by Dixon, Ruby
I sputter, and I can feel my face flushing hot with embarrassment. “What? I never said any such thing! I-I—”
“I have eyes,” he says gently. “And you smell like him this morning.”
I stare at him, wide-eyed. “I do?” Oh jeez. I thought changing clothes would have taken care of that.
“Your mane,” he says, then adds, “I do not wish to make you uncomfortable, D’vi. I hope we can still be friends.”
He looks so uncertain that I feel a stab of sympathy. Isn’t that what we all want? Friends that understand us? “Of course, S’bren. I would love to have a friend.” And I beam at him, taking the fish. “This one is wonderful. Do you know what it is?”
“I have seen them before,” he says, bending over as I crouch on the sand to cut it open. “Sometimes when there were fierce storms, these would wash up on the beach on the island. My father said they were bottom-walkers.”
“Oh really?” I touch one of the tentacles, noticing the small suckers underneath. “We have something similar on Earth called an octopus, but it doesn’t look like this.”
He grunts, and then says in a rush, “I am not good at talking to females.”
I glance up from the specimen before I can cut into it again, only half paying attention. Octopi are invertebrates, but I can tell just from a touch that this is going to have a spine and bones. Not in the tentacles, but in the body itself. Fascinating…not that I have a chance to study it closely with S’bren peering down at me. “Pardon?”
“I am not good at talking to human females,” he says again. There is a look of chagrin on his face. “They look at me strangely when I try, and they do not like the same things you do.”
I choose to ignore that he’s saying I’m different from the other women. I’m sure he doesn’t mean it as bad as it sounds, and I can just imagine him trying to strike up a conversation with someone by offering her a dead fish. “Different women like different things,” I say easily. “Is there a particular one you want to talk to? But you’re too scared?”
His forehead darkens at the base of his horns, and a sheepish expression crosses his face. “Yes.”
“Who?”
S’bren doesn’t answer. I poke at my fish, then look up at him again, but he’s got a frown on his face, his jaw clenched. I glance over and T’chai is walking nearby at the water’s edge with Mari. They walk close, heads bent together, and while they’re not holding hands, they’re clearly not paying attention to anyone else. I’ve noticed them spending more time together lately, and I hope that’s a good sign. I know Veronica’s worried she messed something up when she turned off their resonance. I’d love to ask Mari questions from a scientific point of view, but I don’t think she’s interested in offering me data. She’s painfully shy, and I think the only people she talks to regularly are Veronica and Lauren.
Their interruption rattles S’bren, though. He’s silent even after they leave but remains hovering over me.
“Games starting soon,” Tia calls from the main campfire, her hands cupped to her mouth. For a small thing, she’s got big lungs.
I gesture at my fish. “I want to finish examining this before I play. What’s today’s game?” Maybe it’s something athletic and I can skip out…or just watch N’dek again. I really like that idea, actually, and my cheeks heat.
“Memory,” S’bren says. “Remembering things. Puzzles.”
“Oh.” I frown. “I should probably be there for that.”
“You are very smart, D’vi,” S’bren agrees. “We need you.”
He’s not wrong. Our team is behind even after yesterday’s exciting wrestling match between A’tam and N’dek. Both teams were tied until the very last match, but then R’jaal completely crushed it and scored that last point over poor Sessah. I would have said the match-up was unfair, but since Sessah was the one that challenged R’jaal, it’s his own fault. He’s desperately trying to show off and hold his own around the islanders, and it’s almost painful to watch.
I give my half-gutted fish one last wistful look. “Let me examine the way the legs attach to the torso and then we’ll go.”
I suppose this is me taking one for the team.
12
DEVI
I head back to join the others a few minutes after S’bren. I stick around to poke at my fish, fascinated at how the tentacles connect to the body. They’re actually less like tentacles and more like flippers that have morphed over generations to accommodate crawling along the ocean floor. I want to write down my data and compare it to the information I have on the spaghetti monsters to see if they share a common tentacled ancestor, but alas, I have to rejoin the group.
