But it was so much more.
For the first time in a long time, I could relax and be myself. It was . . . freeing. And Mackenzie’s oldest son? God, Liam was so curious, firing question after question at me. Ethan complained all the time about how home life drove him crazy and how he hated the downtime between tours. I don’t see how he could’ve had those thoughts. The small slice I tasted seems like pure nirvana. I couldn’t ever see wanting to leave that life. Wanting to leave her.
Which is why I need to get the hell out of here.
I can’t risk getting more deeply involved.
Besides, Mackenzie is taking care of herself just fine. She has a solid plan. That’s all the evidence I need to leave town with a clear conscience. My debt is paid in full.
Unease crawls up my spine and chokes my throat. The reason behind my sudden need to escape has nothing to do with Mackenzie’s ability to take care of herself and everything to do with me. The moment her son shot me that expression—the same cocky expression I’ve grown to know quite well these last few years. The same face I saw take its very last breath—I knew I had to squash any feelings for her. And fast. My friend is dead because of me. I can’t form an attraction to his widow.
That isn’t allowed.
A beeping horn sounds behind me and jars me to the present. I glance to the left and let out a curse as I turn the steering wheel to the right. One cup of coffee to go won’t hurt. Neither will one last check to make sure she’s okay.
I park the truck outside the café and stare at the large glass panes that line the front of Better Buzz. Why the hell can’t I seem to leave this town? If I was waiting for an answer to that question, I don’t wait long. It presents itself the moment I step inside and her warm smile greets me, knocking me back down a few steps. I’m totally screwed when it comes to this woman.
“Black coffee?”
“To go.”
She eyes me as she takes my money. “I was able to wash dishes without getting soaked for the first time since moving into the house. Thanks again for fixing the faucet and toilet.”
I grunt. Why did I think coming here was a good idea? I need to cut ties and ride on out of here. I watch her backside as she pours my cup in a to-go container. Her slim figure. Hair pulled up, exposing the creamy skin. I stand straighter and try not to think about brushing my lips against all that creaminess as I sidle up against her backside. The soft curves of her hips grinding against my groin. Shit.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do about a sitter?” Jill asks as she comes from the backroom.
My ears perk up at the exasperated sigh Mackenzie lets out. A warning that screams for me to ignore whatever comes from her mouth. She’s in a good place. She can handle whatever is tossed her way.
“Sort of. I asked Sandy, but I haven’t gotten a definite answer yet.”
“I’m sorry I can’t help, but your class lands on the only night I’m not free.”
“I know. And I appreciate you wanting to help. Mom volunteered to cancel their trip, but they already sacrificed enough for me. I want them to go and enjoy themselves.”
Needing to escape wars with doing the right thing. Those vibrant green eyes flash toward me as she hands me my cup of coffee. All my resolve fades. Any restraint on my part dissolves the moment I open my mouth. “You need help with the kids?”
“Sort of. Most of my classes are online, but I have to drive to the city for my clinical one night a week.” She shakes her head. “I’m sure Sandy will come through for me.”
“I can do it.” The words fly from my mouth before I can think. Who am I kidding? Of course I’m going to help her out. I can lie to myself all I want, but protecting her is what I’ve sworn to do. If that protection comes in the form of babysitting, then so be it. I’ll help in any way.
Her mouth opens and then shuts. I ignore her friend’s smirk. But I must’ve been a fool if I thought Mackenzie would take anything I’m offering. It was like pulling teeth trying to get her to accept my plumbing help.
“I can’t have you do that.”
“Why not?” What am I doing? She’s giving me an out, and I’m not taking it.
“Because I don’t know you. My kids . . .”
As her words trail off, I tamp down the anger that flairs from her quick rejection and remind myself that she doesn’t know me. Not like I know her. I know particular things about her I shouldn’t. Like how she dislikes her food to touch. Or how she eats one food group first before moving to the next. And how Liam loves superheroes but insists DC Comics is far superior. Or how Nick will only drink chocolate milk if made from the powdered chocolate, not the liquid. These odd idiosyncrasies are things I shouldn’t know but do after listening to Ethan complain about them these past few years. My jaw ticks. Knowing all this doesn’t help calm the sudden rage bubbling inside. I want her to trust me, but that doesn’t look as if it will happen.
“Well, then good luck.” I grab the coffee from the counter and stalk to the door. Leaving this town is for the best. It’s what needs to happen. If I stay . . . shit, if I stay, she’ll get under my skin. Reaching my truck, I grunt in protest at what my mind has figured out—she’s already there.
I tug the truck door open, determined to drive anywhere but here. I’ll figure the location as I go.
“Nate, wait,” Mackenzie yells as she flies out of the café.
I pause. If I turn to face her, I won’t go. I’ll be sucked back into the world of protecting her while knowing I want her. It isn’t fair of me to do that to her. Mackenzie isn’t the type of woman you have sex with and forget. And I’m not a long-term kind of guy. My best choice is to hop into the driver’s seat and ride off in the sunset. Except it’s nine in the morning, and I’m turning to face her.
“I’m sorry. That came out all wrong. I know you’re not here to cause harm.”
