“Nate, been a long time.” Connor reaches out to shake his hand.
“It’s been years. You left town and none of us ever heard anything again. It’s good to see you. God, I can’t believe it’s really you.”
Connor doesn’t appear to look happy to see him, but Nate is known for being an asshole. “I take it you’re the prosecutor?” he asks.
I start to tremble a bit, but then Connor’s other hand covers mine and squeezes.
“Yes, I am. I didn’t know you knew Ellie . . .”
“He lives next door, and . . . well, I’m sure you read that Connor is who helped on the scene.”
“Yes, of course. I didn’t even put two and two together,” Nate admits. “Well, I’m glad you both are here. This is the preliminary where we see if the judge will detain Kevin—”
My fingers tighten against Connor’s arm because Nate might make this go the other way. What if he isn’t on my side.
Connor’s eyes meet mine, and then he steps in. “You mean Mr. Walcott. The man who beat his wife, broke three of her ribs, and put that bruise on her cheekbone, right?”
Nate bristles and then clears his throat. “Yes, I apologize, Ellie, this is all a bit strange. I knew you and Kevin argued, but I didn’t know it was physical. We’re going to ask that the court keep him until the trial for your and Hadley’s safety. The verdict will likely depend on the report that Sheriff Mendoza submitted and the statements you make today.”
“What kind of statements?”
“I don’t understand all of this . . .” I confess. “I know Sheriff Mendoza explained it, but honestly, it’s just too overwhelming. I’m . . . sorry . . . I shouldn’t be this confused.”
“Don’t be sorry. You’ve been through a lot, so I’m happy to explain it. Today is to show the judge we have enough of a case to go to trial. If he doesn’t think I have enough evidence, which we one hundred percent do, then he could dismiss it. It’s why it was imperative you come.”
All of this is so paralyzing. Not only am I still reeling from the entire thing but also I now have to go before the judge and look at the man who hurt me. I have to relive it in front of people, and this is the preliminary. I’ll have to do it again if this goes to trial.
Connor nods and clenches his jaw. “What are you asking for, Nate?”
Nate puffs his chest out a bit and then turns to me. “What do you want, Ells? I can push for him to be detained or is there going to be someone who will post bail?”
“I don’t want him released if that’s what you’re asking.”
They can’t let him go free. If they do—he’ll kill me and Hadley.
There’s no way he’s going to let us go.
My heartbeat accelerates, and I shake so hard I worry I’ll knock my teeth out. I assumed that beating his wife would mean he wouldn’t be let go. Where will I go? Where will Hadley and I hide from him?
“Ellie?” Connor steps in front of me, moving me back a few steps. “Ellie, calm down.”
My chest hurts, but I can’t get a grip. I see his eyes as he moved toward me and feel the way my body couldn’t recover from Kevin’s kick. I live it right here, as though it’s all happening again.
I push Connor off me, my hands raised as I move to run.
I need to get Hadley and get the hell out of here. I was so stupid. I should’ve run before this.
“Ellie, listen to me . . .” Connor says with his hands in the air, moving slowly. “Right now, we have to go in there and tell the judge why he can’t be released, okay? If you don’t do that, then we have a whole other plan. He will not get near you or Hadley. Do you hear me? He won’t even be able to take a step in your direction. I will be right beside you.”
He doesn’t understand that I can’t do this. “I have to leave.”
“If you leave, he walks,” Nate says with an intensity in his voice I’ve never heard. “I know you’re freaking out right now, but I’m going to ask for an outrageously high cash bail, which means he can’t be released unless he has the money in hand or someone willing to pay it for him.”
I laugh and shake my head. “You don’t get it. I don’t know what funds he has, Nate. I have no access to our accounts. I have no idea if there’s some bank account, ready to send it over if they allow it. I was given a stipend to buy groceries and that’s all of the money I ever saw. He could have millions and I wouldn’t know it. He’s mentioned the farm making profits the last few years. He got an inheritance on top of the farmlands. I have no idea! I don’t even know what he has!”
The admission of my life makes me feel sick, but there it is, a truth that I can’t pretend isn’t there. Kevin could have money flowing out of his ass, and I wouldn’t have a clue. He could write them a check today and be back at the house, and then what?
Nate makes a noise through his teeth. “Ellie, he would have to have that cash on him.”
“He can’t wire it or get his hands on it?” Connor steps in.
“No, but that’s not to say he can’t have someone post bail.”
I can’t stay in this town if he knows I’m leaving him. He’ll hunt me down and that’ll be the end.
It doesn’t matter what kind of protection that Connor thinks he can provide by being around us.
“You can’t control the outcome.” Connor gently cups my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. His green eyes are filled with understanding and promise. “You can only do this one step at a time. Hadley is safe. She’s in school, and the deputy there is watching over her. Right now, you have to go on the stand and explain why he can’t be released. If you don’t and you run instead, you’ll be running forever, Ellie. Trust me, it will never end until you face it. You can do this for yourself and for Hadley.”
I try to steady my breath and focus on him. He’s right. I have to do it. I need to stand up for myself and for Hadley. She’s what matters and I need to show why doing what I did was necessary.
