“Up by the clearing near Oak Tower on the forbidden trail, there’s a pit. She was there before. Now she’s gone. She’s missing.” I sobbed into the mouthpiece. “Help her.”
* * *
—
When I stop talking and finally look at Stella, her face is white and her mouth is small. She wraps her arms around her middle and whispers, “No.” Then her eyes pop wide open and she looks directly at me. “How could you?”
There’s nothing to say. I have no way to defend or explain myself. I take a quick look at Noah and he’s just standing there, his hands clasped behind his neck, like he can’t believe he’s gotten himself so entrenched, so tangled up with the Steckler sisters. Like this isn’t his fault too.
Stella starts pacing around the room and I can see her brain trying to piece everything together, fit all of the lies into a neat little story. “So you knew someone would find Mila’s phone at Ellacoya?”
My head snaps up. “No,” I say. “No. I have no idea how her phone ended up there.”
“And what about Mila’s school ID? Remember it fell out of my locker? You got rid of it before Parker could find it, but how did it get there in the first place?”
I’m silent, stunned. I forgot about the ID. I never even questioned why Stella had it. I just knew I had to protect us both. “I don’t know,” I whisper, shaking my head. “I don’t know how it got there, I promise you.”
“Naomi had no idea either,” Stella mutters.
“Naomi?” I ask. “Like, Mila’s best friend? You know her?”
Stella nods and the gulf between us grows even wider. How many secrets have we kept from each other? How much do we still not know?
“I met her at the funeral,” she says. “We went to visit Mila’s dad together, to see if he had anything to do with this. But he was in rehab in Malibu.” Stella’s face contorts, like she’s confused. “But the phone,” she says. “The ID. I just . . . Something isn’t right.” She grabs my hands and turns to face me. “Ellie,” she says, her gray eyes piercing mine. “This isn’t you.”
My lip trembles and I know Stella’s wrong. This is me. This is who I have become, and no one even noticed.
“We’re missing something,” she says. “I know it.”
But there’s nothing to miss. I was there. I left Mila to die. I did nothing to stop it.
Noah clears his throat and speaks. “You’re saying you think something happened to Mila after we left?”
Stella ignores him and keeps looking at me. “She didn’t die down there from starvation. She didn’t die of frostbite. She died of a head wound. And she was found in the pit, remember? That’s what Parker said during the press conference. How could that all have happened? She only had a sprained ankle when you left her. Right?” Stella’s voice cracks when she speaks and I know she’s trying her best to hold it together, to keep me from harm, even though I’m the one who ruined everything.
I squeeze my eyes closed and force myself to remember the morning I tried so hard to forget. The frigid air. The way her scream sliced through the trees.
“I don’t know,” I say, breathless.
“Well, someone must have been there after you,” Stella says. “How else did her phone wind up by the boat launch at Ellacoya? That’s miles from where the pit is. And what about the shoelace?” Stella asks, exasperated. “Parker said one of her shoelaces was missing, just like the cold cases.”
For a moment no one says anything and we’re all standing there, silent, unable to comprehend what has happened, what we’ve done and what we haven’t.
“I mean, maybe the Deadwater killer is back,” Noah says. “Maybe Kendall Fitzwater returned to Edgewater and has been hiding out in the woods. Maybe he found Mila in the pit after we left her there and decided she was his next victim.”
Fire burns in Stella’s eyes. “You expect me to believe that on the same day you lured Mila out into the woods, the old Edgewater killer just decided to show up in town, stake out his old terrain, and kill Mila when he found her there?”
The words hang between us, unfathomable.
“I mean, maybe,” Noah mumbles.
“You’re pathetic,” Stella says.
Right then, Noah’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and looks at the screen. “It’s Tamara. She’s with Julia and Raven over at Ellacoya. Wants to know if I’ll swing by to hang out.”
Stella narrows her eyes. “Tell her we’re on our way,” she says. “Someone’s gotta know something, and we need answers.”
