“Again, I appreciate your help.”
Grant gives a curt nod before stepping outside. I close the door behind him and lean against it. My goal of studying is shot to hell. I whip my phone out and dial Mom’s number. There isn’t any excuse for me not joining them for dinner.
“They have Jordan in custody.”
“Did he admit to stealing the money?” Disappointment lies heavily in Mom’s tone. I hate breaking the news to her, but she had to expect this outcome.
“Yeah, hopefully, they hadn’t spent too much, and I can get some of it back. The police arrested Dad for violating his parole. Most likely, he’ll be back in jail.”
“I’m so sorry, dear. I don’t understand your brother.”
“Same.” I huff. “Studying is a bust. I’ll be over in a few.”
“Can you stop at the store and pick up some french bread? I forgot to grab some.”
The last thing I want to do is stop at the store, but I agree. After we hang up, I pack my nursing books. The phone rings, and I answer without looking, wondering what other items Mom will have me grab. I’ve told her multiple times to make a list.
“What else do you need?” Humor coats my question as I try to keep the irritation from showing.
“For you to forgive me.”
Oomph. My body absorbs Nate’s deep baritone voice and takes in his breath on the other line. I hate admitting how comforting his call is, but I didn’t think I’d hear from him ever again.
“Nate.” His name slides off my tongue in a half whimper. Do I sound weak? I feel as if I do, but I don’t care.
He called.
He actually called.
“It’s good hearing your voice, even though I’m sure I’m the last person you want to talk to.”
That’s not true. There are so many things I want to say. I want to tell him to come over, that I forgive him, to please forgive me, but I don’t say any of those things. A part of me is still mad because he did lie. That stubborn streak inside me doesn’t want to set the precedent that lying is okay. I stand firm.
“Why are you calling, Nate?”
“Are you free this weekend? I’d like for us to talk.”
The pitter-pattering in my chest kicks up a notch. Nate has to be nearby if he wants to meet. He really is back.
“That can be arranged.”
“I’ve already cleared it with your mom. She’ll take the kids for the evening so pack an overnight bag. I’ll pick you up on Saturday around one.”
“Oh.” I sit here, blinking rapidly, wondering what the hell is happening. Did I fall into an alternative world? Like the good version of the upside-down rather than the scary one portrayed on Netflix. And when did he talk to Mom? Had she known he was going to call when she was here earlier? “Are you in town?”
“Is that a yes for Saturday?”
Why won’t he confirm he’s in town? But okay, I’ll play along. It’s the least I can do. “That’s an affirmative, Dixon.”
“Good. I’ll see you Saturday.”
He hangs up without giving me a chance to respond. I stare at the phone in my hands as the corners of my lips rise.
He came back.
Chapter Forty-Four
Nate
“This is where we’re staying for the weekend?” Enthusiasm may paint the edges of Mackenzie’s tone, but it’s the sparkle in her eyes that outshines everything, including the beautiful french country styled home.
I knew she’d like it.
For the first time since picking her up, I relax. Nervousness doesn’t even begin to describe the state of my being. We didn’t part on good terms, and I shoulder that blame, but she only knows half of the story. The part that haunts my dreams still needs to be told—a fact I plan to remedy today. I can only pray she doesn’t hate me at the end.
“It is. Do you like it?”
“Like? I love it. The place is beautiful.”
“If we had more time, I would’ve taken you on a real vacation.”
She turns those sea glass green eyes to me. “It’s perfect. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather go.”
I press my lips together as I park the truck, but there’s no hiding my smile. Mackenzie has no idea how happy her words made me. I grab the overnight bags and head to the door.
“The stonework on the front is gorgeous.”
“I agree.” But not as gorgeous as her.
“And I love the stucco on the upper level and pitched roofs. It has a chateau-like vibe.”
“Is this what you envisioned when you were younger?”
Her head whips to me. “Yeah, it is. I’m surprised you remember.”
I smile at her and unlock the door. “Wait until you see the inside.”
“Oh, wow.” She takes in the open floor plan that combines the kitchen, dining room, and great room. “We’re really staying here?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Wow. I can’t believe this is real. I almost feel guilty not having my kids here.”
My lips twitch as I carry the bags to the master suite. With any luck, they’ll be seeing it soon.
“The kitchen is stocked. There’re grapes, cheese, and crackers. I thought we’d have a glass of wine out on the back patio while we talk?”
“Sounds good.”
I gather the supplies, and we make our way outside. We settle into the couch on the patio and absorb the surroundings.
“Sweet Jesus, look at the view.”
The estate sits on top of a hill overlooking the Hoskins Winery. Rows upon rows of various shades of ruby, gold, and green blanket the landscape in a trio of colors like a fall-colored rendition of a calico cat. It’s downright mesmerizing.
“I thought you might like it.” I fill our glasses with wine.
“I love it,” she says as she takes her glass.
God, I love her eyes. They hold so much truth to them. I calm my rapidly beating heart and dive into the most challenging conversation I’ve ever had. “First of all, I owe you an apology. I’m so deeply sorry for lying, for keeping who I was a secret. For so much more.”