I do give my hair a quick seawater wash in one of the tide pools, though. Just to rinse the smell of N’dek out of my hair. I blush the entire time, too, imagining N’dek’s face in my hair as he cuddled me in the furs, his enormous erection practically spearing my backside.
I wonder if we’re going to do that again tonight.
I can’t wait.
I trot up to the crowded beach and N’dek glances over as I join the crowd. He indicates that I should come stand next to him and I blush again. It’s normal for me to do so, right? After all, we’re team mates. No one’s going to think it’s too terribly odd…I hope. Tia’s explaining the rules, but I can guess from the lined-up baskets what the actual game is—memory matching and pairs. Piece of cake. Raahosh has one of his daughters on his shoulders, and Liz holds the hand of another, and Rukh’s little boy stands in front of him, so I guess the kids are getting involved. I smile at that.
Something flicks against my leg.
I glance down and then over. N’dek’s tail is brushing against my calf, almost as if he wants to wrap around my leg but doesn’t dare in front of all the others. His arm brushes mine and then his hand slides to the small of my back protectively. Oh.
My nipples tighten as I remember clutching his big penis—cock—last night and he came. Oh, I’m going to have a terrible time concentrating on this damn game. I breathe in the scent of him, and my whole body lights up. I think about last night and how amazing it was. Even if we’d just kissed, I’d be over the moon. As it is, I can’t stop thinking about how hard he made me come, how good his fingers felt. Now I’m imagining him touching me everywhere…and my face is so hot I feel as if I’m obvious as hell in my attraction.
I look around the gathered people to see who’s paying attention to me. Sam’s watching me out of the corner of her eye, but she looks away the moment I glance over and pretends to be paying attention to Tia’s rules. Well, I probably just confirmed for her who I was with last night. I toy with my icy braid as Tia claps her hands.
“Let’s get started!” she calls. “Bridget, why don’t you start the red team?”
Bridget looks up in surprise, and as she does, my heart clenches. She looks utterly miserable. There are dark circles under her puffy, swollen red eyes and the tip of her nose is bright red, too. It’s obvious she’s been crying. Oh no.
Oh no…did she find out about me and N’dek and now she’s upset? I suddenly feel like the world’s most awful person.
“Where is A’tam?” one of the Shadow Cat clan blurts out. “He should go against B’shit.”
I know Bridget’s miserable when she doesn’t even bother to correct O’jek. The black team looks around, but the big bearded islander is nowhere to be seen.
“He left this morning,” Bridget says after a moment. “Said he was going hunting.”
“Bah,” I’rec says. “He is upset.”
“Can we not do this right now?” Bridget asks, her face full of entreaty. “Please? Let’s just try and enjoy the day.”
Tia moves to Bridget’s side in a show of solidarity, putting her arm around Bridget’s waist. “It’s fine. He can sit today out if he wants to be a big baby about things. Everyone else is going to play and be nice, responsible adults and we are not shaming or blaming anyone. Am I right?” She glares at I’rec.
&nbs
p; The Shadow Cat clan leader purses his lips, looking as if he wants to argue. Another person nudges him and he nods, sighing. “Very well.”
“Great! Like I said, Bridget, you’re up.” Tia pats her on the shoulder and then heads back to her spot at the head of the rows of baskets.
Bridget pretends to study the baskets. “Gosh, it’s such a hard decision to make. I’m not good at these sorts of things. Rukhar, do you think you could help me?” She turns and gives Rukh’s little boy a bright smile.
He gives her a shy look and buries his face against his father’s leathers.
Rukh pats his son on the shoulder, and then Rukhar heads out toward Bridget, who’s wearing a brave smile as she holds out her hand. Rukhar moves to her side and takes it, and they study the baskets very carefully. I glance over at Harlow and Rukh, and they both have the sweetest expressions on their faces, beaming with pride at their bashful son.
These really are wonderful people, and it just makes me even happier to be here.
