baby,” he murmured to her. “Don’t find it easy to accept help. Hate being helpless. Really hate the painkillers so I don’t take them then I end up a grouchy fucking asshole.”
“It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. The last person I should be snapping at is you.”
“I don’t know. Of everyone here, I’m probably the person that deserves it.”
He stiffened. “Excuse me?”
She didn’t say anything.
“Eyes.”
She hunched her shoulders.
“Uh-uh, no more hiding. Look. At me.”
She gave him a disgruntled glare. “I haven’t been hiding.”
He let out a huff of breath. “I know you’ve been avoiding me. Want to know why.”
She gulped. “I don’t . . . I haven’t . . .”
“Do you want to add to the fifteen?”
“Are you really going to spank me?” she asked doubtfully.
He tensed, his face growing pale. Then his jaw clenched. “I won’t do it. Wouldn’t expect you to trust me. I’ll put it in your notebook then one of the others will deal with your punishment.”
“Wait, no, I didn’t mean . . . Matek, I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me.” She couldn’t have him thinking that.
“Know I’m big. Know you’ve seen me lose it. But I would never lose my temper with you. You’re the reason I got so upset.”
“What do you mean?” she asked. “Is that why you wrecked Kassim’s office back at the palace? Because of me?”
But what happened?
Wait. That was soon after she’d been hurt. Was that it?
“I saw the footage of you being hurt. I failed to keep you safe.” The self-loathing in his voice floored her.
“Matek, you couldn’t have known that would happen.”
“If we’d claimed you, then you would have had guards. Nobody would have touched you. That was our fault. We should have made our intentions clearer.”
“No, Matek.” She shook her head. “Even if you’d all told me how you felt earlier, it doesn’t mean I would have been in a place to accept your feelings.”
“You don’t accept us?”
“I do now. Or I did.” She buried her face in her hands with a groan. “I feel so messed up. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I’m a good listener.”
“I know you are. But first,” she took his large hand in both of hers, “these hands would never harm me. I know that. I trust you. You’d never push me too far. You’d never inflict hurt. Well, beyond a warm ass.” She grinned up at him.
“You aren’t scared that I’ll lose control like I did in the office?”
“You were upset because I was hurt, right?”
“Yes.”
“So given that reaction was because I was hurt, it stands to reason that you’re never actually going to hurt me. Right?”
He nodded, although he still looked a bit uncertain. “So much bigger than you.”
“Yeah, and I like that.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“I like how safe I feel with you. I know that you’d never let harm come to me. Matek, you stepped in front of a car for me. You threw me out of the way and took the hit. If that isn’t the ultimate sign of protection I don’t know what is. You risked yourself for me.”
“Do it again,” he growled. “Can’t believe that person nearly hit you. Going to kill him. Not going to allow you to be hurt.”
“I know. Which is why I trust you, even if you don’t trust yourself.”
He let out a deep breath. “Didn’t mean to lose it in Kassim’s office. When I was younger, was with my mother and some guards. Our car was attacked. I was only four. A ruler of another country wanted my mother. Whoever he hired was overzealous. The car rolled. My mother was injured. I was in a car restraint and couldn’t get to her. Could only sit there, watching her bleed.”
“Oh, Matek. That’s awful. I’m so sorry.” Her heart broke, imagining him as a little boy, trapped and watching his injured mother.
“Don’t let many people close. Can’t lose someone I love.”
“Me either. Ever since I lost my dad, I’ve felt so alone. But anytime someone got too close I’d run. I now realize I wanted to be with Gary because I knew I’d never love him. I’ve been a coward, Matek.”
“If you’re a coward, so am I.”
She wiped her arm across her eyes. “So, want to be brave with me?”
He watched her steadily. “You’re already brave.”
She shook her head. She wasn’t brave.
Gently, he grasped hold of her chin. “You are. Brave enough to take on the beast, aren’t you?
“You are not a beast, Matek! You are one of the best men I know and I won’t have you talking about yourself like that or I’ll . . . I’ll . . .”
“You’ll what?” he asked, amusement dancing in his eyes.
“I’ll take off my belt and whip your ass.” So there. Let him cower in fear beneath that threat.
He broke into big guffaws of laughter.
“Hey, it’s not that funny,” she complained, digging her finger into his side. He grabbed hold of her hand, stilling her.
“Yes, it is.”
