I sighed.
"Tell him," Polly said to Fartstard. "Tell Damo we can't let Fay do as she likes."
Polly had her hands on her hips and her chest out in fight mode. Poor Damo.
"Can you all get out of my room now?" I said. "I need to sleep."
"I'm staying here," Polly said.
"No, you're not." Damo grabbed her arm.
"What if she tries again?"
"I'm not going to try again," I said, sinking back on my bed. "I just want to sleep. This has been way too much drama for me."
Crow would find out about this. If not tonight, then in the morning. God, that would be the most humiliating thing of all. Would he be embarrassed about it, or would he be secretly annoyed that I'd gotten caught?
"What were you doing in Crow's room, anyway?" I asked Polly.
"He had some demos of Damo's. I came to pick them up. And good thing, too."
Fuck my life.
Fay
CROW BARELY LOOKED at me when I went down to the breakfast buffet the next morning. Shitsticks, had I ruined things with him? My brilliant idea hadn't been so brilliant after all. Now I felt like a big loser, and everyone kept side-eying me. I'd be the talk of the tour for the next day, at least.
I stacked my plate with bacon, then looked around for somewhere to sit. Polly and Damo sat at one end of a long table. I headed to the other end of that table. I didn't want Polly scowling at me over my bacon. I hated being on bad terms with her, but I knew her well enough that when she got like this, it was best to keep my distance.
And I could hardly sit down beside Crow. I could imagine Polly's reaction to that.
This was some fancy breakfast buffet. I was becoming an expert on them with this tour. Maybe I could start a breakfast buffet blog. The place even had a guy who cooked eggs to your request. I'd have been all over that any other morning, but today I just wanted to eat and get out of here. Now I knew how Elijah had felt when everyone was mocking him. It definitely wasn't as much fun when I was the target.
A couple of the roadies gave me prolonged glances. I gave them the finger and went back to my bacon. If they thought I'd be jumping into their beds, they could forget it. Crow was the only man for me. I'd decided that back in Berlin, and Amsterdam had confirmed it. Brussels was meant to seal the deal, but the deal wasn't being sealed.
Jax sat down beside me. Then Matt and Fiona joined us.
I didn't like that grin on Jax's face.
"Don't start. Don't even start," I told him. I looked down at my plate, not wanting to see the laughter in his eyes.
"What's going on?" Matt asked. "I feel like I miss half the stuff that happens on this tour."
"That's because you and Fiona cocoon yourselves up, away from everybody else," Jax said. "You never hang out, and you never come drinking. You're got to socialize sometimes."
A weird expression flitted over Fiona's face. I had no idea what was going on, but she really didn't seem comfortable. She'd had a pretty wild reputation in the past. The whole world knew that. It wasn't a hidden thing. If she wanted to live that reputation down now, that was her business. She and Matt seemed really happy together. Sometimes I envied their closeness. They didn't seem to need anyone else.
"They don't have to socialize," I said. "It's not like they're missing out on anything, just boring talk about gear. Drinking with you guys isn't exactly riveting."
I smiled at Fiona, and she smiled back. If she had secrets, she should be allowed to keep them. I'd never spoken to her much. She kind of intimidated me, being a famous model and all. But then she'd helped out, giving us tips at the last photography shoot, and I'd wanted to learn more from her. Also, it'd be better to hang out with someone other than Polly for a while.
"Hey, Fiona, can you teach me how you do your eyeliner sometime?" I asked her. "I can never get mine quite right, and I end up with panda eyes onstage."
"Sure," she said, and nodded.
A chair scraped on the tile floor, and Crow got up from the table. I bolted down the rest of my bacon and followed him. We needed to talk. And we needed to do that somewhere without a hundred eyes on us.
He waited for the elevator. I rushed over and grabbed his arm.
"Hey," I said.
Only I had no idea what to follow that with. What do you say in a situation like this? "Sorry I got sprung naked in your bed"? That didn't seem appropriate. I wasn't sorry I did it, anyway, just that I'd gotten caught.
