Lies Unspoken

by Lisa De Jong

  He rolls on top of me, looking straight into my eyes. It’s dark, but I see the way they glisten. “I want this baby—our baby. I drove over seven hours just to tell you that.”

  “And what does that mean for us?” I ask as he wipes away my tears with the pad of his thumb.

  He leans down to kiss me, tugging at my lower lip. “I want to be with you. I’ve wanted you since the first time I kissed you against the wall in our apartment … probably even before that.”

  He kisses me again, lingering longer this time. “And every time I kiss you, I fall for you a little more.”

  Another kiss. “Every time I look at you, I see how good things could be. You’re my hope. I’ve just had a hard time convincing myself I deserve you.”

  My shirt slides up over my hips, baring my stomach. He stares down into my eyes before moving down, showering my stomach with butterfly kisses.

  Last night, I would have said this will never happen again, but he’s too good. His words melt me, and I want to believe them. Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

  When he pulls my panties down, I don’t stop him. He needs me. I need him just as much.

  He comes back up, paving a trail from my stomach to my chest then up my throat back to my lips. “I’ve been wrong about so many things. I’ve lied to myself, but that stops now.”

  He’s at my entrance, teasing me. “Blake,” I beg, ready for him.

  “There was one other thing I wanted to tell you.” He gives me an inch, but I need so much more.

  “Blake.”

  “I—” Another inch.

  “Love—” Just a little more.

  “You—” He pushes in, filling me completely.

  I wrap my arms around his neck as fresh tears roll down my cheeks. It’s a moment I thought would never happen.

  “I love you,” I cry, wrapping my legs around him. He rocks in and out of me slowly. I’ve never felt more connected to anyone … any moment.

  The best part is we stay like that—same rhythm—the whole way through. If he said I love you once, he said it ten times. That’s how I know this time is different.

  I come. He follows, pressing his lips to my neck. The sun peeks through the curtains as he holds me close, letting our hearts return to their normal beat.

  “I’m never leaving you again,” he whispers in my ear right before I fall back to sleep.

  THE SMELL OF BACON AND eggs wakes me up. Blake’s arms aren’t wrapped around me, and the bed is cold. It reminds me of so many other mornings, yet it’s different.

  Confidence was built by his words, his actions. He drove all the way from Chicago to tell me he’s sorry … to tell me he loves me. For once, he ran to me when I needed him the most.

  I roll out of bed to use the bathroom but end up bent over the toilet dry heaving instead.

  “Lila.” I hear Blake’s voice behind me. He pulls my hair back away from my face, gently running his fingers along my spine. “I’m here, baby.”

  When my stomach finally settles, I’m drenched in sweat, and my head aches. Blake sits behind me, wrapping his legs and arms around me to support my weight. I don’t know what I would do without him. “Do you think you’d feel better if I ran you a bath? You’re covered in sweat.”

  “Yes, just not too hot. My body feels like it just came out of the oven.”

  As I attempt to stand, he helps by carefully hugging me from behind to pull me up. “I’m going to go downstairs and grab some crackers and water. Maybe that will settle my stomach.”

  He puts the toilet seat down then practically sits me on it. “Don’t even think about moving.” He starts the tub, holding his hand under the water until it’s the right temp. It’s kind of cute how he keeps looking over to make sure I’m following his orders. I can’t disobey those sapphire blues. “I’ll go talk to your mom about getting you some crackers. Your water should be ready in a few minutes.”

  My fingers touch my temples, tracing perfect little circles. All of the sudden, I feel dizzy again. “Where were you this morning when I woke up?” I ask, trying not to sound as panicked as I feel.

  He smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I went downstairs to get a drink and ran into your mom. It was a little rough at first, but I ended up making us breakfast.”

  “You made my mom breakfast?”

  “Yes. I mean, she didn’t ask me to, but you know how I am with my eggs. They’re my coffee, babe.”

