by Zibby Owens
Thank you to everyone I mention below. Here’s my story.
First: Kyle. My life started over at forty when I married Mr. Kyle Owens on the tennis court of a rental home. I am grateful every day—even the days I’m in a snippy mood—that he and I get to do this whole thing together. Three years ago, as we were hanging out in what became my office and used to be our shared den (sorry, love), he said, “You know, you should really take all those parenting essays you’re writing and make them into a book.” I sighed, rolled my eyes, and said, “Moms don’t have time to read books!” Then I laughed and said, “Wait, that’s what the title should be!”
Well, turns out the people I asked didn’t think publishers would find that funny. They also said “essay collections don’t sell” and that I needed “more of a platform.” Although I’d been freelancing since I was fourteen years old, it didn’t pass muster. I wasn’t even on Instagram.
At the same time, I gave a speech at my kids’ school about how I used to be shy but that I’d found my voice through writing. A fellow mom and bestselling author in the audience, Sarah Mlynowski, grabbed me in the hall after and say, “We should talk. Let’s get coffee.” (She’s now one of my closest friends.) I told her about the feedback I’d been getting about my book idea. She thought about it and later, passing each other at drop-off one morning, called out, “You should start a podcast”! I yelled back, “A what?”
I went home and sat on the couch with Kyle as we tried to figure out how to find the podcast button on our phones. I Googled “how to start a podcast,” researched and listened to many, and then realized that I had the perfect title already picked out. But what should the podcast be about?
I’m someone who is constantly tearing articles out of the paper and forwarding essays to friends. I’m also always reading and recommending books. (For my bridal shower to Kyle, friends were all asked to give me books.) My first thought was to narrate my favorite essays or sections of books I’d loved for mom friends who didn’t have time to even read them.
Then, at coffee with books editor Mackenzie Dawson in the New York Post’s dining room, I found out that that was illegal. (Thanks, Mackenzie.) I figured I could try just interviewing authors directly. I knew, like, two authors. I started with my Harvard Business School classmate and dear friend, author Lea Carpenter, who had also helped me edit the novel I wrote after we graduated, Off Balance, that ultimately didn’t sell. Next, Kyle’s old colleague and close friend, former French Open champion Murphy Jensen, put me in touch with Andre Agassi, who he had just sat next to on an airplane. And Andre said yes! With those two as my first guests, I was on a roll. Friends started putting me in touch with their author friends. Before I knew it, my podcast hit the charts.
As Lea was walking out of my apartment that first day after doing her interview, she told me that soon publicists would find me, and I’d have books piling up at my doorstep. I was like, “Yeah, right.” Um, yes. Fortunately, the pitches mostly pile up in my inbox now, but for a while I couldn’t even open up the boxes fast enough. Word had spread.
But back to the beginning. At coffee with Meredith Rollins, a mutual friend who had recently published an essay of mine in Redbook, she mentioned that she could put me in touch with her friend Dani Shapiro, who just happened to be my favorite author of all time. I told Meredith to invite Dani as my guest to the upcoming Library Lunch I was cochairing for the New York Public Library. Dani accepted the invite! I sat her next to me and even mentioned her in my beg-for-donations speech at what NYPL President Tony Marx calls “the liiiiiibrary.” She came on my podcast soon after and, as she was walking out that same front door of mine, told me about an author salon series she had gone to and suggested I start doing similar in-person events. She even volunteered to be my first guest.
I moved quickly. A few weeks later, I’d organized a book fair in my home at which I decided to sell all the books I’d featured on the podcast so far. BookHampton provided the books—and took all the profits, as I intended. I invited everyone I knew in New York plus all the authors I’d featured on the podcast for a holiday shopping and meet-’n-greet style event in my home. Dani was the featured speaker along with Piper Weiss. We’ve been close ever since. Dani’s strength going through her husband Michael’s cancer inspires me to this day.
From there, things took off. Authors put me in touch with friends. They recommended that their journalist colleagues write about me. They introduced me to editors and brought me to events. Author Piper Weiss asked me to interview her at a BookHampton bookstore event when her interviewer canceled at the last minute. I realized I loved doing live events, too. Jamie Brenner invited me to interview her at Barnes & Noble, which was an enormous thrill, followed by other authors like Nicola Harrison, Brenda Janowitz, Greer Hendricks, Rochelle Weinstein, even Candace Bushnell. I sponsored Author’s Night for the East Hampton Library. I put on events at the Center for Fiction with Deborah Copaken, Lauren Mechling, and Carolyn Murnick. Lauren, by the way, recommended me for a feature article to her friend, journalist Hillary Kelly, who ended up profiling me in Vulture, anointing me “New York’s Most Powerful Book-fluencer.” That article, which I read on my phone frozen in shock on 77th and Lex, put me on the map.