Instead of talking, my entire body went into blush-mode. I could count the times I'd been lost for words on one hand, and this was definitely one of them.
I knew he looked at me, waiting for me to talk, but I couldn't look back. Instead, I stared at that black hotel logo on the green carpet. That was some ugly but probably expensive carpet. I wanted to make a joke about it with Crow, but this wasn't the right time. I didn't know what this was the time for.
The elevator dinged. Now I'd have to get in with Crow, still not knowing what to say. The two of us alone in that tiny space. I hated feeling this uncomfortable around him.
The doors shut.
"Fay, you can't pull stunts like that," Crow said.
"I wasn't... I didn't..." What the hell was I trying to say?
"You're a good friend, Fay. Like a little sister. Well, not my sister. She's nothing like you."
I nodded, still looking at the floor. That was a brush-off. I wasn't stupid.
"Let's just keep things like they are," he added.
I had to look up at him. I'd never be his little sister. I could be like that with Elijah and Damo and Jax, but never with Crow.
"I can't. I'm not going to lie to you," I said. I forced myself to look him in the eye, no matter how much I fluttered inside. "You might think of me as a little sister, but I don't see you as a big brother. Far from it. This 'friends only' thing doesn't work for me, and I think if you were honest, it wouldn't work for you."
He shook his head. Not like he was saying no, but like he had a thought in there that he wanted to go away.
With that beard covering his face, it was difficult to read his expression, but as much as he denied my words, his eyes said something different. He didn't look at me like a guy looked at his sister. Not unless they came from a very dysfunctional family.
That prolonged gaze burned through me. It smoldered enough to burn me all the way through, stirring me up inside. He didn't need to touch me or talk or anything like that. His gaze was enough.
The man wanted me as much as I wanted him, but something held him back. Something more than Polly. There was some big wall in his head, and I had knock it down. I could do that. I could be the bulldozer to his brick wall.
I longed to touch him. To reach out and grab his hand or stroke his arm. We didn't need to kiss, even. I just needed my body in contact with his. Surely, that wouldn't hurt.
But before I could act, the elevator doors opened, and he strode off to his room, leaving me alone.
Fay
I RUSHED AFTER CROW. We needed to talk. Talk properly, not leave things up in the air like that.
He'd reached his room before I caught up to him. He'd just swiped his door card and had the door open.
"Go back to your own room, Fay," he said.
Instead of doing that, I slipped under his arm and into his room. He wouldn't get rid of me that easily.
"You're lying," I said. "You're lying to me, and you're lying to yourself. You can say all you like about me being your little sister, but that's total bull. You want more than that, so admit it."
He tried to push past me to get into his room, but I refused to move. I wouldn't let him ignore me that easily. I needed to make him see that this was best for us.
He put his hands on my waist and lifted me up out of his way.
A shudder went through my body from that touch. Even when he moved away, the feeling of his hands on me remained. My entire body flushed, and for a moment, I couldn't speak.
"We aren't right for each other," he sa
id.
He organized some things in his closet, but that was just an excuse not to look at me. I'd seen his stuff, and it didn't need reorganizing.
"How do you know if you haven't given us a chance?"
"I know. You're a kid, Fay. You don't know what you want."
He could say that, but that want pulsated through me. There wasn't one part of my body that didn't feel that want. My hair, my toes, the lint in my belly button. Every single part. And, hell, that want pulsated in more urgent places.
"I know what I want," I said. "I want you."
I thought he'd ignore that. The silence stretched out with only the sound of the cleaners chatting in the hallway breaking it. Then he took a few steps toward me.
That pulsing got stronger. His gaze swept over me, so strong that it felt like a caress. I gulped.
"You have the body of a woman, but you're not."
I bit my bottom lip. "Try me," I said.
He laughed. "You're getting in way over your head."
