Lies Unspoken

by Lisa De Jong

  “Hey,” he says, putting space between us. “Are you crying?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I love you, Blake.”

  He looks away. He can’t say he loves me, how is he going to accept a baby? First comes love they always say.

  “You can’t say it. I get it.” Standing, I pull my robe from the hook and wrap it around my body. “I need to go lay down. My head is killing me.”

  Anger fills my heart as I lie on my pillow and stare out the window. The sun from earlier has disappeared. Dark clouds cover the sky, rain falling steadily against the windowpane.

  All I’ve ever wanted was to be happy. Why is that so hard? I see flashes of bliss, but just as quickly as they appears they’re gone again.

  The side of my bed dips. If he only knew the power he holds over me. How I ride the ups and downs with him.

  He wraps his arm around me. “I’m sorry. You mean so much to me. I just … I can’t.”

  “Do you want children?” I ask. It just comes out.

  His arm loosens. No response comes. That pretty much answers the whole question.

  “I’m pregnant, Blake.”

  He’s speechless, body suddenly rigid behind mine. This little voice echoes in my ear, telling me over and over I’m going to be in this alone. Blake’s a drifter—in and out of my life … my heart. Babies ground you. They give you a purpose outside of yourself—something beautifully unselfish.

  Unable to stand the silence any longer, I turn to face him. He squeezes his eyes shut. My heart absolutely shatters.

  “Who?” he asks, voice shaking.

  “Who what?”

  “Who’s the father, Lila? Is it me or is it him?”

  I verge on tears. What’s going through his head right now is ten times worse than what’s going through mine.

  I reach up to stroke his cheek but think better of it when he rolls onto his back, staring up at the stark white ceiling.

  “It’s our baby. I was never with him without protection. Never.”

  He hops up from the bed, staring down at me completely naked. “You’re hitting me with a lot right now, Lila. I honestly don’t know if I can do this. Babies deserve nurture and love; I’d be a shitty parent.”

  “We’re in this together,” I answer back, attempting to hold him with my eyes. I’ve seen this Blake before; he’s ready to run. It’s easier for him to run.

  “I need to think for a while,” he says staring at the open door.

  “You said you wouldn’t leave,” I whisper as he starts walking away.

  He does anyway. I hear him rummaging in his room then the door slams leaving my heart broken. I laid it all on the line, and now that it’s all said and done, I have nothing left but the baby that’s growing inside me.

  BLAKE DIDN’T COME HOME last night. After what happened in the past, it’s something I should have come to expect.

  Things got hard.

  He ran.

  This is all of my worst nightmares coming true at once. Alone. Pregnant. Lost. Unloved.

  Life more than sucks sometimes.

  A knock sounds at my door causing me to jump up from the kitchen table. I grab my purse and luggage, heading to the door in my carefully chosen silver flats. I’m exhausted. My breasts feel like they’re going to either explode or start on fire. Sore feet don’t need to be added to the mix.

  I open the door, and Pierce immediately reaches for my luggage. “I can get that for you.”

  “Thanks,” I say, trying my best not to cry over his simple, kind gesture. My hormones are already making me crazy.

  After locking the door, I follow him down the steps, through the door, and into the waiting car. It’s just enough time to pull myself together. A Starbucks cup waits, and for just a moment, I smile. My whole world hasn’t completely gone to crap yet.

  “Where’s Blake this morning?” he asks as the car speeds down the city streets.

  “I don’t know,” I reply honestly. I never even got a chance to tell him I was leaving today instead of tomorrow.

  “That didn’t take long.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, spinning the coffee cup over and over in my cup holder.

  “For him to walk out again.”

  “He just had some things to do. He’ll be back.”

  Pierce laughs sadistically. “Everything is a competition to him, Lila. He only wanted you because I had you. You can sell his sincerity to yourself a hundred different ways but none are worth buying.”

  “You don’t know us, Pierce.”