I shiver in my thin, oversized T-shirt and look around the room. The lamp is still broken by the door and my sheets are tangled on the floor. Dirty laundry is strewn about and everything smells stale. My gaze lands on Noah, who only a few moments ago tried to hurt me, tried to shut me up, again. But all I can do is feel pain and pity and sorrow for the boy I thought I loved, the one I thought held the answers to everything. I think of the secrets he made me keep, the trauma from which he never helped me heal. Finally I realize I’m not afraid of him anymore. I’m not afraid of anyone.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
40
STELLA
We do what we always do. We run. This time to Ellacoya at a frantic pace, one that sets my lungs on fire. Ellie is slow, stumbling over herself, rubbing at what I’m sure is the massive bruise on her chest. Noah keeps a steady jog, eyes straight ahead, focused and far away. I hate him. What he did to Mila. What he did to Ellie. But now we’re tied together in an unlikely trio out for the truth. It doesn’t make sense, but nothing does these days.
When we hit the entrance, Noah slows and pulls out his phone, blinking with messages from Tamara. “They’re down by the boat launch,” he says.
I nod and follow him, walking briskly down the path, past the A-frames and the tennis courts. Ellie tenses beside me and I grab her hand and squeeze it hard. She squeezes back.
Soon we hear voices coming from the picnic table next to the canoes, still roped off with yellow caution tape, even though we know that’s not where Mila took her last breaths.
Noah pushes through the branches first and Julia calls out to him. “Finally!” she says. “Did you bring any beer? Tamara won’t let us steal any from the bar.”
Ellie and I step through the opening and Julia’s face falls. Raven frowns only slightly and Tamara raises her eyebrows in surprise.
“What are they doing here?” Julia asks.
Noah’s silent. What can he say? That he’s the reason Mila died but . . . maybe not? That we want to know what they know?
Ellie steps forward and wastes no time with pleasantries. “I was the runner who was with Mila that morning,” she says, her voice strong and firm.
Their mouths drop open.
Ellie nods. “Noah was there too.”
“What?” Tamara asks.
“I’m so sorry, Tamara,” Ellie says, turning to her, tears forming in her eyes. “We have to tell you the truth.” She looks at Noah, but he doesn’t say anything. “Noah and I were together over the summer.”
Tamara’s face stays still, unreadable.
“And something happened,” Ellie continues, trying to keep her voice calm. “I got pregnant and I had an abortion.”
Tamara presses her lips together and her whole body tenses.
“I told Mila after homecoming,” Ellie says. “And we were scared it would get out, that she might tell you. That’s what we were doing that morning, trying to convince her to stay quiet.”
My stomach is in my throat and I stare at my sister, shocked at her verve, what she just said, and the way this is all going down.
No one speaks for a second but then after an awkward moment, Tamara lets out a long breath. Then her eyes flash open and she widens her stance. She looks right at Noah. “I’m not surprised.”
“What?” Ellie asks.
“I mean, Noah isn’t exactly a mastermind when it comes to sneaking around,” she said. “I suspected something was up. I just didn’t want to believe it.” Tamara’s lip trembles. “But you, Ellie? Seriously? I know we’re not friends or anything, but, shit . . .” She wipes an arm across her nose, sniffling into her sleeve.
Ellie swallows hard, blinking back tears. I want to wrap my arms around her, hold her close and shield her from all this. But she needs to face this completely. She needs to hear how badly she hurt Tamara. She needs to know her actions have consequences. We all do.
Noah covers his face with his hands, seemingly trying to hide from that fact that suddenly he’s an open book, all his secrets on display. “Why didn’t you say anything, Tam?”
“Are you joking? I knew you would have just said I was crazy, that I was making things up,” Tamara says. “Plus, I always assumed we would break up when you went off to college, even though you’re obviously using me for my dad’s connections.”
Noah looks like he wants to crawl inside himself. His shoulders are hunched over and he gazes straight at the ground.
