Struggle: Beautiful Series, book one

by Anderson, Lilliana

  “I thought you trained with Elliot at lunch?” She frowns.

  “Why would you think that?” I ask, taken aback because I haven’t mentioned it. I’m always careful talking about boys with her because she’s obsessed with romance.

  “Well, his mother; Katey. I play tennis with her, remember? She told me you two were getting along.”

  A grin tickled the corners of my mouth. “He told his mum about me?”

  She shrugs. “I suppose. But I don’t know who this Evan character is.”

  “Oh.” I laugh as I touch her arm lightly. “It’s a joke because I called him the wrong name a couple of times. He saved his number in my phone that way.”

  “How could you call him the wrong name? Elliot isn’t exactly common.”

  I shake my head. “It was just a joke. Don’t worry about it.”

  “But you are dating him now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does David know?”

  Tucking my leg beneath me, I turn to face her. “He knows it’s coming. I haven’t spoken to him yet today though.”

  She purses her lips thoughtfully but doesn’t add to the conversation.

  “Why?” I ask after a while.

  With a bounce of her shoulders, she blinks innocently. “No reason. I’m just sure he’d like to know that you’re off the market again.”

  I release a slow breath. “I know my relationships are hard on him, but we’re older now. And I’ve already made it very clear to Elliot that David and I are a package deal.”

  “And how did he take that?”

  “I pointed out he wouldn’t get jealous if David was a girl.”

  “Yes, but odds are, if your best friend was a girl, she wouldn’t also be secretly in love with you.”

  “Oh my god, Mum. David is not secretly in love with me. He’s always been adamant we’ll never be more than friends. He doesn’t believe in long-term relationships.”

  “But you said yourself that you’re older now. I’m sure he said those things before….” She pauses and gently touches the side of my face. “Well, before we nearly lost you.”

  Taking her hand in mine, I pat it lightly before releasing her. “We spoke on Friday night. We’ll always be just friends.”

  “Oh,” she says, her brow creasing lightly. “I thought… oh, it doesn’t matter what I thought. What matters is that you’re happy. You are, aren’t you? You seem brighter.”

  “Yeah, Mum. I’m happy. Elliot is…” I take a deep breath and think about the quietly reserved man who seems to understand me without trying. “He’s wonderful.”

  “When will I get to meet him?”

  “It’s new, Mum. But soon. Just give it some time.”

  Fifteen

  “What are you still doing here?” Kayley asks, pausing inside the library door on her way out to lunch. “Don’t you normally eat with your friend on Mondays?”

  “I do. But there was some pipe rupture at his office over the weekend and they’re working through trying to save all the files.”

  “Yikes. I hope they have digital backups of everything.”

  “Probably.” I shrug then she grins.

  “You know what this means, right?”

  “That I’m available to have lunch with you?”

  “Of course.” She waves me over dramatically. “I don’t even know why I had to stand here and point that out to you. Get your bag, woman. Albina and Anne are waiting for us.”

  “What about Jo and Carl?”

  “They have their own stuff on today. Let’s go.”

  Heading across the street to the closest eatery, we find Anne and Albina already sitting at a table with two spare seats.

  “What I’m doing is keeping my calories really low all week. So on the weekend, I can eat whatever I want and never put on weight,” Albina says as we sit down, stabbing her fork into a piece of chopped up lettuce.

  “But aren’t you dying of hunger all the time?” Anne asks, looking into her container of creamy-looking pasta with a frown.

  “Well, yes. But to combat that I drink coffee and eat lots and lots of salad. I literally shit green right now.”

  “That’s gross,” Kayley says, opening her burger and pulling off the onions. “And what about the calories from the coffee?”

  “I drink it espresso. No milk.”

  “Doesn’t that stain your teeth?” Anne asks.

  “Oh no. I use a straw,” Albina explains, her expression serious.

  I place my hand over my mouth, trying to control my laughter.