  “No, but I know him, and I know you. I was rather good at addition back in school. This is simple math.”

  I slouch down in my seat, unwilling to listen to anything else he has to say. Pierce shouldn’t enter judgment when there’s so much he doesn’t know.

  The silence continues as we board the plane and wait for the pilot to get the all-clear. Pierce overstepped his bounds, but I can’t decide if I’m upset about that or the fact that he’s right about some of it.

  I couldn’t imagine leaving someone after they just told me they were carrying my child.

  I also can’t imagine losing someone I loved for years the way he did.

  Maybe Blake and I are like a complex math problem, but there are factors Pierce doesn’t know. Factors I don’t know.

  Pierce holds a glass of champagne out to me. “This will make it better.”

  But it won’t because I can’t drink it. “No thanks. I’m not feeling very well this morning.”

  “I know it’s him,’ he says. “I’d say I told you so, but I know my voice doesn’t speak louder than your heart.”

  “Can you just leave it?”

  “I’m sorry. We should probably be preparing for the meeting and not this.”

  The plane takes off. We sit quietly, staring out our windows. I try to think about work, but it’s a blip compared to everything else going on in my life. Not having alcohol for the next nine months might kill me.

  “Why aren’t you married?” I ask out of the blue. I’ve wondered that for a while—why a woman wouldn’t have snatched up Pierce Stanley by now.

  “I’ve had a few serious relationships, but none of them have lasted long enough to get to that point.”

  “Why not?”

  “You tell me, Lila.”

  I lift a brow, sipping from a bottle of cold water. “How would I know?”

  “You’re one of the few.”

  If that doesn’t make your heart sink, I don’t know what will. I’ve been with him twice. I’ve left him twice. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but I’ve never met a man more deserving of a true love.

  “It wasn’t you,” I finally answer. “I think love has a lot to do with the order in which people walk into it. We all have many people we could love—who we could fall in love with—but it all comes down to who we find first. I’m guessing some of the women you met just weren’t the right match or weren’t deserving of the type of love you give. Blake wove himself into my heart first. Once that happens, it’s hard to get untangled. Not impossible, but difficult.”

  Pierce throws back the rest of his champagne, quickly pouring another glass. “Are you sure you don’t want some of this?”

  Waving him off, I say, “I’m fine.”

  Another long pause. “There’s never going to be a morning I wake up and don’t regret not doing more on that flight from Omaha to Chicago. Or wish I didn’t call you sooner,” he says sadly.

  Tears well. I want to hide them, but it’s impossible. “A time may come where I wake up every morning wishing you had, too.”

  The rest of the ride is quiet. I sip slowly on water while Pierce downs almost a whole bottle of champagne. If it has any effect on his abilities, he doesn’t show it as he helps me out of the plane and into the waiting car.

  This is the first time I’ve ever flown somewhere for just a few hours. We’ll meet with Wade then hop right back on this plane.

  �
�Is he going to like the penthouses?” I ask, needing something to break through the silence.

  “I love the penthouses.”

  “That’s not what I asked.”

  “Who gives a fuck about Wade’s opinion?”

  I sigh, staring down at my watch. “You’re drunk. We should get something to eat quick before we head off to the meeting.”

  He laughs loudly. “I’m not that drunk, but if you’re inviting me to lunch I won’t refuse.”

  I’d yell at him, but this is my fault, too. I ask the driver to drop us off at a sandwich shop near Wade’s office. Maybe if I can just get a little food in him and buy some time, we’ll get through this. If I put an inebriated Pierce anywhere near Wade, one of them is bound to die from manual strangulation.

  “The Carnegie Deli for lunch?” he asks, shaking his head. “This might be the only meal we get while we’re in town.”

  “It’s the only thing we have time for. The meeting starts in less than an hour.”

  “It’s okay to be late to a meeting every once in a while, Ms. Fields.”

  I snort. “Yes, I’m sure that will make him appreciate my penthouse designs even more.”