“Yeah, asshole,” Tamara says. “It was pretty obvious. Figured it was less stressful to stay together for a few more months than dump your ass or cause any drama. I’m used to pretending in this town and I thought I’d rather have a pleasant, phony year than have you and Bader make the rest of my time in Edgewater a living hell,” she says, nodding at Noah. “But now? Fuck that. I don’t need to deal with this shit anymore.”
“I never would have made your life . . .” Noah starts.
“Yes, you would have,” Julia says. “Your pride couldn’t have taken it.” She scoffs. “Honestly, fuck you both.” She shoves her pointer finger toward Ellie and Noah. “But this explains nothing about what happened to Mila.”
We wait a beat. None of us is sure how to explain what happened. Then Julia’s eyes go wide. “Wait, are you saying . . . ?” Her voice quivers. “Did you kill her?”
“No,” I say. It comes out louder than I meant it to. “They didn’t. The evidence doesn’t add up.”
Ellie picks at her lip and looks around the circle, terrified that we got this all wrong.
“Bullshit,” Julia says, standing. Her face hardens. “You totally did, you liar,” she says and takes a step toward Ellie. “I’m calling Detective Parker.” Julia reaches for her phone in her pocket, but I take a step toward her and knock it out of her hand.
“No,” I say.
“What the actual fuck?” Julia calls out. “Tam, call security.”
Tamara straightens her back and pulls at a few of her braids, loose around her shoulder. Her gaze lands on me and some kind of acknowledgment passes between us. “I want to hear them out.”
Ellie inhales deeply like she’s summoning all her strength. “Noah pushed Mila into the pit,” she says, making direct eye contact with Tamara. “He wanted to make sure you never found out about us or what happened. She had a sprained ankle and we decided we would come get her after school. But when we got there, she was gone. Nothing was left. Only a trail of blood. I called 911 when we left the woods. That’s where the tip came from,” Ellie says. “But Raven found her phone at the boat launch.”
Ellie’s bottom lip trembles and I place a hand on her shoulder, urging her to keep going. “I don’t know how that got all the way down here or how Mila ended up with head trauma or broken ribs. She only had a twisted ankle when we left her. And then there’s that missing shoelace.” Ellie’s voice breaks and a tear slides down her cheek.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” I say. “Someone else was there in the woods. Someone else must have found Mila after Noah and Ellie left.”
Everyone is quiet for a sec, but Tamara is the first to speak. “So what now?”
Beside her, Raven coughs and pushes herself to stand. “I gotta go,” she says. “I should have been home a while ago.” She doesn’t make eye contact with anyone and fumbles to zip up her jacket.
“Wait,” Tamara says, tugging on her sleeve. “You’re the one who found the phone. You spoke to Parker about it. What do you think happened?”
Raven pulls her arm away, almost violently. “Let me go, Tam.” Her voice is urgent and small. Something about it reminds me of the way she looked at me when she saw Mila’s ID fall out of my locker. It was almost like she was expecting it to happen.
“What’s wrong?” Tamara asks, grabbing for Raven again.
“Nothing,” Raven snaps. She doesn’t look at anyone, but her strawberry-colored ponytail swings around her shoulder as she stumbles. “I just have to go.”
When Raven lifts her head, her face is pale and worried. Julia stands and reaches for Raven too. “What’s going on?” Julia asks. “You’re freaking me out.”
But Raven takes a step back, out of Julia’s reach. Then she turns and starts running, her feet flying in front of her.
That’s when I see it. A flash of lilac, long and thin, trailing from her pocket.
“Raven!” I call, but she keeps going without turning around, without slowing down. Ellie gasps beside me. She sees it too, and in an instant we’re both off, racing after her, up the hill toward the main Ellacoya lodge.
Ellie collides with her first and they tumble to the earth in a ball of tangled limbs and fleecy coats. Raven shrieks as I grab at Mila’s shoelace and wrap my hand around its end.