  My fingers move faster, ignoring how adorable he sounds. “What did you talk about?”

  The water turns off then he’s kneeling in front of me. “Let’s get you in the tub. I’ll get you something to soothe your stomach, and then we’ll talk.”

  I nod, starting to feel even worse for the wear. He helps me pull my T-shirt over my head then watches like a hawk as I sink into the tub.

  “I’ll be right back,” he says when I’m all the way in.

  The water instantly relaxes me. It takes the weight off my body, releasing tension in places I didn’t know existed, my mind the only exception. Blake said a lot of things last night, and I believe every single word of it.

  But then my mind shifts to what my mom must have been thinking this morning when she saw him, especially after the talk we had last night. What did he tell her? What did she say to him?

  The door creaks, and Blake walks in carrying a small plate of saltines and a cup. He sets them on the edge of the tub. “Your mom said to try ginger ale, so I got that instead of water.”

  “I can safely say this is the first time I’ve eaten crackers while taking a bath.”

  He sits beside the tub, resting his arm over the top to use as a pillow. “I wish I could make it better since I’m half the reason you’re in this position.”

  “I should have been more careful. This wasn’t planned … I don’t want you to think I was trying to trap you,” I acknowledge, nibbling on a cracker.

  “Lemon Drop, no one has caught me in their trap yet. I’m with you because I want to be. The news just caught me off guard. That’s all.”

  “What did my mom say to you?” I ask, my patience wearing thin.

  “Before or after she threatened me with a steak knife?”

  I cover my eyes, thinking of the one time I actually saw my mom do that. My boyfriend at the time had snuck in, not realizing she was such an early riser. “What did you do?”

  “I told her I was your baby’s daddy.”

  “Oh my God. Are you serious, Blake?”

  He laughs. “It didn’t come out quite like that, but it was enough to get her to drop the knife.”

  “Then what?”

  “She sat me down and lectured me for about twenty minutes. I’m not going to lie, she kind of scares me, and that’s not an easy thing to do.” He hands me the ginger ale, waiting for me to take a sip. “She made you an appointment for 1:15 with Dr. Phelps.”

  “What time is it now?”

  “A little after 11:00.”

  We sit quietly for a few minutes. I successfully eat eight saltines and drink half the glass of ginger ale before the water starts to turn cold. “I should get out before I shrivel up.”

  He stands, grabbing a towel from the hook. “Here. Do you want me to grab you some clothes?”

  I wince, remembering the things I left behind when I moved to Chicago. “Look in the drawers. I should have a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.”

  He wraps the towel tightly around me then pulls me into his arms, kissing the tip of my nose. “When I said I loved you last night, I meant it. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” I press my lips to his cheek before he has a chance to get away.

  While he’s getting my clothes, I apply some lotion and brush my teeth twice. Crackers and ginger ale may work wonders for my stomach, but they didn’t leave the best taste in my mouth.

  “Will these work?” Blake asks, holding up an old pair of jean cutoffs and an off-the-shoulder white T-shirt.

  I wrinkle my nose at him. “Weren’t the
re any athletic shorts in there? I know I used to have some.”

  He grins walking toward me. In one quick motion, he undoes the towel leaving me naked in front of the mirror. “Have you looked at yourself lately?” He brushes my hair over my shoulder, kissing the back of my neck. “You’ve always been beautiful, but there’s something even more beautiful about you now that you’re carrying my baby. You’re glowing.”

  His hands settle on my hips, sliding up my sides then under my breasts. They’re sore, but he’s careful with his touches.

  “Look at yourself,” he whispers against my neck. It’s something I’ve never done when I’m aroused, and I’m definitely there. I blame that on my hormones, too. He can flip me on like a switch.

  I lift my lids, adjusting to the light. Blake is right; my stomach is still toned, but my breasts have filled out giving my body more shape. My skin glows. My lips are parted. My eyes glossed over.