“Okay,” I say with a shaky voice.
Nate steps closer. “I’ll do everything I can to get us the outcome we want.”
“Thank you.” I shake my head, willing away the tears, and walk into the courthouse with Connor and Nate on each side, praying I can do this.
I sit in revulsion as I listen to Sheriff Mendoza and then Connor take the stand, each recounting the events of that night in their own words. It sounds like a horror movie, only it’s all real. It’s my life. I’m the girl they describe as battered, lying on the floor when they got there.
Nate takes his time to show the judge how bad it was, and they repeat the statements they heard. He then lays out a brief account of what I said outside about Kevin’s control and then explains that we don’t know how much money he has available.
Connor sits beside me, not touching me, but . . . there.
“Please call the plaintiff to the stand.”
“He can’t hurt you, Ellie, just be strong and tell the truth,” Connor’s deep voice is at my ear.
I swallow the dread and focus my eyes forward. Nate is standing there, so I look to him. He’s been intense and unyielding today. The worry I had about him being Kevin’s friend is gone. Today, he’s championing me, and the defense was unable to poke holes in Sheriff Mendoza or Connor’s accounts.
I’m the last one.
I pray to God I don’t get sick or lose it.
When I get to the stand, I recite what the bailiff asks me to and then sit.
Nate goes first. “Mrs. Walcott, could you please recount what happened two nights ago.”
I intertwine my fingers, close my eyes, and speak. I tell them everything. I go over each word, each threat, every time he gripped my hair and kicked me. How I was pulled up and tossed around as though I were a doll. Tears fall as I keep talking, but I don’t stop, not even when I begin to shake. I just speak. “I thought I was going to die. I thought that was the last time I would ever see my daughter when I told her to run and never come back. The pain was so bad as he hit and kicked me.”
I feel as though I have nothing left in me. I’m drained of all the strength I had reserved, but I eventually force myself to look to Nate. His lips quiver before he controls them and hands me a tissue. “Thank you, Mrs. Walcott.” He then turns to the judge. “Your Honor, based on the testimony here and the evidence I’ve provided, we ask that Mr. Walcott be held without bail as he has made life threatening promises against Mrs. Walcott and their daughter.”
The judge nods. “The defense has its turn, then I’ll render my decision.”
The attorney stands, buttons his suit jacket, and heads toward me. “Mrs. Walcott, you’ve been through quite a trauma.”
“Yes.”
“One that seems to have never happened before, am I right?”
I shake my head. “No, it’s happened before.”
“Really? When?”
I lick my lips, feeling sick to my stomach because I know where this is going. “I never reported it, which is what you’re asking. My husband has hit me on numerous other occasions.”
“Has he? Or is this some elaborate scheme that you’ve concocted with your lover so you could run away together?”
My lips part, and I suck in a breath. “Excuse me?”
“You and Mr. Arrowood are in a relationship are you not?”
“No, we’re not. He moved here recently.”
Connor’s gaze meets mine, and his jaw clenches. This is the crazy talk that Kevin was saying that night.
Kevin’s lawyer nods. “I see, and in that time, suddenly your husband of eight years just . . . loses it? Never having done something like this before, contrary to your words, Mrs. Walcott, there is no proof of prior incidences. You can see how some may find the timing strange. In the middle of the night, you just happen to be outside and the man who you say your husband accused you of having an affair with is who”—he lifts his fingers and does the air quote sign—“saves you?”
I will not allow this man to take this away from me. I have to stand my ground, not because it’s the truth but because Hadley and I will have to run again if they let him out. We will be gone before Kevin is released from jail and no one will be able to stop me. I don’t care if that means he walks free after it because I will be free from him. I’ll find a way.
So, instead of cowering, which is exactly what they want, I sit a little taller and blow out a deep breath that causes pain to my side.
“My husband has hit me before. He’s punched me, he’s grabbed me, he’s pulled my hair and thrown me to the ground. My husband has controlled me and isolated me from other people. He’s trapped me in every aspect of my life and then threatened to kill our daughter and me. I can’t speak on what he thinks or the excuses he’s made over the years, but everything I have said today is true. My neighbor saved my life when our daughter ran to him for help and called 9-1-1. I’m not in any kind of romantic relationship with him. Mr. Arrowood acted as a friend when I was in danger, nothing more.”
“Well, I guess we’ll see about that.” The attorney walks away and sits beside Kevin.
“You may step down, Mrs. Walcott.”
My legs feel like jelly as I make my way back to my seat.
“Does the defense wish to make a statement?” The judge asks.
I sit here, my body trembling and my nerves shot. I was able to get through it, but this is really the worst part. None of us can control anything else. Sheriff Mendoza reenters the courtroom and sits beside me so I’m flanked by two men who are showing their sign of support and protection.
“At this time, we plead the fifth and wish to await the trial.”
The judge doesn’t look surprised, but I am.
Mendoza leans over, his voice a soft whisper. “They know there’s enough evidence to keep the case from being thrown out and it’s best to wait for the trial instead of having to recant anything he says now.”