Her mouth parts, but she doesn’t speak. My gaze dips to her glossy pink lips I want to consume. My breath comes out shaky as I struggle with how to start this conversation. If I could sex my way out of this, it’d be easier. I force myself to look away to clear my head.
“I have a lot to tell you. Some of it is classified, so I can’t give full details, but I’ll tell you everything I can. Will that be okay?”
“Yes.” Her voice is a whisper that wraps around my chest and squeezes like a vice grip. Why is this so hard?
I start out telling her how Ethan and I met. I leave out the not so flattering parts. It wouldn’t be right to say how her husband portrayed her as a stubborn, unreasonable vixen who trapped him. That info I’ll take with me to my grave.
“When I read his last letter, I couldn’t believe what he was asking of me. I thought he was paranoid because he had never written a letter before.”
“He hadn’t?”
“No. Never.” I take a sip, trying to wet my dry mouth.
“I had wondered if this was something he’d always done or if this was his first.”
“It’s the only time I know of. So yeah, it made me nervous. When his fighter jet landed, I was relieved.” For the most part. That eerie feeling hung on me like a three-day stench, but that’s not important to voice.
I lean forward and set the wineglass on the ground. Placing my elbows on my legs, I fold my hands in a fist and rest my chin on them. My voice goes monotone. But goddamn, I hate thinking about this, let alone reliving it.
“A soldier from another unit joined our troop. Royce Nuri. He worked as an interpreter. His time was supposed to be temporary, but he studied to be a surgeon. Once I learned that, I took him under my wing and helped him transfer to our unit permanently. He was damn talented and had a promising future.”
A shudder works its way through my body, but I shake it off. I don’t deserv
e any remorse or comfort.
“When Ethan’s team came back from their mission, I went out to greet him.” A humorless laugh escapes. “I thought he had made it. The dumb motherfucker defied death.” I close my eyes, taking the coward’s way out. There’s no way I can look at her while telling this next part.
“Ethan walked up to me, and I was giving him hell for jinxing himself. The next minute, gunshots fired in the air. Soldiers scurried around, trying to get some semblance of what was going on. Ethan threw me to the ground and dropped on top of me while bullets rang through the air.” My jaw clenches as the pain from his actions rifles through me. “I tried to shake him off me, but he wouldn’t budge. He yelled my life was worth more than his and to stay down.”
“Oh, God.” Her whimper nearly kills me, but I keep talking.
“He grabbed his gun and swung off me, and that’s when I saw the shooter, Royce Nuri. The goddamn kid I recruited.”
“Nate.”
“I tried reaching for my gun, but I had come from surgery. It was back in my barrack. Royce delivered the blow to Ethan, and he fell right beside me. I picked his gun up and turned it to Royce. Royce had his gun aimed right at me. He hesitated. I didn’t.”
Arms wrap around me. Her tears soak my shirt sleeve as she kisses my shoulder.
“I tried to save him, Mackenzie. I did everything I could, but he . . .” Was shot too many times.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“How can you say that?” I stand up, almost knocking her off the couch, and march to the far side of the patio. Placing a hand on the pillar, I lean on it while looking at the afternoon sun glowing over the vineyards. A subtle reminder that I get to enjoy life while my friend lies buried six feet in the ground.
“Because it’s true. You didn’t know some asshole was going to turn on you.”
I swing my head toward her. She flanks my side with tears streaking her cheeks, but she doesn’t look angry. Only sad.
“But your kids are fatherless because he chose to die for me.” I almost choke on my words. Fresh tears coat her eyes.
“The whole time I was married to Ethan, I had one recurring thought. I thought he was selfish. What you just told me—what you just admitted—paints a vastly different picture of a man I didn’t think existed. And it’s one I can cherish. Of course, I wish he were still alive for my kids, but he wasn’t ever here for them even when he was around. You just confirmed their dad died a hero. There’s a story behind his Purple Heart we never knew. Thank you.”
I pull her into me. She wraps her arms around my waist and feels so incredibly good against me. I don’t want this moment to end. She’s the oxygen I so desperately need.
“You don’t know how badly I hated missing his funeral. I had three months left before I either re-upped or retired. It killed me not being there.” My confession tightens her grasp. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you guys.”
“That day was a blur. I never felt so lost. The look of devastation in my sons’ eyes.” Her breath stutters as she burrows closer to me. “Even if you were there, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. It worked out better this way.”
Creating a little distance between us, I look her straight in the eyes. “I never intended to hurt you.”
“I know. I don’t want to fight anymore.” Her whispered plea is an undeserving reprieve that nearly guts me.
“But I need to explain why I kept it a secret.”
“I don’t care. I only care that we’re together.”
Whatever I did to deserve this woman must have been good because I’m the luckiest son of a bitch right now. “I love you, Mackenzie Gillman.”
Her mouth curves into a soft smile. “Even after seeing my crazed bitch side?”
