Ellie reluctantly took her hand back. “I don't want to die knowing I failed my kids, Hal,” she said quietly. “You're right, we do have different priorities.”
He looked away, disappointed. “You know I'm with you every step of the way in finding your family, no matter what you decide about us.”
“What about when I find them?” she pressed. “What if we did have a relationship? Are you ready to have two young children in your life, maybe even take on a parental role if our relationship got to that point?”
Hal gave her a strained smile. “Hey, I do pretty good with kids. I just got finished telling you all about my brothers and sister, remember? I'm already involved in raising them, at least as much as my mom lets me. And from what you've told me about Ricky and Tallie, they sound pretty amazing.”
Ellie looked away. “I need some time to think about this, okay? For me, a relationship isn't just some impulsive fling to jump into on a whim. It can't be. If it's not serious, if it doesn't have a future, then it doesn't matter how much I might want it. It can't happen.”
“It's not a whim for me, Ellie,” he said with pure conviction. “I've never been more serious about anything in my life.”
She had to force herself not to make a snarky quip about that not saying much given his age; it wouldn't be fair to him. “If that's true, then give me the space I need to make a decision.”
She'd meant that figuratively, but Hal made it symbolic and retreated to his own cot, although he shot her a wry smile. “I can live with that. Although it would've been nice to cuddle during this soundless movie.”
Oh boy, was he not wrong about that. Especially when facing the prospect of being isolated for days in this little plastic cage; having the comfort of being held by someone she trusted, someone she could even admit she had feelings for, would mean so much.
To avoid giving into the temptation as much as to get him to drop the subject, Ellie latched onto something else he'd said. “Well, why don't we supply the dialogue ourselves? Some of the funnest movies I've ever watched have been with friends making up outrageous lines.”
Hal perked up, showing boyish enthusiasm for the idea, and allowed himself to be distracted from more serious topics.
The rest of the movie was spent pleasantly, with more smiles and even laughter than she'd expected, given the situation. Once the ending credits finished and the screen turned off, her friend quietly wished her goodnight before wrapping up in his blanket facing away from her. Ellie appreciated him giving her the space she'd asked for, but was surprised to find she also regretted the distance.
Was she seriously considering this?
Her friends would tease her for being a cougar, assuming they were still alive and well. They'd tell her this was some crazy impulsive rebound relationship after the divorce, and she was making a huge mistake she'd regret.
But Hal hadn't been wrong, that what they'd experienced together had created a bond she'd rarely felt before. She liked him, she trusted him, and, if she was being honest with herself, she was more than a little attracted to him.
If he really was sincere, and if he was mature enough to take a relationship seriously, then what exactly was stopping them? Her own dad had been almost a decade older than her mom, although the situation wasn't at all the same for multiple reasons, including that they'd gotten married and had her when they were both older.
Still . . .
Still, Ellie had always been a firm believer that when emotions were involved it was wise to avoid making a decision, let alone taking action, until she'd slept on the issue and had time to consider it more carefully. That wasn't always possible, but where it was she did the best she could to abide by that resolution for minor choices, and doubly so for important life decisions.
Like this.
So she curled up in her blanket and turned to face away from Hal, towards the chain links and opaque plastic of the cage wall. She was uncomfortably aware that they were both facing away from each other, when she was having trouble avoiding admitting to herself that she'd rather be facing the other way and looking at him.
Heck, she'd rather be holding him. Ellie closed her eyes, struggling to push her roiling emotions down, and tried to let her exhaustion pull her once again into sleep.
And, hopefully, in the morning a better understanding of how she felt about her friend, and what she wanted in their relationship.
* * * * *
“Tallie! No! What are you doing? NATALIE ELEANOR STATTON!”
Nick lurched out of bed at the sound of Ricky's furious shouting, swiftly followed by Tallie's familiar, piercing “you're being mean and it's not fair!” wail.
He was still only half awake, stumbling towards his office door, when the furious pounding began from the other side. “Dad!” his son yelled. “Tallie was playing in the tub!”
“I wasn't playing!” Tallie interrupted her air raid siren yelling long enough to shout. Her crying swiftly drew closer as she joined Ricky outside. “I-I had an accident because I couldn't see in the dark, so I needed to take a bath.”
“Dad told us not to go in the tub,” her brother scolded her. “Even if you have an accident!”
She sniffled miserably. “I didn't want to, the water's really cold and it splashed everywhere when I got in.”
“I know! That's why you're not supposed to get in there!”
Actually, they weren't supposed to touch the water to avoid contaminating it. But that ship had obviously sailed. Nick sighed; he supposed he shouldn't be surprised. It was optimistic to expect two little kids to be responsible about something like this.
“Hey, hey!” he called, interrupting their argument. “It's okay, we'll just use that water for flushing the toilet. Just don't get any of the other water dirty, because we need it for drinking and if it's dirty we'll get sick.”
Tallie sniffled some more. “I'm cold. I'm going to bed.”
“Okay good night, sweetie, love you,” Nick told her. There was no answer. He didn't hear Ricky, either.
