"You're running a charity event?" He laughed way too much for my liking. "I never thought you were that type. What happened? Did you get busted and sentenced to do community service?"
"Hardly. I'm helping out a friend. Come on. It'd be no big deal for you. It'll be an early night thing. You'd make money instead of having an empty club. These people will be out of there by midnight at the latest."
It took a bit of talking but Georgie agreed in the end. I rang Bridget to let her know. Now we had a date and a venue, the rest of it would fall into place, hopefully.
I'd just got off the phone when Matt arrived home with the box of goods.
"Everyone's signed except for Ash. Oh, and me. I should sign them too, I guess." That lopsided grin shot straight to my heart.
He set the carton down on the counter.
"Sweet." I told him about booking the club.
I wasn't sure if I should run into his arms or hold back. He seemed to hesitate too. These feelings were way too unfamiliar to me. I only knew about love from watching movies but I had no script to work from.
The next moment, we were kissing. Both of us hungry and frantic.
I shouldn't need him this much when it had only been a few hours break but I craved his body. We needed to touch. I needed his smell and his taste. I needed to immerse myself in him.
"You smell good," he said.
"I just had a shower. I think it's orange and bergamot body soap. I don't know. You bought it." I rambled. The more intimate we got, the more awkward I became with Matt. I didn't know how to talk to someone I cared about. I didn't want to push him away but pushing away was my default position.
His hands moved down to my butt. I liked the way he held me. It made my body tingle.
We gazed into each other's eyes for a moment. Matt liked to look at me way too much. I didn't mind being looked at but the way Matt did it felt like he looked beyond my appearance, like he could see something deep inside me. That would never be good. The things inside me were rotten. I turned my head away. I couldn't handle the intensity.
Instead, I took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom. Sex would be much safer.
Fiona
THE PHONE INTERRUPTED us just when we were getting to the good part. I'd kissed Matty's stomach, teasing him with light touches until he could barely stand it. Damn phone. I picked it up and turned it off.
Then I realized it was Madeline calling.
"Sorry," I said to Matt as I returned the call.
"I've got some bad news, I'm afraid," Madeline said. "One of your campaigns has been cancelled."
I asked her which one. Shit, it was one of the biggest. I'd been relying on that money.
"Apparently, word's gotten out. They think you don't fit their squeaky-clean image."
"Squeaky-clean? You are fucking kidding me. Most of their staff are on coke. They are one of the worst."
"Yeah, well most of their staff haven't been in rehab. No cares what anyone does in reality. All they care about is image. You know that. You've been around long enough. And they're worried it's going to keep on happening. I can't give them any guarantees that it won't."
"But I need that money. Without the campaign, my earnings will plummet."
Madeline sighed. "No cares about that, Fiona. This is a business. You said you want to get out of modeling. Well, maybe it's time to start thinking about that."
"But I'll be devastated. I'll have no money." I tried to keep my voice calm but that high-pitched tone seeped in with my desperation.
"You have plenty of money. Enough income from investments to live comfortably for the rest of your life. I don't know why you always think you're one step away from starving the gutter."
She started talking to me about investment funds and trusts and other stuff I didn't really understand. I hung up.
Blood coursed through my body. This wasn't fair. It wasn't right and Madeline knew it. She'd have fought for any of her other clients but it seemed she'd given up on fighting for me.
I flopped back on the bed and buried my face in the pillow.
"Is everything okay?" Matty asked.
"No. It's so far from okay. I need to be alone for a while."
"Sure." He got up and left the room.
As much as I adored Matty, that annoyed me. If it'd been Savage, he'd have stayed. He'd have annoyed me until we ended up fighting. I'd have thrown things at him and said stuff I later regretted but I'd have totally felt justified in everything I did because it would've been Savage's fault to start with.
With Matty, he did the right thing, the sensible thing. And that just left me alone with nothing to rail again. It gave me room to think, and that let the idea that this might all be my fault creep in. I didn't like that one little bit.
I wanted to blame Madeline and the stupid advertiser. I wanted to blame my upbringing and the entire world. I didn't want to think that maybe I'd known all along something like this would happen. Part of me wanted to destroy everything I'd built.
I went to my own room and put on some clothes. Maybe I could recover from this. There were still plenty of other clients chasing me. I wasn't exactly washed up.
And I'd achieved a lot today. The look on Bridget's face when I'd dropped the stuff off for the charity auction warmed me. I'd made someone happy today. Well, I'd made Matty happy too but blow jobs always make people happy.
But I'd done good. Someone in this world, Bridget's daughter and those other kids, might have an easier time of it because of what I'd done.
I splashed water over my face and went out to see what Matty was doing. He sat on the sofa, watching a movie.
"What are you watching?" I asked.
"Some movie. You know, one of those sports movies where the ragtag team with big dreams convinces the washed-up guy to coach them."
"What sport?"
Matty shrugged. "I dunno. I've only been half paying attention. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I guess. I had some work cancelled but I'll survive. It's a fickle business."
"Something else will come up."