“How about from this day forward, we quit saying you have this alternate ego? Because I have to tell you, I don’t see it. You had every reason to be upset. That’s not being crazy. That’s being human. But even if you were, I’d take you any way I could get you. That’s how much I love you.”
“Kiss me.”
“With pleasure.” The kiss starts slow and builds. I’ve missed so much of her. Her taste. Her sass. All of it makes her unique. I’m glad I waited until now before confessing my love. With her in my arms, her lips on mine, I can’t think of a better time or place. When we break apart, I know it’s too soon for another loaded conversation, but I can’t wait any longer. I need answers.
I lead her toward the outdoor couch and sit. I hand her back her wineglass. “You may need this.” At her smile, I look directly into her eyes and lay my cards on the table.
“Mackenzie, I’ve been giving us a lot of thought. The time away from each other has only confirmed what I’ve known for quite some time.”
Curiosity coats those gorgeous eyes, but she remains quiet. I take in a deep breath and slowly release it, trying like hell not to feel dizzy. I swallow hard, holding her stare, and find my balls.
“I don’t want us to be apart any longer.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Mackenzie
What is he trying to tell me?
Nate’s earnest expression is enough to make my heart race. I’m not sure where he’s going with this conversation.
“I know it’s soon, but whenever you feel comfortable, I want you and the boys to move in with me. I’m serious and don’t want us to be apart any longer. But I’m leaving the timing up to you. Whatever timeframe you feel the most comfortable with, I’m good. Whether it’s one month, two months, or an entire year, I don’t care as long as we end up together.”
My mouth dries. Nate can’t be serious. But he looks serious. He looks like a man on a mission, and that mission is to have me. I like that—a lot.
“It would be crazy for us to move in together. You know that, right?” I ask.
“Yes, and believe me, I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to prove how much I love you. All I can think about is offering myself. I’ve never given anyone a piece of me until now, but you have all of me. Believe me when I tell you I never thought I’d find anyone, let alone someone I’d consider family.”
Oh, my heart. It’s not playing nice. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“I know I probably have your head spinning with all these confessions, but I’ve held back for so long. I’m sorry I can’t come up with something better than offering myself.”
This coming from a guy who went after my brother.
I look Nate square in the eyes because what I have to say is important. I want to be crystal clear on my delivery. “Listen to me. This”—I wave a hand across the span of the house and between us—“us being here is big enough. God, Nate, you remembered the type of house I dreamed of staying in. The fact you took time to focus on me.” The floodgates threaten to break. I blink rapidly to prevent shedding any tears, but I harbor too much emotion. There’s no stopping the crack in my voice. “No one has ever done that for me.”
“You deserve so much, Mackenzie. I fear I’ll never be able to give you everything you deserve.”
“I don’t need anything else. I just need you.”
“So you’ll consider moving in with me then?”
“The one thing I’ve learned after everything I’ve been through is how short life can be. When you left, I thought I lost you forever. That hurt and scared the shit out me.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Grace. You’re stuck with me.”
My chuckle is more out of relief than anything. “I’ll go anywhere with you as long as we’re together.”
“So that’s a yes.”
“Yes, Nate. I don’t care what anyone says. I want our life to start now. You can move in with me tomorrow if you want. We’d probably have to look for a bigger home, though.”
“You wouldn’t care what Mrs. Morgan or any of the other old ladies in town thought?”
“Fuck Mrs. Morgan. I’m living my life for me. Well, me and the kids. And I guess you if you’re going to be movin
g in.”
He chuckles. “I get it. You’re ready now.”
“Yes, I’m beyond ready.”
His eyes darken into a look I’m getting to know quite well. My senses go on full alert. He’s up to something. He takes the wineglass out of my hand and sets it on the ground by his. That chiseled jaw, peppered with a five o’clock shadow, turns to face me, and I practically melt in my seat. God, he’s gorgeous.
“What would you say about moving here?”
I jerk my head back and look around the property. “What? Here? Is this house for sale?” God, I couldn’t begin to think about the asking price.
“Yes, to this house, but no, it’s not for sale.”
“Okay, I’m confused. If it’s not for sale, how could we move in here?”
“Easy. I bought it on Saturday. That’s why I had to leave. My bank is in San Francisco.”
“What?” I screech. But seriously, what?
“Mark told me about this place, and it fit the description that you wanted.”
“It’s really yours?”
“You approve?”
I glance around the house that fits my dream perfectly and smile. I peek through the french glass doors that lead to the great room and take in the beautifully crafted hardwood floors and the room’s angles. It’s everything.
“But it’s already furnished. When did you have time to shop?”
“Okay, I may have cheated, considering the place was turnkey. But we can always redecorate whatever you want. I figure that’s your department.”
“Huh.” I shift so I’m facing him again. “It’s a good thing you asked me to move in before telling me you bought this.”
“Why?”
“Because you’d spend the rest of your life wondering if I stayed because of the house or you.”
“Oh, yeah?” He smiles and tackles me onto my back. I can feel his erection grow against me. It’s been too long since I had this man inside me, and I don’t want to wait another minute.
“I love you, Nate Dixon.”
“I love you too.”
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