With a sigh, he settled down beside the door with his back to the wall, head in his hands. It hadn't taken long for the novelty of camping out in the apartment with no power to fade for his kids. They were obviously struggling, and to be fair so was Nick; being confined in his office was proving to be even worse than he'd expected, and he'd assumed it was going to be pretty miserable.
Everything about it was less than ideal, far closer to third world conditions than he'd ever been before. Even, ironically, on actual camping trips.
He could live with the tepid, stale water, the cold food eaten straight from the can, and sleeping on a few cushions dragged in from the den's couch. He could even live with having to relieve himself into a bucket and then go outside to dispose of it, leaving the increasingly filthy container outside on the fire escape the rest of the time.
Nick honestly wasn't sure his best efforts were doing enough when it came to hygiene and basic living conditions, because at some point in the last day or so the apartment had started to reek, and it was getting worse and worse. He didn't know if it was because of the waste he'd dumped into the open hole outside in lieu of burying it when it got full, or if there were dead people in other neighboring apartments, or if it was solely the dead body he'd buried near the bottom of the fire escape, but whatever was causing it Ricky and Tallie had complained that the apartment was starting to smell really bad.
Even the office, which he kept constantly aired out, got a hint of that reek.
He'd told his children to endure the stink rather than opening their windows and potentially exposing themselves to the virus. He wasn't sure if that was necessary, or even the right move, but he'd go with caution where he could. Then again, if the stink was coming from people dead from Zolos in other apartments, then maybe getting fresh air from outside was the best option.
He didn't know. Every option seemed to have its problems, and his mind was so wound down from stress and worry that he was pretty sure he wasn't thinking completely
straight.
“Dad?”
Nick jumped at the tiny voice coming from right outside the door. “Ricky?” He hadn't realized his son was still there. Especially since the boy usually shouted through the thin barrier as if he was on the other side of a football field. “Is something wrong?”
“Something?” He heard strained laughter. Or maybe it was sobbing. “Everything's wrong! It's dark, and it's so cold I have to wear my coat and socks at night, and we're almost out of food we don't need to cook . . . how am I supposed to cook all those bags of rice and beans you got at the store? I wouldn't know how even if we did still have the stove.”
“I-” he trailed off helplessly; he'd have trouble solving that problem even if he was there with his kids. “We'll figure something out,” he finished lamely.
“Everything takes forever when you have to tell me what to do through the door,” Ricky continued. “And I usually get it wrong anyway! And Tallie won't do what I tell her to, and she's driving me crazy because she's bored, and I-” he cut off with a hiccup. “I can't do this, Dad.”
He sounded so forlorn. Nick put a hand on the door, wishing he could hold his son. “Sure you can, kiddo. I know things seem hard right now, but you're doing great.”
“No, I'm not!” The shout was so loud and sudden it made him jump, the boy's moroseness turning to sullen fury in an instant. “I can't take care of Tallie, I can't take care of myself, you're just sitting in your office shouting at me all the time instead of helping, and now Mom's not coming!”
“Ricky . . .” Nick trailed off helplessly.
His son's fury was gone as quickly as it appeared, and he began sniffling in pure misery. “I'm scared, Dad. We're trapped in here, and we don't have electricity or running water or anything, and Zolos is everywhere. Are we going to die?”
“No!” he snapped. “Don't even think like that, Richard Statton. We'll get through this.” There was no response. The silence hung heavy as Nick agonized, then he took a deep breath and spoke firmly. “Listen, the four days to see if I have any symptoms of Zolos are almost over, and I'm feeling fine. Just hold out a little bit longer, and once we're sure I'm not sick I-” he cut off to steel himself, hoping he was making the right decision, then continued determinedly, “I'll come out and take care of things, okay?”
It wasn't what he wanted, and Ellie would probably kill him for taking the risk, but what choice did he have? The kids couldn't take care of themselves, and their mom couldn't come to help them for weeks. There was no one else who could do the job, no one he could ask. So it had to be him.
Ricky took a shuddering breath. “Really?” he asked in a tiny, hopeful voice. “Is-is it safe?”
I sure hope so. “If I don't have any symptoms, it'll be safe,” he promised solemnly. “Just keep things together and take care of your sister for another day, and tomorrow night I'll come out and take over for you.”
His son sniffled one last time. “Okay.”
Nick rapped lightly on the door. “Why don't you get some sleep, buddy. We'll talk in the morning.”
“All right. Love you, Dad.”
“Love you, son.”
Once Ricky was gone Nick crawled back over to his own makeshift bed, climbing under the covers. But while he'd advised his son to sleep, he wasn't able to take that advice himself. He was far too worried about the future, second-guessing every decision he'd made since that phone call from the elementary school had woken him up from his nap a week ago and this nightmare had begun.
Especially the promise he'd just made Ricky. He hoped he'd made the right choice, but honestly what else could he do?
Giving up on sleep, and needing something to keep him going before he let his despair swamp him, Nick risked turning on his phone to see if Ellie had managed to get another message to him. But although he'd been prepared for the very probable disappointment of there being none, what he wasn't prepared for was that his phone had no signal at all.
