Women. Who understood them?
My life had fallen into a pile of shit. I didn't need this right now. Not with the stress of my album about to release and the tour. Not much I could do about any of it. I just had to put my head down and keep working. Same as ever.
As much as I hated to admit it, maybe my mother was right. I shouldn't get involved. Work came first. Work always came first.
I got home and Fiona was still there. I found some clothes for her to chuck on so she didn't have to wear that filthy dress home and gave her cab fare.
"Where did you find me?" she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
I told her about the club.
"Not sure what happened to your phone though. You had nothing with you when I found you. No bag, no wallet, no keys. Maybe you should get your locks changed today."
She nodded, still looking spaced out.
"I mean it, someone has your keys and your address. You can't be too careful."
"Yep. Thanks for coming to get me."
"It's the last time," I said. "We're friends but you've pushed that friendship way too far."
I was damn lucky Alice understood. If she'd seen the photos of me with Fiona before I got a chance to explain, or if she'd been more the jealous type, then all hell could've broken loose.
Which it did. Only not over Fiona.
She'd picked Molloy over me. I hated that. I hated that so much.
"Whatever," Fiona said. She grinned as though she really thought she had more chances.
I pulled my phone out.
"See this, this is me blocking your number. If you had your phone here, I'd delete my number from it. I'm deadly serious, Fi. Next time, call someone else. Even better, next time, don't get so wasted in the first place."
"That's rich coming from you," she laughed. A brittle laugh.
"Maybe the old me."
"So, what's the new Savage? More than just a change in music direction, if you ask me. Is it a woman? Is our Savage in lurve?"
I shook my head and pointed to the door.
When she headed off, I stripped the sheets off the spare bed. I didn't want the housekeeper to deal with the putrid scent of them. At least Fiona hadn't thrown up. That was one mercy.
I got ready to head to the stadium. At least I had one problem solved. I called Matt and asked him to keep an eye on Fiona while I was on tour. She could be his problem in future. I'd always suspected he had a thing for her but I'd never delved into it. Knowing Matty, it was probably some stupid moral high horse about dating a mate's ex. But he was welcome to her.
Then I called Gary. I meant to tell him to cancel the job but thought better of it. Alice might come around to the idea once she got used to it. Thousands of women would jump at the chance. Hundreds of thousands.
Was it Molloy? If she preferred him to me, then she could walk away, good riddance.
I jumped in the car and headed to the arena. I'd do a run-through today, proper soundcheck tomorrow, then the actual concert tomorrow night. Everything should run solidly. The rehearsal in the studio yesterday had just been a formality. We'd played this stuff a million times. There was nothing left to rehearse. It either went right on the night or it didn't.
There were a million details to go through. Gary and the tour manager walked me around the place. I could've left everything to the tour manager but that wasn't my style. I'd had too many years of other people having control. I needed to know this would be exactly as I envisioned it.
After we'd gone through the place, Alice joined us. She didn't look at me, sure as hell didn't meet my eyes. It was like she was a stranger.
Next up, I got on stage and checked all the gear. A woman ran up asking us about the final details for t-shirt sales. That should've been sorted out weeks ago. I groaned.
"Whatever you think," I said. "It's your area."
Even if I wanted to control everything, surely t-shirt sales could take care of itself.
I'd stick around until dark to get a test of the lighting. That should be awesome, mind-blowing, even. I wanted this concert to be something people raved about. I mean, every rocker wants that from every performance but I had so much riding on this.
I believed in this new material. I'd dug down to the depths of my soul, pulling out some stuff that wasn't pretty but it was honest and it was real. If people didn't like it, I had nothing left to give.
"What do you think?" I asked Gary.
"You've done everything you can. The rest is out of your control."
That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I hated things out of my control. I caught a look at Alice's face. She had her lips pursed but didn't speak.
I fought back the urge to snap at her. She obviously wanted to say something.
"The new material is brilliant," she finally said. "The audience will eat it up."
I wasn't so sure about that. A lot of them would turn up wanting the old stuff. Stuff I couldn't play, even if I wanted to, because of copyright issues. They might hate this change. I couldn't kid myself. A fair proportion of them would be coming along, hoping to see me fall on my arse.
But at least there would be one person in that crowd who'd like what I had to give. That made me infinitely happier because she was the one person I wanted to impress.
Even if I couldn't look at her. Even if she couldn't look at me.
God, I just ached to sweep her into my arms but if it was Molloy's arms she preferred, then she could go to him.
Alice
WORKING WITH SAVAGE was so much harder than I'd even imagined. I wanted to talk to him, to work this all out but seeing the nervous energy coming off him at the stadium made me rethink that. He was in no state of mind for having deep and meaningful conversations.
I went about my work, taking shots of Savage but some of the prep work for the concert too. I hated not being able to reach for him when he started to become overwhelmed. This concert would be laying it all on the line for him. He was a proud man and failure would kill him. The music was good, more than good, but he was right. It wasn't just about the music. Would people accept the new him or would he just be pigeonholed as a popstar forever?
