Sugar Baby

by Robin Roseau

  “I didn’t think it had changed,” she said. “I understand there’s a pre-nup.”

  “And I suppose you think Cassidy made me sign it.”

  “No. She told me in great detail what a fight that was.”

  “It wasn’t a fight. I insisted and batted my eyelashes. She folded.”

  “That’s not what she says, and knowing my sister, I think I’ll take her version as being closer to the real truth than yours.”

  “Whatever.”

  “If you do anything to try to get her to void it, I will see you in court.”

  The song ended, and I pushed away from her. “I tell you what. Take me to court if you want, but wait until after.”

  We stared at each other, and then she nodded. “Fine. Truce?”

  “I find that unlikely,” I said. “But I have far more important things to deal with than you. Stay away from me.”

  “She’s my little sister, Astrid. Are you going to deny that?”

  I considered. “As far as she’s concerned, we’ve made up. You don’t make one single cutting remark about me, and I won’t make any about you. You don’t tell her she’s being an idiot. You don’t tell her I am. Her health care is between her and her doctors, and now me. None of your business, and you’ll leave it alone. No second guessing. No telling her she’s a fool for not pursuing this impossible treatment. None of that bullshit. You come, sweet as pie, or you stay away.”

  “So fierce, little girl,” she said. “Sure. All that. I’ll do you one better. When you start to lose it, and you will lose it at one point or another, call me.”

  “And you’ll, what, exactly?”

  “Probably say something shitty, but then you can be mad at me and stop thinking about far worse things, at least for a little while.”

  I gave a little laugh. “I’ll keep that option in mind.”

  “Anyone else you call will just help you get caught up in the mire. I won’t put up with it. You took this on, and you’re going to stay strong.”

  “Fine. If I need a kick in the pants, I know whom to call.”

  “If you just need a break for a few hours, you can call me for that, too.”

  “And you’ll kick me in the ass for it?”

  “No. Well, maybe not. I couldn’t do what you just took on. In your situation, I would have been livid with her and would have let her walk out of my life.”

  “Yeah, well, people have done that to me. I don’t pass it on.”

  “One of many differences between us,” she said. “Nice talk.”

  And then she turned around and walked away.

  I went in search of my wife. She was deep in conversation with her mother, my adopted grandmother, our judge, and her partner. And so I looked around. Maggie was talking to Kaori. May and Kotori were on stage. And then Cousin Nan was at my side. “Lynette appears to have met her match.”

  “Dance with me,” I ordered.

  She laughed and took my offered hand. May’s band was playing something upbeat, so we danced at each other until the song ended.

  Then it was a slow song. Nan and I shrugged, and I moved into her arms. We swayed back and forth. It was partway through the song that Nan said, “Just holding you, I see at least some of what Cass sees.”

  “Thank you, I think,” I said.

  I got a few more dances, my last with Cassidy. Then she took me home, and I spent hours making love to my wife.

  We left early in the morning for two weeks in Europe, beginning and ending in Paris. It was a beautiful, beautiful trip.

  A Life Together

  The day after our return, Cassidy went to work. And I went to school for a meeting with the dean. I sat down in her office and said, “I need to defer my senior year.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied. “Are you leaving us permanently.”

  “No.” I had already thought about this. “I am freshly married.”

  “Congratulations. Are you beginning a family?”

  “No. Ending one.”

  “Excuse me.”

  “My wife is dying.”

  “Oh. My condolences.”

  “I need a one- or two-year leave. Possibly three.”

  “I understand. There will be a place for you when you’re ready to come back. I am very, very sorry.”

  “Will I receive a refund for fall term?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I nodded. “Thank you.”

  I stood, but she said, “Ms. Ahlstrom.”

  “It’s Hart now,” I said. “Yes?”

  “This is a lot for a young woman to take on.”

  “Maybe so,” I said, “But it’s less than many have had to deal with. I have a support network.”

  “As I recall, you were in here some time ago, asking for help. You were able to reconcile?”

  “No. My full name is now Astrid Ann Martin Graves Hart.”

  “That is quite a mouthful.”

  “Maggie Graves has been my roommate for the last two years.”

  “I don’t quite understand.”

  “Her step-mother’s maiden name is Martin.”

  “I still don’t quite understand.”

  “She was feeling nesty and basically grabbed both of us.”

  “Oh,” said the dean. “That’s good, then?”

  “Good enough I incorporated the names into mine.”

  “So very good.”

  “Yes. That part is very good. Is there paperwork to fill out?”

  “I will see to everything on your behalf.”

  “I already filed a change of address with the registrar, so you can use the address in your system, but if you use the old one, that will work, too. Cherlyn will get anything to me.”

  “Very good, Mrs. Hart.”

  I smiled. “Thank you.”

  * * * *

  I had dinner ready when Cassidy came home. We kissed passionately, then she went upstairs to change. I asked her about her day and avoided talking about mine. It was at the end that I said, “Do you know what a fait accompli is?”