"That's where I want to be," I replied.
He moved closer. I could smell him, and the woodsy scent of him teased me. Only inches separated us. He wasn't like his normal self. There was a danger to him, and I had to admit that danger aroused me.
"Is it?"
"Yes, it is," I said, tilting my head to face him.
Before I could say more, he pushed me against the wall. His body pressed against mine.
"Are you sure?" he growled in my ear.
I nodded.
My heart pounded and I thought I'd combust with the heat. But this was exactly what I wanted. His body against mine, his breath on my skin.
He grabbed my wrists and raised my hands above my head.
Oh, hell. I made a noise partway between a moan and a whimper. His body pressed tighter. His leg parted mine. His chest pressed hard against my breasts. I squirmed, needing him even closer to me. Needing him naked. Needing him inside me. If he meant to put me off, he was going about it entirely the wrong way.
His lips met mine, rough and demanding. He intended his kiss to punish me with brutal force. He wanted to repel me, but instead he flooded me with an intense desire that needed to be sated. I kissed back just as hard and just as brutally, my body meeting his, my leg twisting around him.
He released my hands, grabbed my thighs instead and hoisted me up against the wall. His hard cock met my pussy, rubbing against me in rough thrusts, making me wish he'd strip these damn jeans from me.
He kissed me so roughly, my mouth would bruise. I didn't care. I kissed him back just as fiercely. His fingers dug into my thighs as I bucked against him.
If he thought this darkness in him would repel me, he couldn't be more wrong. It called to me.
As he nipped my neck, I moaned, wanting more and more. Whatever he wanted to give, I'd take it. I bite him back, partly to suppress my screams.
He lifted me away from the wall and carried me towards the bed.
I ached so much. I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough. My fingers dug into his shoulders, gripping him tight. My hold on this world was tenuous, and real soon, he'd tip me over the edge.
When he lowered me to the bed, he paused, looking at me as though searching my face for something. I whimpered, needing more than that. What was he doing with his hands? If they weren't on my body, then they were in the wrong place. I raised myself up, wanting to pull him to me.
Instead, he turned away.
"Go back to your room, Fay," he said.
"No."
Hell, no. He couldn't leave me like this. I was so fucking hot and wet. If we didn't finish this, it'd be pure torture. I grabbed his hand.
"Crow... What's going on?"
He pulled me up off the bed and straightened my t-shirt. "This isn't right," he said. "Why don't you go back to your room and finger yourself? You'll stay out of trouble that way."
I wanted to stamp my feet and scream. The bastard. He'd whipped up all this need inside me, then he was sending me back to my room? And since when did Crow talk coarse like that? Even if it was kind of hot, it wasn't him.
"Are you angry with me?" he said. "Stay that way. It's much safer."
I took a deep breath, trying to get myself together enough to go back to my room without my legs trembling.
"Well, you're a... a... clit teaser," I said.
I stormed back to my room. What the hell had happened there?
I brushed my fingers over my lips. They were a little sore, but he'd kissed me. He'd kissed me, then he'd sent me away. What had gone wrong?
Fay
ELIJAH WAS BACK, AND he had Rose with him. That guy owed me. He'd still be sitting around being a miserable sack of shit if I hadn't pushed him into going after her. Even if I hadn't been motivated to go for it with Crow before, seeing the two of them together proved that you never get what you want in this life by sitting back and waiting for someone to hand it to you on a big, shiny silver platter. Crow could tease me as much as he liked. It wouldn't stop me going for him.
The two of them were on the bus, heading to the arena. I wanted to talk to him, but he gave me "stay the hell away" eyes. I laughed. He was terrified I'd make him look like a dick in front of his woman. Ha. I'd leave them alone for now.
Crow didn't join us on the bus. He must've gone earlier with Damo to double-check things. Well, Damo would be double-checking. Crow was avoiding me. Polly wasn't around, either. I was thankful for that.