  After picking up two sandwiches and water, we find a place to sit.

  “There’s something different about you today,” Pierce remarks as he takes his seat. “Did you color your hair or something?”

  I shake my head, taking a careful bite of my sandwich. Plain turkey shouldn’t upset my stomach too much. Pierce is too freaking smart even when he’s had too much to drink. My hair hasn’t changed, but my breasts are swelling more and more every hour.

  His eyes slant. Sooner or later, he’s going to figure it out. Lila likes to drink. She likes to wear pencil skirts that hug her tight from her stomach to her knees. Pregnant Lila isn’t going to be able to hide for long.

  “How’s your sandwich?” I ask, just pulling pieces of bread from mine. The meat is not sitting well.

  “It’s sobering me up if that’s what you were trying to do.” He grins, but the cocky look quickly disappears.

  My skin clams up as my stomach goes from mildly nauseated to a full turn. Without a word, I run to the bathroom, barely finding an open stall before losing the little bit of food I ate. Sweat rolls down my forehead. I rip a handful of toilet paper to wipe it away, making sure the nausea settles down before I stand back up.

  After fixing my make-up and quickly brushing my teeth, I rejoin Pierce who eyes me cautiously from across the table. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asks after a seconds long staring contest.

  “I’m just nervous about my presentation this afternoon,” I lie.

  “He’s going to eat it up.” The way he looks at me tells me he isn’t sold. He’s never an easy sell.

  I nod, doing my best to look anywhere but at the uneaten food on the table. “Should we get going?”

  “We can walk if that’s okay with you. He’s only a couple blocks from here.”

  “Some fresh air would probably be good … as fresh as you can get in New York, anyway.”

  Pierce picks up my portfolio and tucks it under his arm. He’s defined asshole, but he’s also defined gentleman.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about him?” Pierce asks, tucking his free hand in his pocket.

  “That would be a little weird, don’t you think?”

  “I just don’t like seeing you like this again.”

  “Thank you for caring, but we need to draw a line somewhere in our friendship. He’s off limits.”

  We step into the elevator. Just the two of us. Instead of standing beside me, he stands in front of me, swiping his thumb under my eye. “You missed some mascara.”

  “You don’t have to be so nice to me,” I say, trying to avoid looking right at him. Two minutes before a meeting is not a good time to cry.

  “I don’t know any other way to be with you.”

  The elevator door opens before I can say anything more.

  We quietly walk down the hall and into the empty conference room. I take a seat and pull my phone out, partly to avoid talking to Pierce, but mainly to see if Blake has been trying to get ahold of me.

  Nothing, so I take the initiative.

  Lila: I’m in NYC. Didn’t get a chance to tell you.

  It shows as read right away, but he doesn’t type a response. Maybe he’s relieved to have me gone. Tonight, I’ll go home to an empty apartment, and we’ll start our old cycle all over again. Only this time, I’m not going to let him spin me in circles. This isn’t a game; this is life … my life.

  Wade walks in, all smiles. “Good to see the two of you again.”

  “I’m hoping it will be the last time for a while,” Pierce chides, unbuttoning his suit jacket. He sobers up well.

  “I guess that depends what you have for me.”

  I clear my throat and stand, making my way to the revised board. My stomach churns, but it’s hard to say whether it’s nerves or hormones. “I redid the penthouses … a few times actually. I think what I’ve come up with will appeal to most wealthy travelers while still keeping a sense of fun.”

  I pause unintentionally, my whole mind freezing up. There’s too many personal things weighing on it for me to even pretend that this matters to me today. “I gave the rooms a rustic-modern feel. Rustic furniture with clean lines as well as all the modern amenities people have come to expect.”

  I step to the side to give him a better look. He takes in every detail, face expressionless. My whole future hangs in the balance.

  “Explain to me why we’d have wood planks around the fireplace instead of tile or rock.”