Right, God forbid he dig himself a hole. The same rights should be afforded the people who witnessed it and me—the victim.
How unfair is this all?
The judge leans forward, his arms resting on the desk in front of him, and he looks to the defense and then to the prosecutor.
“I find myself sitting in these proceedings more than I’d like to be. A family being torn apart, and there’s always some flighty reason that the defense presents. As though the woman or child were asking for what happened. I’m not sure when we as judges felt that this was allowable. But it’s not. Mr. Walcott, I’ve looked over your wife’s medical records, heard her testimony, and have made note of your lack thereof. I’ve heard the account of the night, seen the images that the prosecution put forth, and heard how your seven-year-old daughter is who went for help, believing that her mother was going to die. Now, this isn’t the trial, but it is to decide whether you’re released until that trial, and if so, at what cost. Usually, the courts say one hundred thousand dollars and calls it a day, but I’m reminded of a case that is similar to this. One where the outcome of this case, I fear if I were not to follow my gut, will be much like that one. Therefore, I’m denying the request for bail.”
Chapter Thirteen
Ellie
Relief so sweet fills me that I can barely contain myself. We’re on our way back to Connor’s so I can grab Hadley and my things to go back to my house. Connor’s place is . . . strange. It’s clean, but very sterile with its single couch and outdated television. Each bedroom has a queen size bed and a dresser, but that’s it.
It’s a house, but not a home.
Even though my home isn’t great, it’s at least comfortable.
I lean my head back in the seat and release a breath through my nose. “I can’t believe they held him.”
“Honestly, I can’t either.”
I look over at him. “You thought they’d release him?”
Connor tilts his head to the side. “I did. Usually, they go with bail, I hoped Nate could push back enough. I was prepared though if it didn’t . . .”
“If it didn’t, what?”
He glances over and then goes back to the road. “I wasn’t sure what I’d do.”
“I’m sure you had some plan.”
Connor laughs. “I had some crazy ideas, that’s for sure.”
I’m sure he did. We get to the beginning of his driveway and Connor stops the car.
“Is everything okay?” I ask as we sit here.
He looks up at the sign that says his last name and then over to me. “My mother . . . she was sentimental in every way. She wanted us to have traditions we would pass on to our children. When we came to the driveway, she would stop the car and make us answer a question. Each of us had a different answer based on what she thought fit our needs.”
“That’s sweet.”
My mother was the same. She was always trying to make holidays special and doing things that have stayed with me. Every year for my birthday, my mother would come into my room with a cake in her hands, and we would eat it for breakfast. It’s a tradition I’ve carried on with my daughter, who thinks it’s the best thing in the world.
“It didn’t matter that, after she died, no one asked the question aloud. My brothers and I still stop the car and stare at this sign, wondering what life would’ve been like if she lived.”
It’s clear that her impact on her sons was far greater than she could ever know. “What was the question?”
“What is one truth about an arrow?”
I touch his arm, and it drops from the wheel, which he was gripping. My hand drifts down to his, taking his fingers in mine. “Tell me what your truth is?” I say softly, not wanting to break the spell of the moment.
“You can’t take a shot until you break your bow.”
“What does it mean?”
Connor moves his hand, covering mine completely. “It means you have to pull back on the bow, use all your might to fight against the strain in your arm as you’re going for what you want. It means that if you don’t break the bow, you can’t ever go forward and hit the target.
”
My heart begins to pound hard in my chest, both of our breathing is quiet as we watch each other. The words are so poignant to my life right now. I’ve been unwilling to make any ripples for fear of what would come, but until I stand and change the form of my life, I’ll never go anywhere.
“I can see how much your mother influenced you. Also, you did break the bow, Connor. You left this place that morning and became a SEAL and a hero. When you came back, you became a hero to Hadley and me as well. Thank you for sharing that with me.”
He opens his mouth to say something but then stops. “You’re welcome.”
I look down at our hands, and we both pull back. “I’m sorry. I should . . . I’m clearly a mess and you’re being so nice. It’s been a rough couple of days, and I’m . . .”
“Ellie, stop. You don’t have to explain anything to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. And stop saying you’re a mess, okay?”
“But I am!”
“We all are. Believe me, I may seem like a hero to you, but I’m not. I’ve made mistakes and lived with the consequences. I think about you, and how, if things had gone differently, that night . . .”
“I think about it too.”
He leans back in the driver’s seat, head back and then he turns. “I was a mess the first time I saw you after I found Hadley. I had to tell myself a million times that you were married and that whatever I felt was ridiculous. My friends were even warning me that I had to fight this urge to be around you because it wasn’t right.”
I’m fighting the same thing. The want to be near him.
It’s hard to describe why Connor makes me feel this way, but he does. There was this undeniable chemistry the two of us shared, and then there was the actual night.
Being around him again has made it confusing and hard to decipher what I’m feeling.
I smile, knowing I have to answer him but not being able to speak that truth yet. “Okay. I’m just so tired and overwhelmed.”
“I understand, but you’re not a mess. Sure, the situation is, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find a way through it.”
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