I sat by myself, trying to figure things out in my head. I knew what Crow had been doing, but I had no idea how he could get that far, then stop. There was no way I'd have been able to stop. I didn't have that much self-control. As it was, I'd spent a long time under a cold shower when I got back to my room. Anything to take the edge off my pounding need.
We headed off to the arena, then we had to wait around for the Freaks to do their thing. Hanging out in the backstage room with Polly was not my idea of fun. She sat on a sofa, reading a magazine, but she kept glaring up at me. Those looks of mistrust bugged me so much. What did she think I'd do? Rip my clothes off and throw myself at Crow while he sat at his drum kit? I wasn't that desperate.
I sighed and turned away from her. I'd keep my eyes on my phone and ignore her.
Then Fiona came into our room. I grinned at her, pleased for the distraction.
"Did you want me to show you how to do the eyeliner now?" she said.
"Hell yeah." Saved.
We set up at one of the mirrors, and Fiona carefully went through the steps. Whoa--no wonder her makeup looked so much better than mine. She actually used primers and all that. It was a very complicated process, but wow, the results were worth it.
"Enjoying the tour?" I asked her.
I wasn't sure if she was that into it or if she was just tagging along because of Matty.
"It's fun," she said. "I've spent so many years traveling the world, but I never got to see anything. It was all just work and more work. Maybe a bit of partying, but I spend more time on the catwalk than sightseeing."
I sighed. Her life seemed so glamorous. Even when she put it like that, she got to be on the catwalks and in the magazines. I'd never be able to do that. Not unless I magically grew a helluva lot. She was about a foot taller than me.
"Even with Matty playing most nights, we still get a chance to get out and do things," she said. "It's not like--"
She stopped herself there. Again, she didn't want to talk about her past. I got that.
"The festival in Paris will be fun," I said. "I can't wait."
Polly threw her magazine down on the sofa. "We're not going to the festival. We're not on the bill." Her voice was so sharp, you could cut rocks with it.
"Yeah, but I assumed we'd go along anyway. It'll be fun, being part of the crowd. We can chill, catch some bands, have a few beers."
I watched her in the mirror. She glared at me. I glared back. She was so unfair. It wasn't like I'd get up to anything worse at the festival than I could do here. I wasn't going to s
ay that to her, though, because it'd put the idea in her head that I was up to something here.
Which I wasn't.
Because of her.
I thanked Fiona for the makeup tips. She nodded, then quickly left the room. I didn't blame her. The tension between Polly and me had become toxic. I'd leave just as quickly if I could.
"We're not going. We need to rehearse, and since we have three days off, it's the perfect opportunity."
"But--"
"No buts. We have to be as good as, if not better than, the Freaks. We might be the opener on this tour, but I want to kick their ass."
That was all lies. I wanted to call her on it, but I bit my tongue instead. Sure, we needed to rehearse, but not this weekend.
"I think Damo's bad habits are wearing off on you," Jax said, walking into the room. "I'd like to go to the festival."
Polly turned her angry face on him. "We need to do this. We're good, but we're not good enough. And, frankly, it's a lot cheaper to hire a rehearsal studio here than it is to get one in Paris. So we play the three shows here, ending up on Friday night. The guys leave on Saturday for Paris, and we head to the studio. They do the festival show on Sunday, and we meet up with them in Paris on Tuesday. Got it?"
"Okay, we rehearse," Jax said.
Soft cock. He totally could've overruled her. He'd been in Wreckage just as long as she had. He had equal rights. I never felt like I did, since I'd only been part of the lineup for a short time. If he'd stood up to her, it'd be two against one, and we'd win.
This was all bullshit, or Polly would've told us earlier. She might say it was about rehearsing, but it had to be about keeping me away from Crow.
I'd made real progress with him, and now we'd be apart, even if it was only for a few nights. If you're not moving forward in this world, you're going backwards. Like when you ignore your Instagram for a few days and lose a thousand followers.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 64