I didn't want to talk about it but what stung most was Madeline's attitude. I wasn't her cash cow any more. She wanted to phase me out. I'd seen her to it before but I never thought she'd do that with me.
She'd been everything when I'd started in this business. Somehow, she'd seen the potential in the scruffy little ragamuffin I'd been. Just like those ragtag kids with their dream to make it to the finals. But Madeline had never been washed up. She'd been at the top of her game. Had been, still was. I guess that's how you stayed there, by not letting personal feelings get in your way.
When I'd first started working with her, I'd known nothing. Not how to walk properly, not how to dress. I hadn't even known basic good manners. She'd taken me under her wing and taught me everything. For the first time in my life, I'd had a mother figure. But Madeline always made sure that never went too far.
Matty rubbed my leg in a way that comforted me. He really was a good guy. Some guys would be really pissed off that we'd been interrupted when they were all worked up like that. Not Matty. I really should make it up to him but not now. I'd lost all my desire for sex for the moment.
Matt
FIONA SAID SHE WAS okay but that phone call had really upset her. She couldn't sit still but kept fidgeting with things. Then she jumped up and made a cup of tea, pacing the kitchen while the kettle boiled.
There was nothing I could do for her. I couldn't fix this and she didn't want to talk about it. If I could, I'd sweep away every single hardship and sorrow in her life. She'd been through enough pain.
Instead I could only stay beside her.
"Tell me about the auction," I asked when she finally sat back down.
At least that was something positive for her to focus on. She'd been a powerhouse at organizing things.
"Like I said, I got everything sorted at my place and took it over to Bridget. So much crap. At least if my career goes down the toilet, I won't
have to put with people giving me stuff I don't want."
"And you got the venue sorted out? That's a huge step."
"Yep. It's all pretty much out of my hands now. There are a few people who said they'd donate stuff but they can drop that off with Bridget or on the night. Ash is organised to MC. I don't think I need to do much else. One of the guys on the committee is doing the ticketing and publicity."
She smiled now at least.
"So, you can just sit back and relax?"
"Ah, there's probably more I can do. But really, I think Bridget's more excited about meeting Savage than anything else. She gets that look on her face. You know the one."
It wasn't that long ago that Fiona got that look herself. Maybe that meant she was getting over it. A better man than me would've made sure that she was fully over him before making a move. But I wasn't nearly brave enough for that. Fiona would never come straight out and tell me I was the rebound guy but even if she gave the slightest hint of it, I'd be shattered. I might be weak but I'd rather avoid the issue altogether.
"Bridget might be disappointed when she meets him," I said with a grin.
"I doubt it. You know what Ash is like. He'll have them all eating out of his hand, and buying his new album, before the night is out. He can lay the charm on like no one else. I just get the kudos for his offer."
"You're a natural at this, though. And you have the connections. Have you ever thought of doing it for a living?"
"People do this for a living?"
I searched her face to see if she was joking. But no, she seemed serious.
"Of course they do. You don't think events like this just get sorted out on their own? If you have some free time when this is done, you could always organise something for the dog shelter. They always need donations."
She pursed her lips. The idea appealed to her, I could tell. And I wasn't joking about the dog shelter. I'd given them the money Fiona had paid for rent and they'd been so grateful. It wasn't cheap to house and feed all those dogs.
"When are we going back there?" she asked.
"I was thinking of going tomorrow."
"Do you think that little dog, Flambe, will remember me?"
She really grinned now. She'd loved that dog. A trip to the shelter would definitely get her out of this funk. To be honest, I'd been totally proud that she'd handled this set back without even thinking of having a drink. I had no idea how to tell her that though, without sounding like a patronizing bastard.
Fiona stood up again.
"I might use your laptop for a while," she said. "I've got a column to write. I wasn't sure about it but I really want to write about the bullshit of the fashion world. There's not a hope in the world that the magazine will publish it, but writing it might be cathartic."
Fiona
WE'D JUST GOTTEN BACK from the dog shelter when someone rang the doorbell. I checked the security screen. It was Garrett. He leaned against the wall holding out a bundle of shopping bags.
"Hey, Sexy, let me up. I've got goodies for you."
Garrett was one of the most gorgeous men I'd ever laid eyes on. We'd worked together on a few campaigns. Gay as they come, but definitely gorgeous. I had no idea how he'd tracked me down here. For a moment, I panicked. Was I even ready to have one of my old friends see me like this? Too much had changed in my life in such a short time. But what else could I do?
I buzzed him in. He got to the apartment and air-kissed me. Then he gave Matt the once over.
"I'd love to kiss you, but I guess a handshake will have to do me."
After shaking Matt's hand, Garrett moved to the sofa and sprawled himself out. Matt glared at Garrett, not really sure what to make of the big, black, gay man lounging around in his apartment. I knew Matt well enough to know the black and gay part of that didn't annoy him as much as the lounging around. Garrett made himself overly at home.
"First things..." Garrett pulled a bottle of champagne out of one of the bags.
I recoiled as though that bottle had the ability to bite me.
"Ah, thanks, but Fiona can't drink," Matt said.