  “Blake,” I moan, wrapping my arm around the back of his neck while his lips caress my shoulders.

  “Tell me what you want.”

  “You. I just want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

  He pulls my arm from his neck and spins me around in his arms. Tears fill my eyes as I look into his. “You have me … all of me. Even when I’m not with you, I’m with you.”

  He uses his strength to set me on the counter. I stare in his eyes, believing every single word he says. For months, I believed what he said because I wanted to. Now, every word sinks into my heart, my mind, my soul because he’s proven there’s reason to believe. Nothing seems forced anymore.

  Freeing himself from his jeans, he easily enters me. I’ve been ready for him since the second he made me look at myself in the mirror.

  I dig my fingers in his back as he kisses me deeply, burying himself deep inside me over and over.

  “Blake,” I breathe, wrapping my legs around his waist. My body shakes as the tension builds.

  “Do you know when I knew I loved you?” he asks, touching his forehead to mine.

  I bite down on my lower lip, so close to orgasm I almost can’t take it anymore.

  “The night I took you to the studio … that was the only way I knew to show you without saying it.”

  He thrusts a few more times, and I’m a goner, pulsing around him repeatedly. He follows, burying his face in my neck to muffle his screams.

  I hold him close while we both climb down from the high. Sex has become a truth serum.

  “When I walked away from you on Christmas, it just about killed me.”

  Holding his face in my hands, I say, “But it made us stronger. We’ve lived through the worst, and neither one of us wants to go back to that.”

  “You’re mine. No one else is ever going to be with you like this again. Just me.”

  “I’m yours.”

  His lips press to mine one more time before he lowers me to the ground, using the towel to clean me up. “There’s nothing I’d rather do than stay locked in this bathroom with you for the rest of the day making up for all my wrongs, but you need to go check on my baby.”

  “I’m going to be honest … I never thought you’d embrace this. This is going to ground you, you know that?”

  “I’ve been waiting for something to ground me for years. I’m happy to be grounded with you.” He smiles, throwing me my sports bra.

  I laugh for the first time since the situation became real. “Your seed has officially been planted.”

  “Turn that into a Hallmark card. Daddies across the country will love your little analogy. Maybe add a tree to the front.”

  “I think it’s time for you to give me some space so I can get to the doctor on time. You’re distracting me,” I say, turning out my lower lip.

  He sticks out his lower lip mockingly. He probably looks cuter than I do. “I’ll go back down and talk to your mom. I think she’s just starting to not hate me.”

  I open my mouth to object, but he’s gone before I get a chance.

  After pulling on the clothes he gave me, I tie my hair up in a loose knot and put just enough makeup on to mask the dark circles under my eyes. There’s not much to the outfit, but it’s acceptable around here this time of year.

  I slip on a pair of brown leather flip-flops and make my way downstairs a little before one. My mom is stirring something on the stove while Blake flips through one of her old recipe books. “You two are really freaking me out,” I admit without thinking.

  “What?” Blake says without looking over. “You know I like to cook.”

  My mom chuckles. “That’s good because it’s never been one of her strong points. I tried.”

  “I’m glad the two of you have made an alliance at my expense, but I need to leave for the doctor, or I’m going to be late.”

  Mom stops what she’s doing, pulling the pot off the burner. “Am I driving or are you?”

  Blake doesn’t say anything or look back, but the pages stop turning. I can tell by his eyes he’s staring, at one point, not actually reading.

  “Actually, Mom, I was hoping Blake and I could go together. It’s just—”

  She holds her hand up to stop me. “I get it. See if you can get me a picture, okay?”

  I shake my head, watching Blake stand from the table with an easy smile. “I don’t think there’s much to see at this point, but I’ll see what I can do.”

  Blake pulls his keys from his pocket. “We can take Frank.”