Author Laurie Gelman, who I met through the fabulous Patricia Eisemann at Henry Holt (who I got to through Pamela Paul of the New York Times Book Review), asked me to host a book club to showcase her new book, You’ve Been Volunteered, on ABC-7 with Sandy Kenyon, an entertainment journalist I’d been watching on TV my entire life. Sandy and his wife, Eileen, have been enormous supporters of mine. In fact, Sandy came back to cover my next book fair and even put a profile piece about me on Taxi TV.
Riding in his cab, Tony Lyons, CEO of Skyhorse Publishing, saw my piece and asked his colleague Mark Gompertz to reach out to me. The three of us had coffee at Ralph’s, the Ralph Lauren store coffee shop on 72nd and Madison. I heard about their unique publishing model and how quickly they were able to get books on shelves versus the glacially slow process of other publishers. I stored that info in my back pocket.
Meanwhile, I’d hired Bobby Grossman of Media One Management to help me recommend books on TV, a reference from journalist Margaret Hoover who I met through Alyssa Litoff. Bobby connected me to Ali Ehrlich from Good Morning America. I went back to meet Ali and her colleague, Simone Swink. Over time I became a monthly columnist for Good Morning America online, recommending each month’s latest crop of books. He also connected me to Vidya Singh at CBS News. I was lucky enough to have Dana Jacobson interview me for a career-turning seven-minute feature on “CBS This Morning.” During the pandemic, Vidya and Dana updated the piece to showcase the many ways I was helping during lockdown and released another 7-minute piece. Bobby also secured me regular spots on shows like Good Day DC, Good Day Dallas, Good Day LA, and others. I was moving and shaking. I couldn’t believe it! Even O, the Oprah Magazine, included me in a list of top literary podcasts. Twice!
I say all this to thank everyone who played a part in taking the podcast, which I started one quiet morning in my bedroom with the door closed, talking into my phone, and making it into what it has become with two million downloads and countless connections to authors—people!—I never would have met. My days are filled with intimate conversations, one-on-one, about people’s lives, emotions, feelings, work, and families. It’s a dream come true. Sometimes I get nervous, like when interviewing superstars like Nicholas Sparks, Mitch Albom, Natalie Portman, and Alicia Keys (!), but mostly I just get excited. This is what I do. I can talk to anyone. I love to hear what they have to say.
In my introduction to this book, I explained how this anthology came to be with the enormous help of three authors/editors: Claire Gibson (who I met at Books are Magic at an event we were both attending for John Kenney and Courtney Maum), Elissa Altman (who I met through Dani Shapiro), and Carolyn Murnick (who came on the podcast and did the Center for Fiction event with me). They edited all the pieces in this book. So did my ri
ght-hand woman Jamie Mortimer, who not only helps me take care of my kids but also helps me take care of my life. I rarely do anything without asking her opinion, including my book titles, the logistics of the day, and even my outfits. A former English major, Jamie hopped in and started copy editing when lockdown kept us apart.
Maxi Kozler, who saw me speak at a Child Mind Institute benefit, ended up becoming my COO for several months pre-pandemic (and before I downsized the entire operation to its bare bones basics again). Alice Berman, a family friend and author on my podcast, came on board to help with partnerships. Katie Mitchell, my kids’ chess teacher, saw me freaking out over how much I had to do one day, and offered to help. My kids’ weekend babysitter, Nina Vargas, started helping, too, and ended up becoming head of my events and then, in the pandemic, my social media maven. McCain Merren, a friend of Claire Gibson’s from Nashville, started filming events for me, with Kyle helping direct and produce. McCain ended up producing all my Instagram Live videos in the pandemic and the entire We Found Time magazine, which Somsara Rielly, my old colleague from my Vigon/Ellis days (my first job after college) designed. Kiirsten Lederer produced my podcast from the beginning after I found her through Jenny Galluzo at the Second Shift when Beth Kojima, an old friend, connected me. I couldn’t function without Kiirsten’s help. My oldest and best friend, Genevieve McCormack (“Aunt Gen” to my kids) did all the legal work, including every single contract for the authors in this book. She has gotten me through life since we met at age fourteen. She will forever be my “To’F” and me, her “eke.” Jackie Eckhouse helped with the rest of my contracts.