“There was truth in your statement. You know nothing about me. You have every right to protect your kids. It’s what any good mother should do.”
“I know, but I just . . .” She glances inside my cab, her eyebrows scrunching as she takes in my suitcases and boxes. “Are you leaving?”
Her confused expression morphs to concern and sparks a fire deep in the pit of my stomach. I swallow the yes on the tip of my tongue as the decision to leave does a complete one-eighty for the third time today. “No. I just haven’t unpacked everything yet.”
I don’t know why I felt compelled to lie. Maybe because deep down, I know I’m not going anywhere. I’m a soldier. I’m strong. But this girl brings me to my knees and gives me mental whiplash. The decision is made. From this point forward, I’ll be here to help for as long as I’m needed. No more going back and forth and wondering when to cut ties. I’ll wait until her mom gets back from the trip. One month won’t kill me.
“I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry.” Her gaze locks and holds with mine. I step closer. Her breath hitches as confliction crosses her face. I’m pushing my limits, but I can’t seem to stop.
“Apology accepted.” My voice comes across gruffer than expected, but she doesn’t back away.
“Thank you.”
The softness of her voice causes a lump to form in my throat, making my voice garbled. “As I said, I’m here. If you need anything, call.”
“Okay. I better get back in there.” She says the words but doesn’t make an effort to move.
“I’ll keep the phone close by.” And before I do something stupid like pull her into a kiss, I turn and slip into my truck. I don’t look back as I head toward The Cottages. But I get the distinct feeling she’s still standing there watching.
Chapter Eight
Mackenzie
Can’t one simple thing in my life go right?
“That’s okay, Sandy. I’ll figure something out. Things happen.” I just wish it wasn’t happening to me. I plop onto my mattress and glance at the clock. I grind my teeth to keep from sighing. The last thing I want to do is make my friend feel bad, but I�
�m so screwed. Not showing up for my first nursing clinical isn’t an option. Not only are we getting certified in cardiopulmonary resuscitation, but we’re only allowed to miss one clinical per semester. The school has a zero-tolerance policy in place for a reason. They won’t care about my situation. But damn it, where am I going to find a replacement sitter in less than two hours?
I know where.
“You don’t know how awful I feel, though.” She drops her voice and adds, “In more ways than one.”
My heart squeezes. I hope she and the kids feel better. One would think a nursing student would have more empathy and not think about her own dire situation. I hope this doesn’t reflect poorly on the type of nurse I’m going to be.
“Please, don’t feel bad. You need to concentrate on getting your family healthy. I should let you go so I can start calling people. Get better, okay?”
We hang up, and I force myself to sit up. Feeling sorry for myself won’t fix anything. I wrack my brain for anyone to call, but since I moved back to a town where I hardly know anyone, I’m out of options on people I can trust.
My gaze lands on the moving boxes stacked against the wall and straight to a smaller box tucked within the pile of cardboard. Tears well in my eyes as the rush of unwanted feelings worm their way through my insides. The bigger chest of Ethan’s belongings sits in the far corner of the room. It’s hard enough to look at, but this particular box packs more of a punch. It contains his sentimental belongings from Afghanistan and what he had on him the day someone snatched his life away from us.
Maybe this is a sign for me not to go to college. Ethan and I would argue so much over this. My entire dream of becoming a nurse shattered the day I found out I was pregnant. I met Ethan the summer before heading off to college. Those three months were a whirlwind. I fell hard and fast for his charm. The day the pregnancy test revealed a positive sign, our entire world shifted. Ethan had already enlisted in the army, and we were married before his basic training began. I tried to be a good wife, following him everywhere he was stationed and doing everything he asked, including giving up my dream.
No, I won’t drop out. I did that once and have regretted it ever since. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret the time spent with the kids, but I wouldn’t be in this financial mess had I set myself up. Had I not listened to Ethan’s demands from the beginning. I pick up the phone and pull up Nate’s contact with determination. I won’t let Ethan control me from the grave.
But even as I give myself this pep talk, I hesitate, my finger hovering over his name.
How can I ask a stranger to watch my kids? It seems so wrong. I stare at his contact name, Mr. Fix It, and laugh. Isn’t asking Sandy to watch the kids the same thing? I may have graduated with her, but I haven’t talked to her in years, which makes her a virtual stranger too. I haven’t kept up with anyone since graduation. Hell, I probably know Nate better than anyone from this town outside my immediate family and Jill.
“Mom, have you found out when soccer sign-ups are? I’ll need new cleats and shin guards.”
I drop the phone and look down at my growing boy. I swear he’s shot up three inches since last summer. All these extra necessities cost money. Money I don’t have. The death gratuity the government owes me hasn’t been deposited in my account yet. Due to a bullshit clerical error, the payment is delayed. Their promise of a quick fix does nothing to help cover today’s expenses. It’s been three months.
Adding insult to injury, unbeknownst to me, Ethan had borrowed against the life insurance policy I paid each month faithfully. Ethan was gone, along with the money. The gratuity payment will help, but it won’t carry me through the rest of my life. I need a good-paying job, and I need my nursing license to get one.
“Not yet, honey. I’m sorry. I’ll find out tomorrow.”