  I swallow hard. “It fits into the lobby and gives the room a rustic feel. I even thought it would be great if we did wood-burning fireplaces instead of gas. Room attendants could help when a guest wants a fire.”

  “We’re not putting together a proposal for Vail or Aspen, Ms. Fields.”

  My eyes well with tears. Hurt feelings and hormones are not a good combo. My stomach churns like it did earlier in the plane. “Excuse me,” I say, running out of the room, disappearing into the same bathroom I sought refuge in last time we were here.

  This time, I lock the door to ensure no one visits unexpectedly. It’s only then that I take a few deep breaths. The same thoughts repeat over and over in my head: Wade hates my designs. I’m going to be a mom. Wade hates my designs. I’m going to be a mom.

  My phone dings in my purse.

  Blake: When will you be back?

  I debate if I should answer him or just leave him wondering. He leaves me wondering a lot, but I still want him. We tend to always crave what’s worst for us.

  Lila: Late tonight.

  Several seconds pass.

  Blake: We need to talk.

  Lila: I tried to last night.

  I picture him sighing, running his long fingers through his hair while pacing whatever room he’s in.

  Blake: Tell me again. Give me another chance.

  Before I can think of a reply, there’s a heavy knock on the door. “Lila, are you in there?”

  I wipe my eyes, inhaling a deep breath. “Yeah, just give me a couple minutes.”

  Stepping out of the stall, I check my make-up, patting my forehead with a paper towel. I would give anything to not have to step back in that conference room again. But the reason people make money in business is because it isn’t easy.

  When I open the door, Pierce is standing on the other side, hands in his pockets, forehead wrinkled. “I’d ask if you’re okay, but I already know the answer to that.”

  “I’m not in the mood to be picked apart,” I say, studying the pads on my fingers.

  His arms wrap around me, pulling me into his chest. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, but we need to go back in for a few minutes to wrap up. I told him if he screws with you like that again, I’m going to take him for everything he’s worth. Can’t promise it will help, but I’m not beyond knocking his teeth out.�
�

  “I’m going to need some chocolate after this,” I mumble against his dress shirt.

  He laughs, running his hands up and down my spine. “I know just the thing that will make you feel better.”

  “Is your mind in the right place, Stanley?” I tease, needing to lift about 100 pounds of pressure off my back.

  “My mind is exactly where you want it to be,” he answers back.

  Without another word, he loosens his grip on me and holds my hand in his to walk back to the conference room. Wade chats away on his cell phone, only looking back up for a brief moment when we walk in.

  Ignoring the aura he gives off, I stand next to the mood board waiting for the meeting to resume. It gives me a couple minutes to decide what I want to say. Pierce walks the room, glancing at the art pieces Wade has displayed. As soon as Wade says goodbye, Pierce takes his seat, smiling at me to loosen my nerves even more.

  “I’m glad you decided to rejoin us,” Wade says with a smile only the devil could match.

  “Where did we leave off?” I ask, deciding I want to avoid the fight he wants to start.

  He rests his forearms on the table. “I was picturing your design in Colorado.”

  “Oh yes, you were being a jerk. Not sure how I forgot that,” I hit back.

  Pierce raises his hand. “Let’s move on. Ms. Fields and I have a plane to catch soon.”

  “Fine, Stanley, I’ll cut the bullshit. I like the design, and I think with a few tweaks to the furniture proposal and colors, it would work.”

  I lift my brow in surprise. “So, you’re okay with the wood?”

  He regains his signature cocky grin. “I love the wood.”

  There are so many choice words that would like to fall from my lips, but I hold them back. Pierce has less than five minutes to get us out of here before I completely lose it.

  “Lila can make a few tweaks and send it back by the end of next week. I don’t think this requires another meeting.”

  “As much as I live for these moments,” Wade responds. “That’ll work.”

  “Are we done here?” Pierce’s words are tight. We’re both ready to kill him.