  “What?” Albina laughs. “It’s science. There’s a delicate balance needed to maintain these curves.” She pushes her chest out and pouts her lips.

  “Whatever works for you,” I say, tucking into my sandwich.

  “I could never do all that training you do, Katrina. I have to get creative.”

  “I’m happy being plump,” Kayley says around her mouthful. “If I had to count calories, I’d have to give up wine. And I’m not interested in doing that.”

  “Speaking of wine,” Anne says, her eyes falling on me. “When are we seeing you at Friday drinks again? You came once, caused a stir and there’s been zero drama since.”

  “I think that’s a good thing, don’t you?” I smile.

  “No. It’s boring,” Albina puts in. “Your Elliot is there most weeks, but he doesn’t come to Pontoon with us anymore.” She pouts. “We need you to entice him. Beth and Bianca keep trying but he’s too busy schmoozing the partners to bless us with his hotness.”

  “I think that’s a good thing too,” I say. “He’s focusing on his career. And he’s not my Elliot.”

  Both Anne and Albina scoff, leaning into each other, disbelieving.

  “You go out exercising together. Everyone knows.” Anne lifts her brow.

  “That doesn’t mean he’s mine. It just means we’re friends. Training partners.”

  Albina blows a raspberry and waves a hand dismissively.

  “Anyway,” Kayley puts in. “Albina’s obsession with Elliot aside; why don’t you come to drinks again on Friday night?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’m only just starting to feel like I can walk through the office without whispers following me.”

  “All the more reason to come,” Kayley says. “Show everyone there’s nothing going on between Elliot and you. People won’t stop talking until they see it with their own eyes.” She directs a pointed stare at Albina.

  “I know I won’t stop talking until then.” Anne giggles, nudging Albina.

  “Me either. Although, if you can bring that sexy friend of yours again, I’ll consider it.” Albina gives me a dramatic wink.

  I laugh. “I can ask, but I don’t know if David wants to go down that road again. We’re both kind of scared off by the drama.”

  “Please come,” Kayley begs, holding her hands together and pouting at me. “Please, please, please.” She adds fluttering lashes and I don’t think my heart can take it.

  “All right.” I cave, laughing as Kayley pumps her fist in the air.

  “Connor is going to love me,” she sing-songs. “He keeps asking about you.”

  “Oh lord.” I put my hand on my heated face. “He hasn’t, has he?”

  She nods. “He was quite taken. But I keep telling him you’re not looking.” When our eyes meet, we exchange a knowing look. And I’m grateful that she’s redirecting the conversation away from Elliot and me.

  “OK. I’ll come.” I shrug as a round of girly squeals goes around the table. For the first time in a really long time, I’m starting to feel like I fit in. I’m really enjoying this.

  * * *

  “Are you mental?” David asks on the way home on the train.

  “No. I’m trying to bond and fit in.”

  He groans, slouching lower in his seat, his long leg sticking out into the aisle. “You’re killing me here. Why would you want that?” An older lady looks over at us and shakes her head disapprovingly.

  “Sit
up.” I laugh, slapping him on the chest. “I just told you why. And you can come too, you know. Only if you promise not to be a big flirt though.”

  He holds his hand up solemnly. “I'm wounded. What's it going to take for you to realise I only have eyes for you?”

  A blush creeps over my cheeks as I shake my head and laugh. “You and I both know you're not capable of having eyes for only one girl,” I say, as he sits up and straightens his shirt. “Which is precisely why you need to promise not to sleep with anyone I work with. They’ll fall for you and it’ll be a disaster.” When I look at him, there's something strange in his eyes, and for a brief moment, I wonder if I pushed too far, especially after I assured him I understood his anti-relationship stance.

  “It’s OK, Trina. I won’t hit on your co-workers. But I am going to have to decline. I kinda promised to do drinks at my office this week. My buddy Tom is having a birthday and we’re all going out after. I was gonna ask if you wanted to come to that.”