  “What has Lynette done now?”

  I laughed. “Not Lynette. I have taken a leave of absence from school.”

  “Well, you can just untake your leave of absence.”

  “No.”

  “You will do as you are told.”

  “Sure. But they filled my spot.

  “They can unfill it. You will finish school.”

  “You’re about to experience something you’ve never experienced before.”

  “And what is that?”

  “Me telling you ‘no’.”

  “You are not dropping out of college to take care of me!” She thundered.

  I gazed at her easily. She’d never yelled at me before, but I’d been expecting an overreaction. I waited until she quieted before I said, “You’re right.”

  “Good. You can call them tomorrow and ask for your spot back.”

  “I’m not dropping out of college,” I said. “It’s a leave of absence. They will let me come back without reapplying. And I didn’t do it to take care of you. I’m a newly married woman, and I want to spend every moment I can with my new wife, who I love more than anyone else. Are you going to take this from me, Cassidy?”

  She stared, then got up and began clearing the table. She refused to look at me, but finally I cornered her at the kitchen sink, pressing against her back. “We’re going to do anything you want,” I said.

  “We already do that,” she said.

  “Uh, huh. We can travel if you want, or stay home. If you think it’s too much time with me, you can hide at work. If you get too sick for that, but still want to be rid of me from time to time, your sister has offered to babysit.”

  “She did not!” Cassidy roared.

  “I wonder if she’s impressed when you make noises like that,” I said. I pressed more tightly against her back. “If you can honestly say you don’t want to spend as much time as possible with me, I understand. It might be too much time
, and maybe I’m not as sophisticated as you would prefer in a constant companion.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Good. So get over it. Let’s clean up, and we need to talk.”

  She sighed but nodded.

  We saw to the leftovers and dishes. We made the kitchen spic and span. And then I took her hand and led her to the sofa. We sat down, and I collected her other hand. “We’ve agreed to acknowledge the elephants.”

  “I know,” she said.

  “First off, we’re going to do anything you want.”

  “We already do that.”

  “Well then, we’re going to do it twice,” I said. “If there are things you want, you only have to tell me.”

  “What if I want you to finish your degree?”

  “Except that,” I said. “Accept it.”

  She didn’t really respond to that, but she lifted my hand and kissed my knuckle.

  “I don’t like thinking about this,” I said. “And I imagine you don’t, either.”

  “No, not really.”

  “We’ll do this how you want, but I think you should tell me what our finances are like, and then you need to help me begin to take over responsibility for seeing to things.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Have you thought about how long you’re going to work?”

  “Getting married sort of acted as a reset,” she said. “I assumed you’d be back at school in the fall.”

  “And if you were at work, it would keep you busy.”

  “Yes, I suppose.”

  “We don’t have to address this tonight, but I wanted to bring it up.”

  She nodded. “Let me think about it.”

  “Of course. Next. This is an order. You will be as selfish as you want.”

  “Astrid.”

  “I mean it, Cassidy. If there’s something you want, that’s not going to be what stops us from doing it. All right?”

  “All right.”

  “Good.”

  “My turn.”

  “All right.”

  “I’ve taken a few steps to protect you.”

  “From what?”

  “A variety of accusations.”

  “Am I going to be angry when you tell me?”

  “Possibly hurt. You shouldn’t be, but if you did it to me, I’d be angry.”

  “Oh, oh.”

  “You do not have the same rights as most spouses for making health decisions for me. I’ve already talked to my doctors and my lawyer. You have authority over decisions related to my comfort. But when the decisions get harder than that, you won’t be making them.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because then no one can blame you for what happens,” she said.

  “Who?”

  “Nan and Lynette to advise my lawyer. My lawyer makes the final decisions, which I did because I didn’t trust Lynette to do what I’d want her to.”

  “She’d pull the plug early?”

  “Actually, I was afraid she’d put me on permanent life support just to spite you.”

  “Would she?”

  “No, because that would eat money, but I don’t trust her.”

  “Then why is she involved at all?”

  “Partly to shut her up, and partly because then she can’t blame you.”

  “So you’re throwing yourself in front of the bus to protect me?”

  “No. I’m throwing my lawyer in front of the bus.”

  “For which I imagine she is well paid.”

  “She is,” Cassidy confirmed.

  “From this moment forward, I attend your appointments.”

  She nodded.

  “Good. I need to be on your car insurance.”

  “I already took care of that.”

  “Good. Anything else?”

  “Not right now.”

  “All right then. This isn’t pleasant, but we’re going to deal with it, and you’re going to let me take care of you.”

  She looked away, but she eventually nodded. Then she turned back. “I’m neither dead yet, nor an invalid.”

  “That is absolutely true.”

  “If you think marrying me changes the basic nature of our relationship, you are dead wrong.”

  I laughed. “And?”

  “How long has it been since I locked you into the tickle bench?”

  I laughed. “Think you’re spry enough to catch me?” And I dashed away.

