by Nikki Ashton
“Is that your dinner?” I asked, taking Frankie’s coat from him so he could take off his shoes.
“Well you didn’t leave me anything, so yeah.”
Josh looked down at Frankie, who had his earphones in.
“I take it he whined to your dad to put his music back on.”
I sighed inwardly, wondering what his bloody problem was. Frankie loved music and Josh for some reason found it irritating.
“Yes,” I replied with a smile to try and calm his mood. “I asked him to.”
Josh rolled his eyes. “You need to stop spoiling him.”
“How is it spoiling him?” I asked, ushering Frankie toward the stairs. I pulled out one of his earphones and leaned down to his ear. “Go up and get your teeth cleaned and pyjamas on, I’ll be up in twenty minutes to turn your light off.”
“Light off straight away,” Josh added. “And leave that iPod down here.”
Frankie looked up at him through his long lashes and for one minute my stomach rolled when I thought he was going to argue back. Thankfully, he didn’t, but without taking his eyes from Josh, turned off his iPod, took out his earphones and wrapped them around the silver music player before handing it to me. Josh’s cheek pulsed as the two of them stared each other down.
“Frankie, go on up,” I said, with a gentle tap to his back.
He turned and looked up at me and for an instant I saw sadness in his eyes. The sight was like a punch to my stomach. This was not what I wanted for my boy, to be sad because of the man I’d chosen to be in our lives.
“Night, Mum.” He reached up on his tiptoes and kissed my cheek before racing up the stairs, adding an extra bang to his steps on each tread.
“Frankie!” Josh shouted. “Stop stamping.”
I couldn’t help the frustrated sigh escaping and immediately Josh’s angry gaze landed on me.
“What the hell is that about?” he asked, the bowl of cereal dangerously close to losing its contents as it tipped.
“Nothing and be careful, you’re going to spill your cereal.”
He looked down at the bowl and then back up at me. “Can’t have that can we?” With his narrowed eyes firmly fixed on me, he slowly tipped the cereal and milk onto the carpet. “Oops sorry.”
“Josh!” I cried. “What the hell have you done that for?” I went to move past him to go and get a cloth, but he caught hold of my arm.
“I’m sick and tired of being the bad guy here,” he snarled. “You spoil him and give me shit all the time.”
I wrenched my arm from his grasp. “I don’t spoil him, all I did was ask Dad to put his music back onto to his iPod, and all I asked you was not to spill milk and cereal on the carpet, but you had to act like a child didn’t you.”
“I fucking didn’t.”
“Well what do you call that?” I pointed in the direction of the spillage, still watching Josh closely. “I’ll clean it up and then I’m going to bed.”
“Now who’s acting like a child? I’ll clean it up and then I’m going to bed’,” he said, mimicking me.
“Oh grow up.”
Putting Frankie’s iPod in my pocket, I moved toward the kitchen and before I’d taken three steps, the white bowl came whizzing past my ear and smashed on the wall above the door. As it landed with a resounding crash, I held a hand up to protect myself as china and milk sprayed everywhere and soggy Cornflakes splattered on the pale grey walls. I felt a sharp jab against my forearm that was in front of my face and milk splashed over me.
“You stupid idiot,” I screamed, turning to Josh who was standing behind me, his chest heaving. “You could have hurt me.”
“I meant to miss you,” he spat out. “I’m just sick to death of you fucking nagging me.”
Shaking my hands out, to get rid of the residue of liquid, I heard a noise on the stairs. I looked up to see Frankie bowling down the stairs.
“Frankie, go to bed sweetheart,” I said, giving him a soft smile.
“Are you okay, Mummy?” he asked, sounding small and frightened.
I nodded. “Of course I am.”
“You heard your mum,” Josh snapped, looking up. “Get to bed.”
Frankie’s eyes were tentative as he half turned on the staircase, hesitating.
“Go on Frankie,” I urged as calmly as I could, “get on to bed. I’ll be up soon.”
“But Mum-.”