* * *
The event turns into the most heart-warmingly sweet round so far. After Bridget hands her turn off to Rukhar, the next person to go passes their turn to Liz’s daughter Raashel, and then from there, each person picks one of the three youngest children and more or less makes the game all about them. It’s hilarious to watch Raashel stomp her small foot at M’tok when he picks up the wrong basket and ruins a match. It’s even cuter when Aayla holds onto Gren’s hand and pets him like a teddy bear, leading him around the playing area long after her turn is over. Gren, for his part, is incredibly gentle with the little girl and it makes my ovaries squeeze.
Which is weird. I’m not normally the most maternal person, but seeing these big guys take care of kids that aren’t theirs? That does it for me.
I especially get light-headed when N’dek leans over Rukhar and they decide which basket to pick. Their heads are close together and N’dek tousles Rukhar’s hair when he chooses correctly and wins our team a point.
By the time we’re done, the game ends in a magical tie, everyone “wins” and the children are delighted. The parents are delighted too, because the kids are worn out from being the center of attention. As we gather for dinner, I see Raahosh with a sleepy daughter on each shoulder, heading for the half-built hut he’s working on for Liz.
“You seem happy today,” a voice says as I stand by the fire, holding a cup of tea.
I look over at Hannah. I’m not the only one that seems to be in a good mood. Hannah’s pigtails bounce on her shoulders and for the first time in forever, she’s smiling. Her cheeks are pink and she holds a bowl out to me.
In it are what look like dried apricots.
I give her a startled glance, plucking one of the orange wedges out of the bowl and tasting it. It’s chewy and a little rubbery, but underneath the notes of smoke it’s fruit. “This is amazing,” I exclaim. “You guys brought fruit back for us? Thank you!”
She smiles shyly. “I told J’shel we had to bring some back for everyone. He suggested we share it tonight, since more won’t be coming until we figure out the ‘Big Bird’ situation.”
“Did you see it?” I ask, curious. “Can you describe it for me?” There are several different types of birds along the shore and I’m wondering how it relates to those or if it’s an entirely new species.
“Well, it was really ugly, tried to eat J’shel’s arm, and had feathery tufts. And its beak was super long and had teeth, and I didn’t think birds could have teeth, but that bastard sure did.” Her smile fades a little and her gaze searches the crowd. When she sees J’shel, she relaxes a little. “It was kind of horrible. Very scary.”
“Birds can have teeth,” I say absently, chewing. “Lots of prehistoric bird ancestors had teeth in their beak. Well, it wasn’t a typical bird beak but more of an elongated skull. Are you sure it was a beak?”
“I didn’t stop to check,” she says sarcastically. “Between running for our lives and when he was munching on J’shel, I was a little occupied.”
I give her an embarrassed look. “I’m sorry. I get carried away in the biology of the different species here. My brain keeps trying to fit the puzzle pieces to Earth equivalents and I get sidetracked. I’m glad you’re both back and happy.”
Her smile returns, and her eyes shine. “I really am happy. Someone should have kicked my butt weeks ago and made me sit and talk to him. He’s so…” she sighs dreamily, staring at her mate from afar. “Amazing.”
I look over at J’shel. He’s got a very long braid unlike N’dek’s shorter-chopped one, but other than that, they’re built very similarly. In the face, though, they’re different. J’shel has a more open expression, and N’dek’s is far more world-weary. It’s more than just the set of their eyes, too. It’s something in their makeup, I realize. They stand next to each other and though their broad shoulders are nearly identical, I would pick out N’dek’s back instantly. He’s tighter in the shoulders, as if protecting himself from being hurt by the world all over again.
My heart squeezes because I want to be the one to protect him.
Man, having a crush at my age is difficult. It’s not writing down a boy’s name on my notebook or plucking petals off of a daisy and asking if he loves me not. It’s imagining a home with him, children in the future…
And the crushing realization that he’ll have those things with Bridget and not me.
For a moment, I sag, utterly defeated. Hannah doesn’t notice, she’s too busy going on and on about how wonderful J’shel is, and how protective, how much walking they did to get back here, and I’m only half listening. I’m staring at N’dek’s back as he talks to J’shel across the way and wondering how I suddenly got in so deep.
