The Last Testament: A Memoir

Read The Last Testament: A Memoir Storyline:

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post–Simon Cowell era. Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament. As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award–winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as: • Why he loves America • What he listens for in a good prayer • Which sports teams he really roots for • Which celebrities are totally gay Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and “worshipers,” but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.Review“Presented as ‘A Memoir by God,’ the book comes divided into chapters and numbered verses like the Bible, if the Bible were narrated by Mel Brooks on crack-laced manna. It’s a bawdy circus of theological vaudeville—Shadrach, Meshach and To-bed-we-go!—determined to sacrifice every sacred cow on the altar of farce.”—Ron Charles, *The Washington Post*“The Last Testament is billed as a message from God as transcribed by David Javerbaum, the former head writer and executive producer of ‘The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,’ whose specialty is chutzpah. With no apparent qualms Mr. Javerbaum steps into the infinitely big shoes of the Almighty to deliver a series of pronouncements, gags, parodies of Biblical passages and even a 12-step program envisioned from God’s point of view. . . . The Last Testament is fearless . . . a recklessly funny set of gags about all things religious and quite a few things secular too.”—Janet Maslin, The New York Times“I can’t be sure, but I think the famously blasphemous Mark Twain (who once said he didn’t want to go to heaven because he hated harp music) would have chuckled his way through Javerbaum’s book. Maybe even snorted. Because it’s very funny. Offensive to some, for sure, but very funny.”—A.J. Jacobs for *The Globe & Mail *“A ‘memoir’ by God [The Last Testament] does what The Daily Show does so well—it satirizes religion by both taking it seriously and not taking it seriously at all, using humor to both point out the inconsistencies of the holiest texts and to describe God’s codependent relationship with celebrities.”—Salon.com“This book plays spin doctor for the Big Guy, in the form of a really new testament. Author David Javerbaum, formerly a writer and producer for 'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,' brings that show’s arch snappiness to his task, laying out what God really had in mind . . . If you’re a churchgoer you might ask, well, isn’t this sacrilegious? In many places, decidedly so. And if the human temptation is to continually imagine God in our own image (face it, you think God agrees with your positions on abortion, taxes and political parties, don’t you?), The Last Testament does so with a vengeance, quoting a pop-culture-savvy Creator who despises Sarah Palin and holds reliably progressive social views. . . . People of faith should be glad when religious themes show up in popular discourse, even if it’s for a cheap joke. Better to be satirized than to be ignored. And, of course, the premise of 'The Daily Show' is in effect: Satire can be the best vehicle for truth.”—*Buffalo News*"Spit-take funny."—The Jewish Daily Forward“Oh, God . . . There are enough laughs here, not to mention a dazzling underlying knowledge of theology, to give plenty of props to Javerbaum.”—Booklist (starred review)“A blithely blasphemous satire of monotheism. . . . Adherents of every Abrahamic faith will find plenty of hilarious, offensive manna for thought in these revelations.”—*Publishers Weekly*“Damned comical. Amen.”—*Kirkus Reviews*"Absurdity reigns in The Last Testament. . . . A wickedly funny introduction to the opinions and modus operandi of God, 'King of the Universe.'"—ShelfAwareness.comAbout the AuthorGod has been grabbing headlines ever since first creating the universe. Indeed, the multi-talented deity has been involved in the development of every single thing that has ever happened, including the Crusades, plate tectonics, and Seinfeld. His previous serious works as an author, The Old Testament, The New Testament, and The Koran, have sold an impressive 5 billion copies, with the first two in particular coming to be collectively regarded as something of a bible of their field.David Javerbaum is a former head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He is the coauthor of that show’s bestsellers, America: The Book and Earth: The Book, and author of the pregnancy parody What to Expect When You’re Expected.