As Josh stalked towards him with a hand raised, Frankie stopped talking and gasped as his eyes went wide with horror.
“Don’t you damn well dare,” I screamed, running at Josh, pushing him aside to get to my son.
“See, you’re spoiling him again. A slap on the legs wouldn’t hurt him once in a while.”
“You will never put your hands on my son.” I pushed Frankie behind me. “Frankie go up to bed.”
“No,” he sobbed. “Mummy no, I’m not leaving you.”
“Oh stop snivelling,” Josh groaned. “I’m not going to hurt her.”
“Leave my mummy alone.” Frankie’s little hands grabbed the back of my t-shirt, clutching it tightly.
“Your mum told you to go to bed,” Josh snapped. “Now go.”
“No. I’m not leaving her.”
I put an arm behind me to touch Frankie’s arm. “I’m fine, Josh won’t hurt me. He’s leaving.”
“What?”
“You heard,” I replied, trying to stop my voice from quaking. “You’re leaving. I want you out of this house.”
“Over one bloody bowl of cereal,” he scoffed, thrusting his hands to his hips. “You’re fucking joking.”
“No, Josh, I’m not. Things haven’t been right between us for a while and that,” I said, pointing at the mess on the wall, “is not acceptable. What is far worse though, is that you raised a hand to my son, so pack a bag and go.”
“No way.” He was shaking his head and sneering at me. “Not happening.”
“This is my house, not yours, and I want you to go.”
“You rent the fucking place, it’s not yours.”
“Exactly I rent it, not you, so unless you want me to call the landlord and the police, then get a bag and leave.”
I moved toward the front door and pulled down the handle. I was about to pull it open when Josh slammed a hand against it.
“I’m not leaving,” he insisted.
“Yes you are.” I held my shoulders back and straightened my spine, trying desperately to appear brave and confident, but inside I was a quivering wreck, scared of what he might do to me or Frankie.
I couldn’t believe how quickly things between us had evaporated. How he’d turned from a miserable, joyless man to someone who would throw things at me and threaten to smack my son. A man who in the space of a few minutes I’d become afraid of.
I pulled on the handle again and yanked at the door, managing to get it open. I had to get him out tonight, because this was the last time my son would be a witness to anything like this. I’d seen enough documentaries, read enough newspaper articles to know that this was merely the beginning and he would only get more violent as time went on. I loved my son too much to risk that, and I certainly didn’t love Josh enough to give him an opportunity to either redeem himself or prove me wrong.
“Please Josh,” I said, my voice low and strong. “Get a bag and leave.”
We watched each other warily as a chill blew in through the gap in the doorway, all the time I had Frankie at my back, holding on tightly. Finally, after what felt like hours, Josh’s nostrils flared and he pushed past both myself and Frankie and stomped up the stairs.
“Is he really going, Mummy?” Frankie asked, his voice quiet and timid.
“Yes sweetheart.” I turned and picked him up. He was tall and broad for his age, but I didn’t care how heavy he felt, he was staying in my arms until Josh had left.
After only a few minutes, he reappeared, now wearing a hoody and trainers with his joggers. On his shoulder was a sports bag, the zip only half closed as clothes spilled o
ut. When he got to the bottom stair, Josh pushed everything inside the bag and pulled the zip fully closed.
“Don’t think you can come running to me when you realise you’ve made a mistake,” he said, pointing a finger right in my face. “Because I won’t want to know.”
“I won’t,” I replied, holding tighter onto my son.
“Fucking bitch,” Josh hissed and slammed out of the house.
As soon as the door closed, I turned the key in the lock and let out a huge sigh of relief. I put Frankie down and ran a hand over his head.
“Go upstairs,” I said. “You can get a book out for half an hour and I’ll bring up some hot chocolate, okay?”
He looked at me warily, finally nodding his head and running up the stairs. Halfway up, he stopped and turned to look down at me.
“Mummy, can I sleep with you tonight?”