“Is not. I could whip your ass if I wanted to.”
“You and what army?”
“Hmm, I bet I could bribe Tavi and Aric to hold you down for me,” she told him slyly.
He pointed a finger at her. “You try, minx, and you won’t sit for a month. Take you over my knee every night and every morning.”
She pushed her lower lip out.
“Don’t. Get your notebook.”
“I don’t think we need to write it down at all since that’s just mean.”
“Might get Tavi and Aric to help me spank you,” he repeated her threat back to her.
“I�
�ll go get it,” she said immediately, trying to climb from the bed.
“And your hairbrush.”
“What do you want that for?” she asked suspiciously.
“Hair is a mess.”
She squealed and raced off.
* * *
Matek had to grin as she ran away. Reaching over, he grabbed his phone.
Matek: Mission accomplished.
Aric: Thank fuck. Do you need us?
Matek: No.
Tavi: Is she all right?
Matek: Fine. Give us an hour.
He needed the time to settle her down and draw out what was going on with her exactly. While he wasn’t the best communicator, he hadn’t been lying when he said he was a good listener.
He shifted around, trying to find a comfortable position. Shit, he fucking hated this. Hated that he wasn’t fully healthy when there was a threat to his girl. Whoever was trying to hurt her better hope the cops got to him before he did, because he’d tear the bastard limb from limb.
While he was alive.
He knew Kassim wouldn’t stop until he found the bastard. But it sounded like that was all his brother was doing at the moment.
Pippa first. Then Kassim.
When she returned, he raised an eyebrow at her. “What took so long?”
“I didn’t know where this was.” She held up the notebook.
“Really? Thought Aric and Tavi would be filling it up with all your naughty behavior.”
“Hey! I’m never naughty!”
He snorted. “Go into my wardrobe. Get a hoodie and a pair of socks.”
“Oh, are you cold?” She practically threw the notebook and hairbrush at him, nearly getting his injured leg. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry. Did I hit you?”
“I’m fine,” he reassured her.
“I’m such an idiot.”
“Pippa,” he growled.
“Why wasn’t I more careful?” She whacked the palm of her hand against her forehead.
Enough.
“Here. Now.”
She gazed at him then walked over, chewing at her lip. Reaching up, he took her hand and drew her down. “No hitting yourself. It was a mistake. You didn’t do any harm. Understand, baby?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Haven’t had any desire to have a sub, not since . . .”
“Not since?”
“Since I messed up.”
“You could never mess up, Daddy.”
“Thanks for your belief in me, baby, but I did. Was taken with this girl years ago. Others didn’t like her. She was my first real girlfriend and submissive. But because the others didn’t want her, she could never be anything serious. Not unless I left the harem.”
“You can do that?”
“It’s rare. Can happen when one member finds someone the others don’t want.”
“What happened?” she whispered.
“Decided to leave the harem. Said I’d had to give up my active role as a prince and move from the palace. When she learned the others didn’t want her, she told me that she didn’t want me. Was a means to an end. Said I was too rough, a beast in rut.”
He braced himself for her sympathy. He hated pity, but he wouldn’t snap at her for it. He would suffer through it.
“What a bitch!”
Huh? Not the reaction he was expecting.
“What was her name?”
“What?” he asked.
“Her name,” she demanded through clenched teeth. She was furious, her eyes sparking, her hands in fists.
She’d never been more beautiful to him.
“Baby—”
“Name. I’m not fucking around here, Matty. Name.”
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Nuh-uh, while flattery is cute, it’s not her name.”
“She’s long gone. Want you nowhere near her.”
“So I’ll find out on my own. Revenge will be mine!” She pumped her fist into the air. “No one messes with one of my men.”
She shivered, reminding him of her freezing hands.
“Go get the hoodie and socks,” he ordered.
Her shoulders slumped.
“Then I’ll tell you.”
She nodded and raced into the wardrobe, coming back with the hoodie and socks.
“Put them on,” he ordered.
“They’re for me?” She gave him a surprised look.
“You’re freezing. Should be dressed warmer. Gonna get a cold.”
And he wanted her in his clothes. Caveman, maybe. But he liked being able to take care of her, even in a small way.
When the hoodie was on, she looked like a kid playing dress-up. The hoodie reached her knees and the socks were bunched around her ankles.
They needed to get the heat turned up. Old houses like this took a while to warm up. If he could have, he’d have lit the fire for her.
