A Uniform Approach

by Andrew Elstone

  Today, Dad was taking us to see the new fast and the furious movie. Mum hated when he took us to action movies as they weren’t suitable, especially taking Benjamin, who wasn’t even allowed to watch My Kitchen rules at his place because of the rude behaviour. Dad bought us both jumbo popcorn and Pepsi combos, and he got himself a peppermint choc-top. Dad’s been a real stinge with money since he lost his job, but after watching Benjamin scoff down all the Pad-Thai and Ramen we order every night, he knew food was not something he could deny Benjamin.

  Benjamin’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when Dad passed him his popcorn and Pepsi; it was the first time I’d seen him that happy since before he stayed with us. He’d even gone back to calling me ‘mate’ every five minutes which I kind of missed.

  “Come on lads, it’s about to start. Make sure you go to the loo now cos I don’t wanna take ya in the middle of the movie!” Dad said without realising that Benjamin’s bladder was weaker than damp straw and that he barely made it through a 30-minute maths class without needing to duck out for a wee.

  After the movie, Dad took us to the food court for KFC. It was a Saturday afternoon, so the place was packed with groups of kids after morning sporting matches and trendy adults having a break from abusing the sales at David Jones. Dad was relieved I wasn’t in my skirt today; instead just wearing some cargo shorts and a Terminator t-shirt that made me look a bit more ‘run of the mill’ as he’d like to say. And whilst Benjamin and I were perfectly happy seeing the movie and diving into a bucket of popcorn chicken, Dad, bless his heart, was in the mood for a chat.

  “Bet this’s doing a world of good to take your mind off things, aye matey?”

  Suddenly the mood went down a notch. Benjamin didn’t look upset or anything, but you could tell he was looking less enthusiastic dunking his popcorn chicken bites into the potato and gravy.

  “Yeah Mr Goldsmith, it’s been good,” he said slurping his Mountain Dew with his head held low.

  Poor Dad. Mum was a professional therapist so she knew the right thing to say, whereas Dad actually meant well but got it wrong almost all the time. Probably why Mum was such a decent fit for him.

  “Good to hear, mate. How about we go to the park and toss a footy around after this?”

  We appreciated everything Dad was doing for us today, but it was time to call it a day and head on home.

  As we got out of the car, Rachel got a call from one of her friends and rushed upstairs and Benjamin followed behind her as he was busting to go to the bathroom because of the jumbo Pepsi plus the can of Mountain Dew he’d had at KFC. Mum came to the front door and greeted us as we walked up the driveway, and rustled my hair and told me to go inside to unload the dishwasher. I told her I would, but of course was more interested in what her and Dad were talking about, so I lingered by the coat rack in the hallway whilst they talked in the doorway. I had to clunk around with some plates to make it seem like I was legit unloading the dishwater so their conversation was muffled but I think I got the gist of it.

  “I heard from Benjamin’s father today. Joanne’s checked herself out. Nobody knows where she is.”

  “You’re kidding me,” Dad said with a fiery tone in his voice. “They just let yourself come and go in these places like it’s some kind of bloody hotel?”

  “If she wasn’t court-ordered to attend, she’s able to come and go voluntarily I’m afraid.”

  Dad looked at her with a blank face. The kind he’d always pull whenever he was watching morning television and he didn’t understand how people could be so bloody stupid. “Anyway Ken, we need to talk to Riley. He needs to know what’s going on.”

  My ears suddenly got goose bumps. I think Dad’s did too given he seemed to be speechless, and that guy had something to say about everything.

  Mum saw he didn’t have much to say, so continued. “I’ll have a chat to him sometime later this week, don’t worry. Thanks for taking them out today, sweetie, that was very good of you.”

  Dad nodded graciously and they both walked in so I acted quickly and finished off the dishwasher so that they wouldn’t suspect that I heard anything.

  What they didn’t count on though was that I had another thing in mind. I was going to go to Benjamin himself. After all, why go scrambling around for a penny when you can go straight to the mint.

