"Ash, I know you want to keep it from her but she's going to find out. You're just delaying things. The shit is going to hit the fan no matter what, you just have to make sure that it doesn't splatter on you."
"Nice imagery there, mate."
He was right. I hated to admit it but I'd have to tell Alice. But not tonight. I'd wait for my moment and right now, I was as tense as fuckery. The words wouldn't come out right.
I hung up and went back inside but, for once, my mind was on something other than sex. I could see Alice wanted to get back into the bedroom action and I didn't want her to think I didn't desire her, but I just couldn't. I turned on the TV.
I flicked through the channels. Shit on every single one. I ended up finding a soccer game and left it on that.
Alice sat down beside me. She put her arm around me and drew me to her.
"I don't know what's wrong. I'm not going to ask if you won't tell me but just know I'm here beside you, no matter what."
The warmth of her body crept through me. I had no idea I'd even turned so cold until she thawed me.
I kissed her forehead.
"I've just got some things on my mind."
I should've told her. It would've been simple enough to just blurt out the truth. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
"Do you want me to pack your stuff?"
I shook my head.
"Just stay beside me," I said. "The packing isn't important."
She played with the hair at the base of my neck. God, that was soothing and incredibly sexy at the same time. I could stay here with her wrapped around me forever.
If only I could stop Molloy without destroying everything. I didn't want her to suffer any more.
"We should get to bed," she said. "Early start tomorrow."
I nodded. Maybe tomorrow, this wouldn't seem so bad.
Savage
RUMORS STARTED APPEARING the next day. I wasn't sure how often Alice checked social media. She sure wasn't the type who was always on her phone but, if she saw that story, all would be lost. I had to sit down and explain myself to her before it got too public.
She snored lightly in her sleep. I couldn't sleep at all. I paced the room, wondering just what I should do.
Her phone sat on the coffee table, next to the sofa. I grabbed it. Then I got out my suitcase and hid it in there. She'd never look in my case. Unless her phone rang. Shit. I got it out again and powered it off, then locked it in my case.
That was probably as stupid as I got but it'd work in the short term. I couldn't let her find out like that.
We'd talk. As soon as she woke up, I'd lay it all out for her. Or maybe after the flight. She'd be preoccupied beforehand. She might not even notice her missing phone. She might think she'd packed it or something.
Even though I'd told Gary I'd delete all my social media apps, I could still get online and read what they said about me. It hurt me how easily people believed the worst. I guess I hadn't done anything to cultivate a good image in the last few years but I'd never hit anyone who didn't deserve it.
There were a few voices of reason. My real fans. They said Molloy probably had it coming.
One message even said that Molloy wasn't the sweet guy he pretended to be. I wondered if they knew more. I took a screenshot and sent the message to Gary to follow up. Gary just messaged back and told me to get offline.
Then Alice woke up.
"Hey, come back to bed," she said.
"Love to, love, but we have to rush."
"Nonsense, we have heaps of time. You hate getting to the airport early."
Normally, I did but I needed to distract her. Damn it, sex would be the perfect distraction but I still wasn't feeling it. If I saw Molloy again, I'd hit him more, just for destroying my libido.
She got up, all bedraggled. I wanted to hold her in my arms. My libido wasn't that destroyed, but she'd sense the tension in me. I didn't want her to freak out or question me or even get a hint of what was wrong.
"Get in the shower. I'll finish packing."
She shrugged. "Okay. Are we getting breakfast? I'd love some coffee."
"I'll order it. You shower."
I rang room service. We should eat. Eating was good. I had no idea what I'd eat, though. I had no appetite.
By the time Alice finished in the shower, I'd packed up the entire room and had our cases waiting by the door.
"Where are my shoes?" she asked.
Hell, I'd packed them. I'd been a bit distraught.
She opened her bag and got the shoes out. She also got out a jewelry case. The one with the necklace I'd given her.
"Can you put this in your case?" she asked. "I'd be worried the whole time if it's just in my crappy old bag."
I didn't want to open my case in front of her. Even though the phone was buried right at the bottom, it seemed to pulsate with my guilt, like that story about the heart under the floorboards. If I opened the case, the phone might randomly fall out or she'd sense it was in there.
Luckily, at that moment, room service knocked at the door.
"I'll get it," she said.
I quickly opened my suitcase and stuffed the necklace inside. I'd thought it was the perfect gift but, when I gave it to her, I got the feeling Alice didn't love it. As much as I wanted to shower her with expensive gifts, I had to hold myself back. She wasn't the type to be impressed by things like that. She got overwhelmed and a little bit stubborn.
We ate and then the porter came for our bags. As we took the elevator down to the car, she searched in her bag.
"My phone. I don't have it. I need to go back to look for it."
"There was nothing in the room when I checked. It's probably been packed."
"Why would I pack my phone? I want it here beside me. I'll just run back to the room. We've got time."
She went back to the room while I waited in the lobby. I didn't want to send her on a wild goose chase but there wasn't much else I could do without confessing everything.