  “Oh.” I blink a couple of times, surprised he has plans without me. “Well, maybe we can meet up after?”

  “Won’t you be hanging out with Elliot? I thought things were moving forward with you two.”

  “Around work friends? No way. The whole point of this is to be seen without Elliot so they stop talking.”

  “Throw the scent off the secret relationship, huh? Sounds serious.”

  “I don’t know how serious it is. But we did make it official over the weekend.”

  His head jerks towards mine. “He’s your boyfriend now?”

  I nod. “He’s a good man, David.”

  “Yeah.” He pulls his phone out and checks the time, swiping away a couple of notifications. “I guess we’ll figure that one out soon enough, huh?”

  “Aren’t you even a little happy for me?” I ask, nudging him in the shoulder as he keeps his focus on his phone. “I took this slow, just like you suggested.”

  He puts his phone away with a sigh, slipping his arm around my shoulders before pressing a kiss to the side of my forehead. “If you’re happy, Trina, then I’m happy too.”

  “Thank you,” I say, relaxing against him. “I am happy. Everything is finally looking up.”

  Sixteen

  “Friday,” Elliot says in the gym at lunchtime. Skipping our usual run because of the rain, we're doing sit-ups and throwing a medicine ball to each other as an alternative.

  “It’s Wednesday,” I point out with a smile, catching the ball before touching it to the floor over my head.

  “I’m aware of that.” He catches the ball as I sit up and lob it back to him. “I’m talking about Friday night. I want to take you out.” He mirrors my movement, lying back with the ball then throwing it back to me.

  “A date after work?” I grunt a little as I heft the ball. “Don’t you think that’s risky?”

  “As long as we don’t leave the office together, it should be fine.”

  “I don’t know. I promised Kayley I’d go to drinks then Pontoon with everyone.”

  “Is that wise?” he asks cautiously, keeping the ball and stopping the exercise. “We won’t be able to talk there without the rumours starting up again.”

  I rest my forearms on my knees. “Then we don’t talk. I think we need to show them you and I can be normal around each other. You’ve been going every week haven’t you?”

  “Yeah. I normally stop in so I can talk to the partners—networking, you know?”

  I nod my understanding. “Well, I think if I stay close to Kayley then head out with them afterwards—without you—it may just end any 'supposing' about what’s going on between us.”

  “Without me, huh?” He takes a deep breath, his eyebrows raised. “This is sounding less fun by the minute.”

  I tilt my head slightly, frowning as I reason it out. “You know we can’t go out with them all together. Bianca and Beth will most likely be there, and if Bianca sees anything or catches a picture of us, we’re fucked. She’ll send it straight to Priya then we’ll get hauled into her office again. I doubt she’ll let us off this time.”

  This time he lets his breath out, shoulders sagging slightly. “I think I could control myself, but OK. I get your point. I’ll stop by for drinks then go home like normal.” He raises the ball above his head to resume the exercise, touching it to the floor before it to me.

  I catch it but don’t sit back, still having more to say. “How about Saturday? I have squad training in the morning, but I can come see you in the afternoon? Maybe even dinner? You could show me your place?” I pull at my lip with my teeth as I let the suggestion hang in the air, knowing full well what being alone in his apartment with him would mean. I’m more than ready to have sex with him. I’ve waited weeks.

  His eyes widen in happy surprise before he leans in and lowers his voice. “Maybe you could bring an overnight bag?”

  My heart rate quickens my breath. “I can make that happen. But will I need it? I mean, will I even be wearing clothes?”

  He groans lightly as his eyes darken, his reaction sending an excited thrill through my veins. “I bloody well hope not.”

  I giggle. “Me too.”

  “Katrina.”

  “Yes?”

  His eyes skim over my flushed body as he bites his lip. “You need to throw that medicine ball before I make a spectacle of myself and get us banned from the gym.”

  * * *

  After a long couple of days, five o’clock on Friday rolls around and Kayley swiftly escorts me to the ladies' room where we change and she helps me with hair and makeup.