Last night was just fooling around for the sake of fooling around, right? No strings attached, just enjoying the day.
But being around him today feels…different. It feels like we’re two puzzle pieces that realized where they fit together. If I was being a paleobiology nerd, I’d say that we’re two lumbar vertebrae found in an old science lab drawer that a student just realized fit together perfectly.
He glances over at me and Hannah, and he doesn’t smile, but I can feel the heat of his gaze all the same. I see his eyes flick, moving over me as if making sure that I’m all right, and he notices the cup in my hands and touches the pouch at his waist in a silent question.
Thoughtful. That’s what he is.
I shake my head ever so slightly, smiling at him. “I’m happy for you and J’shel,” I tell Hannah…but she’s already moved on to the next person. A few feet away, Sam and Flordeliza are squealing with excitement over the bowl of dried fruit, and I can tell Hannah’s thrilled to be making everyone so pleased. I know she’s struggled with wanting to be accepted.
Me, I’ve accepted that I’m the camp weirdo. If it means fewer people are bugging me while I work on my specimens, all the better. The only thing I wish for is a proper lab, or at least a pen and paper to document stuff correctly. A little part of me dies inside when I find something interesting and can’t do more than glance at it. All of my colleagues back home would be horrified at my laissez-faire science, but what else can I do?
I automatically search N’dek out again, but he’s not in the last spot I saw him. Perhaps his leg is hurting and he went to sit down. Worried, I look around the busy group. Penny’s laughing with I’rec, showing him a dance move that involves turning and dipping, and others are watching and smiling.
I see S’bren, who is also watching, but not smiling.
“You look worried,” a voice murmurs in my ear, and I jump when N’dek seems to materialize out of nowhere next to me.
“Oh! You scared me.” I put a hand to my rapidly beating heart. “I’m starting to think you just like whispering in my ear.”
His eyes flash with amusement. “I did not want to be stopped by anyone so I camouflaged and walked on the far side of the fire, in the shadows.”
I want to look down at his leg to see if
it’s still swollen, but I know he won’t appreciate me mother-henning him, so I just nod.
N’dek reaches out and touches the tip of my braid, and just that small gesture makes my stomach flutter with nerves. Good nerves. “Where are you sleeping tonight?” he murmurs.
I look around the fire to see if anyone’s paying attention to us. Not a soul. They’re too busy watching Penny’s dance lessons or listening to Aayla tell a story to Gren at the top of her lungs. That’s the good thing about so many people gathered around the fire like this. No one will notice if a wallflower or two slips away.
So I look at N’dek and give him a little smile. “Sleeping with you,” I whisper. “If you like.”
“I like.”
“I’ll get a few things,” I say, breathless. If I’m going back to stay with him tonight, I need to make my bed look like it’s being slept in. That means stuffing extra supplies under the furs like a naughty teenager…and maybe bringing a comb with me for morning hair.
I should not be so excited to be sneaking out with a man, but I am. Oh, I am. I’m so excited that I’m breathless, my body singing with anticipation, tingles moving up and down my spine and…other places.
“I’ll meet you at the same tent,” he says softly, touching the end of my braid again. “Do not take long.” And he camouflages again. He’s nothing but a flash of white teeth in a smile, and then disappears into the shadows, and I’m fascinated all over again. How does he do that so effortlessly? Does he have to use it like a muscle? Is it instinctive, like blinking? Or…
I snap out of it. I am not going to spend all night wondering about camouflage when I can have a kissing session in a private tent. This time, science loses.
I glance around to see if anyone’s paying attention to me, then fake-yawn massively and head off towards the women’s cave. I move slowly and leisurely, then round the bend in the cliff and race towards the cave and my furs. My mind is whirling with a dozen different things. I can get one of the rolled up extra furs and put it under my blankets, and hopefully that’ll seem like it’s me lying there asleep. Luckily I have my bedding along one of the walls so maybe no one will pay attention to the fact that the “Devi” pile of blankets isn’t moving until I get back there just before dawn.