After a crazy night during UN Week last year when I literally ran across the Central Park transverse to get to my daughter’s kindergarten curriculum night on time, I met a fellow class mom, Vern Li. I sent around an essay the next day about my ridiculous run through the park and she asked if I had an agent. I didn’t then. She introduced me to Joe Veltre, who sat in the office next to hers at Gersh, and he enthusiastically agreed to represent me. Now we’ve sold four books together.
Speaking of agents, when I was first getting the podcast started, I joined Twitter. The next time I checked my account, I had five followers, one of whom was a literary agent, Rachel Horowitz. I messaged her on Twitter and thanked her for being a follower and asked how she’d even found me. Turns out we had some mutual friends and were also school moms together with kids in different grades. She signed on as my agent before Joe and helped me write a memoir . . . which became a novel . . . which became a doorstop called 40 Love. Who knows. Maybe I’ll go back to it. She left her firm to take a job at HarperCollins, but remains one of my most trusted resources.
As my events at home grew, I got to know many authors more intimately, interviewing them in front of a group of friends on my couch, sipping coffee together. Many other authors attended events as guests, too. A lot of those “salon” authors have essays in this collection, such as Jill Santopolo, Gretchen Rubin, Wendy Walker, John Kenney, Liz Astrof, Lea Carpenter, Jan Eliasberg, Lauren Mechling, Janice Kaplan, Eilene Zimmerman, Rachel Levy Lesser, and Elissa Altman.
Other authors I’ve done live events with include Allison Pataki, Lori Gottlieb, Abby Maslin, Brenda Janowitz, Courtney Maum, Rochelle Weinstein, Randi Zinn, Rebecca Soffer, Amy Blumenfeld, Thatcher Wine, Michele Filgate, Eve Rodsky, Beth Ricanti, M.D., Jane Green, Lisa Jewell, Fiona Davis, Julie Satow, Amanda Salzhauer, Holly Peterson, Ingrid Fetell Lee, Camille Pagan, Marisa Bardach Ramel, Claire Bidwell Smith, Jamie Brenner, Sarah McColl, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, Helen Ellis, Kathy Wang, Lauren Gershell, Eva Hagberg Fisher, Teresa Sorkin, and Tullan Holmqvist.
I’ve also moderated the “Women on the Move” series at the Temple Emanu-El Streicker Center, thanks to Marjorie Shuster, with Susan Isaacs, Jennifer Weiner, Rachel Beanland, Capricia Penavic-Marshall, Judith Viorst, Laura Zigman and Taffy Brodesser-Akner. At PEN America, I interviewed Brit Bennett thanks to Suzanne Nossel.
I’ve even developed friendships with frequent guests from my past salons like Suzy from Suzy Approved Book Reviews, Caroline Waxler (epic dinner once with Glynnis MacNicol and Piper Weiss), Rana Binder, Sara Bliss, Lisa Barr, Lynda Loigman, Susie Orman Schnall, Jackie Friedland, Tori O’Connell, Will Schwalbe, Mark Siegel, and author Georgia Clark, who hosted me for a Generation Women event.
I’ve gotten to know some amazing editors along the way, too, like Sally Kim at Putnam, the fabulous Jenny Jackson at Knopf/ Doubleday, Jennifer Kasius at Running Press (who told me this book would take far too long to come out to be relevant!), and Serena Jones at Henry Holt.
My girlfriends have been a huge help through this whole thing, especially my Yale ’98 crew: Ann Jordan (my go-to for life’s travails), Abby Schwartz, Andrea Cheng, Danielle Faris Mahfood and Kate Lane, who took a girls trip to LA with me when I was nominated for a Webby Award and spent the whole trip indulging me in all my marketing brainstorming.
Many of the authors I’ve interviewed have become (or have been) close or old friends, like Liz Astrof, Elisa Strauss, Lauren Braun Costello, Betsy Carter, Sue Shapiro (my former New School writing class teacher), Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, Jill Zarin (who Kyle has known for years), Jeff Norton, Charles Duhigg and Victoria Montgomery Brown (HBS classmates), Elliot Ackerman (Lea’s paramour), Lyss Stern (who I wrote for at the New York Observer’s Playground magazine), Priscilla Gilman (who was the cool older girl in my grade school), Dylan Lauren (who I’ve known forever from Round Hill), Jennie Wallace, Cristina Alger (my kids’ pre-school!), and Jill Kargman (who I grew up with and knew from Yale).