“You keep saying that, but tomorrow never comes. I don’t want to miss any practices.”
“I know you don’t. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”
“You’re the one who made us move. You said I could join the soccer team here.”
I feel like I’m failing every aspect of my life. “And you will. I’ll find out tomorrow. But first, we need to figure out what we’re going to do tonight. You can’t go to my friend’s house anymore.”
“Why?”
“They have the flu. I can’t risk you guys getting it.” I ruffle the top of his hair, which earns me a groan, but I know he secretly loves the attention. An idea occurs. Perhaps asking Liam’s opinion will make him feel more involved? “Would you mind if Mr. Dixon watched you?”
“Really? Mr. Dixon’s so cool.” The high pitch to his tone surprises me. Gone is the scowl brought from my flubbing up the soccer sign-ups. I knew he liked Nate, but I didn’t realize how much.
“Okay. I’ll call him.” Shocker. I actually did something good for a change.
“I’ll go tell Nick.”
Liam runs out of the room, and I yell after him, “He hasn’t agreed yet.” But I doubt Nate turns down the offer. He still comes in every morning to get his coffee. Jill pointed out that he could get free coffee from Mrs. Overly since The Cottages offer breakfast. I’m not too sure about his intentions, but no matter how brief the encounters are, I find myself looking forward to them. I press his number.
“Hello.” His rich voice rings through my ear and sends warmth down my spine to my toes. Having him in my personal place—having him so close—is a bad idea. Perhaps my reason for not wanting him here has more to do with that than my kids. No, nothing is more important than my children. I can’t believe I entertained the thought.
“Hey, this is Mackenzie. I need your help.”
Chapter Nine
Nate
I need your help.
Four words are all it takes to bring me to my knees.
“What do you need?” I sit straighter on the dated floral couch, hyperaware of the desperation lacing Mackenzie’s tone.
“My sitter fell through, and I can’t miss my first clinical. I hate to ask, but I don’t know what I can do. I’ve exhausted my options.”
Hmm, I’m not sure I like being her last resort, but I get it. From what I gather, she doesn’t know too many people, despite being from here. And she regrets not trusting me. That’s evident in her silent apologies I’ve been privy to all week. I won’t hold her doubt against her.
“Are you asking for my help with the boys?”
The slight hitch to her breath is almost palpable as unsureness wars with desperation. If only she would trust me fully. “I know it’s short notice, but yes, I need you.”
I stand corrected. Three words bring me to my knees. Or maybe it’s just her.
“I’m your guy.” I squeeze the phone and close my eyes. I’m your guy? Christ, I’m going straight to hell.
“Thank you.” The relief in her voice eases my tension and solidifies I’m doing the right thing.
“When do you need me?”
“Now, but if you need more time, I can be late.”
My gaze lands on the darkened television screen and to the wall behind it that in this lighting looks more gray than blue. The room is too quiet. Too cold. Too depressing. I pack my Glock in my back holster and swipe the keys off the end table. As I stalk to the truck, I say, “No need. I’m leaving now.”
“I’ll owe you big time.”
“No worries.”
We hang up, and it doesn’t take long before I’m stepping on the cement stairs leading to her door. She greets me with a frazzled look, and I want to wrap my arms around her and pull her into me. This need to protect her is dizzying and confusing, and no matter how much I want to fight it, the feeling won’t go away. Nope, just the opposite. Instead, the urge strengthens each time I see her, which is odd. I don’t even think she’s the type of person who wants protection. But fuck if my instincts can’t tell the difference.
“Liam, Nick, come say hello to Mr. Dixon.” She gathers her bag and purse and shoots me an exhausted smile. “I hop
e you like lasagna. It’s all I had on short notice. It’ll be ready in forty minutes.”
My stomach growls at the mention of food. It’s been ages since I’ve had a home-cooked meal. Mess halls and fast food have fueled this body for years.
“Don’t worry. The meal won’t count as the one I owe you. I’ll cook you something better.”
“Better than homemade lasagna? Blasphemy, woman!”
Two sets of feet race down the hallway, cutting off whatever comeback she was going to say.
“No running.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Liam says when he comes into the living room. His blue eyes turn to me, and I swallow past the lump threatening to grow. He looks so much like his father, it’s uncanny. “Hi, Mr. Dixon.”
The youngest one follows his brother’s lead.
“Hi, boys. I guess you’re stuck with me tonight.”
They nod in unison, and my shoulders relax from their broad smiles. I wasn’t aware of how tense I was, which makes me laugh. I’ve had no problem dealing with sounds of war or never knowing if a raid was when my timecard expires, but the thought of taking care of two boys? Yeah, that reduces me to a novice soldier going on his first mission—scared but pumped full of adrenaline.
“Boys, go get cleaned up. Supper will be ready soon.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Mackenzie watches as their feet lead them down the hallway and to the bathroom. When they duck behind the door, a soft smile fleets across her lips before she turns to face me.
“You have my cell number. Call me if there is any sign of trouble. I also left Jill’s number in case you can’t get a hold of me. Her class ends at nine, but I should be back home around ten.”
SWORN TO PROTECT: An Everyday Heroes World Novel Page 5