  I went upstairs with one thing on my mind; I was out for answers. I didn’t want Mum and Dad to hide anything from me, or Liam, or Mr Symonds, or even Benjamin himself.

  I stormed into my room ready to beat the truth out of him, even if it did make him sob like a spoilt toddler.

  I saw him on my bed laughing hysterically. I’m not sure if he was laughing or crying, but as I approached him he turned the screen of my laptop to me and I saw he was watching a photo of a goat singing a Taylor Swift song. I laugh along with him, quietly at first but then as it goes on we’re aching on the floor from giggling. It was at this point I realised that like on my first day wearing the skirt, Ben didn’t need yet another parent or guidance counsellor or someone to watch over him and babysit him; he just needed a friend. And with the week I’d had dealing with glares from the school vice-captain and every other Cretan in the school, that was all I needed too.

  Sitting on the stairs, I could peer through to see Dad in the living room reading the brochures about the ‘Safety in the schoolyard’ program they were putting on at school. Benjamin was fast asleep and I think Mum turned in for the night as well. But Dad was at the dining room table with the family laptop and an island of pamphlets around him. He saw me eventually and moved his finger in the same way Liam the guidance counsellor would to signal that he wanted me to join him.

  “Doing your homework, are ya?” I said with a sarcasm that I knew he’d appreciate.

  “Yeah mate. Something like that.”

  There was now a silence I was hoping would pass.

  “You know Dad, you don’t have to memorise all this stuff. There won’t be a test or nothing.”

  Dad turned his head to me and instead of smiling as I thought he might have, he looked at me with a puzzled look.

  “I suppose you think your mother is making me read this stuff, aye?”

  I nodded even though that hadn’t actually occurred to me. I figured he was reading the stuff because he feared Mum would eventually force him to do it.

  “You’ve been avoiding talking to me since you started wearing your sister’s old skirt to school, haven’t you?”

  This time I nodded knowing full well he was right on the money.

  “I don’t blame you. I talk a lot of garbage in front of the telly, in the car home, at the dinner table.”

  “Pretty much all the time,” I interrupted. This time he did smile.

  “That’s right mate. But even though I rant and rave about a lot of things in this world that rub me the wrong way, I didn’t once try and stop you wearing the skirt.”

  That was true, I’d figured Mum had always given him a lecture prior to me wearing it, threatening him with doing a week’s worth of dishes or something.

  “Mate, when I lost my job I hated those dregs overseas who were gonna do it for cheaper. And one day, that job will be done by a robot or something and it’ll become even harder for a guy like me to achieve anything. But you’re different, mate. You’re like those blokes on Q&A and on the Project who stand up for stuff. The ones who are actually trying to fix the mess we’re all in, trying to change the world.”

  He paused and pointed directly at me without batting an eye. “You mate, you are going to change the world.”

  This was all a bit of a shock to me, I gotta say. I’m only 11, yet suddenly he thought I was gonna defeat global warming or something. But I could barely stand up to Scott McElroy and his red bull and snickers breath, let alone change the weather.

  “You get that from your mother, she’s an incredible woman. But what you’re doing mate, I don’t understand at all. We grew up with bikes and model planes. You kids and your iPads and
Macintosh Books and such, you’re in a whole new world.”

  Dad must have had a couple of Victoria Bitters or something; this was most unlike him to open up. Part of me thinks he was just sidetracking me with this to avoid chatting about Benjamin. And it was working, I guess.

  “But Dad, all I did was wear a skirt?”

  Dad got up and turned on the telly, putting on the ABC channel which he usually watched, even though he never really had a bar of what the idiots, as he called them, on the show were going on about.

  “Look at these dummies,” he said with a hardened tone. “Getting paid six figures and then some to pretty themselves up and go on telly saying whatever the hell they can think of on the spot, and then tell all us uneducated dumbos that it’s the truth. And then they go out to the pub after the show without giving a crap about any of the stuff that they were paid to spout out on the show.”