My many other girlfriends and fellow moms from Juad Masters in preschool to Nicole Harris today, you know who you are and I am so grateful for all of you. Especially my Los Angeles girls, Karen Frankel and Alyson Ein. (Dreaming of Cabo.) Isabelle Krishana, thanks for all the tennis and book recommendations. Jessica Harris for that Sette Mezzo lunch when we confessed all and for your professional role modeling. Meagan Ouderkirk, who I met through my old friend Steve Purdy, has been there for me through it all, just like Peter and Erin Friedland, Maggie Chi, Justin and Shirley Steinberg, Nancy and Marc Badner, Rachel Goulding, Sarah Saint-Amand, Tara Johnson (dog gifts!), Taylor Margis-Noguera, Sarah Irwin, Rachel Young, Stephanie Kearney, Lillie Howard, Carrie Quinn, Gouri Edlich, Mary Vertin, Eva Heyman, Dana Wallach Jones, Felice Axelrod, and so many others.
Other amazing supporters include my original Seventeen editor Rory Evans, Nora Krug from the Washington Post, JoAn Monaco, Lisa Rappoport, Shirley Chiang, Christine Shim, Ilana Eck, Carolyn Brody and Jesse Bartel from BookHampton, Mary Dell Harrington and Lisa Heffernan from Grown & Flown, Shoshanna Lonstein Gruss, Lauren Gabrielson, Liz Vaccariello from Real Simple, Jennifer Steil, Nora McInerny, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Frank, and Lydia Fenet. Thanks to Jeanne Blasberg for the tote I carry all the time, Emily Nemens for the Paris Review T-shirt (!), and Christine Anderson for the referrals. Also to Madeleine Henry, Erika Olson, and to Deborah Burns for the URL and company idea. Thanks to Jordan Newman, Lauren Jarvis and Max Cutler at Spotify, and Ali Ehrlich, Lauren Sher and Caterina Andreano at GMA. To Taylor Rose Berry for the books and mimosas. To the Friendlys.
Thanks to Jenny Fischbach for designing our New York apartment, especially my library/office, the happiest room ever. And to Brian Ninnis for whenever anything goes wrong there. Thanks to Heather Karaman and Allison Hermann for the sanity checks. To Melanie Goldberger and Hal Orief for making the Pacific Palisades our home away from home. To Stephanie Freilich and team, and Seth and Heather Gordon, for keeping my kids alive.
Thanks to the late, great Stacey Sanders, my college roommate and best friend who we lost on 9/11, showing me, in every way, how to embrace life. And thanks to her mom, Martha, and sister, Laura, for keeping her in my life by staying in touch. Thanks also to Stacey’s close friend Abi Ross, who has shown me what resilience looks like. And to Bryan and Amy Koplin: Bryan for years of love and Amy for choosing such a great guy and for our coffee/advice session. Thanks to Didi
Hockstader for staying in touch and keeping Avery’s memory alive. Avery was one of my best friends in high school who became mentally ill and threw herself in front of subway one tortured day while I was in business school. I think about her all the time.
Thanks to the Group 6 breakfast club, including our late leader, Paige Hardy. I can still hear Paige telling us about her handsome oncologist and how she told him in her Kentucky accent, “Honey, I can’t die. I have five kids.” I wish her body had cooperated. I kiss the clock daily at 11:11 and think of Paige, the Hardy Party, and all the joy she brought to our lives before ovarian cancer snatched her away. I miss her.
One last goodbye: to Connie Figueroa, my family’s housekeeper since I was ten years old, who was pushed in front of an approaching subway by a mentally ill woman who had just been released from Bellevue. Connie grew up with me. She was nineteen years old when she came to the U.S. from the Phillipines and landed, somehow, in our home. She was a true part of our family for thirty-plus years. I still can’t believe that’s how her life ended, but I am no stranger to trauma.
Thanks to Jovelyn Valle who I found through 99Designs.com for the podcast logos and cover design, McCain Merren for the cover photo, and Nina Vargas for the inspiration and styling of it.
Special thanks again to Carolyn Murnick, Claire Gibson and Elissa Altman for editing all these amazing essays.