About a hundred times, I wanted to put my arm around him and tell him it would be okay. I wanted to tell him I'd be there for him. No matter what. But if he expected me to give up my career for him, then I had to keep my distance.
As he finished up for the day, I slipped off. I had no intention of sticking around, just to have him ignore me.
I stopped on the way home to get milk and couldn't avoid seeing Savage's picture on the front page of the papers. He was right, it did look bad. No one would believe he wasn't just as trashed as she was.
I didn't want to compare but I couldn't help myself. Even sprawling out of a nightclub, she looked fantastic. The bedraggled dress and the smeared lipstick only highlighted her natural good looks.
Why had Savage even bothered leaving her to come to me?
I put the paper back on the stand. I didn't need to have that in my face. Next week, I'd be working with Kit Molloy and it would be drama-free.
My apartment seemed filled with Savage when I got home. I changed the sheets so I didn't have to sleep with the scent of him filling my dreams. That wasn't enough though. I needed to clean him out of the whole place. He'd only stayed one night and he seemed to have stamped himself on everything.
I got out the lemon-scented spray and scrubbed down every surface. I put every outfit I'd worn around him in the wash. I even vacuumed up the Savage dust. The only positive thing that came out this relationship was that my apartment was cleaner than it'd ever been.
My phone rang. Eleanor.
"What's this I hear about you taking a job on Savage's team?"
God. Where had she heard that?
"I've not taken any job. He set it up without telling me. I told him it was out of the question."
"Are you sure you aren't tempted? He's a good-looking man and the work you've done with him so far really
shows a different side to him. You can't take photos like that without there being feelings."
I wasn't an idiot. I knew how she worked. She wanted to trap me into saying I'd been considering the job. Wanting me to show my cards first.
"I'd be a fool to take it. I can't let someone else control my life."
"It's a steady income. You can't deny that's a rare thing in this business. And you'd be living the high life. It'd be five star, all the way. But then, Kit Molloy. I guess you have your eyes on a different prize."
"I said I wanted the Molloy tour and I meant it."
She tsked. "That's good, because if you cancelled now, I'd have no choice but to blacklist you. You're one of the best but we have our rules. Otherwise, we'd have photographers dicking us around last minute constantly."
I'd totally known she'd been bluffing. I'd known her to blacklist photographers before. And, once word of that got out that you were unreliable, it wasn't just her magazine.
If you were a male photographer, maybe you'd get away with it, or at least work your way into people's good graces again. But a female photographer, quitting a job to go on tour with her lover? That spelled instant ruin.
"There's one other thing," she said. "I had some photos come across my desk today. Savage leaving a building early this morning. It looked a lot like your building."
Damn. I hadn't told him how to get out through the basement. But then, no one else would make the connection. It wasn't even like they'd be worth publishing. Savage leaving an apartment building, nothing newsworthy. They'd hold onto them though, just in case.
There was no just in case here though. It's not like Savage would ever be seen with me again. I'd be on stage with him tonight but I'd be just another press member.
"Strange," I said.
I sure as hell wasn't going to spill my guts to Eleanor, of all people. It wouldn't make me look at all professional.
"So, other than that, all ready to go on tour? You got the schedule I sent through?"
"Yep, all ready."
After she hung up, I had nothing more to do. The photo editing could wait until I was a bit stronger. I had tomorrow and that would be it. No more Savage. The emptiness seemed too much for me to cope with.
Alice
IF ANYTHING, ELEANOR'S pep talk made me rethink the whole Molloy tour thing. If I didn't want Savage ruling my life, then I sure didn't want her doing it either. Not rethinking to the point where I'd throw my whole career away, but to the point where I was in a bad mood when I woke up.
The last thing I wanted to do was take more photos of Savage. A clean break would be a fine thing.
The day went pretty much the same as the day before. I ignored him. He ignored me. My body couldn't ignore his closeness though. Every time I looked at him, my body heated and since my job was to look at him, I practically had steam coming out of every orifice. Not exactly a charming look.
At one point, he nearly broke down in the middle of a song. His gaze caught mine for an instant. My hand shook and I ruined the shot. Not that I wanted to take photos of him looking like that anyway.
The forlornness in his expression shouldn't be shared with the world. Was this my fault? Was it really worth being stubborn to cause that much hurt?
I had to look away. I couldn't back down. Sure, it would be all dramatic and brave to throw it all in for Savage right now but in a few months' time, when he dumped me for his next love, I'd be totally screwed. Hell, not even months. It could be days, even. Then where would I be? No job, no love, nothing.
When I looked back, he had that grin on his face. Had I just imagined he'd been so sad?
The soundcheck finished and I got sent backstage to get something to eat with the rest of the press team.
I wasn't all that hungry but took a sandwich, figuring I'd need to keep up my energy for the rest of the night.
One of the press team called me over.
"Think this is going to go well?" he asked.
"I think so."
"I wouldn't be so sure. The songs are great but there's something missing. He's just not there, not 100% like he should be. I know it was just soundcheck but if he's that pent-up during the show, he'll die on stage."