That kind of annoyed me. I could talk for myself even if Matt was right. He could give me the chance to say no.
"Oh, who died and made you the boss of Fiona?" Garrett asked.
Matt scowled. It was a bit rude of Garrett to turn up at Matt's apartment and speak to him like that.
"Actually, the hospital did."
"I needed to have someone take me in when I got released from rehab," I explained. "Matt volunteered but he had to sign a bunch of forms."
I sat beside Garrett on the sofa.
"Aha. But still, the hospital won't know. Come on. Where's Fun Fiona?"
"Fun Fiona doesn't live here," I said. "Fun Fiona is dead and buried."
"Fiona can have fun without drinking," Matt said.
Garrett and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. That might be true, in the way that I'd heard people say it, but I'd never had any real evidence. Well, okay, the dog shelter had been a lot of fun but normally everything went better with champagne.
With Matt acting all Lord and Protector of my sobriety, I was almost tempted to have a glass just to show him he couldn't control me. I hated being told what to do. But it would be stupid and childish to push him like that. Even stupider to ruin my good work. If I fucked up now, I'd just prove Madeline and all those others right.
Matt went into his room.
"No drinking today. Sorry, Garrett."
Instead we went through the bags he'd bought over. He held up a florid shirt.
"Hideous. It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen," I said.
"But it's designer, darling. It breaks my heart to part with it." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "But the money is for the kiddies so I can't be selfish."
The next few things he pulled out were pretty tame. T-shirts, mainly. They'd definitely sell.
"Now, we have the necklace."
He pulled the most ostentatiously ugly piece of gold jewelry out of its case. Some of the points on it would kill a man.
"The designer cornered me, in tears, at a party because I'd never worn this out in public. Really. I mean look at this thing. I never asked for it. Never gave any indication I'd wear it. I should've been the one in tears because he gave it to me. He insulted my good taste. If it doesn't sell, you can't even melt it down. It's not real gold."
Garrett's fake horror made me giggle.
The sound of guitar strumming came from the bedroom. Matty was working on a new song.
"Now the boss's out of the room, we can open the bubbly, right?"
I don't think Garrett really got this sobriety thing.
"No, we can't. I've got to get clean."
"Are you shagging him?" Garrett asked. He accompanied it with disturbing hip thrusts in case I didn't get his meaning.
I didn't answer, I just blushed.
"You are. You totally are." Garrett flung himself across the sofa until he was touching me. "Tell me all the details. He's so fucking hot. I need to know everything."
I slapped his thigh.
"No way. You get nothing."
"Oh, it's serious. I've never seen you blush before, and I've never known you to hold back. Are there wedding bells in the future?"
I sure as hell hadn't thought about that. I wasn't even sure what the next week would hold. Garrett could keep his questions to himself.
"Let's go through that last bag of stuff. Are you coming to the auction?"
"Hell yeah. Sounds fun. There will be booze there, right?"
I nodded and wrote down the web address so he could buy tickets.
I hadn't really thought about there being booze available at the auction. But I could do it. I could go to a function without drinking. I just had to keep myself so busy that I didn't notice it. Anyway, I didn't have any choice. With Matt and Bridget there, I'd never get away with drinking, even if I wanted to.
When Garrett was leaving, I grabbed the champagne for h
im to take with him.
"Sorry, I'm going to the gym on the way home. Can't turn up with booze. Not when I have a personal trainer to impress. You hold onto it. Throw it down the sink if you're serious about this no drinking thing."
Fiona
IT WASN'T UNTIL LATER that night I remembered the bottle of champagne. Matty slept. He made little snuffling noises and had the blanket pulled half over his face. I was tempted to take a photo so I could remember his adorable sleeping face once I was long gone from his life.
Garrett had asked about marriage. Ha. I wasn't the type.
It would be much safer to tip that bottle down the sink than have temptation sitting around. I slipped out of bed. One of the reasons I'd been able to resist drinking since I'd been released from the hospital was that I didn't have easy access to it. There was no booze around the house and I didn't go out anywhere with drinking involved. Unless one of those dogs at the shelter suddenly became a boozehound.
I smiled at my own lame joke. I'd lied to Garrett. I could be fun without booze. Running around the yard at the shelter had been the most fun I'd had in ages. That little Flambe loved it. If I had a steady life, I'd adopt that guy in a heartbeat. No other guy loved me like he did. Maybe Matty but I wasn't even sure about that.
Okay, the main reason I hadn't been drinking since I got out of hospital was that I had Matty. Who needed booze and drugs when I had something so much better?
Matty's robe hung on the back of the door. I wrapped it around me. I liked wearing it. Even if it was a little too hot to wear such a thick robe, it had a reassuring smell. I could bury my nose in the collar of that robe and be perfectly happy.
I tiptoed to the living room. The bottle of champagne still sat on the coffee table where Garrett had left it. I'd forgotten to ask him how he'd found me here. Probably Madeline had told him but usually she respected my privacy. I hadn't given the address to anyone. I'd told them to drop things off at Bridget's.
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