Thanks to more of the moms who have been in the trenches with me past and present like Lisa Blau, Danyelle Freeman, Lily Band, Suzanne Harl, May Olatoye, Devra Martinez, Paige Costigan, Elizabeth Fraise, Tami Gaines, Brooke Harlow, Phoebe Polk, Alex Linden, Ferebee Taube, Charlotte Phillips, Sayuri Ganepola, Jocelyn Chu, Perri Brenner, Kate Bullinger, Jennifer James, Gretchen Englander, Lara Metz, Carter Simonds, Brooke Bancroft, Katie Sawatzky, Khristina McLaughlin, Danielle Anderman, Julie Smigel, Cary Jackson, Susie Anderson, Augusta Moore, Alieda Keevil, Anne Ford, Amy Tarr, Ashley Reid, Mettrie Lari, Charlotte Kaiser Weinberg, Carey Mangriotis, Erica Martini, Nina Patterson, Vanessa Cornell, Ana Villodres, Debra Steigich, Monica Storch, Ashley Rose, Sara Peters, Cory Cary, Kim Straker, Libby Goldring, Dana Tierney, Allison Koslow, Natasha Boucai, Molly McNairy, Chai Vasarhelyi, Fei Wang, Chrissie Panos, Mindy Webster, Elanna Allen, Heather McAuliffe, Kate Seib, Olivia Wassenaar, Victoria Hays, Zoe Tannenbaum, Nancy Badner, Alexandra Robertson, Caroline Gertler, Caroline Portny, Allison Derfner, Donya Bommer, the Epsteins, Jill Wilpon, Robbin Mitchell, Kat Dines, KK Kravis and Jonny Schulhof, author Teru Clavel, author Sara Bliss, Willa Fawer, Gina Marinelli, Nicole Harris, Aurora Sermoneta, Stephanie Borges, Marianna Sabater, Eva Starr (and Chloe!!!), Whitney Topping, Raja Clark, Isabel Tonelli, Elizabeth Williams, Lisa Frelinghuysen, Nancy Park, Pam (and Jon!) Henes, Luleng Chua, and old friends like Kiki Samuels, Daniella Coules, Lauren Frank, Rebecca Raphael, Lizzie/Katie/ Claudia, the Jankes, Anna Kovner and Seth Meisel, Naomi Waletzky, Abby Levy, Andrea Dale, Ellie Reitzes, Lauren Royce, Lara Trafelet, the de la Mottes, Claudio and Irene, Amy Sheehan, Craig and Karin Chapman, the Earls, the Thackers, Don Tudor, the Braffs, the Kwiats, Liz Herzberg, Dolly Geary, the Pantzers, the Fines, the Freundlichs, the Landes, Pam Perskie, the Waldrons, the Kojimas, Jon and Liz Kurpis, Abby Baratta, the Brands, the Warnkens, the Satnicks/Joels, the deFlorios, the Murrays, the Nallys, the Jensens, the Ingalls, the Abrahams, the Burches, the Gishes, the McLellans, the Adams/ Caputos, the McBrides, the Korpuses, the Jenkins, the Werners, the Yoseloffs, the Bergers, the Altschulers, Alfredo and Cata, Erin and Damien Blumetti, Frank Bua, Tristana and Grier, Robbie Felice, Joey and Jackie, Alexandra Peterson, Alice and Jay, Jemilah Afshar, the Steinbergs, Marilyn Gans, Nancy Lascher, Melissa Crandall, Amanda Werner, Amanda Weisser, Amy Yamamoto, the Olshans, Ashley Massengale, Avery Sheffield and Dan Rosenthal, Emily Peterson, Fran Stempler, Heather Hoesch, Kalliope Karella, Katie Zorn, Liz Lange, Monica Joshi, Susan Molloy, Willie Watkins, Ken Wolfe, Nina Christopher, Alden Budill, Amy Rabinowitz, the idealab/PayMyBills team, the Foxes, Ingrid Heidrick, John Maggio and Stacey Swiantek, and Dan O’Keefe, Ed Smith, and the Oaks from 223 days, the Fleisses, Natalie Kaplan, Jess Murphy, Allison Bardeen, the Solomons, Doug and Eva Heyman, Elana Nathan and Aliza Pressman, the Goodys/ Brenners, the Nordemans, Andrea Miller, Anna Mallett, Isabelle Aguerre, the Curiels, all of HBS Section B, Corey Lambert, Matt Klauer, Kara Cohen, Cameron Hughes, Jesse Johnston, Brett and Greg Heyman for the birthday wishes. Thanks to Mindy and Jon Gray for buying all those Nene’s Treats.