  “Still looks a lot harder than anything I’ve ever had to do.”

  Dad turned off the telly and knelt down to me sitting at the table.

  “No mate. Anyone can say they know what’s what and who’s who. And anyone can buy a fancy suit and parade themselves around like they are the expert on everything. But I bet when they were your age, they weren’t half as brave or courageous as yourself!”

  My eyes started to water up and my cheeks became hot and probably looked pretty red too. I didn’t usually cry or anything, but it isn’t every day that Dad says something good about you. Or suggest that he’s proud of you.

  “Thanks Dad. I still don’t know how I’m gonna change the world, but I could give it a go, I guess?”

  Dad smiled at me and now placed his hand on my shoulder.

  “I’ve been reading this stuff for a few hours now. There’s some handy stuff in there in case you ever wanted to talk about anything.”

  “Like what?” I said, wondering what he was thinking.

  “The brochures and the website talk about kids who may have strong feelings for people of the same sex. As you probably know this is called being gay. And it’s ok. Actually it’s better than ok, it’s awesome. And boys who feel they might be more into ballet than soccer. And that’s ok too, mate.”

  I think Dad was trying to explain that some boys may like to dress as girls, and some girls would like to dress as boys. Liam said that’s called being gender-fluid, I never quite knew what that meant, and it didn’t really bother me either. There were a bunch of names for other kinds of things too, but for tonight Dad telling me he was ok with me wearing a skirt was enough for me.

  Chapter 8

  Walking through the front gate again on yet another Monday morning felt pretty weird. A lot had happened in the past week. This time last week, I was facing a greasy from the vice-captain, but this week he barely batted me an eye. Instead he was wearing an ‘ally’ badge that I think meant that he supported the ‘Safe in the Schoolyard’ program the school was putting on. This was a real turn of events, as Dad would say. Same time last week, I was soaking in the snickers and red bull slosh that came from Scott McElroy’s filthy little mouth, and being hauled into the guidance counsellors office, or ‘chill space’, to talk about whether or not I was a chick. Or at least that’s what I think he’d been doing.

  As I walked past the vice-captain he handed me a badge from the box by his feet and said, “Here, show your support for a more welcoming school community,” with a smile on his face that was only there so that he could get extra credit.

  I grabbed it off him and pinned it to the top of my skirt. Benjamin took one too and instantly let out an ‘ow’ as he pricked his finger with the needle of the pin. He then put it in his pocket, and while he wanted to show support for me wearing the skirt, neither of us wanted him to shed any blood over it.

  Benjamin and I didn’t have time to sit in the playground this morning; we had to go meet with Miss Walker. She was the young PE teacher who started this year and she was running the athletics carnival that was coming up. She was out by the shed by the school oval and met us with a daggy wave and a smile so embarrassing it would make my mother’s kisses when dropping us off look like nothing to write home about.

  “Oh-oh, looks like trouble!”

  We both giggled when she said that. While I know we aren’t trouble or anything, we just loved how cool and peppy she was. She was pretty and full of flair and energy that it made any task she set us seem fun, even when it was as boring as watching the grass grow.

  “Thanks for helping out this year guys. So really we just need to make sure we have everything we need for all the events. Rope for tug of war, sets of stockings for three-legged race and sacks for the sack races. And a bunch of other stuff I’m sure I’ll remember later on!”

  Benjamin’s eyes lit up when he saw her; I think he had a bit of a thing for her. She had shiny black hair and always wore trendy running gear; wouldn’t be older than 25, I thought. Benjamin said she went to the church his family went to. Whenever I’d mention this to Dad, he’d reply by saying, “Maybe this whole God business pays off after all.”

  To which Mum would quickly slap him on the arm to keep him in line.

  Benjamin and I started to carry boxes of cones, rope and finish line tape to the middle of the oval, where we would set things up around a marquee that Miss Walker was putting up. I think other kids were meant to have signed up to help too, but probably ditched last minute once they saw Benjamin and I, and lets face it we aren’t exactly the hottest catch in class at the moment.