I didn’t want him to be scared and think he needed to sleep with me, but if I was being honest, I needed it just as much.
I nodded. “Okay, just for tonight.”
When he disappeared, I rushed into the lounge to peek through the curtains to make sure Josh had really left. His car was gone from the driveway, which made me let out a huge sigh of relief, but then I saw a man dressed in jogging gear. He was standing on the road next to my car and looking at it, before glancing up the street. When he looked up at the house, my heart thudded rapidly, knowing something was wrong. Not thinking about whether it was the right thing to do or not, I rushed to the front door, unlocked and opened it.
“What’s the problem?” I called from my doorway.
The jogger looked up from my car and scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m really sorry,” he called. “But I think you need to see this.”
“Tell me.” There was no way I was going out there to stand next to a man who could turn out to be some sort of serial killer – although deep down I knew it was probably something to do with Josh.
“Some guy just smashed into your car,” he said, walking towards the drive. “He was in a white Audi. I saw him pull off your drive and then ram yours. This is your car?” He nodded his head toward my little red car.
“Yes,” I replied weakly. “It’s mine.”
The jogger continued up the drive and it was only as he stopped about three feet away that I recognised him. Of all the people to be jogging past my house when Josh lost it, it had to be Elijah Cooper, Sam’s brother.
Samuel
the present
“Hey, Eli,” I said into my mobile, glad that things with my brother seemed to be okay again.
“Sam, you need to get here now,” Elijah said, sounding a little uptight.
“Why and where is here?” I asked, pushing up from my sofa and walking into my bedroom.
“I’m at Maisie West’s house.”
My stomach bottomed out, landing with a thud. “Is it Frankie?” I asked, pushing my feet into a pair of trainers. “What the fuck’s happened and why are you there?”
“I was jogging,” he replied, his voice lowering. “I saw this guy pull off a drive and then ram a car on the road outside the same house. The woman came out and it wasn’t until I walked up to the door to talk to her that I realised it was Maisie and that it was her car.”
“What, he just rammed her damn car?” I grabbed my keys from a bowl on a shelf in the hallway of my apartment and let myself out, rushing over to the lift, stabbing at the button.
“Yeah. She’s pretty shaken, but won’t call the police. I don’t really want to leave her, but I’ve been out for almost two hours. Amy’s told me to stay with her and make sure she’s okay, but I don’t know what I can do. Plus, Maisie pretty much told me to go home and shut the door on me.”
“Not sure I can do anything either, and if she shut the door on you then go home,” I replied, wondering what the hell he’d called me for.
“She needs someone to check she’s okay, and that someone should be you.”
“You do remember that I told you I have a kid with her? A kid I’ve had nothing to do with.”
“Yeah,” he huffed out. “Which is why I think you’re the best person to be here.”
“Eli, it’s not right that I be there. She won’t want me to be, I don’t want to be.”
“If you don’t want to be then why the fuck are you, at this very moment, on the way here?”
My brother chuckled on the other end of the line and I truly wanted to punch him in the fucking bollocks.
“You sounded worried, but now I’ve had time to think about it, I’m pretty sure it’s the wrong thing to do.” I walked out of the lift and across the apartment block lobby. “Just get her to call the coppers.” Pushing open the exterior door, I pointed my car key and beeped my lock open, the lights of my Range Rover flashing.
“So that wasn’t your car I just heard beeping?”
I remained silent, sitting myself inside and resting my forehead on the steering wheel.
“Sam, you need to man the fuck up and get over here. It doesn’t matter whether you’re shit scared to look your kid in the eye, or too chicken to talk to the woman who told you to fuck off eight years ago, you need to do what’s right.”
“I’m not scared or fucking chicken,” I protested.
“Yeah, you are. Put this address in your sat-nav, number twel-.”
“I know where she fucking lives,” I groaned, turning the key in my ignition.
Elijah’s laugh rumbled. “Well, well, well, who would have thought it?”