He drew back the covers and slid his good leg over to the side to create a space for her to plant her ass. He patted the mattress. “Sit.”
“Matty, I can’t. I’ll bump you.”
“Sit.”
“What if I hurt you?”
“Pippa. Sit.”
“You know, I’m not sure I like this bossy side of you,” she grumbled.
“Oh yeah? Shall we check and see?”
“What?” she squeaked. “How would you check?”
He gave her a serious look. “By testing your pussy, of course.”
Her mouth opened, closed. “You . . . what . . . no!”
“No?”
“No!”
“Disappointing. Miss the taste of your pussy.” He licked his lips.
“Matty!” Her face went bright red.
She shook her head as she carefully crawled up from the end of the bed then slowly settled herself between his legs. He drew the covers up over their legs. Grabbing her hair brush, he leaned back against the headboard and started to untangle her mess of hair.
“You haven’t been taking care of yourself,” he growled. He’d noticed the dark marks under her eyes and her tangle of hair. And her face looked drawn as though she’d lost weight.
She hunched her shoulders. “Sorry, I told you I was being a coward. I was hiding.”
“From what?”
“It was my fault you got hit!”
He stilled. “What?” Where would she get that idea from? If anyone had said that to her . . .
“Oh, Daddy Matty, it’s all my fault,” she said miserably. “Judd went over the rules before I left the plane. Then Aric and Beck both went over them again and I br-broke them and y-you ended up h-hurt. I’m so s-sorry.”
Her tears were killing him. He dropped the hair brush, wrapping his arms around her. He wanted to tell her that she was being silly. But he understood how guilt could rip you apart. And that words didn’t always erase the guilt.
As she fell apart in his arms, he knew he would do whatever was necessary to take that guilt and pain away.
“Baby, hush. Hush.”
She was going to make herself sick.
“Look at me. Turn and look.” He made his voice firm even though he wanted to treat her like she was the most delicate of treasures. Because for him, she was.
She was that and everything. All that he had ever wanted. His bright light in his dark existence. And now that he’d experienced that light, he couldn’t go back. She turned, kneeling between his legs.
“Can you ever forgive me?”
“Nothing to forgive,” he soothed, wiping away her tears with his thumbs.
“B-but you were hurt because of me.”
“Hurt because some asshole was trying to harm you. That’s not your fault.”
“But I shouldn’t have been on the road on my own.”
“No,” he agreed. “But the rule you broke shouldn’t have ended up in your life being at risk. You couldn’t have known.”
“I still feel terrible.”
“What shall we do about that?”
“I don’t know. I
just want to get rid of the guilt. I’ve been hiding from it, from you and Kassim.”
“You thought we would blame you?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“You know that’s not true.”
“For you, but Kassim . . . I haven’t seen him since. I think he’s mad at me.”
Actually, he thought Kassim was probably drowning in the same guilt since he took everything on himself. An idea of how to help both of them occurred to him. But he brushed that aside for the moment.
“What would rid you of the guilt?”
She groaned. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I guess a spanking might.”
“Hmm, well, if you insist.”
“I know I’ve been worrying Tavi and Aric. I reverted into Little space to hide. I didn’t want to think about what happened and how close I came to losing you. I’m terrified of something happening to one of you.”
“Nothing will happen to us,” he reassured her.
“You don’t know that.”
“Got hit by a car, came out with just a scratch.”
“I don’t think you can call a broken femur that required four hours of surgery a scratch.”
He shrugged. “It would kill someone else. I’m Mr. Indestructible.”
“Like a superhero?” she asked.
“Yep. Your superhero.”
She smiled through the tears dripping down her face.
“Enough tears.”
“Why? Are they your weakness?”
“You are my weakness.” He wiped her tears away. “And my strength.”
She leaned forward and carefully hugged him before reaching over for a tissue to wipe her eyes.
“Nobody knows the future. But you can’t worry about it or you’ll never live.”
“You’re a wise man, Matty.”
“I know.”
She grinned at him.
“Also know I’d be lost without you. Don’t pull away from us. We all need you. We all love you. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered.
He carefully drew her forward to kiss her, his hand cupping the side of her face as he coaxed her into a deeper kiss.
“Turn back around. Got to tame this mess. When did you last wash it?”
“Um, I don’t know. Maybe before we arrived here?”
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