  Great. I’m going to pull up at the doctor in an old Trans Am wearing a pair of cut-offs. Better yet, my boyfriend looks like he hasn’t touched a comb or a razor in a few days—he definitely doesn’t look like he’s from here. He’s still the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, just not what I would have dreamed of a few years ago.

  “See you in a little while, Mom. I think I might take Blake out to Grandpa’s farm after so I can show him my spot.”

  “I’ll have something ready for dinner when you get home,” she replies, waving as we head out the door.

  He opens the passenger door for me before going around to his side. The engine roars as I give him directions to the one and only clinic in town, my legs shaking uncontrollably as we get closer.

  “Hey,” he says, placing his hand over my knee. “It’s going to be okay. Besides, I’m here now, and there’s nothing we can’t get through together.”

  “I know. I hate going to the doctor in general.”

  We pull into the parking lot with only a few minutes to spare. “I don’t want this to come off wrong,” he says. “But, do you have insurance? I can help out if you don’t.”

  “Yeah, I got it through Stanley a few months ago.”

  He cringes but drops it as we make our way inside. My fingernails tap on the reception desk as I wait for her to get off the phone. “Can I help you?” she asks, staring at my hands.

  “Lila Fields for Dr. Phelps.”

  “Oh, yes, I’m going to need you to fill out a couple forms since it’s been a while.” She hands me a clipboard and a pen. “Take a seat and bring it back when it’s complete.”

  I take a seat, filling out as much as I can. It’s the standard health history and insurance information they get every time I come. After handing it back to her, I sit back down next to Blake, resting my head on his shoulder.

  “You feeling okay?” he asks.

  “I hate waiting.”

  His knees bounce up and down. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him this nervous. We’re quite the pair. “How did you know you were pregnant?”

  “Umm, I took a test.”

  “No, I mean, how did you know that you might be pregnant?”

  I think back to the couple of days before I finally bought the test on the way into work. My cycle had been irregular since I got the shot so there was nothing out of the usual there. I felt queasy for two or three straight mornings but had chalked it up as a case of the flu. Then, my breasts started to hurt just from putting my bra on. When the exhaustion hit, I couldn’t ignore it any longer. “Whe
n you know your body, you can just tell. The test was just confirmation of what I already knew deep inside.”

  He nods, throwing his arm over my shoulder. “You’re going to be a great mom.”

  I smile, thinking that in a matter of months, I will definitely be someone’s mom. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. “I have a feeling this baby might love Daddy even more. I don’t think he or she will have to work hard to have you wrapped around their finger.”

  Blake is a little tough—little arrogant—but under it all, he knows how to love better than anyone I’ve ever met. He shows it differently than most. He doesn’t shout it from the rooftops or make grand gestures. Blake loves like only Blake can. It’s my favorite love.

  “Lila?” the nurse asks, perching the door open with her foot.

  I pick up my purse and walk toward her, feeling Blake’s hand at the small of my back.

  “Good morning,” she says as we walk in. “We’re going to start by getting your height and weight then I’ll need you to use the bathroom before the doctor comes in to see you.”

  Blake stands by for my weight and height, which doesn’t bother me a bit.

  She picks my purse up from the floor, handing it to Blake. “I’m going to bring you to room 3 while she goes to give her sample. She’ll join you in just a couple minutes.”

  He squeezes my hand before we go our separate directions. The nurse hands me a cup, and I lock myself in the bathroom, easily filling it and tucking it behind the metal door. I wash my hands and find room 3—my Blake. At times, I still can’t believe he’s here until I actually see him.

  “How’d it go?” he asks, wrapping his arm around my shoulders when I take the seat next to him. His knees still bounce nervously as his fingertips tap along my shoulder.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Just nervous, you know? I just want everything to be okay.” He bites down on his thumb.

  “It’s—”

  There’s a quick knock at the door before Dr. Phelps walks in. She’s cut her hair, but other than that, she’s the exact same as she was a year ago.

  “Well, Lila,” she announces. “You are definitely pregnant. Congratulations.”