Finally, she came back down.
"I can't find it. I had it last night, didn't I?"
I nodded. "I think I saw you with it. Don't worry, love. It's probably been shoved into your bag or somewhere. We'll find it when we unpack. If not, I'll buy you a new one."
She pouted at that. She really loved her things and hated replacing them. I knew that about her.
"It had photos on it. I can't replace them."
"I'm sure it's around somewhere."
I'd made her sad. Hell, I felt rotten. I'd forced down that muesli for breakfast and now it churned in my belly.
"I'll let the hotel know," I said. "Then if they find it, they can send it on to us."
She nodded and we headed to the airport.
Savage
GARY TOOK ME ASIDE when we checked into the hotel. We went out on the balcony to talk so Alice couldn't overhear us. She unpacked. Soon she'd realize her phone wasn't in her bag.
"Ticket sales are down. Album sales are down too."
"That's not good."
"It's a disaster. We need to get this Molloy mess cleared up. He's started a smear campaign. I've got our PR people onto it but we need to do more."
I couldn't really think what more we could do.
"You need to tell her, Ash. Even if she doesn't want to talk, we can't hide this thing. It's just going to gain momentum if we try to bury it. That's how these things work. We need to answer him and move on. People forget quickly but only if the story goes away."
I tapped my fingers against the railing. I knew I had to tell her. I wanted to tell her. I just couldn't stand seeing the way she'd look. That time, after the show, when she'd freaked out going to the bathroom, that proved she wasn't over this as easily as she wanted me to believe. Telling her that Molloy was making a fuss over it would just hurt her all the more.
"I'll tell her. Give me time. You've released the hospital photos?"
"Yep, they are all over the place and they are helping a bit but he's got phot
os of himself all banged up. No one is even questioning that it was you. We wanted to get rid of this drunken party boy image and this is the worst possible time for a story like this to come out."
I sighed. I needed things to just stop for a while. I wanted time to sort myself out.
When I went back inside, I smiled at Alice. She smiled back but it wasn't her usual smile. Was she angry with me? I'd been distracted lately, that's true. I could understand her being annoyed.
"Things will be back to normal soon," I told her.
Gary raised his eyebrows but he left and we were alone.
"Sure, no problem," she said. But she turned her back on me and played with her camera. I wasn't sure if that was a brush off. Normally, I'd sweep her into my arms and kiss all the anger out of her but my guilt put up a huge barrier.
"I guess I should get ready to go sound check," I said. "That sound isn't going to check itself."
She gave me a weak smile.
What was happening to us? I hated these lies and deceits but I'd hate hurting her even more.
Alice
SAVAGE WASN'T IN FORM. That much was obvious as soon as he stepped on the stage. Not in a huge, falling flat on his face kind of way but the tension wasn't there. Everything seemed a bit off. All I could do was watch, shooting him the occasional smile when he glanced my way.
Things hadn't been right since he got that phone call. I tried to do everything I could to support him but it wasn't enough. He needed to get something straight in his head. I had no idea what, and I had no idea how I could help.
Even though he got through the set like a professional, the calls for the encore weren't as loud as usual and he only did one more song.
As usual, he grabbed me as he came off stage. His embrace was less passionate than usual. Not less emotional, though. He clung to me with a need that was sad rather than sexy. Our lips had only just met, when Gary called him away.
"There's some local press here. Save the love stuff for after the interviews."
Savage rolled his eyes, then grabbed my hand. I let it drop.
"Go, do your work. I'll be around when you finish."
The two of them walked off and I headed to the band room. Frankie gave me a wave as I walked by.
"I'll join you soon," he said.
Since Savage was playing four nights here, there wasn't a lot of stuff for Frankie to do after the gig. Not tonight anyway.
When I got to the band room, the other guys horsed around. There were a couple of girls back there but nothing like on the Molloy tour. One of the girls sat on Buzz's knee, the other sat on the sofa next to him.
I grabbed a beer and moved to the other side of the room. Savage's bandmates were friendly to me now but I didn't want to intrude on their after-show fun.
Savage wouldn't be long anyway.
I got out my phone, so I looked occupied. When I'd unpacked, I'd found it in his suitcase. Normally, I didn't touch his stuff but he'd been out on the balcony so long, I had to do something with my time. What the hell had my phone been doing in there?
Maybe he'd been packing and picked it up by accident. He'd been distracted, so it was an easy mistake to make. Still, it seemed weird, when I'd been so worried about losing it.
I hadn't checked my email since yesterday but there was nothing interesting. One mail from Eleanor about routine stuff. She was still angry with me but screw her, I was angry too. Even if I had to take a job doing Santa photos at the local mall, it'd be better than the treatment I'd put up with. It might even be fun.
Then I checked my Instagram feed and a few other things. Maybe I could become an Instagram star now, with all my free time. That was a valid career path. I wasn't sure how to make money from it but people did.
I was about to throw my phone back in my bag when I checked my Twitter feed. I hated Twitter and only checked my account once in a blue moon. It was the usual self-promotion and waffle. But the trending story?