That got me thinking. He had been pent-up. Compared to how he'd been on stage at the rock club and even in the rehearsal studio, he seemed like he'd been holding back.
Shit. I needed to do something to help. Maybe if I talked to him, I could sort things out.
I walked down the hallway to the performer's rooms.
"No further," someone said.
"I need to see Savage. I'm the photographer who's been working with him."
"No one gets back here. No one."
I think the guy was Savage's manager. He had his arms folded and looked ready to physically stop me if I tried to get past him. That would be the worst.
I backed away. I needed a plan.
I phoned Eleanor.
"I need a favor."
"If it's anything to do with quitting the Molloy tour, forget it."
"Nope. I need you to call Savage's manager and distract him. Just for a minute. Tell him you need him to check something."
"Promise you aren't going to quit the tour."
Jeez, didn't she trust me?
"I promise. I told you that already."
"Fine."
I hung up and waited for her to work her magic. I huddled into a nearby doorway and waited for the manager to walk by, then sprinted for Savage's room.
Savage
I COULD DO THIS, I could totally do it. I sat in my dressing room, focusing on my breath. The outfit I'd picked for the concert highlighted my body, without being too much. Despite that, I felt like I'd be going on the stage naked.
There was still an hour before I had to go on stage but I had to fight nerves like I'd never known before. I needed to distract myself from what lay out there but there was nothing that could distract me from the enormity of it. The only thing that had kept me sane all week was Alice, but thinking about her made me more nervous than the concert.
Someone knocked at my door. The staff knew better. I didn't like being interrupted in my stressing. I opened the door anyway.
Alice stood there.
"Yes?"
"I wanted to see you before you went on stage. I know you're tense. I had to sneak past your manager to get back here."
I let her in.
"I don't want to go into the whole thing about us. It's not the right time. I just wanted to make sure you were okay..."
I didn't want to go into it either but just seeing her here made me feel better.
She stared at me, biting her lip. The sight of her like that made all the blood rush to my cock. I knew it was no time to think about sex, not with things up in the air between us. I'd look like a total bastard if I even approached it. But, hell, I wanted her so much.
I leant against the bench, trying to look casual.
"Are you nervous?" she asked.
"Of course not,' I said. But I couldn't lie to her. "Okay, a little bit. Hell, I'm as nervous as fuck. The only thing that helps at times like this is..."
I didn't want to say sex. I didn't want to pressure her.
But her hand reached for my zipper. I couldn't believe she'd done that. It was like she'd read my mind. Admittedly, that wasn't too difficult. My mind was mostly in my pants. Still, it was the last thing I'd expected.
She unbuckled my belt, then unzipped my jeans.
"Is this all right?" she asked.
"Yeah, love, it is so much all right."
I stood stock still, not wanting to put her off.
God, I needed this. It was the most perfect gift she could give me.
She pushed down my jeans, getting my cock free. Just from the nearness of her, I'd become so hard.
Hell, I'd known her less than a week and we'd been apart for a day. I should not feel like this about her. I shouldn't be intoxicated from her scent. The gleam in her eye shouldn't have me as he
t-up as crazy. There was no point even trying to be Mr. Cool.
Then she knelt in front of me. The sight of her like that was so damn sexy that I worried I'd blow before she even got me in her mouth.
She had her hair loose, hanging over her shoulders. Her lips, red and delicious, smiled at me. The panting of her breath made her tits heave.
How could she not realize how beautiful she was?
Her tongue darted out, lapping over the head of my cock. The soft flicker hit me like electricity, an intense current shooting through my body.
She owned me with that tongue.
Then she wrapped her lips around my cock and slowly slid them down the length of me.
I let out a low moan. Fuck yeah.
As she took me fully into her mouth, all my other worries drained away. My hips bucked toward her and I twisted my hands in her hair. She looked up at me, her eyes crazed with lust. That look in her eyes got me even harder.
Her tongue moved as she sucked. That swirling tongue, playing my cock, got me so worked up.
My body tensed. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to scream it out but the words only came out as moans.
Then she took my balls in her hand, gently squeezing them as she sucked.
God, that was too much for me. I couldn't hold back. I shuddered. Knowing I'd soon come, I tried to pull away from her but her hands grabbed my hips, holding me tight and letting me know what she wanted.
I couldn't refuse her. Hell, as if I'd ever want to. She sucked harder as I shot in her mouth, draining me dry of every drop.
Hell, that was good. She was an angel. A cock-sucking angel.
I pulled up my jeans and then collapsed into a chair.
"Did that help?" she asked.
"Fuck yeah."
I smiled and she smiled back. This hadn't fixed things but it was a truce. A really fucking amazing truce. I knew then, I needed to keep this woman with me forever. Not because of the great blowjob she'd just given me but because she knew exactly what I needed.
But, for once in my life, I had no idea how to do that. I'd worry about the details later though. For now, I had to get out on stage and rock the fuck out of some people.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 12