Coverage was down in this area. Temporarily? Under these circumstances probably not.
It was just one thing after another, wasn't it? He cursed quietly to himself and banged his head back against the door, then winced and listened to see if he'd woken up his kids. If so, neither of them voiced a complaint.
So he was trapped here, completely cut off from the world, his children unable to care for themselves without him. Did he have any choice but to wait out his last day to see if he showed symptoms, then risk going out to take care of them?
How had he ended up in this nightmare? Had it really been just over a week since things had been normal? When his world had been falling apart around him because of his divorce and financial troubles, and he'd thought things couldn't possibly get any worse?
Nick didn't want to tempt fate by wondering what else could happen.
Epilogue: Big Decisions
After a day in the cage, Ellie was seriously contemplating the value of leaving out some food in a hypothetical 72-hour kit in favor of a cheap paperback.
Any paperback, even a freaking dictionary. In fact, as boredom gripped her in its claws until she wanted to scream, she actually amused herself by trying to figure out what item would prove most entertaining for the longest period of time for the smallest size and weight.
She even dragged Hal into the mental exercise. It beat the awkward silence that had dominated the morning, although it didn't take long to conclude that a simple deck of cards offered the most variety of ways to entertain yourself. That or a self-charging phone or tablet loaded with all their favorite books, songs, and videos, although to Ellie that felt a bit like cheating.
Although since it was possible to have something like that, even the self-charging part probably, she wondered if that wouldn't be a surprisingly useful thing to have prepared. In hindsight, unfortunately.
Besides keeping them entertained trying to figure out the best way to be entertained, it kept Ellie distracted from thinking about her cellmate. Because now that she'd allowed herself to entertain the possibility of actually having a relationship with Hal, she was letting herself notice all the things she'd grown to like about him. The things she'd done her best to ignore when confronted by all the obstacles to being with him, and more importantly because she needed to focus all her energy on getting home.
But now that she literally had all the time in the world and nothing to do with it but fret about her children, it made a pleasant distraction to sneak glances at her friend and quietly admire his broad shoulders, his chiseled jaw and high cheekbones. The solid muscles not even the ill-fitting sack of the camp coveralls issued by the relief worker could hide.
The warmth in his clear green eyes, and the burning intensity that filled them when he looked at her, making her heart pound in spite of herself.
But it was more than that. Ellie thought of the quiet strength with which he'd supported her throughout this ordeal. The warmth and understanding he'd shown when she'd opened up about herself on cold nights in the wilderness, about her past and her fears for her loved ones. The trust and vulnerability he'd shown when he'd done the same. The way his solemn focus on serious issues could unexpectedly shift into understated wit that made her laugh no matter how grim the situation.
The remembered feeling of being snuggled up against his broad, warm back, nose full of his scent, and realizing how much she'd longed to stay there instead of fleeing the crude shelter they'd made. To have him turn around and wrap his arms around her and-
Holy cow, she wasn't just falling in love with him, she was apparently already well on her way. How long had these feelings been simmering in the background while she focused on survival and her family?
Logically, Ellie still acknowledged the obstacles to them being together. But the more she looked at it, the less those obstacles seemed to matter. The more she wanted to throw herself into his arms and hold him and be held, to feel his lips on hers again.
And on a more pragmatic note, five days trapped in a cage with a boyfriend sounded far
more appealing than five days of them both moping about not being able to act on feelings they obviously shared.
That thought, the realization of just how easy it would be to pull closed the privacy plastic over the front of the cage and just go to town, grounded her back to reality again. Ellie took a deep breath. “Hal.”
Her friend immediately perked up, guessing from her tone what she wanted to talk about. “I'm here.”
That was either a really “duh” thing to say, or an incredibly insightful one. She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Thank you for giving me the space to think through, um, what we talked about last night.”
Hal nodded solemnly. “Have you?”
Instead of answering directly, she gazed out beyond the camp at the majestic Colorado Rockies rising in the near distance and took a breath, giving herself time to build up to it before finally turning back to him. “What would you say if I told you I don't believe in sex before marriage?”
He blinked, looking slightly crestfallen. “I, um, you don't?”
Actually, Ellie had never made a big deal about that before; she'd been with Nick for over a year before they even discussed getting married. In fact, easily half the reason they'd decided to tie the knot had been because she was pregnant with Ricky and they'd agreed it was time.
But for this specific circumstance, with Hal and given their situation and the messed up world around them, she thought it was a sensible resolution. If for no other reason than to gauge his true commitment to her.
Not to mention it also gave her a chance to confirm that her own feelings were genuine, and this wasn't some impulsive fling or rebound relationship. After all, she'd only known Hal for a bit more than a week.
Holy cow, was that all it had been? Eight days? Ellie felt like they'd been through a lifetime of ups and downs, admittedly mostly downs, together. It amazed her to think that the young man she'd assumed was a teenager, who'd wheedled his way into hitching a ride home to Kansas City, would come to mean so much to her.
“What would you say to that?” she repeated, gently but firmly.
Isolation (Book 1): Shut In Page 32