  * * * *

  I let her corner me. She kept me in the bench for an hour.

  I loved it.

  * * * *

  Cassidy outwardly remained fully healthy for six months. We reviewed the finances together and put together a folder of all the information I might need later. And then she talked to her bosses at work. When she came home, she said, “I’m working half time for now.”

  “Good,” I said. I would have been happy if she quit entirely, but I knew that wasn’t her nature.

  We traveled. I asked her if there was anywhere she wanted to see. “No,” she said. “I did that before we met. But there are a few places I want to take you.”

  “No.”

  “Yes,” she said. “I want to watch you when you first see them.”

  So she took me to Athens, and we toured ruins that were thousands of years old, and then we flew to Oslo and took a cruise through the fjords of Norway. We stood beside the Grand Canyon, holding hands. And we walked through the monuments of Washington, DC.

  We went dancing. We took a cooking class together.

  She asked me if there was something I wanted to do.

  “Maybe.”

  “Don’t play coy now.”

  “There’s something I’ve heard of that I don’t think is real, but even if it is, I can’t imagine ever going with someone other than you.” Then I smiled. “Two things, actually. They’re related.”

  “Oh, do tell.”

  “I’ve never been to a lesbian bar. And I’ve never been to a bondage party.”

  She laughed. The lesbian bars weren’t that hard. A web search gave us choices. We found a web site with a “best lesbian bars in the world” list, and then picked five. One was in London, and another in Paris. Two more were in New York, and one was in San Diego.

  And I don't know how she did it, but she found an all-women BDSM party. She didn’t warn me she had found it until it was time to dress. She had fetish clothing for both of us. It was weird, and I clung tightly to her the entire time.

  I think we were both intimidated, but everyone was nice, and no one seemed to mind that we weren’t the same sort of exhibitionists as some of the people there.

  We talked. We talked for hours, about no end of things.

  We had sex, which we could also do for hours.

  I have no idea how much time I spent in the tickle rack.

  We had dinners with friends, once or twice a week. It was during one of them that I realized her friends didn’t know about her health. That night I asked, “Are you going to tell them?”

  “Later,” she said. “When it gets bad.”

  I didn’t argue with her.

  I hadn’t told Maggie, either. It was decided we’d tell all of them at the same time, but not yet.

  * * * *

  While all that was going on, there were doctor visits. I went with her each time, and it was at the first that I asked, “How long is it safe for Cassidy to drive?”

  She glared at me, but that was all.

  “As long as she’s doing this well, it’s fine.”

  “I’ll know when it’s time to stop,” Cassidy declared.

  “Frankly,” I said. “No one admits when it’s time to stop driving.”

  For now, she was safe, or so we determined.

  * * * *

  And then one day she got up to get ready for work. She stepped into the shower, and she was still in there twenty minutes later. I checked on her and found her sitting on the floor of the shower with the water pouring over her. At least it was still warm. I calml
y shut it off and then draped a towel over her. She looked at me, and I’ve never seen someone so sad. It nearly broke my heart.

  “I’m going to stay home today,” she said.

  “All right. Let’s get you dried off, and I’ll help you back to bed.”

  She was fine the next day, but when she got home, I said, “It’s time to talk.”

  She sighed. “About work?”

  “Yes.”

  She nodded.

  We didn’t know it at the time, but she had her first “last”. That day was the last time she drove a car. After that, I did our driving for us. The next day, I drove her to the office. We made an appointment to see her boss.

  She cried in the car on the way home. And so she had her second “last”. That was the last day she went to work.

  She was still okay most of the time, although she was easier to wear out. She began taking naps. I would hold her while she fell asleep, then use the time to see to other things around the house.

  It became harder for her to stand for long periods. I began handling the cooking, and so she had another “last” without realizing it, the last time she prepared a dinner.

  We still went dancing, but we knew that one of these was going to be her last dance. We just weren’t sure when. And we didn’t know when she last heard May’s band play, but she had that “last”, too.

  We invited our friends for dinner. Maggie and Cherlyn were there along with about a dozen of Cassidy’s friends. We kept it simple. Reactions were varied. Maggie was devastated, and she wasn’t the only one. But Maggie physically dragged me to the bedroom, her eyes already red, and she asked me how I could be so calm.

  “Do you remember the last time you saw me cry?”

  “The day of your wedding.”

  “That’s when she told me.”

  “And you didn’t tell me?” she practically screamed.

  “We wanted this time to be as normal as possible,” I said.

  “God, Astrid. That’s the real reason you quit school.”

  “For now, anyway,” I said. And then we were holding each other, and she made my shoulder wet with her tears.

  * * * *

  She was still having more good days than bad days. We were still making love at every opportunity, although it shifted in nature, slowly, and increasingly became tame and gentle, with me seeing to her needs far more than it had been in the past.

  We had our last time, although we didn’t recognize it for what it was. And we’d had the last time we descended the stairs, our last time to put me into the tickle rack.