“She lives a few doors from Hannah, Frankie is in the same class as Hannah’s kid, Rosie.”
“You fucking told Hannah about your child, but not me, your own brother?” he blasted. “Thanks for that Sam, I know where I fucking stand now.”
“Eli,” I growled. “I got pissed one night when I was out with her and Connor. So pissed, she insisted I stay with them, in case I choked on my own puke or some shit like that. The next morning, Hannah was going to give me a lift home and Maisie came out carrying Frankie. He was just a toddler and I froze like a damn idiot. I didn’t know what to do, run, hide, or go over and speak to her. Hannah noticed and put two and two together – even then, if you knew, it wasn’t hard to see the likeness between me and him.”
“You could have told me then, once Hannah knew.” Elijah sounded hurt, and there was I thinking we were back on track.
“I’m sorry bro. I didn’t plan on telling anyone at all, but once she knew she kept me updated from time to time.”
“On a kid you don’t give a shit about,” he said, somewhat sarcastically.
I let out a long breath. “Yeah, on a kid I don’t give a shit about.”
There was no point denying it, I’d been more than a little curious about my son, but it didn’t mean I wanted to be in his life.
“Whatever,” Eli ground out. “Get your arse over here, because I have a feeling it was her boyfriend that just smashed up her car on purpose, and it doesn’t sit well with me at the end of the day, Samuel. Maisie’s son is your fucking responsibility, I have my own family I need to be with. I’ll wait until you get here, but hurry up. I’m getting cold standing out here in shorts and a fucking running top.”
With that the line went dead and I thrust my car into gear, speeding off to relieve my bloody brother of his duty as protector.
I surveyed the damage to Maisie’s red hatchback and let out a long whistle. The fucker had certainly gone at it hard. The only consolation was that he’d probably fucked up his Audi prick wagon. All the driver’s side was pushed in, the metal crumpled and scratched.
As soon as I’d got there, Elijah had growled something about me manning the fuck up and then jogged off back home, leaving me with the prospect of having Maisie give me another verbal pasting.
I ran my hand along the dented metal and with a long exhale, made my way to the front door. I knocked twice before noticing from the corner of my eye, the curtains move. It was dropped back in place and then a few moments later, the door was pulled
open.
“He called you didn’t he?” Maisie sighed, stating the bloody obvious.
“Yeah, he thought someone should be with you.”
Thinking about it again, my brother’s idea that it should be me was fucking ludicrous. Maisie and I had barely spoken in almost nine years and each time we had it’d been angry and agitated.
“I’m fine. I can call my dad if I need to.” She looked back into the house and then pushed the door until it was almost closed. “I’ll be fine Sam.”
“Maisie, you don’t look fine.”
I looked at her hand that was clutching the door and it was shaking, she was also as white as the UPVC that she was holding onto for dear life.
“I’m not your responsibility.”
At that moment, car headlights flashed onto us. Maisie gasped and moved to push the door closed.
“Wait,” I said. “What the hell is going on?”
I turned to be momentarily blinded by the lights until they were suddenly turned off. The driver’s door swung open and a guy about my height, with dark blond hair stepped out. Anger and animosity was steaming off him as he approached us, his hands flexing into fists.
“Josh,” Maisie said, her voice shaking. “I asked you to go and I know what you did to my car.”
“Who the fuck is this?” he asked, sneering at me.
This guy was a prick, someone who thought he was a big man, well he didn’t fucking scare me.
“I’m a friend of Maisie’s, now she asked you to go, so I suggest you do.”
“What my girlfriend tells me to do is no fucking business of yours, now get out of my way so I can go into my house.”
“No Josh,” Maisie said. “I don’t want you here.”
“You can’t stop me Maisie, I pay the bills here.”
“Yes, and I pay the rent,” she replied. “It’s my name on the rental agreement, so go.”
I watched as he tensed up and I was sure he was going to punch me, or at least attempt to. I moved back a pace, turning my back to the door, getting ready to retaliate or at least stop him forcing entry into the house.