I hear Tamara, Julia, and Noah scramble up behind us. “Hold her!” I say to Ellie. But she’s weak, hurt from Noah’s outburst, and Raven starts to wriggle away. Her eyes are wide and terrified, and her cheeks are wet with tears. She’s trying to breathe, to gasp for air, but it sounds like she’s choking and screaming all at the same time.
Finally, I yank the shoelace from her grasp and leap up, jumping back and falling into Tamara. She steadies me and I can finally breathe.
“What the hell is going on?” Julia screams, coming up behind us.
I hold up the shoelace, not wanting to believe it’s real, that it was Mila’s.
“Holy shit,” Tamara says. We both know it is. There, at the end of the fabric, swinging in the wind, are Mila’s initials embroidered on the edge. MK. “How did you get this, Raven? How?”
Raven screams, a bloodcurdling wail that makes my ears ring. I spin around just in time to see her shove Ellie to the ground and bring her knee right up into Noah’s groin. He bowls over with a hard oof, and Raven stands, looking right at us. Her face is a ball of rage and she’s breathing hard, her shoulders heaving up and down.
Julia takes a few steps back, horrified. Tamara covers her mouth, as if holding back vomit.
“Raven,” I say. “What have you done?”
41
RAVEN
They’re all looking at me like I’m the crazy one. Like I’m the one who ruined everything. And that might be true now, but it didn’t have to be this way. I never meant to kill Mila. At first, it was the Stecklers who had to go. A broken femur for Stella and a dislocated shoulder for Ellie, perhaps. I thought about it all summer while I was working in the kitchen at Ellacoya, stuck with the deep fryer so I smelled like grease every day.
I knew Stella would come back from that camp faster than she had been and that Ellie’s natural ability would only get better with her lifeguard training. I didn’t have a shot at beating either of them. I knew that the first day of preseason.
But when Mila showed up, I had to rethink everything. There would now be three girls on the team who were better than me. Three people to beat. Three obstacles between me and an exit from Edgewater, where everyone knew me as Shira Tannenbaum’s sister. The good sister. The one who wasn’t nearly as fast or as special but would never run away and force the police to try and find a girl who didn’t want to be found. I had to live up to that since Mom put all her hopes and dreams on me. I was our family’s last chance of making it out, making it somewhere. Winning was
my only option and I couldn’t even get that right.
It took a few weeks, but the plan started to come together just after homecoming. First I noticed that Mila and Stella actually got along. Mila cracked Stella open in a way no one else in Edgewater ever did. Stella was happy. She was laughing. But she was also distractible. Off her game at that first meet. Mila only got stronger, though, beating Stella over and over.
And then I overheard Ellie’s admission on the party bus. That she was with Noah and got pregnant. She thought no one was around. But I had come back to pick up my purse at the perfect moment.
I knew I could tell Tamara what I heard on my own, but I thought it would be more compelling coming from Mila, the person who Ellie actually confided in. I figured it would be the ammo I needed to turn Mila against the Stecklers. All I had to do was get her alone and convince her that we were both better off if they were out of the picture. I figured we could use that knowledge to force Ellie into quitting the team and that Mila might be down to mess with Stella’s head a bit, throw her off her game even more. I thought she might be as desperate as I was.
And so that October morning, just as dawn began to break, I walked over to Mila’s house. I knew her schedule by then, that she got up at 5:45 and hit the trail a little while later. I showed up at 5:30 to be safe and watched as she came trotting out, wearing her fancy lilac shoes. I hated those sneakers. I missed out on them by thirteen seconds.
I was just about to call out to her, but that’s when I saw Ellie jog toward her from the sidewalk.
“Ready?” she said, flashing that annoying Steckler grin.
Mila nodded and rubbed her hands together. “Let’s go.”
I watched them take off together, up the trail toward Ellacoya. I couldn’t help it. I followed them, watching as they chitchatted while they ran, and as Mila snapped a selfie at the trailhead. But then Ellie made the surprising move to lead Mila up the Oak Tower path. I tried to keep a steady pace, but they were fast and I fell behind, tracking them by sound.
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