  “Haven’t seen you at church much recently, Miss Walker?”

  If he hadn’t made it clear before that he had a schoolgirl crush on her, it was starting to become pretty bloody crystal clear if you ask me. The kid sweated like he was facing the electric chair whenever he threw a few words her way.

  “Nah, I’ve been busy organising the carnival and moving house. I haven’t had the time. Not to worry though mate, I’ll be back in no time!”

  “Where you moving to, Miss?” he said, secretly hoping she was moving close to him so that he could leave his current situation and move in with this week’s crush.

  “My partner and I are moving to Fairfield. She works at a hospital near there so we thought a change might be nice.”

  Ben looked at her puzzled. “Oh ok, what do you mean she’s your partner?”

  I raised my hand and slapped it to the centre of my face. For a kid whose best friend was being called transphobic names by everyone in the school, he wasn’t really as clued in to things as he should be. “Come on Benjamin, let’s go get our morning tea and leave Miss Walker in peace for a bit.”

  We walked to our locker room and pulled out our morning tea from our backpacks. I had an LCM bar and a mandarin, as did Benjamin. He was quick to pass his mandarin to me and dive into his coco-pop candy bar, and we made our way to our usual spot by the canteen. Because Benjamin was staying with us he wasn’t given any money to go to the canteen, so he had to stare at the kids who walked by us with tons of jealousy, but he somehow managed to distract himself. “Hey buddy?”

  “Yes, mate,” I replied, keen to hear what he had to bring to the table today.

  “Did you see Miss Walker was wearing one of those pins?” I wasn’t sure where he was going with this.

  “Yeah sure, everyone is wearing one,” I said wondering what kind of wacky theory he had going today.

  “No, but everyone has a pink and purple button, hers was a rainbow colour. No other teacher has a rainbow one. I think that’s hers. And her partner, maybe that’s like her girlfriend. Which would make her gay, right?”

  I smiled and chuckled even though I knew he hated when I laughed at him for picking up on something so slowly.

  “Yeah mate, I guess you’re right.”

  I thought Benjamin would be very upset by this news. Even before she was a teacher he was always banging on about this pretty young woman from church that he would one day ask to be his wife, but for some reason the news made his smile go wider than a rhino’s bum.


  “Hey buddy?”

  Ergh.

  “Yes matey.”

  “I have got the most brilliant idea!”

  “What is it?” I replied showing a real level of interest in what he was about to say.

  “It’s for the athletics carnival. But I can’t tell you, I’ll have to show you!”

  Given the last time he had a stroke of genius he ended up setting off the fire alarm in his home for putting metal foil in the microwave, thinking the heat would turn it into real silver and instead setting fire to his family kitchen, this new idea gave me a funny feeling in my gut. But I remembered what Mum and Dad were talking about the other day in the doorway; I was to keep him occupied. And if this is how I was meant to do it than I was going to try. I mean, with all the take-out we have in our family, burning down the kitchen might not be such a terrible thing.

  Chapter 9

  The first few mornings when Benjamin stayed were a bloody nightmare. Getting him out of bed was like trying to push a submarine up Mount Everest. He stayed up late at his own house, eating junk food and fizzy drinks, so by morning time he was wrecked. Usually my mum would have to put on some bacon and the smell was the bribe to get him to come downstairs. But since we spent the mornings with Miss Walker preparing the school oval for the athletics carnival, he was almost too eager to go to school.

  As we walked in this morning, however, we were surprised, and Benjamin was shocked, to see Mr Symonds in his gym gear setting up the marquee all by himself.

  “Mister, where is Miss Walker?” Benjamin asked accusingly.

  “Nice to see you too, Mr Symonds.”

  Mr Symonds could see that Benjamin was actually angry to see him instead of Miss Walker, so he decided to immediately answer his question.

  “Unfortunately she’s taken some time off, bit under the weather so I’ll be taking over.”