Savage?
I clicked for more information.
Fuck! Was this what Savage had been keeping from me? Molloy wanted to press charges for assault.
My stomach dropped.
When Savage had come to get me from that motel, his knuckles had been grazed. I knew something had gone on but assumed they'd just gotten into a punch up. A fair fight. Even then, it worried me that Savage let his anger get to him.
According to people on the Internet, it wasn't like that at all. Savage had gone bat shit on Molloy, knocking him to the ground and attacking him until security had dragged him away.
That was just people on the Internet talking. It wasn't real.
Except there were photos. Molloy looked a damn mess.
I had no sympathy for Molloy at all. I'd have punched him myself if I'd been given the chance. But this whole thing could ruin Savage's career. It made him seem like an animal, totally out of control.
I gave a dry laugh. How fucking ironic. Molloy was the animal, not Savage.
Had he hidden my phone on purpose so I wouldn't see this story? I hated to think so but it seemed too much of coincidence that my phone would go missing when this story broke.
My stomach dropped.
He'd known. He'd known about it that night when he'd gone on the balcony to take his phone call, maybe even before that. He'd kept it from me.
That broke me. Without trust, we had nothing.
In his crazy, Savage way, he'd tried to protect me or some shit like that but this protection thing went too far. I had a right to know. I'd told him he didn't need to talk but I'd assumed he'd been down about some personal problem. Something to do with his career, maybe.
This issue involved both of us, only there was no us. Not if he kept making decisions that shut me out. I wasn't a fragile flower, needing to be protected from life.
On the other side of the room, one of the girls squealed. The drummer had sprayed her with beer. I was in no mood for that kind of thing. All I wanted to do was get out of the place and go somewhere quiet.
As I got up to leave, Frankie came into the room.
"Tell Savage I'm going back to the hotel," I told him.
Even though I wanted to run away and hide, I couldn't just disappear. Savage would freak if I wasn't around when he came backstage. But I could trust Frankie to pass on the message.
Frankie nodded. "I'll get you a cab first, make sure you're safe."
He walked out of the building with me.
"Is everything okay? You look really pale."
"I'm fine. I just need to get back to the hotel. Make sure you tell Savage."
Savage
"I NEED TO GET BACK to the hotel. NOW!" I told Gary.
"Don't do anything rash," he said. "You don't know that she knows."
"She knows. She said she'd wait for me but she's gone."
"I'll get the car and drive you back," Frankie said. "It won't take long."
We ran to the carpark. Last time I'd run after her, it'd been in a hot dog van. At least this was a step up.
"She's not going to get over that thing in a hurry," Frankie said, when we were in the van.
"I know. It's just getting worse."
I told him about the charges and the whole Molloy thing on the drive back.
"He's a total prick. I don't blame you one bit for punching him. I'd have done the same. It's a miracle you stopped when you did."
"It wasn't a miracle. Security hauled me off him."
Frankie shook his head. "Not good, having witnesses."
"I just don't want her to think she has to do anything to help. I'd rather she put it all behind her."
We got to the hotel and I jumped out of the van. The elevator took forever to get to our floor. I just hoped she hadn't left. She had to still be there.
When I got to the suite, she was there. Sitting on the sofa staring at the blank TV screen. She didn't even turn around when I walked in.
"Are you angry at me?" I asked.
"A bit."
A big bit it see
med. The iciness in her voice chilled me. Still, I sat down beside her. We could work this out.
"I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to think about it anymore."
She moved away from me.
"You could've let me decide that for myself. He's a bastard. I didn't want to report it but if I'd known it would come to this, I would've. You've taken away my chance to act for myself."
I reached for her hand. She let me take it but it just hung limply in mine.
The two of us sat side by side for an age. I didn't know what to say to her. I'd have much preferred her to yell or throw things. Women always throw things at me. I'm used to it. I'm not used to sad silences.
If she argued or fought or even flashed those angry green eyes at me, I'd have known what to do. But she shut me out completely, erected a wall around herself.
Eventually, I had to get up. I had to move. If that silence continued, it'd cut me to pieces.
I got a drink. I got her one too. I didn't ask. I just put it down in front of her. If she wanted it, it was there.
"What now?" I asked.
"I don't know."
I wish she'd say more. If she was going to leave me, I wanted to know. If she wanted me to do something, anything, she could tell me. But I couldn't fix a problem if I didn't know what it was.
"I've been nothing but trouble for you."
"It's not like that at all," I said. "You aren't the trouble. Molloy is. You should be able to expect people around you to act like decent human beings."
She stretched and looked around to me.
"I should go home," she said.
"Huh? You want to break up?"
I was ready to promise her anything, get down on my knees and beg. If it meant she'd stay with me, I'd humble myself. Life without Alice would mean a bleak future. I couldn't even imagine it. The world crashed down around me. I was a proud man but this would break my pride. She was my everything. Without her, I had nothing.
"I don't know. I want some space. I need to think about things."
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 23