  “You’re a supermodel,” she says when she’s done, standing back to admire her handy work.

  When I turn to face the mirror, I find an almost recognisable version of myself. With dark smokey eyeshadow, the blue of my irises pops, and my cheekbones look high and sharp with the help of a little contouring. My lips are a neutral pink, and my hair is braided on one side and scrunched into messy curls on the other. Coupled with the black strapless dress I'm wearing with a thick belt to cinch in my waist, I look badarse.

  “You are quite literally my fairy godmother,” I say.

  She grins, clapping her hands together. “I think we need a selfie for prosperity.” Holding out her phone, we pose in the mirror as she snaps a pic. “That one’s going on my Instagram.”

  I have a moment when I remember Elliot’s comment about not liking Instagram girls and their excessive makeup and wonder if I should wash my face. But I decide against it because that would upset Kayley after all her hard work, plus I’m not going out with Elliot tonight. If he doesn’t like my look, it’ll make it easier for him to stay on his side of the room.

  “Whoa-ho-ho. Baby girl, is that you?” I find David waiting for me at the empty reception desk as we head for the conference room. He lets out a low whistle. “You look a-ma-zing. Stunning.”

  “David.” I grin. “I didn’t think you were coming.”

  “Figured I should come and keep you out of trouble. Thank god since you’re going out in that,” he comments, taking me by the hand and twirling me around, his hand sliding around my waist as he leans in to kiss my cheek. I catch the familiar scent of his cologne, and I inhale contentedly. “You really look gorgeous, Trina.”

  “Thank you.” I blush.

  “And what about me?” Kayley asks. “Am I not stunning too?”

  Releasing his grip on me, David leans down to kiss Kayley on the cheek. “Exquisite,” he says, his lips hovering near her ear.

  She giggles and swats him on the chest. “Oh, you.”

  When he’s done melting panties, I take him by the hand and we all head into the conference room. People are already milling about and chatting amicably and we head straight for our usual group, greeting each other like we haven’t just spent all day working together. Someone laughs to my left, and David talks about his office flooding with Albina and Carl. Something else happens, but I don’t catch it, because across the room sits Elliot. His eyes find mine a
nd I struggle to maintain focus. Maybe this was a terrible idea.

  The surrounding conversation becomes more of a humming, despite the energy I’m exerting to listen to it. I feel his eyes on me; the awareness filling my body and numbing the sounds around me to silence. I’m attuned only to him.

  “Katrina.”

  I blink, surprised. “What? Huh?” I bumble as my attention drags back by David, standing in front of me, attempting to hand me a drink, looking annoyed.

  “Where the hell were you just now?” He frowns. “I was trying to hand that thing to you for a while.”

  “I don’t know. I just kind of switched off for a while. Long week, you know?” With a thanks, I relieve him of the glass and take a mouthful of the cold liquid.

  “I’ll bet.” David glances over his shoulder to where Elliot is talking to a couple of senior solicitors from his department. They catch each other’s eye and nod out of respect. “Let’s move you over here,” he says, steering me so my back is facing Elliot instead. It doesn’t stop me from being aware of him, but it stops me from doing something stupid. David was right. I need him looking out for me.

  * * *

  The great thing about Friday drinks is that people relax and show a side of themselves they don’t normally show around the office. Even the partners are laughing and smiling, acting more or less human.

  As the night moves on, we all gather around the conference table and talk as though we’re long-time friends.

  One of the named partners, Ken Barlow, a small man with mousy brown, curly hair that bounces as he moves his head, sits in the chair next to me to spark up a conversation. He’s wearing a tie covered in Looney Tunes characters and, finding it a refreshing change to the usual spots and stripes, I compliment him on his choice.

  “Thank you,” he says, running the tie through his fingers as he looks at it himself. “It’s to remind me not to be so serious all the time.”

  “A good way to do it,” I agree.

  “You’re studying at university?”